Chronic Illness Series: Building Connection With The Body

For those living with chronic illness this track has been written to support you in the experience of safely returning to your physical body. Living with chronic illness means its vital to be able to rest deeply, yet this is all the more of a challenge because the body does not feel like a safe place to be.

Listening to this track regularly will help you learn that your body can be a sanctuary even when it's hurting and not as you'd like it to be.

Transcript

This meditation is to help you get used to returning to your body,

Inhabiting it fully.

Some of the stigmas that exist towards people living with chronic illness include shame and blame,

With some considering that illness can be fixed simply by attitude,

Or even worst is self-created.

We may soak up these feelings,

Or soak up a societal belief that strong means physical strength or wellness and that ill health is weakness.

These beliefs lead us again to shame and anger towards our bodies when we're unwell,

Which means our relationship to our bodies becomes more difficult at a time when our bodies need our presence the most.

It's exacerbated by our natural reaction to our symptoms because when we experience illness,

Our very existence feels under threat and it feels unsafe to feel into our bodies.

It's disconcerting to feel these sensations.

It feels like paying attention to how we feel will make it worse,

When in fact the opposite is true.

Feeling into our bodies without getting lost in the mental commentary about our health,

Or overwhelmed by the emotions that we're understandably experiencing,

That's how we find safety and rebuild trust with our bodies.

The only way to rest well is to inhabit our bodies fully.

It may feel disconcerting and unsafe,

So we may need support to do so.

So if you're ready,

I suggest you lay down and we're comfortable and warm.

Take in the room around you.

Remind yourself of the safe space that you're in before gently closing down your eyes.

And feel the weight of your body.

Imagine gravity just got a little bit stronger.

You are held and supported and can release your full weight.

Let the earth hold you and love you.

It's no effort to be held by the bed,

Ultimately the earth.

It's no effort to feel the comfort of fabrics against your skin.

Let your jaw release and the shoulders drop,

Chest to open and feel a deeper,

Fuller breath entering the body down into the belly.

Feel the muscles around the eyes softening,

The fingers and toes loosening and some space growing within.

You don't have to do anything,

Just let your body respond to the words.

Connection begins with allowing.

We can only connect to ourselves if we accept how we are.

So give the present moment full permission,

Whether you like it or not.

Letting go of the fight to get better,

Letting go of the understandable resistance to how things are,

Dropping desires.

This isn't resigning ourselves to anything for the future,

It's just arriving fully in the present so that we can meet ourselves in the now.

Invite a deeper,

Slower breath in through your nose,

Feeling your belly rise and slowly release the air through the mouth,

Slowly letting tension go.

Then again another deep,

Full in-breath to the belly,

Inflating,

Before breathing out slowly and steadily through the mouth,

Noticing everything softening as it releases.

Then a third deep inhale through your nose,

Notice the movement of the diaphragm pushing down on your belly as it inflates.

And when you're ready,

Slowly releasing,

Exhaling slowly,

Maybe as if blowing out a candle in a soft and steady stream of air.

And let go of all that resistance,

All those desires falling away,

All that straining trying to fix and manage and control and solve.

And welcome the softening and dissolving sensation,

And continue to be slightly aware of that movement of the diaphragm.

With each breath,

Diaphragm moving up and down,

Down on the in-breath,

Back up as the body naturally breathes out,

This rise and fall of the diaphragm.

Notice your awareness is already safely within your body.

And for the rest of this practice,

Let a small portion of your attention remain on that diaphragm's movement so that it can be your anchor for you to return to when you get lost or distracted.

In this safe space,

Give yourself permission to return and to feel into now the physical experience of your body,

Asking it how,

How is it,

With its depletion or pain,

Weakness and discomfort,

As disconcerting as it may feel to do this.

Allow the sensations to come to the fore that tell you how your body is,

That tell you that something's not right.

Notice that you can feel those alongside of the sensation of the breath at the diaphragm.

Keep dropping all assumptions and just listening.

Notice what you feel,

Not the name,

Not the label,

But the feeling,

Feel the feeling.

Maybe pain,

Maybe you can unwrap that into contraction,

Pulling,

Heat,

Numbness.

Maybe there's fizzing,

Buzzing,

Or an energy you're familiar with that has come to mean your illness for you.

Just feeling these sensations,

Moving your awareness intentionally within the body,

Becoming more familiar with just feeling the sensations without labelling.

And is there a place or something in your body that's troubling you most?

What hurts most or isn't working as you'd like?

Is there an area of specific concern?

Gently move your attention there now and rest there,

Giving your complete attention to feeling those sensations at that place.

Feel anchored to your breath,

Feeling curious about the sensations.

And when you get distracted by thoughts,

Commentaries,

Stories,

Lifting your attention away,

Just peeling it gently from that usual narrative.

It would take you back into mental energy.

Come back down into the body,

The physical,

In this moment,

Accepting without judgement,

Sensing and feeling and being in your body.

Now maybe even whispering a sensation,

A greeting,

Greeting the heat,

The pain,

The pulsing,

The pulling,

Whatever it is,

The energy,

Greet the sense of it,

Greet it all,

Feel it and breathe.

