So loss is something that we all have to deal with,
Unfortunately.
Sometimes it's the loss of someone that we love.
Sometimes it's the loss of something really important to us.
Or sometimes it's just a loss of sense of identity or a really big change in our life that we weren't ready for.
I really know how this feels because for myself I've gone through a lot of loss in the last 11 or so years.
In 2015,
I was involved in a life-changing incident.
That left me disabled and severely injured.
And with that came.
A drastic change.
Of lifestyle.
Everything about it.
Shifted.
And this was something really hard to deal with.
But over the years I've really.
.
.
Felt that.
Healed so much and transformed so much.
With my relationship with myself and with my new life,
I guess.
As well as cultivating or finding my new sense of identity.
But there is so much loss that came with it that I still feel honestly today.
And for me,
It was a huge loss.
Not being able to do the sports that I loved,
That were my life.
Which is motocross.
And martial arts at quite a high level.
And I understand this doesn't sound like the most important thing in life,
But for me.
.
.
It was everything.
As well as the loss of the job that I used to do.
I was a stunt performer in film.
I'm not able to do that anymore.
And with all that comes such a massive loss of your sense of identity.
You know,
Who am I in the world?
Where's my peace?
What is my purpose?
And who am I even to myself or my friends?
And with the loss of.
.
.
Work comes a loss of financial freedom,
I guess,
Financial independence and security.
So that's a big loss and a big change in life.
And for me the most important things in my life.
Were or always have been independence and freedom.
I've always needed to feel like being independent and free to live how I want to live,
Always.
And with the loss.
Of being able to do things physically that I need to do or want to do.
With the loss of work and financial security.
You end up losing or I ended up losing.
A lot of my freedom and my independence,
Which is very hard to live with.
And so with loss in so many different areas,
I guess,
They came.
A big loss in my quality of life.
And sometimes it's not even or doesn't have to be huge.
Change in our life to feel loss.
We can feel loss in more subtle ways or in big ways every day of our lives.
And I think we go through life.
Expecting it maybe to be a certain way or.
.
.
Kind of gathering.
How we want things,
How we want ourselves to be,
How we want to show up in the world.
Gathering things.
That we want all.
That we need.
And we get very attached to that life.
Like this is my life,
This is me.
We get very attached to it and we almost solidify it.
And then a big change happens or we become ill.
And it can kind of derail us actually.
For me,
It felt like a sense of like I was being dismembered.
And I know actually I've lost one arm,
So in a way I was dismembered.
But more as a felt experience.
I just felt like I was just being pulled apart.
And it can almost feel like There's a complete shaking.
Of the ground.
That we knew what we relied on,
The ground.
The foundation that we knew.
For ourselves and for our lives.
So there are many different ways that we can.
Help ourselves to deal with change,
With loss.
Cope with loss.
So I'll talk about a few things that really made a difference for me in my life and hopefully some of those will resonate with you.
And the first one I'd say,
Which was super important,
Is actually having a sense of acceptance.
Can I really accept?
This life and myself as it is.
And when I say acceptance,
I don't mean it in a way.
I'm just going to accept it,
Just accept how it is,
You know,
That kind of giving up feeling.
Which isn't all that helpful,
But.
.
.
Really seeing things.
As it is.
Seeing my situation or your situation.
As it is.
Because they're very instinctively.
We want to.
.
.
Change it.
We want to dissociate from it because it's not how we want it to be.
We're not okay with it.
Which means we're always in a kind of internal conflict with it.
So a sense of acceptance is profoundly helpful and healing.
And sometimes.
.
.
It's hard to accept our situations.
I have a lot of people tell me that.
They just can't accept.
Their life as it is.
It's not what they want.
If the whole concept of acceptance is difficult.
You could just.
Years.
The awareness of acceptance.
Like in a moment to moment.
Process.
You know,
Not wanting to.
Change the whole concept or accept the whole concept of your situation or your loss.
But just noticing how it is right now.
In the body.
If there's pain,
Can I just be with that?
If there's struggle with a sense of loss.
Can I just accept that?
