Being Centred For Overwhelmed Parents

Is your nervous system being activated by your child's dysregulated emotions and behaviours?

From the sense of self journal Wide Open Spaces (Jessica Kingsley Publishers) comes this idea of what if we could centre ourselves, get grounded and calm our activated nervous systems?

This daily practise helps you do just that, which ultimately invites our children to co-regulate alongside us and calm down much quicker. It's a very easy, very guided meditation which will help ground and steady you.

Music is Childhood by William King

Transcript

Hello,

It's Lou.

In this session we're going to practice getting grounded in our bodies and becoming centered both in a physical way and in a way that's realigning with our sense of self,

Our soul self.

It's a practice.

You practice on good days,

You practice on bad days and then before you know it a difficult family moment hits you and you find you now have this ability inside you,

Your body knows what to do.

That's our goal.

If your family life is quite chaotic like mine,

Lots of dysregulated emotions and behaviors,

You can literally do nothing better than making this your daily practice.

If you do you'll soon get to the stage where you're less likely to be taken over by other people's dysregulation,

Especially your kids activated nervous systems and when you do get derailed by them,

Which let's be honest of course does happen,

Through building this practice you'll start to notice more quickly and then center yourself,

Which means that you won't be being led around for any length of time by your own activated system.

You'll also be more connected to your peaceful core and your kids or other people around you will be able to listen in to your regulated system and echo it.

They'll be co-regulating with you and have much more capacity themselves to calm down.

And it's such a lovely thought that we're all here having a go at this together,

Everyone listening to this recording at the same moment in time,

We're all somehow connected in this experience.

That thought always,

Always warms my heart.

And now,

If you're ready,

We'll get started.

So you can be seated or standing for this and you can change at any point if whatever you've chosen becomes uncomfortable.

I like to do this standing,

Especially for the bit about the center line,

But it's very flexible.

You can sit the whole time or start sitting and then stand up or vice versa.

Eyes can be open or closed.

Sometimes it's easier to find stillness when we block everything else in the room out,

But if you want to leave them open you can just soften your gaze,

Maybe look down or into the distance.

Pick what feels right for you.

Now,

Whatever household craziness you've just come from,

Put that down for a little while.

In your mind,

Place it like a pebble in one corner of the room.

You can choose to give it your attention afterwards if you want to,

But right now give yourself permission to be actively focused on getting centered.

I invite you to place your hand momentarily on your chest and say something to yourself like,

Right now,

In this moment,

I am safe,

I am loved,

I am held.

All those are true because in making time to listen to this recording you have created a safe loving space for yourself in this day.

You're holding yourself.

Repeat it with me in your head or out loud.

I am safe,

I am loved,

I am held.

We're going to take three deeper breaths in our own time now as a commitment to ourselves that whatever happens during this meditation,

Whatever noises there are in the background,

We will be present for this small but powerful act.

On the in-breaths,

Stretch up the spine a bit.

Open out that chest area and as you come to the out-breaths,

Relax the body down,

Dropping those shoulders.

Each out-breath is an invitation to lean in to a sort of softening of the body as all the muscles let go.

You can use the out-breaths to soften your forehead,

The area around your eyes.

You might want to scrunch up your face and then lean into the relax as you let go.

And you can just let the tensions in the jaw melt away.

Give the jaw a little rub if you like.

You can smile and then let go,

Relaxing those smile muscles.

And then just let your breathing return to normal.

I've heard the nervous system described like a snow globe and I love that.

When the globe has been shaken,

All the specks of snow swirl about and you can see the little pine tree and the penguin or skater or whatever's in there in the centre.

The swirling flakes are activated like our nervous system energy when we're triggered and then they settle.

For me,

I notice the swirling the most around my head and chest area.

I get a sense of a sparkly prickly feeling in my chest or behind my eyes.

It's bright and fizzing but it may feel different for you.

Can you get any glimpse of what your own swirling activation feels like right now?

Is there a place or places in the body where you can sense it or see flashes of it?

And can you get any sense of it settling as we just allow a bit of spaciousness into our day?

It's a really subtle feeling so allow there to be no judgment if you can't feel it yet.

If you can't get a glimpse of it,

Just notice that.

Awareness can take some time,

Sometimes longer than we'd like to give it.

And this is the start of a journey towards that awareness.

