Self-Love Is The Only Way In A Relationship

What if the key to healing any relationship lies not in what the other person does—but in how deeply you love yourself?

After 20 years together and 8 years of continuous crises, we discovered a path back to love through the power of self-love and conscious choosing. In this talk I share our truth:

The shift that reunited us

Everyday practices of I Am awareness that healed our connection.

How healing yourself first can transform any relationship

Transcript

Hello guys,

I haven't been in touch with all of you for some time,

Because it's been a lot of going on here.

You don't know,

But I set up my intention nine months ago,

Or maybe it was more than nine months ago.

When you remember my video about how to manifest,

It's only self-love and choosing.

So what I share with you,

It really works in my life and it's simple.

I am also getting guidance as you,

All of us.

I'm getting information that really,

In these times,

Only what works is self-love.

And the only manifestation method is very simple.

It's only really choosing,

But choosing to the one hundred percent,

Like to the point when you know it's done,

That it will happen.

And nine months ago,

In the same manner,

I have chosen that I want to release the karmic relationship with my husband and I want to step into new love 2.

0.

At that time,

I wasn't sure whether he is my twin flame,

Whether we are supposed to be together.

You know,

That ego doubts,

But I made a decision.

Even though I didn't feel love,

I didn't feel any emotions other than hurt.

But I made a decision and I stepped one hundred percent into choosing my husband,

That I want to fall in love with him again.

And I want to build a new relationship with him.

We've been together 20 years,

So I am not a newbie in that matter.

We experienced lots of psychic attacks.

And there were people who were actively trying to divorce us or put us apart in the way like it felt like psychic attack.

So there were lots of what was going on,

Especially since we bought a small holding in Portugal,

Which was eight years ago,

And we wanted to live differently,

Wanted to create a space of love.

And the more we wanted to live differently and create a space of love,

I felt more like psychic attacks and more problems,

More chaos and everything was coming to the surface.

Everything which didn't work,

Our ego personalities,

Our traumas,

Our programming,

They were all coming to the surface,

Which were related to the love,

How we see love.

What is love?

And what is happiness?

And because we didn't approach our relationship from the right angle,

We end up hurting each other.

And it's really emotional hurts for four years here on our small holding.

So the place which we're supposed to bring us together,

It sort of tear us apart.

And it was a very hurting experience because we were isolated and we didn't have any friends or family here.

And we had to deal with it alone and we didn't know how.

So what happened nine months ago,

I made the choice that I'm choosing my husband again.

I'm choosing to fall in love again.

And that was all I knew.

And during that time,

Everything was changing for the better for us.

And it got accelerated this summer because my husband had to travel to see his family for seven weeks.

So almost two months he was with his family and I stayed alone on small holding with my other animals.

We've got one acre,

So half hectare of small holding,

Two dogs,

One cat.

So I stayed there alone.

And during that time,

We had heat phase of 40,

Between 40,

45 degrees Celsius.

But very interestingly,

We were doing our own journeys.

My husband,

He reached his down point when he felt like it's time to move on in his life.

And some books around self-love came to his attention.

He started to read it about self-love from Adler,

Psychologist called Adler.

He's got excellent books.

So he started to read about self-love.

And myself,

I would get intuition,

Intuitive hits about self-love too.

And then when he came back,

Which was three weeks ago,

We spent two weeks just sharing information and feelings around self-love.

And how we see how can love grow between two people?

What mistake did we make before?

How we can heal emotional hurts?

And it was actually very simple.

So we shared the ideas about self-love.

So for example,

The information about self-love to me came like choosing myself all the time and not judging myself,

Not being harsh or critical to myself.

And for me,

It was giving only when it comes from overflow,

Not when it comes from pitting someone or from duty.

Doing only things which comes from inspiration and creativity,

Not from duty or fear or I should or shouldn't.

And I was really,

Really radical with that.

And then receiving,

Not as a transactional ideas,

Like when I receive,

I must give back immediately,

But receiving and not giving back.

So it's not transactional receiving.

Receiving,

Be grateful for it and use it for myself without shame and guilt and just releasing shame and guilt,

Not holding those emotions.

For my husband,

It was a little bit different.

He learned about responsibility.

And then he shared his thoughts about self-love there.

And what helped him to meet me was responsibility for how he feels.

Even though I trigger him,

It's his responsibility how he feels.

