Hello everybody and welcome.
Today we are going to talk about how we can make peace with the dark side.
With my clients in my coaching session I realized that people have a lot of resistance.
Resistance towards side of life,
Side of themselves,
The past.
They have resistance to let go as well of things that are not functional,
Behaviors that are dysfunctional.
When we are healing we are forced to face repressed emotions of our past and we are forced to become aware of our tantrums,
Our coping mechanism,
Our resentment,
Our victim mentality,
Our fear and so much more.
But the problem is that we as a culture have been influenced to face those things in a very unhealthy way.
We often repress what we think,
We repress memories and we repress fear,
Anxiety because we are afraid of it.
So we become aware of fear,
We become aware of the fact that fear possesses us sometimes.
It possesses us and we can feel that we take action from fear and we can feel ourselves judging us.
So we end up criticizing ourselves,
Getting frustrated because we can see that there is still fear,
That there is still anger,
There is still memory of the past that aren't leaving us.
And the problem is the approach that we have towards those things.
We have to make friends with fear.
We have to literally talk to it.
When we are doing something out of fear or when we become aware of fear acting through us,
Of fear acting through us,
We can start a dialogue and say I see you fear,
I see you are here because you are afraid,
You want to keep me safe.
I see that I am making you uncomfortable by changing something because our ego it's been formed many time out of survival and danger.
So our ego it's so attached to certain way of being,
Certain way of thinking,
Certain behavioral patterns that every time we try to move out of it we end up in total fear.
But the more we criticize ourselves and we tell ourselves off and we judge and we feel frustrated because we see this loop that repeat over and over,
We need to learn to respond to those things in a very loving and compassionate ways.
I used to be very angry at myself because I wasn't,
There was a period that I was pretty much in survival.
I couldn't actually do what I told myself I would do.
And every day I would make promises and I would break them and I was treating myself as a little robot.
I was treating myself as you must do this,
This,
This and that and if you don't you're a failure.
And I didn't realize that my ego was just so threatened at the idea of changing things.
I wasn't feeling safe to be this perfection that I had in my mind.
I was like I wake up,
I will do yoga,
I will eat only healthy stuff,
I would meditate,
I would do this and that and then I wouldn't actually do that.
And every time I was trying to do something,
Putting myself out there,
Working on my dreams,
Exposing my art,
Exposing my work,
My mind would be hypercritical,
Very perfectionist and it was my,
My being was too afraid of being judged and criticized and I couldn't put myself out there.
And I had to learn that instead of being upset to myself,
I could be nice and I could be loving and I could be compassionate like a mother with a child.
I would talk to my fear,
To my catastrophic mind,
To my hypercritical mind and I would talk to them and be like I see you,
I acknowledge you,
I know why you're here,
I know that you're here because you are afraid I'm not enough,
Because you are afraid of doing something different,
Because you don't feel safe,
I see it and I love you for what you are trying to do,
I thank you because you are trying to keep me safe and I would visualize myself giving to my ego a little pat on the back and be like I am fine,
We are doing this together,
I know you're scared but we can do it and if it needs you more time to mentally prepare yourself to this jump that we're going to do,
I will give you more time.
I stopped this behavior that I used to have towards myself,
It was like being a military guy and tell myself with this angry voice you must do this,
You must do that,
You have to quit smoking and quit binge eating and meditate every day and work hard and put your work out there and otherwise you are worthless,
Otherwise you are nothing,
Otherwise you will not achieve what you need to achieve.
I was desperate,
I was frustrated,
I was chasing,
I wasn't,
I was at war with myself inside,
There were two opposite voices telling me opposite things and being at war with each other and there was a lot of resistance,
Resistance to do the things that I knew I needed to do,
Resistance to explore my negative feeling,
My heavy emotion,
There was a fear of going there,
There was also an overly critical voice but when we are in a situation of war,
Conflict,
Resistance,
We will never be able to go out of it in that way.
It's true being loving and compassionate,
It's true talking with those side of yourself,
With those voices,
Being kind and tell them I see you,
I acknowledge you,
Even I have many of my coaching client being like,
You know,
Memory of past events did resurface,
Fears and frustration and desperation and panic and victim,
It's it's like very survival and I am angry with this person and I'm angry with the past for that and I don't want to etc.
We cannot create more resistance,
This is all I'm saying.
Make peace with the fact that you're still angry for something,
See your anger and say to it I see you,
I validate you,
Release it,
Scream,
Jump,
Punch a pillow,
Speak with your fear,
I see you,
I acknowledge you,
Thank you for trying keeping me safe but we can do this.
If you need more time,
I will give you more time,
If memory of the past rise up,
Look at them,
See them,
Validate them,
Acknowledge them,
Make friends with dark side is one of the coolest way that we can truly move into a place in which everything comes with ease and grace.
Healing included come with more ease,
More grace,
More flow and the key is always being love.
Love is the key of all,
So making peace with the past,
With heavy emotions,
With a dark side of life,
With your inner critical voice,
Your perfectionist attitude,
Your desperate attitude,
Fear,
Your inner child that doesn't feel safe.
If a child doesn't feel safe you wouldn't go there and be like oh come on get over yourself,
Do this,
Do that.
You have to find a way to make yourself feel safe,
At ease,
In harmony,
In a safe place for you to actually do the healing and I always say to people the healing happens,
Especially people that come out of survival mode,
Healing happens when there is long long time of boredom,
Of quiet space,
Empty space,
Because people think that they can heal by creating more things,
People think I'm gonna do that,
I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna do that,
This is not how healing,
In order to heal you need long time of silence,
Boredom,
Flat.
It's the silence that will give you most of the answer,
Is in silence that we allow energetical transmutation,
Alchemization.
It's in the silence and boredom that we allowed things to heal.
So it's not by doing more,
Is by actually doing less and allowing emotion to show,
Allowing time,
Allowing epiphanies,
Realization and giving grace back to our body,
Especially when we have been in survival for so long.
So I hope that this helped a little bit.
Have a nice day.
Namaste.
