Alleviating Loneliness Together

Did you know loneliness comes from self-abandonment? In this talk, I discuss the importance of reconnecting with yourself to alleviate loneliness and create a sense of wholeness. I share my journey of learning to stay grounded and present in high-pressure situations. We'll talk about the concept of the nervous system, body, and aura complex and how they work together and then I'll guide you through a clearing and grounding exercise to release other people's energies and reconnect with your own. If you'd like to go deeper, check out my course: Everyday Sensuality for Peace and Connection. See you there!

Transcript

Hello,

Everybody.

So I'm just going to take a moment to introduce myself.

My name is Kristen Grove.

I am American born,

But I am logging in from Milano,

Italy.

I have lived in Italy most of my life and retain certainly a very Anglo-Saxon approach to life,

But it's really just very beautiful to live in Europe.

I'd like to start off just giving you a little background on myself.

I,

Since 2016,

I have been guiding and training VIPs,

Rock stars,

Founders,

And CEOs to become what I call the strongest energy in any room they enter.

And to give you an idea,

For example,

When I work with maybe somebody who is a musician and has to get on stage in front of thousands and thousands of people,

We use grounding embodiment and self-awareness exercises to help them stay grounded and vibrant on stage.

So when they come off stage,

They're not tapped out and overwhelmed.

I work with founders.

I help them feel empowered and focused and really just the strongest energy in the room,

Imagine when they have to go into the boardroom and make beautiful decisions.

So I work with CEOs from many industries,

Anywhere from medical to tech to wellness,

But my career did not start out that way.

Although I have been seeing energy fields and auras my entire life,

That sensitivity kind of gave me the feeling that I was different and I didn't want to be different.

So I wanted to do things like everybody else did or what I perceived was everybody else.

So,

You know,

After college,

I got this really wonderful opportunity to become an MTV VJ.

And,

You know,

This was my foray into the world of sort of the public changemakers of the world.

Now,

I believe that everybody is a changemaker and you don't have to be famous and wealthy to be a changemaker.

But this was sort of at a very young age,

My opportunity to get in front of these people that were doing big things.

And to me,

It felt like I was part of the mainstream and I didn't have to pay attention to my sensitivities and my clairvoyance and seeing energy fields and working with,

You know,

A regulated nervous system and what have you.

And in retrospect,

It was kind of a baptism by fire in the sense that I got thrown into a world full of projections,

Full of projection fields of money,

Of fame,

Of sometimes greed,

Sometimes total and complete detachment from the real world.

And I grew up in Indiana.

I grew up running barefoot through grass and swimming in dark,

Deep lakes at midnight.

So I was not prepared to,

For example,

Present rock stars on stage in front of 30,

000 concertgoers.

And this was one of my first experiences with collecting other people's energies and discovering how important it is for us to learn how to stay close to our bodies.

So I've told this story on The Other Lives,

But it really was a pivotal point in my life.

I walked out on stage in front of more than 30,

000 people.

I was not prepared for that much energy.

I was scared.

I did not get a thrill from being on stage.

I just got nervous and wanted to run away.

And my go-to up to that point,

Since I had not yet honed my skills and sort of accepted my human beingness,

My go-to up to that point had always been to sort of abandon my body because it was in the body that I was feeling the anxiety and the nervousness.

And so,

You know,

I went out on stage and I can't,

You know,

I cannot tell you what I said.

I can't even really remember who I introduced because I left my body.

I left the place where there was overwhelm.

I left the place where there was anxiety.

And I,

I basically,

What,

What I want to share with you is I left what I now recognize to be my home so that I could just sort of sidestep and disembody around the stress.

And that was one of my first more aware moments of what it's like to lose connection with yourself.

In that moment,

I felt,

You know,

Today we're talking about alleviating loneliness.

So before we talk about that,

I want to,

I want to talk about where loneliness comes from.

Loneliness comes from disconnecting from yourself.

Feeling deeply alone is when you're not even there for you.

And that's what happened that day.

You know,

Sometimes for me,

We all learn in different ways.

Sometimes you just like life just has to like slap me in the face for me to completely get it.

And that's what happened.

I was in the midst of 30,

000 people.

All of our managers,

Everybody in backstage.

And I felt deeply alone.

I was in a literal sea of human beings and I was more alone than ever.

And something else I discovered that day is as I was sort of in,

When I say leaving the body,

I want to give you guys some very straightforward examples.

What I'm saying is sometimes you'll feel anxiety and you'll want to just like plow into work and overwork just to avoid the uncomfortable situation.

That's what I call disembodiment.

You'll feel anxiety.