And then it's his responsibility how to deal with it.

So he needs to learn to detach from it or let it go or understand,

OK,

That's only shame and guilt.

That's that.

That's that.

That's my inner boyhood.

So I need to deal with it.

It's not the other person problem.

So responsibility for my own feelings and my own behavior and how I deal with those feelings.

And also that thoughts are not really mine.

I am choosing and picking the thoughts that I don't need to identify with thoughts.

And also I don't need to identify with emotions either.

I am choosing and picking the thoughts.

And then I am also responsible for my emotional hurt or emotions.

And it's my responsibility to let it go and release it.

The other thing is not being responsible for other person happiness.

So you're not here to make other person happy.

My husband is not here to make me happy and I'm not here to make him happy.

And I had that program and he had that program.

But we had different ideas what other person wants.

So I would project what make me happy and I would sort of behave that way.

But it was against me.

So at the end,

I was hurt and he was hurt and he did the same towards me.

So I am not taking responsibility for other person happiness and for other person emotions or behavior.

It's not me to fix when he's angry.

It's not me to take care of him when he's off balance.

It's his responsibility.

And it's the same with other person,

With parents.

I'm not responsible for my parents happiness.

Even though I used to do it.

I need to just retrieve back.

My responsibility is me only.

How I feel,

How I behave,

How I act.

And that is radical one.

But I need to let go and trust the other.

And there is another part of self-love.

Trusting others that they are divine also.

That they can understand and they can come to the realization as well.

And understanding that it's within them.

And they are able and capable to let go whatever they need to let go of.

So this comes from self-love approach.

What are the thoughts which really help us?

Vulnerability and honesty.

Like lots of things I thought I have to deal with.

Sitting with the emotion of hurt.

And releasing it for hours or days.

Because they build up within 20 years.

But actually within two weeks.

There was one day when we just went through our life.

And talked like blah,

Blah,

Blah.

What happened?

It was like nice.

We pinpointed nice trips.

Nice experiences.

But then there was something darker and sad came up.

And we mentioned that.

And because we mentioned that.

Not blaming the other person.

But sort of just mentioning it.

That hurt me that time.

I felt this way that time.

And you just mentioned it without blaming.

And you are just honest and vulnerable.

And when we said it that way,

It just healed.

It was done.

And I was surprised how we can go through all our 20 years of together life.

And we don't need to suffer anymore.

We don't need to go through that pain anymore.

We just need to go through our experiences together.

Just mention it without blaming.

Not dwell on it.

But be honest.

That still hurts.

And then it suddenly healed.

It disappeared.

It went into the neutrality.

So that was very,

Very fascinating experience.

And it just confirmed me that honesty.

Be honest with yourself.

This really hurt.

I didn't feel comfortable with it.

When we don't play any games.

And when we are really honest.

And name it without blaming anyone.

Just neutrality.

Naming.

That's my problem.

That's what I feel.

That's what I want.

Then it has marvelous effect on other person.

And on ourselves as well.

Because not only we come to the conclusion from within.

And we understand each other more.

Then it clicks.

That's why it happened.

Because I didn't love myself.

Because I didn't choose myself.

Because I was betraying myself.

So that's why we are healing.

And the last point of that self-love.

It was mainly for me.

Because my personality,

Who I was.

I was always rebel.

I didn't follow my parents' rules.

And I learned that who I am is bad.

Who I am is bad person.

Also I was raised in a Catholic religion.

And in very strict environment.

And I was told over and over.

Not only that I am sinful from the birth.

And I believe that.

Especially when you experience abuse as a child.

You sort of believe that you are bad.

You caused it.

It's your problem.

So I had to deal with that unlogical childhood guilt and shame.

So what happened to me,

It's my fault.

I had to release it and say that's not mine.

I am not taking responsibility for that.

It's not mine.

I am releasing any shame and guilt.

And sort of claiming your goodness.

Not because you behave certain way.

But because I am.

I am divine.

So during that time I also reclaim my sort of goodness.

I release that I am sinful woman.

I am sinful child.

I am sinful person.

I am sinful human.

And what else was there?

I see also the other program I had.

Which also relates to self-love.

If I listen to myself,

My intuition.

That was Catholic programming.

If I go my way,

If I listen to myself,

It's sinful.

I should listen to the authorities,

To the priests.

I was always told that if something comes from within me,

It's sinful.

It's already bad.