That's how it is for me right in this moment.
A really important thing that comes with that is a sense of self-compassion.
Which we don't always very easily.
Do with ourselves,
Have self-compassion.
So really having self-compassion.
For how we feel right now.
If we feel angry,
It's okay to feel angry.
It's a natural response.
To what's going on in our lives,
To the loss.
If we feel really sad,
That's okay.
So having a sense of self-compassion.
For where we are in our journey.
Right now.
Yeah,
Having no judgments for it.
Another thing that I've found is very essential with so much loss.
Is having a sense of patience actually.
Because It's important to be.
Patient with our situation.
When there's a big change in our life,
When there's loss.
We can't just.
Shift that back to how we want it to be in an instant.
Sometimes we just need to be patient with that.
Patient for where we are right now and trust in the process actually.
And with that again comes a sense of self-compassion.
Yeah,
And sometimes actually all we can do is just get through the day.
Sometimes.
It's just too hard.
And we don't want to really face the struggle.
All we need to do is just get through the day,
Because life is always changing.
Moment to moment,
Day to day.
You never know what's coming,
As always.
Room to leave.
Space for the unexpected.
Sometimes we just need to get through today.
And sometimes even those moments can be even a little bit smaller.
I've told friends that actually sometimes if I'm hoovering the house,
And I'm feeling really down.
Maybe with a sense of loss.
Can I let that be there?
Not try to change it or go to war with it.
Or stop it,
But just let that be there.
Bad thing to myself.
Okay,
Can I just.
.
.
Right now,
Can I just vacuum the house?
It's all I really need to do right now.
And yeah,
It does take a little courage when we have a sense of loss,
When we go through loss.
It takes courage to really be with that.
But one thing that's really important is not to judge ourselves.
Not to judge our situation.
Have a sense of self-compassion.
And the more that we can just be with how we're feeling.
The more it allows it to move through and transform.
And in that way,
We're not creating more in a conflict with ourselves and our situation.
And a friend said something really lovely to me recently.
She said something along the lines of,
When we go through grief or sense of loss,
It kind of creates a hole in our life.
And that's a hole that we may never fill.
But it can be quite overwhelming,
Almost like we're drowning in that hole.
But we can.
Make that hole seem a little bit smaller.
By building things around it.
So rebuilding our life around it,
I guess.
And in that way the hole doesn't seem so overwhelming and we're not so identified with it.
And I really think that an important part of the journey of dealing with loss is.
Journey of self-discovery and in a connection.
Because we so automatically just want to fix things in our life.
Gone through loss,
What can we do to fix it?
And it can be quite.
Conceptual and superficial in a way.
But what's really important is actually what's going on within us.
When we're faced with loss.
A big journey of that is re-embodiment.
It said,
I can't remember who,
But.
.
.
A big part of healing is actually a journey of re-embodiment,
And this is so true.
So we're really starting.
To connect to what's going on within us.
When we feel sad or down with a sense of loss or frustrated or whatever it might be.
And how can we be with that?
And also reconnecting with this me.
So not the me that maybe you've lost.
Or sense identity that you've lost.
By reconnecting with this me.
As I am right now.
And the more that we can connect with ourselves as we are.
The more that we can reawaken our natural inner joy.
Because within all of us.
In our true nature,
There's a natural.
Intrinsic.
Sense of joy and love.
So if we can connect to that and awaken that.
We really can find happiness from within.
As cheesy and overused as that saying is.
We really can.
Even though there may be a sense of loss in our lives.
And the final thing that I wanted to say that was really helpful for me is.
.
.
Having a sense of inspiration.
Inspiration has always been a massive driver for me in my life.
It just helps the energy keep moving,
It helps me.
Feel a little bit more naturally positive,
Not in a false way or forced way.
But just more looking forward to what life may bring you.
So I hope this was helpful for you.
And your journey of dealing with loss.
Please do feel free to connect in the comments in the review.
And let me know.
If it was helpful for you or.
Maybe what's going on for you.
What's happening for you with your own sense of loss.
Lots of love.
