This is a meditation for those of us who have experienced
one of the most difficult losses that a person can experience.
It is so challenging when we have set our sights and our hearts and our minds
on a vision,
A hope for the birth of a person who comes through us or through someone we love.
It seems unfathomable that so much hope could rest on one tiny person's shoulders.
And despite all of the fear and sometimes concern and anxiety we have as we anticipate
this beautiful little person,
This soul,
As we anticipate their arrival,
News of their loss leaves us heartbroken,
Quite literally empty,
Devoid of something that we
wanted or chose or were at least excited about,
Regardless of the circumstances.
Whether your loss was by choice or by nature,
Loss is still related to suffering.
And if you find yourself here,
Know that my heart is with you.
Know that I myself have experienced this kind of loss seven times.
So I know that you are probably feeling very alone,
Scared,
Disappointed,
Sad.
There is no wrong way to feel right now.
And it doesn't matter how long it has been
since you experienced your loss or if you're experiencing it right now.
Know that you are a member of a very large community of people who have experienced
something similar.
We aren't socialized to talk about pregnancy loss or infant loss.
People don't know how to carry those feelings with us or hold space for us.
And so I offer you this space now
If you cry,
Let the tears come.
If you're sad,
Be sad.
If you're angry,
You can be angry.
No one gets to tell you how to feel right now.
Take the time you need to heal.
And I promise you,
You will heal.
You will heal.
It won't feel this dark forever.
Yes,
You'll feel sadness when you think about it and on special dates that you are anticipating.
And when you look at certain things or people or situations and that's allowed,
You get to feel because you are a person and people feel.
So let's just take a moment to settle into the body and take a few deep breaths.
Breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
Twice more like that.
Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
Last time,
Biggest breath of the day in through your nose
in through your nose
and exhale through your mouth.
Take a moment to connect with your breath.
Just observe it and know that your breath is always here for you.
Through all emotions,
Your breath is an anchor,
Connecting you
to everything that is seen and unseen.
Breathe here.
It often helps to make your exhale longer than your inhale,
Especially when you are holding difficult,
Painful feelings.
So let's try breathing in to a three count and breathing out.
On your next inhale,
Inhale for one,
Two,
Three,
Exhale,
Six,
Five,
Four,
Three,
Two,
One.
Inhale for one,
Two,
Three,
And exhale for six,
Five,
Four,
Three,
Two,
One.
Inhale for one,
Two,
Three,
And exhale six,
Five,
Four,
Three,
Two,
One.
Return to your normal breath and remember if you make the exhale longer than the inhale,
That can help keep your system a little bit calmer through a difficult time.
And the last thing that I'd like to offer you,
Something that I share with my death doula clients
is that if you're willing to consider the possibility that on some soul level we choose
our parents,
Our family,
How we come through as energies,
As spirits,
As bodies into this timeline,
If you're willing to consider that idea,
Which is something many people believe,
Then I'd like to share with you the most healing thing that was ever shared with me
as I navigated my own losses.
And that is that while you and I may have chosen a parentage at a spirit level,
And that doesn't mean that our parents were the perfect,
Most amazing people and we chose them
for perfection,
We often choose things that are challenging because those are the places that our
soul needs to grow.
So whether your story is filled with delight and gratitude or
you are navigating traumas and difficulties from this life and from your childhood or a mixture of
both,
There is a possibility that the spirit who you were expecting to be born and is not coming
through in the manner that you had hoped,
That little angel may very well have chosen to come
through you at this time and only have part of the gestational period.
Some spirits make that choice,
They say,
I want to know what it's like to be human,
To grow,
To share a physical and a
spiritual space with someone beautiful and important and loving who loves me and who I love back.
And they,
Some of these precious spirits,
Decide that they only want that part of the experience
and not the full human birth and not the full human lifetime because they want to immediately
join your spirit team.
So whether you believe that your ancestors before you are with you
supporting your journey,
Cheering you on and giving you strength and love,
Or whether you
believe in guardian angels or just a benevolent universe that has your best interest at heart,
I believe that I didn't simply lose seven pregnancies,
I gained seven little angels
that assist me on my journey who immediately joined my spirit team.
There is no loss when you think of it that way.
When you think of it that way,
It's the loss of a dream,
Of an idea,
Of an expectation that you
held fast to.
But what if you reconsider the expectation and you consider that that little
person or those little people are in fact with us and that if we quiet down and we connect to
the unity of all that is,
That we can find those guiding lights that love us,
That will never leave
our side.
You are not broken.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Whatever happened,
However that happened,
You are transforming through the process
and you have a beautiful team of loving lights surrounding you.
And if nothing else,
Know that I'm sending my love and my joy
and the possibility of recovery and life after this loss,
I'm sending that to you now
because I know that you will receive it in your own time.
Let's take a few minutes
to just rest and settle into this possibility.
A small glimmer of hope that I hope helps you through this time,
Through this season.
Thank you for sharing this time with me.
Thank you for taking this time for yourself.
You are loved.
You are beautiful.
And you are not broken.
You are perfect exactly as you are.
Be gentle with yourself.
