Hello,
I'm Anna-Marie Vaviers.
Today we're going to be talking about setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries is actually very,
Very difficult,
A lot harder than we think it is.
Why do we need to set boundaries for self-respect?
What does this mean?
This means that boundaries and setting of boundaries means that we actually have self-respect.
We respect ourselves.
If we have no boundaries,
We don't respect ourselves.
Having boundaries,
Self-respect and it also is not being selfish.
A lot of people say that they can't say no because they're selfish if they say no.
You're just looking after yourself and respecting yourself if you set boundaries.
So many of us struggle with boundaries.
We really,
Really do.
I know that for most of my life,
I've struggled with boundary setting and it's really only in the last two years that I've actually,
I think,
Managed to really set my boundaries properly.
The other day,
I actually said no to somebody and once I'd said no and realized that I didn't feel bad about saying no,
I knew that I'd mastered the art of setting boundaries.
Most of us grew up believing that saying no is rude,
Selfish or unkind.
What happens?
We become people pleasers.
What did we do?
We overgave or we stayed quiet.
Often,
We tolerated when we should not have.
We tolerated and why not?
Because we tolerated behavior that didn't hurt the other person but behavior that actually hurt us.
Why did we do all of these things?
Because we so didn't want to disappoint anybody.
But here's the truth that I want you to take away with you today.
Setting boundaries is not selfish.
It's called self-respect.
A boundary is simply a way of saying,
This is what I can give and this is where I need to honor myself.
It's not about controlling others.
It's about communicating clearly,
Honestly and also very calmly.
It's knowing that your energy,
Your time and your peace matter just as much as anybody else's does.
When you set a boundary,
You're not pushing people away.
You're teaching them how to love you correctly.
You're teaching them how to treat you with respect and you're also teaching yourself that you are worthy of safety,
Clarity and emotional peace.
There are a few signs you may need stronger boundaries.
You feel drained after certain conversations or even relationships.
You say yes when your entire body is saying no.
I know that this for me was how I knew that I had no boundaries.
My body was screaming no.
My brain ignored it and said yes.
You feel guilty for wanting space or time alone.
You resent people for crossing your limits yet you do nothing about it.
You never express yourself adequately.
You also avoid conflict because you fear disappointing others.
If you avoid conflict because you fear disappointing others,
The only person that you actually end up disappointing is yourself because you do things that you don't want to do or that you shouldn't be doing.
If any of these resonate,
You're not alone.
This is something almost everyone deals with.
Let me give you a simple boundary script that you can use.
I appreciate you but I'm not able to commit to that or that doesn't work for me but thank you for understanding or I need some time and space right now.
I'll reconnect when I can.
They're very very important and if you don't know how to set boundaries or you don't know which words to use,
Think of what I've just said and use them.
They work.
When you do that,
You say it also clearly,
Calmly and kindly and remember that your emotions,
The way you feel,
Is completely valid because after all it's about you first and foremost.
Every time you honor your no,
You honor your worth.
Every time you protect your peace,
You strengthen your self-respect.
The first one was very important for me.
Every time I said no,
I honored my worth and that was very important to me.
Realizing that I do count,
That I do matter and that I need to honor me first above everybody else.
So this whole little talk has been a reminder that boundaries don't hurt relationships,
They actually protect them.
They keep them healthy and the first relationship they protect is the one that you have within yourself and that is the most important relationship and should be nurtured,
Loved and respected at all times.
Thank you for joining me.
Remember choosing yourself is not selfish,
It's absolutely essential.
Have a beautiful day.
Namaste.