You want to like go out to happy hour with your friends and not face the uncomfortable.

You're actually leaving yourself.

That's actually self abandonment.

And that's it.

I mean,

That's it.

You're traumatizing yourself and you're creating just this big,

Wide open space of not being available to yourself.

And the energy part of that that's very interesting is that when we avoid being close to ourselves in the moments that are difficult.

And by the way,

Sometimes it's just as hard to be close to ourself in moments that are exciting because for a career point in my life,

Presenting in front of 30,

000 people is a pretty high point.

It could be really enjoyable,

Right?

But,

But we have a hard time even staying in our body when we're experiencing joy.

It's like we have this very small window.

And what I want to share with you and teach you and guide you to is to,

To widen that window of being with yourself.

And the other piece I wanted to add to this is that when we lose touch with ourself,

Our barriers go down.

And when I'm viewing with my clairvoyance,

What I see is the energy field weakens.

And what happens when your barriers go down,

When you're weakened is other people's energies,

Other people's anxiety,

Other people's loneliness programs,

Other people's emotions that they haven't dealt with.

All of these things can affect you.

They can literally get lodged into your energy field,

Into your aura.

So that day when my energy field went down,

When my barriers went down and I felt extremely lonely because I had abandoned myself,

I didn't stay with myself.

I could have simply just been like,

Yeah,

You're scared.

Yeah,

This is scary.

Like,

What can I do to help you feel less scared?

Yes,

Let's feel this anxiety,

Which by the way,

Here's a little secret about anxiety.

Anxiety is really just the symptom of pushing down an emotion,

Not allowing it to flow.

So high levels of anxiety are really just not feeling the feelings.

And again,

Which is what we're talking about,

Not being close to yourself,

Abandoning yourself when you're in your most need.

You know,

Through this,

I've spent the last 15 years collecting sort of everyday tools to help me be in constant conversation with myself.

I learned that being in the body is a fantastic antidote to what you may call energy vampires or feeling like you've collected negative energy.

So,

I mean,

I think all of us,

We can give it different words,

We can give it different meanings,

But we've all had that experience where you walk into a room and it just doesn't feel good.

You know,

Where you can tell,

Like you might be feeling it through your gut,

You might be feeling it through your heart,

But you walk into a room and you're like,

Ah,

This feels great,

Or ah,

This feels terrible,

Right?

So when I work with my one-on-one clients,

One of the first things we work on is eradicating this belief that energy vampires exist,

Because it's not so much the power of another person to like suck your energy or the power of another person's negative energy to be detrimental on you.

We can't change how other people are.

Even if we blame or shame them,

We still can't change them.

The one thing that we can learn how to do is how to bolster ourselves in such a way that if somebody else is having anxiety,

You can be available to them without matching it,

Without running it.

You can walk into a room of people full of negative energy and your energy and your vibe and your embodiment can be so strong that you can lead the room with something more vibrant,

Right?

So go ahead and click the hearts if you like the idea of being that person that people have to rise up to meet rather than feeling like you've got to dim yourself down to meet other people.

So like I said,

I've been collecting these embodiment tricks for the last 15 years and I like to do it in a way that doesn't necessarily require me to take out big chunks of my day,

Because guess who's with you every day,

All day?

It's yourself.

So you don't really have to take time out to be with yourself.

And that's what I put together.

I put together a course of 10 little tricks,

10 little reminders,

10 little very simple,

But very profound and effective ways for you to check in with yourself,

For you to learn what it feels like to be in constant conversation with yourself,

Constant availability to yourself.

So before we get into an energy practice,

To help me pick what's going to be best for the group in this now moment,

I want to explain to you how I work and what I work with.

I work with what's called the Nervous System Body Aura Complex.

This is like your,

Pick whatever your favorite car is.

It's like your Maserati.

It's like your Jaguar.

It's like your operating system,

Right?

So you have your energy field and I like to explain the energy field like this.

Your body is the tip of the iceberg,

The part of the iceberg that we all see.

But the part of the iceberg that you don't see is your energy field.

And it's actually what's holding and creating your body.

So if you've ever been curious about quantum physics or you've ever been interested in frequency and vibration,

You know that every material object that you can see in touch with your hands holds a vibration.

And those vibrations,

As they change,

They become more or less material.

So what I want you to understand is that your body doesn't have an energy field.

It's your energy field that projects and slows down and turns into your body.

So again,

Akin to the iceberg idea,

Your body's the tip of the iceberg.

We want to make sure your energy field is clear.

So I work with the body,

Nervous system,

And aura.

They all work together.