I need to listen to priests.

How to think,

What to think,

What to read.

I had to ask permission whether I can read certain books.

Whether I can go certain directions and have some information.

And I was always stopped.

Like this is sinful,

This is bad for you.

So I would never dare to learn more.

Or read more.

Or think different way.

I would be in that box.

And I would just mainly was like a sheep attitude.

Follow what authority said.

And I also went to Catholic school.

So of course following the authorities what they said.

I should think what is right,

What is wrong.

So for me following my intuition was sinful.

I'm not supposed to because I can derail.

That's what I was taught.

And that was what was strongly within me.

And I was sort of meeting it with love and compassion.

So that's why non-judgmental approach to yourself is important.

Because those programmings,

They need to be met with love and compassion from your side.

And you also need to reparent that parts of you which thinks they are wrong.

They are broken.

They are damaged.

They are sinful.

They are bad.

They are rotten.

And you need to have double,

Triple compassion and love for that parts of yourself.

And the only responsibility is you.

And your own integration and healing.

The rest will mirror itself.

The rest will be reorganized.

Based on your integrity.

On your standing firmly in your light.

And I know that too.

So anytime I tried to rush and save.

And it was not from overflow.

I went back into me.

Anytime I was trying to get love from my husband.

Or from other people.

Or feeling good from other sources.

I went back into me.

It must come from me.

And I knew that my soul would kick me hard if I searched outside of me.

I knew that already.

I wasn't allowed.

And you won't be allowed anymore to search outside of you.

It's time to return back to yourself.

So I'm going back to that.

Because I started with self-love and relationship.

Building relationship.

So we spent two weeks.

My husband didn't work.

I didn't work.

We spent time together.

We went swimming each day.

We spent like only swimming and walking half of the day.

And creating food for ourselves.

And then talking and talking and talking.

So it was very healing and very powerful.

And it was based on self-love.

It wasn't like let me make you happy.

Or let me love you.

It was no,

No,

No.

I go back to me.

And from fullness I will radiate that love.

From fullness I will include you in my love.

And in my field.

And I also mentioned that.

I shared that with my husband.

About that choosing.

And somehow he understood it.

That it's enough.

When you choose.

When you make that choice.

It's also part of the power.

You've got always choices.

Two choices.

And you need to make one choice.

So it's one step at a time.

And you make that choice firmly.

And when that happens.

Everything else is sorted out.

And put together like a puzzle.

And then you come to another crossroad.

And then you need to decide and make a choice.

And that making that choice.

My husband confirmed me.

He came to the same conclusion.

That he also needs to make choices.

And firmly say.

Okay.

We are here.

I want this.

Even though I don't feel for it.

I don't know how.

I don't know when.

But I'm choosing that.

And it can be in any area.

Now I'm talking about relationships.

And happiness.

But it can be in any area.

So that making choice firmly.

I'm choosing this one.

Have clarity.

What I want.

Because our relationship really moved forward.

Only thanks to.

Not me like going.

Maybe yes.

Maybe no.

I will see.

I will see.

I will see.

I did that before.

And it didn't work.

No.

I said.

That's what I want.

That's where I'm heading.

No matter what.

I don't care how.

I don't care when.

I'm not going to check it.

That's what I'm choosing.

End of story.

That's what I've done.

And I didn't check the time.

What is changing.

Even if my husband triggered me.

I went back into me.

How I feel.

He triggers my responsibility.

Let's release that.

And of course.

When he was away for 7 weeks.

And he worked on his self-love.

When he came back.

I realized how much easier it is.

To work on the relationship.

When both are on the same journey.

When both are working on the self-love.

It's such a big difference.

But.

I knew how I got there.

By choosing.

I want us to fall in love again.

I want us to have a good relationship.

And choosing the highest version of my husband.

Who knows.

How to love himself.

I made that choice.

I was clear about that.

And it happened.

And I'll share you another story.

In another video.

About how it is possible.

To make a choice.

If you are in the chaos.

If you are.

If you nearly.

Lose everything you've got.

In one hour.

When you are fighting for your life.

And when there is only.

Chaos in your mind.

And the fear.

Because I had a great experience around that.

So stay tuned.

And the next video.

Will be about that.

Much love to you all.

I hope it will bring you love and light.

It's very personal sharing.

And it's still very alive.

But it might help you.

Much love to you.

And see you next time.