Letting go into the bed,

On the out-breath,

Feeling into the sensations.

It's safe to feel all this here.

When you notice the mind has taken your attention away with its chatter and story,

This unwanted thing,

When you become aware,

Just take another breath and smile,

Knowing this is normal.

Gently guiding your sensation back to the sensations or the diaphragm,

All that you can feel now in your body,

Dropping the story.

Maybe now let's experiment with taking the breath to this area.

See how it feels to imagine directing the breath,

This area of your body that's a challenge,

A difficulty,

Breathing into this place especially and breathing out from there.

Now feeling the soft,

Fresh breath arriving there.

Feeling the exhale,

Removing anything that's ready to dissolve.

Breathing in,

Imagining the breath flowing your body and softening it.

Maybe with the breath coming and going,

There's some blurring at the edges of the sensations or maybe on the out-breath,

Some dissolving of them,

But we're not forcing,

Just being open to the experience of whatever is,

Using the air and flow of the breath.

Experience a feeling of flow in the body amidst all that is there,

Allowing the breath to flow,

The sensations to wax and wane,

Awareness fully in the body regardless of its discomfort,

Non-judgmentally accepting,

Always anchored and safe to the breath.

Notice that alongside the pain,

Weakness,

Depletion and signs of illness,

You can be here,

You are breathing,

Your body at rest.

Let's imagine befriending this area of your body,

Coming alongside it now with their friendliness,

Kindness,

As you feel the sensations,

Whatever they are,

And they may be changing.

Imagine your breath is carrying love,

Care,

Concern to that part of your body especially.

This love may be coming from within you,

If that feels too difficult or unlikely,

It can be coming from outside of you,

From another source,

However it gets there.

Love and kindness are being carried in the breath,

Mingling with all the sensations.

When someone or something is fully seen with love,

It changes.

Physics has wonderfully confirmed that being seen changes things,

Being fully seen with acceptance and love changes us and the things that we see,

And that change isn't a result of effort,

It's not in our control,

It's an inevitable result of kind seeing.

There are strong emotions arising as a consequence of this practice,

It may be good to take time away from the body,

To allow the emotions and name them,

And direct a loving breath towards them as you did your body,

Until you feel you can return your body and its sensations.

Please do this and take care of yourself as you feel led.

As you rest,

Remain here with your awareness on the sensations of your body,

Soft movement of your diaphragm as you breathe,

The ebb and flow of loving breathing energy coming in and out,

Feel your body as a body of energy,

Feeling into this sense of the whole,

Giving permission to your body to take up space,

To have the needs it does,

However demanding,

However it's not like the body you had hoped for,

Just for this moment,

Over and over allowing it to be the way it is.

We confirm our safety and our wholeness by feeling into the space around our body,

Feeling the space we inhabit just a little bit beyond our skin,

Our bodies,

Maybe take the time now to feel into the space directly in front of you,

In front of your chest,

Maybe just a centimetre or two,

Maybe more,

Not trying to understand this,

Just feeling it,

And then into the space behind you,

Perhaps into the bed,

And then the space to the right,

And then feel into the space to the left of you,

Feel into the space directly above your head,

And into the space beneath your feet,

Feel the whole space around your body,

Notice that the energy of your body extends beyond your skin,

Experience yourself to be a whole,

Unified energy body,

And the sensations you feel today lie within this whole sphere of sensations,

And you are whole.

And lastly,

Without any strain,

You may like to consider if there's an area or a place of peace in your body,

Maybe somewhere small,

Even the pad of a finger,

Your earlobe,

An eyelid,

Somewhere that's at ease,

Not feeling pain,

Strain,

Depletion,

And rest your awareness there,

Feel into how you know it's at ease,

Is it the absence,

Those other sensations,

Or is it something in itself?

Feel whatever it is that feels okay,

Again allowing your breath to flow in and out of that area as you did with the area of difficulty.

Explore the feeling of ease.

Be curious about the energy of that and how you know that it's okay.

Being curious and open to inhabiting and learning about all of it.

I wish you an increased sense of trust as you learn to connect to your body and yourself.

Through daily practice,

May you find deeper and deeper rest.

I wish you peace.

Reviews

A beautiful meditation for acceptance and compassion ❤️

This one will become another mainstay in my relationship with my body and chronic illness. Thanks Lorna!

Thank you so much for this meditation. I found it really helpful, a pathway into letting go of trying to fix myself and instead accepting my ill health with compassion. This will become an important tool for me while I try to navigate the health system. I hope to practice this often. Thank you so much, feeling very grateful 🙏

I have severe issues with my neck and jaw, listening to this while sitting in the sun has been very grounding. Your voice is very calming and soothing and your words are well chosen, very helpful for getting into the body. Gratitude 🙏🏼

Thank you for this beautiful meditation on wholeness. Your voice is conducive to healing and peace.

So helpful! I became very relaxed, and found your words uplifting as I deal with chronic pain daily. Thank you!