Why Do We Do What We Do

Have you ever wondered what drives your actions, decisions, and behaviors? Why Do We Do What We Do delves into the fascinating world of human psychology, exploring the reasons behind the choices we make, the habits we form, and the motivations that shape our lives. This episode breaks down complex psychological concepts, examines real-life examples, and features expert insights to help you understand yourself and others better. Whether you're looking to improve your relationships, boost your productivity, or simply better understand the patterns of human behavior, this podcast offers practical knowledge to empower you to make more conscious decisions and live with intention. Tune in and start unraveling the mysteries of human behavior today!

Transcript

Alright,

Buckle up because today we're diving into something that could completely shift the way you see your life,

And more importantly,

The way you live it.

You ever stop and wonder why some people seem to crush it?

At work,

In their relationships,

With their health,

While others can't seem to catch a break?

Is it luck?

Is it talent?

Is it just having the right connections at the right time?

If you've ever thought,

Man if I just had more time,

More money,

More resources,

Things would be different for me?

Well,

This is the episode for you.

Because today I'm going to share something that might just blow your mind.

It's not about resources,

It's about resourcefulness.

And the real power?

It's already in you,

Right now.

You just need to know how to use it.

And here's the best part,

It doesn't matter where you're starting from.

Maybe you're in a high-paying job but still feel stuck.

Maybe you're juggling way too much and barely scraping by.

Maybe you feel like you've tried everything and it's still not working.

Wherever you are,

There are principles,

Tools really,

That once you get them,

Can literally transform how you approach life and the results you get out of it.

So here's the deal.

I'm not here to motivate you.

You don't need that.

You've probably heard enough rah-rah speeches to last you a lifetime.

What I am here to do is help you figure out what's driving you,

What's under the hood of your life.

Because once you understand that,

You can start flipping the switches that lead to true lasting change.

Let me share a quick story.

Back in the day,

Lance Armstrong,

The cyclist,

Was diagnosed with cancer.

Not just any diagnosis,

Testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs and brain.

The odds,

As you can imagine,

Weren't in his favour.

But instead of seeing it as the end,

Lance saw it as a beginning.

He decided,

I'm gonna use this.

And not only did he beat the cancer,

But he also came back and won seven Tour de France titles.

Titles he'd never won before the diagnosis.

Pretty wild,

Right?

But here's the kicker.

It wasn't just about his body bouncing back.

It was his mind,

His emotional fitness.

While most people would have shut down,

Lance dialed in on what mattered to him and used the challenge to propel his focus,

His grit and ultimately his success.

That's what I want us to dig into.

What drives someone to move through their pain,

Challenges and setbacks to achieve something extraordinary?

Now let me throw this out there.

We're all wired to make decisions every single day and those decisions shape our lives.

Small ones,

Big ones.

They are the steering wheel.

Where are you driving your life?

Are you even in the driver's seat?

And this isn't about what decisions you've made in the past.

It's about the power of the decisions you can make right now,

Today.

So we've got to ask,

What are the decisions shaping your life right now?

Look,

I know this sounds like a lot.

Life's complicated,

Right?

But what if I told you it boils down to just three things?

Three decisions that moment by moment are shaping your destiny.

Yep,

Just three.

Here they are.

One,

What are you going to focus on?

Two,

What meaning are you assigning to it?

Three,

And what are you going to do about it?

These three things,

They run your life.

Let me break it down for you.

Imagine you're working on a huge project at work and something goes wrong,

Big time.

Maybe you missed a deadline.

Maybe a client's upset.

Your brain,

It's immediately going to zone in on the first of those three questions.

What am I going to focus on?

Some people might focus on their mistake and spiral into guilt.

Others might focus on the lesson they've learned and how they can improve.

Same situation,

Totally different focus.

And your focus,

It determines your energy,

Which determines your results.

That brings us to the second decision.

What does it mean?

Is the screw-up a sign that you're not cut out for this?

Or is it proof that you're stretching and growing?