And when your energy field is clear of other people's expectations,

Emotions,

Anxieties,

Your body is going to feel a lot better and your nervous system is going to feel more regulated.

So,

You know,

That's probably for another class and a deeper lesson,

But I did want to offer you the invite to feel into the reality that you are a larger system and not all of that system is actually visible with your eyes.

So let's go through these words.

Optimistic,

Discomfort,

Tense,

Grief and sadness,

Anxious,

Grounded,

Worried,

Overwhelmed,

Stuck,

Confused,

Calm,

Open to learning,

Apprehensive,

Uncertain.

Okay.

In my experience,

Working with hundreds of private clients and in my own life,

And also thanks to my teacher and teachers,

What I've discovered is that a sense of overwhelm,

A sense of confusion and self doubt,

Which can be apprehensive or uncertain,

These three things more often than not are symptoms of having other people's energies in your energy field or other people's expectation in your crown,

In your thought processes.

So more often than not,

When we can ground and clear these things of our fields,

We can get to a place where whatever tension,

Whatever complexity,

Whatever grief it is that we need to process,

We actually,

When the body,

Nervous system,

Aura are working together in harmony and clear of other people's problems,

Expectations,

Energies,

You will actually have the wherewithal to face any tension,

Complexity,

Or grief that you have in your life.

So yeah,

Life will present us with complexities and tensions,

But I really,

I can't,

You know,

This is not the sexy work,

By the way.

I know it's not like sexy to be like,

I'm going to clear my energy field and ground my thing.

This is,

It's not like the most fun thing to do.

But I guarantee that when you clear other people's energies,

You're going to have the wherewithal to face whatever it is that belongs to you.

So let's do this.

Let's do this clearing and grounding exercise.

And then I'll explain a little bit around the course,

Which is just a really fun and playful opportunity to connect all your parts.

Kiran,

I love what you're saying that you're aiming to be physically,

Mentally,

Spiritually and emotionally one.

And that is exactly what we're working towards.

This is exactly what I'm doing with my private clients.

I call it coming into wholeness when all of these parts are working in harmony together.

And again,

I underline that it's a big,

Big job if you're also working with other people's energies in your field.

How can we become whole if other people's stuff is stuck in our,

In our field?

So let's do a clearing and grounding practice.

I do this a couple of times a day because by nature,

You know,

We're,

We're human beings.

We're always going to be enmeshed and interconnected with other human being.

It's,

It's,

It's the nature of being on earth.

But the difference is being consciously interconnected with another rather than unconsciously enmeshed,

Which can lead to running other people's feelings or even a sense of codependence.

So let's do this.

Let's all clear and ground.

It's going to feel so good.

By the end of this,

You're going to feel much lighter.

You know,

Here's the thing.

It's okay to be sad.

It's okay to have grief.

It's okay to have these emotions.

What's not okay is when you have them and everybody else's.

So let's clear our systems out so that we're each vested to handle whatever complexities or whatever pleasure and joy is online for us today.

Okay.

All right.

So to start off,

I will invite you to close your eyes if it feels safe.

If it doesn't,

This exercise can also be done with your eyes open,

But this is our first,

Our first practice,

Which is feeling into yourself.

If it's okay to close your eyes or if you're going to feel safer keeping them open,

I'd like you to have your feet flat on the ground and bring your spine into a position that feels strong,

But supple.

So one exercise I love to do for this is to just feel,

Collapse your back for a second and just feel how that feels to your body.

Feel the frequency and vibration that brings.

Feel if you feel powerful or less powerful.

And now just bring your spine back to straight.

And for further experiment,

You could even arch your spine and sort of tense your chest and feel what that feels like to your body.

If that feels good,

Empowering or not.

And then give yourself the opportunity now to just put your spine in a position where it's vertical.

It's a strong spine,

But it's also supple and flexible.

And go ahead and just soften your belly.

Take some deep breaths.

Bring that breath down low into your body.

You want to move your awareness from your head down into your deep belly.

Just gently invite your energy to trickle down out of the mental plane and into your body so that your energy is vibrating equally in all parts of your body.

It might help you to bring your awareness down to the soles of your feet.

You're just calling your energy away from your mind,

Calling your energy to balance out and harmonize throughout your whole.

.

.

And just imagine if you were to give a percent of energy that you have in your feet,

You'd like that percent to match the energy that's in your belly and that's in your head.

And to help us out a little more,

I'm inviting you to imagine the deep center of the earth.

And just imagine there's moist,

Nurturing earth down in the deep center of the earth.

And out of that earth,

Imagine a beautiful,

Wide,

Healthy,

Strong root.

A grounding cord is growing out of that deep matrix.

