Chapter 11.
Speaking your truth.
Speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.
Oprah Winfrey.
There was a group of strangers in my living room sitting in a circle.
It's the first night of a three-day radical honesty workshop.
The icebreaker question to learn more about each other is,
What is your biggest secret?
We go around the room,
Each confessing our biggest inner secrets to each other.
It reminds me of how much energy it takes to simply withhold information.
To be honest,
I don't even remember the secrets of the others,
And I doubt they would remember mine.
Yet,
After saying a simple sentence,
A sense of relief washed over me.
Why?
Because at that moment,
I realized people just don't care.
They themselves are carrying secrets that take energy to hide.
When it was all out in the open,
An instant connection was developed in the group.
We had now created a safe space for the rest of the weekend.
By the second night,
When we had another round of taboo topics to talk about,
Another layer of shame was lifted,
And I felt even lighter.
If my deeply private beliefs around money,
Sex,
And religion were openly shared with others,
Then why would I shy away from any other authentic truths I have to share?
One of my favorite activities from that weekend was a game called shoulds.
Sitting across from our partners,
We listed all of the shoulds we put on ourselves.
The partner's role in one round is to agree that,
Yes,
You should,
And the second round to say is,
No,
You shouldn't.
I should work more,
I said.
My partner instantly replied,
No,
You shouldn't.
As each should was declared,
And I heard the words,
No,
You shouldn't,
A level of peace washed over me.
I hadn't noticed how often in my day I should myself.
The dictionary defines should as a verb used to indicate obligation,
Duty,
Or correctness,
Typically when criticizing someone's actions.
When I say this to myself,
I walk around criticizing myself by what I do or choose not to do.
It is exhausting,
And until that game,
I did not realize how detrimental that is in my life.
Do you notice how often you should yourself on a daily basis?
I was introduced to authentic relating when I went to do a 10-day silent retreat in Texas in 2018.
My good friend started a meetup group in Dallas that does authentic communication games every week.
The first night I played some of the games,
I was hooked.
Simple yet daring games where we spoke our authentic truth has deeply impacted my life ever since.
One of the first games I played was You Can Have It.
With my partner,
I shared something I want,
And she would respond,
Yes,
You can have it.
It sounded basic until I could feel the resistance of sharing my wants,
Even something as simple as going for ice cream afterwards.
I knew I needed to fully integrate authentic communication into my life,
So for the next two years,
I dedicated time to this new skill set and attended six authentic leadership training three-day immersion workshops.
Around every four months,
I would fly to Texas or even invite my favorite facilitators and host a workshop in my home.
For an entire three days,
We would speak our authentic truth,
Even if that meant attraction towards another participant,
Fears,
Masks we wear,
And desires we have,
So we could fully step into our true selves.
This then developed our leadership styles of being vulnerable,
Transparent,
And empathic.
Authentic Revolution describes the authentic leadership training as a way to practice recognizing and speaking your truth in a way that connects you more with yourself and with others and learning to speak from what truly matters to you in any interaction.
Over the years,
I have learned so many engaging conversation games and sentence stems to start powerful conversations that I introduced them in my teaching style.
I would modify the games to incorporate grammar lessons to my business clients.
Instead of playing the game curiosity to ask one another questions,
I introduced it in a way to in a way so everyone could practice the correct way of forming questions in English,
But at the same time to get to know their co-workers more intimately.
I ensured a safe space was created after a few weeks of teaching before introducing these games into class.
How often do staff have a place to ask their boss the questions they really want to ask?
This particular game prevented the boss from ever needing to answer those questions,
But they were still encouraged to ask.
One day,
I wanted to teach adjectives to a group.
Instead of giving them a list of adjectives to memorize,
I split everyone into pairs and as they sat across from each other,
They said nice adjectives that they appreciated about the other person.
A boss and his assistant who had worked together for 20 years told me that they never shared their appreciation for one another before.
That meant so much to me that not only had they had an opportunity to improve their English that day,
But they also got to improve their relationship.
To me,
That is the whole reason and purpose for learning to authentically communicate with your team,
To stay connected.
I also want to associate learning English with fun.
Many of my clients have had traumatic experiences from childhood about learning English,
Whether from other classmates or the teacher.
I want those couple hours in their busy work week to be the highlight of the week,
And I'm told it often is.
As a teacher,
Our role is to create a safe space where learners can make errors without fear,
Step out of their comfort zone,
And dare a little.
We are supposed to listen,
Encourage talking,
And welcome questions.
I do this by always being curious,
Asking so many questions about my clients that I am genuinely interested in learning more about,
And giving space for the answers to unfold.
I think that level of curiosity is rare these days and that my clients find it refreshing that I have so many things I want to learn about them.
That is why I love my job so much.
I am continually learning through their stories,
Experiences,
And even acquiring new English words in the dictionary myself.
My commitment to being authentic is not limited only to my clients,
But is also evident during business meetings.
Just before Christmas,
I was in an online business meeting for a business partnership in India.
I felt reluctant to tell them that I was going to take two weeks completely off to go meditate right after they requested to have another meeting to finalize the partnership.
I hesitated about telling them my plans,
But I also have a commitment to telling the truth.
When I eventually told them that I was planning on going to a Vipassana retreat,
Their eyes lit up.
His best friend and mother both do Vipassana,
And it is very much respected in India.
Immediately,
I felt our connection grow stronger because I spoke my authentic truth.
By sharing a little more about myself,
They were able to see a glimpse of my belief system,
Values,
And honesty,
Which created an even deeper rapport and trust between us.
How often do you share your truth 100% to your colleagues,
Boss,
And even during business meetings?
Speaking my truth is not only reserved for the workplace.
I have made that commitment to speak my truth the best I can.
Since being 100% authentic 100% of the time is almost impossible.
When asked,
How are you doing?
Fine is sometimes easier to say at a specific moment,
Such as before attending an important business meeting,
Than going into the specific details of I feel hurt when you said XYZ.
When I spent some time with friends who stayed over one weekend,
I had just begun a seven-day fruit and vegetable diet.
That meant stopping coffee that I really enjoy or any of my favorite chips and dip as an afternoon snack with them.
Speaking my truth about my commitment to the seven-day meal plan inspired them to go home and do the same.
During my 10-day water fast,
I went for a walk with a friend and her partner.
Within an hour,
Her partner went from I could never do a 10-day water fast to maybe I will do a three-day water fast,
And then to I definitely need to try a 10-day water fast one day.
All of those shifts happened within him during our one-hour walk,
All just for me sharing my truth.
Those few occurrences demonstrated the power of speaking our truth and the impact it could have on those we meet.
The constant ripple effect of our words could inspire those around us to take action,
Try something new,
Or even consider a new idea.
Can you think of all the times your truth has inspired others to try something new?