When Lance Armstrong got the cancer diagnosis,

He could have focused on the worst-case scenario and it would have paralysed him.

Instead,

He assigned new meaning.

This wasn't the end.

It was a turning point.

How powerful is that?

Then comes the third.

What are you going to do about it?

Because once you've decided where your focus is going and what something means,

The action becomes clear.

If you're focused on your mistakes and decide they mean you don't measure up,

You'll probably freeze up or quit.

But if you're focused on what's next,

The lesson,

The opportunity,

You act with confidence.

Same situation,

Completely different outcomes depending on those decisions.

And here's where things get even more interesting.

The decisions aren't just about the short-term.

They're tied to your long-term satisfaction.

Your sense of fulfilment.

Think about it.

How many people have mastered the science of achievement but still feel empty inside?

Achievement is important,

Don't get me wrong.

But it's not the whole game.

The secret source?

The art of fulfilment.

Fulfilment is where the magic happens.

It's less of a formula and more of an art.

Why?

Because it's all about appreciation and contribution.

You know as well as I do that no amount of success will ever feel complete if you can't appreciate it or share it with others.

I mean,

How many stories do we hear about people who have it all on paper but struggle to feel at peace,

Let alone happy?

Let me bring this to life with a story closer to home.

Oprah Winfrey.

You probably know her as one of the most influential women on the planet.

But rewind to her childhood and you'll find a world of pain,

Poverty,

Abuse,

Neglect.

Statistically,

She shouldn't have made it.

But what drove Oprah?

Her need for connection and purpose.

Instead of letting the hardships define her,

She used them to fuel her mission,

Helping others connect with themselves and their truth.

That's fulfilment.

Not just successful,

But purposeful.

And here's the thing.

Every single one of us has these universal human needs that drive us.

Six of them to be exact.

Certainty.

Uncertainty.

Significance.

Love.

Connection.

Growth and Contribution.

How we prioritise those needs,

That's what shapes our lives.

It's what gives us momentum or keeps us stuck.

Now we're going to be digging into all six of these needs as we go along,

But let me give you a quick snapshot here so we're all on the same page.

Certainty.

The need to feel safe,

Stable,

In control.

Uncertainty.

The need for variety,

Surprise,

Adventure.

Significance.

The need to feel special,

Important.

Love and connection are self-explanatory.

But here's the wild part.

Most people settle for connection because love feels risky.

Then we've got growth,

Because if you're not growing you feel stuck.

And finally,

Contribution.

Nothing will light you up faster than making a positive impact on someone else.

You've experienced that,

Right?

Now here's a fun little exercise.

Try pinpointing which of these needs is running the show for you right now.

Are you working overtime to create certainty in your life?

Chasing significance through success?

Seeking connection in all the wrong places?

No judgment,

Just awareness.

Because once you know which needs dominate your decisions you can start making shifts that bring more balance.

That's when things really start to change.

All right,

Let's tie this all together for a second.

These needs,

They're running our lives whether we realise it or not.

But it's when we turn our focus to the needs of growth and contribution that real fulfilment happens.

Why?

Because growth stretches us and contribution makes life bigger than just us.

It's no longer about just what can I achieve but what can I give.

That's when life takes on a whole new level of meaning.

But there's a catch and it's one we'll definitely unpack.

If you keep avoiding growth just to stay comfortable or refuse to give because you're too focused on what you don't have,

Those higher level needs stay out of reach.

You stay stuck,

Spinning your wheels.

Think of it like planting seeds.

Your choices,

Your focus,

Your actions,

They're all seeds.

Some will grow into comfort and stability,

Some will grow into adventure and excitement and some into impact and legacy.

What you tend to is what will grow and here's where it gets really exciting because once you truly understand these six human needs you're going to start seeing patterns everywhere.

In your life,

In your relationships,

In your work and when you do it's like switching on the lights in a room you didn't even know was dark.

So let's take this idea a step further.

Why do some people face massive challenges and come out stronger while others crumble under the same situations?

Here's the truth.