Yeah,

And just allow that grounding cord to rise up and to gently anchor into the bottom of your feet.

Allow it to gently rise up through your calves,

Through your knees,

Through your thighs.

Just allow that grounding cord to gently anchor into your hips.

And now imagining yourself sitting inside a perfect bubble.

You're going to make that bubble as wide as the length of your outstretched arms.

And that is your energy field.

That is your aura.

And gently just allow anybody else's energies that have been lodged in your aura,

In your energy field,

To gently begin to drain out down your grounding cord,

To be neutralized into the earth.

There you go.

Just allow any excess expectations to drain out through this grounding cord to be neutralized.

And you can bring your awareness also to any tension in your body.

And release that tension down the grounding cord.

Just allow it to be neutralized for now.

And continue just bringing your breath deep into your belly.

And we're going to do another clearing.

I want you to imagine life-size magnets outside of your energy field.

One in front,

One behind,

One on either side,

Above and below.

And turn those magnets onto clear.

Just allow them to gently hum and pull out other people's projections,

Expectations.

And go ahead and pull out any old ideas that no longer serve your highest purposes and trajectories.

Just allow anything that does not match up with who you are currently to gently be drawn out to the edges of your energy field to be neutralized into these magnets.

Just allow your field to have a good clearing.

And bringing your awareness to the top of your head,

Go ahead and drop those magnets.

And create a golden sun,

A perfectly golden sphere above your head at your crown.

And we're going to call back all of your energies.

It may have inadvertently been deposited in other places and spaces.

So turn this golden sun onto recall.

And just watch as it gently and playfully calls back your energy.

Call your energy back from all the rooms in your house,

From your office,

From your conversations.

Call your energy back from all of the things you have to do later today.

Call your energy back from everybody else's grief and anxiety.

Call your energy back from your family members.

When you've got all of your energy,

You're actually more available to them.

There's no need to enmesh or send out energy tendrils to other people's fields.

Just call all of your energy back cleared and purified.

There you go.

And now it's going to be cleared,

Purified,

And updated to the current you inside this golden sun above your head.

Calling it back from your to-do lists,

Your worries.

There you go.

And gently bring that golden sun down,

Down your head,

Your neck,

Your chest.

And let it rest in the throne of your heart,

Where it's going to just gently open.

And all of your energies are going to settle up in and around your body,

Your tissues,

Your cells,

And your energy field.

You don't have to tell them where to go.

They know exactly how to come together to bring you back your fullness.

And softening your jaw,

Strengthening your spine,

Bringing your awareness into your lower belly,

Now to your feet.

Just allow yourself to see and feel the freshness of sitting inside your own energy.

What's it feel like?

You may,

It may smell like something to you,

Or you may see images or colors.

You may get a symbol that represents your own clear energy.

It's a subtle feeling.

And you'll get better at recognizing it over time,

The more time you spend with yourself.

And recognizing what it feels like when you're in your own clear energy,

So that you can signal to yourself when it's time to clear yourself of other people's ideas and expectations,

Other people's energies.

And go ahead and give yourself one more clearing through your grounding cord,

Anything that may have been activated by anything I said.

Go ahead and clear whatever is up for graduation,

Whatever no longer serves your highest purposes and trajectories.

And now gently,

From the deep center of the nurturing earth,

Call up the perfect amount of earth energy for you right now.

And now imagine the center of the sky,

The center of the cosmos,

And go ahead and call down a stream of golden cosmic replenishing energy.

It's just going to pour into your energy field,

Into your crown,

Into your body,

And fill up any holes and gaps that need that love.

Just pouring into your body,

Filling it up so much that it spills out through your pores,

Into your energy field.

Just allow yourself to receive this love.

And thank your body for being willing to change.

Thank your energy field for being willing to update.

And when you're ready,

Gently bring a smile,

Even a mechanical smile to your face that's going to anchor in your original tone.

And when you're ready,

If your eyes were closed,

Just gently blink them open.

Look at something beautiful in the room.

Notice the shadows,

The colors.

Bring yourself into full presence and gently bringing your focus outward and back to this space.

And just allow yourself to feel the container of this space gently form around you,

A space of coherent frequencies,

Regulated nervous systems,

Full-bodied presence.

And when you're ready,

Go ahead,

Write another word about how you're feeling in this now moment.

So each of you is going to have your own experience.

The way I work is I call it sort of welcome to you.

I really guide my clients to come into a space where they get to discover through experiential practices what their wholeness feels like.

Where they get to discover through experiential practices,

What are the best tools for them to feel strong,

Invested,

And balanced.