So let's let go of that thought now,

Leave our unconscious minds to process it some more perhaps,

Whilst we bring our attention to the feet where they touch the floor.

Can you feel your socks in your shoes or your bare feet on the ground?

Are there any sensations to notice,

To hang your attention on for a moment?

Is there any kind of tingling?

Any discomfort or aches?

Are the feet meeting a smooth surface or grass if you're outside?

Just allow whatever information is there to be there,

We're not changing anything.

The ground your feet are on,

If it is the bare earth,

Is made up of moving molecules,

Just as we all are.

It's quantum physics,

We're all energy.

And when our feet touch the ground it connects with the earth's very healing,

Very regulating energy.

Even if you're upstairs in your house,

Standing on a rug,

You're connecting with the earth's energy.

The earth is supporting the foundations of the building you're in,

Which supports the floor you're stood on,

Which is supporting you.

The earth is supporting you right now,

Whether you're conscious of it or not.

Now listen back in to your breathing,

Just the natural breaths you're taking,

Nothing big or fancy.

Are you able to focus in on the cool in-breath as it's drawn into your nostrils,

Filling your lungs,

Making your belly rise?

If it helps you can place a hand on your belly to connect with this sensation.

Just be here,

Present in this moment,

For a few natural breath cycles.

Imagine the earth's energy sparkling from the ground to wherever your feet are.

See it form a vertical centre line running up through your body,

A line of energy or light like the beam from a bright white torch,

Running from between your feet and legs,

Up through your torso,

Your chest,

Your head,

And up beyond into the room and as far as your awareness goes.

Now become that line.

So the beam broadens and the whole of you is a beam of energy,

The width of your body,

Your feet,

Legs,

Pelvis,

Torso,

Arms and head,

All of them a part of a wider line,

Like a tree drawing energy from the earth through roots and trunk,

Through a line of energy from the ground from your feet you draw up energy.

And it's like before creating this line,

Our thoughts,

Emotions,

The fizzing of our nervous systems,

All the swirling snow globe molecules of energy that make up us,

Are spread out wide around the room.

Then,

Shunk,

We gather them all in until it all becomes part of this effortless centre line.

Fellow meditation teacher Jeff Warren gave me that sound and I love it.

You can make that noise yourself,

Out loud or in your head.

I recommend you say it out loud.

It's an invitation to get even more embodied.

Shunk,

Gathering them all in.

The centre line is your soul self,

Your core,

The blue sky above the emotions or thoughts or worries.

It is the essence of you,

Alert,

Strong,

Soft,

Present,

Compassionate,

Centred.

See if you can keep a sense of your body being this vertical line of energy in the back of your mind,

At the back of your awareness as we go on.

And then just notice your natural breath,

The in and the out,

The natural relaxed rhythm.

The breath is in the foreground at the front of your mind and the feeling of your feet and the line are in the background,

At the back of your mind.

Just for a minute,

Observe any part of the breath whilst keeping that centre line in your awareness.

And if your mind wanders,

That's okay,

That's totally normal,

That's the practice part.

Just bring your attention back to the breath and the line in a kind of good-natured way when you notice.

Like,

Oh I got lost in my thoughts there.

And if you're not keen on the breath as your home base,

Just get in touch with another neutral sensation.

Your feet on the floor,

Your hands in your lap,

Your clothes or the air on your skin and then that centre line.

Your mind may have wandered and that's okay,

Just bring the attention back to the breath and the line.

And then let it all go,

Let your mind go wherever it wants for this last minute.

And that's all there is to it.

This is a practice which means that the more you do it,

The easier it gets and the more powerful the effects are.

We can learn to extend out our awareness of the environment whilst holding on to that centre line,

Building that capacity to stay centred whilst we use our natural breath and nervous system awareness,

So that eventually we can effortlessly call upon this skill in the moment,

In our lives.

Great workout!

Some days you might find this practice easy and some days you might find it hard.

The easier days I've noticed allow you to sense your activation more clearly and sink into the practice more deeply.

The harder days strengthen the muscle required to pull this out of the bag in your home.

Nothing is wasted,

Literally nothing.

So give your little toes a wiggle as you reconnect with your surroundings.

Feel your feet on the ground and flutter your eyelids open,

If they were closed,

Inviting the rest of the room back in.

See you next time.

Reviews

You’re such a great teacher, Lou. Clear and engaging instructions and invitations and useful tools that I’ll take away with me, thank you!