Hi,

Sue.

Unbelievable calm.

Wonderful.

Jackie.

Center.

So I wanted to share this experience with you that your energy is unique and belongs to you.

But so often in this very fast-paced world where we're constantly being invited away from ourselves,

Invited into,

I mean,

There's such an onslaught of content.

And on the one side,

It's wonderful because it's bringing so much more awareness and so much more opportunity for growth and intelligence to humankind.

But at the same time,

If we don't go through this onslaught of content with great awareness around what is enough for us and where we need to give space,

It's going to overfill your field.

Hi,

Matt.

I'm so happy you're feeling grounded.

So yeah,

This is a license for you to start paying attention to all the different ways the world calls you away from yourself.

And with this experience we've had today,

I hope you've had the opportunity to begin to feel what it feels like when you're in your own space,

When you're in your own energy.

And the more you get to know that feeling,

The more vested you'll be to recognize when somebody else's ideas or energy or anxiety has gotten up in your field.

And remember,

There are some telltale signs also that happen with the body.

I have a very good friend of mine who when she has taken on other people's energies and she starts to get overwhelmed,

Her hands go to her head.

And same thing happens with her son.

And same thing happens with a lot of clients.

And I'm sure I do it as well,

But it's a telltale sign that you've collected.

Like it's going to your head because other people's ideas,

Emotions,

And energies are in your head and you'll actually have your body.

Well,

It's such a beautiful system of information.

Your body will tell you when you're running other people's stuff,

Your hands might go to your head like that,

Or you might,

Your stomach might hurt because you're asked to digest more than what is yours.

So,

And again,

The telltale signs,

Feeling confused when you're confused,

It's because there's too much stuff in there.

And a lot of the stuff doesn't even belong to you and you're trying to make it belong to you.

So clear the field,

Clear the mind with this simple grounding in clearing practice that will really alleviate a lot of the confusion.

Sometimes you have to do it over and over again because so many of us have been running everybody else's energies for lifetimes.

I mean,

You want to talk about family dynamics and holding up other people's value systems.

Some of them may be your values.

Some of them may not be yours,

And that can create confusion and overwhelm.

So feeling confused,

Feeling overwhelmed,

And having self-doubt.

These are three key things that can tip you off that you're running other people's energy.

So just to,

What I want to do today is invite you to follow my course.

It's called Everyday Sensuality for Peace and Connection.

So basically what I've done is I've put these tips and tools that I use every day to stay close to my body,

To not self-abandon.

Remember,

Today we're talking about alleviating loneliness.

Loneliness is not about being alone.

It's about abandoning yourself,

Abandoning the connection with yourself.

Once you reestablish that connection,

You will no longer feel lonely and you will become a match for connection with other people.

Okay?

So that's how we alleviate loneliness.

And I am a big proponent of experimentation.

Try it out,

See what you like,

Put away what you don't like.

There are 10 days of tips,

Of very simple,

But very profound and subtle practices that will continue to invite you back into the connection with yourself.

Everyday Sensuality is what it's called to stop self-abandoning and really alleviate your overwhelm and your loneliness,

To learn how to reconnect with yourself in a way that's not going to ask you to stop your life or change your schedule.

I had somebody go through the course yesterday.

She was on the way to the airport and she did one of the exercises.

And she was like,

This is amazing because it's so easy to fit into your everyday.

Getting in touch with your body and reconnecting with yourself,

Guys,

It's not a luxury.

It is a necessity.

I have had clients with autoimmune issues that have disappeared because they began to reconnect with themselves.

I've had clients with chronic fatigue that has gone away.

I've had clients with addictions.

They were able to leave their addiction without any pushing,

Without any me saying,

You got to stop being addicted,

By merely switching up the connection from what they were addicted to and making that connection with themselves.

I've had CEOs who have scaled and grown their business and their bank accounts in record time because they reconnected with themselves.

That is the juicy place of abundance.

If anybody here is like into manifestation,

This whole,

I think it's a little bit of a sigh up because the idea is we don't manifest with our mind.

We manifest by who we're being,

By what's in our energy field.

If you can decorate your energy field with the magnetism of the closeness of being with you,

That is such an abundant state,

An abundant essence that your business,

Your bank accounts,

Your people can't help but flourish.

We're at time.

I love you all.

Please remember for those who are in America and are just starting your morning,

Today your mantra is,

I am made of power.

I am made of peace.

I am made of grace.

For everybody else in Australia,

You can go to bed saying that.

In Europe,

We've got the rest of our day.

We're heading into the weekend.

You are made of power.

You are made of peace and you are made of grace.

Love you guys.