It all comes down to which needs they're meeting and more importantly how they're meeting them.

And I'll give you an example you're probably familiar with.

Think about someone like Elon Musk.

Love him or hate him,

There's no denying he's a guy driven by variety,

Growth and contribution.

He builds rockets,

Reinvents electricity,

Digs tunnels and talks about moving humanity to Mars because for him sticking to one thing would feel like stagnation.

It wouldn't meet his need for variety or growth.

But here's the real kicker.

It's not just about him.

He's constantly focusing on how his work contributes to something bigger than himself.

Whether it's sustainable energy,

Space travel or breakthroughs in transportation.

That's why he wakes up every day with that fire.

His needs align with his drive to contribute and grow.

Now compare that to someone who's stuck in an endless loop of trying to feel significant.

Maybe they're constantly chasing validation on social media,

Fishing for likes or comments to keep that sense of significance going.

That's not growth.

That's not contribution.

And guess what?

It leaves them feeling empty because no number of likes will ever fill that deeper need.

Do you see the difference here?

The how matters.

How you meet your needs determines whether you build a life that's fulfilling or one that leaves you burnt out and frustrated.

Here's another angle to look at.

When we face conflict with other people it almost always comes back to needs.

Let's say you have a coworker who's always trying to take the spotlight in meetings.

Annoying,

Right?

But what if just for a second you stopped and thought,

Why does this person feel the need to do that?

Nine times out of ten they're chasing significance.

They're trying to feel seen,

To feel valued.

Guess what else?

At some level you do that too.

And when you realise that it can totally shift how you respond.

But I get it.

Sometimes our needs collide with other people's,

Right?

Maybe your need for certainty conflicts with your partner's need for variety.

You play it safe,

They push the boundaries and suddenly you're both frustrated.

The good news is once you both know what's actually driving the tension you can start to navigate it together.

This isn't about blaming or judging.

It's about awareness.

Awareness gives you options and options give you freedom.

But let's flip it back to you.

What happens when you start looking at your own life through the lens of these six needs?

Well,

You start seeing where you've been settling and where there's room to grow.

Take a second and think about your routines,

Your habits,

Your daily life.

Are your decisions meeting your need for certainty at the expense of growth?

Are you clinging to connection while avoiding real love because it's safer?

Maybe you're living in a loop of meeting your needs with quick fixes,

The kind of things that feel good in the moment but leave you feeling stuck in the long run.

If that's resonating,

Don't beat yourself up about it.

Seriously,

This isn't about blame.

It's about getting curious.

And speaking of quick fixes,

Let's talk about what I call soft addictions.

You know what I'm talking about.

Scrolling endlessly on your phone,

Binge watching a show when you've got a million other things to do or shopping online for stuff you don't really need.

These are ways we meet our needs in the short term,

But they don't fill us up in the long term.

They're like junk food for your emotions.

Sure,

They taste good at the moment,

But they don't actually sustain you.

So how do we start breaking free?

It all comes back to those three questions we talked about earlier.

What am I focusing on?

What meaning am I giving it?

And what am I going to do about it?

These questions aren't just a one-time thing.

They're a daily practice.

And as you start to use them,

You'll notice something incredible.

Your focus shifts from reacting to creating.

And that's where the magic happens.

Let me give you an example of what this looks like in real life from one of the greatest inventors ever.

Thomas Edison.

Edison wasn't just some guy who got lucky creating the light bulb.

No,

He failed.

A lot.

Like thousands of times.

But here's what's Every time something didn't work,

He didn't see it as a failure.

He decided it was a step forward.

He famously said,

I have not failed.

I've just found 10,

000 ways that won't work.

That's focus.

That's the meaning he assigned.

And that's the action that followed.

So how about you?

What's one area of your life where you could reframe the meaning you're assigning and take a new action?

Maybe it's that business idea you've shelved because you're worried it might not work.

Or a relationship that's been on autopilot because you're afraid of having the hard conversations.

Whatever it is,

Remember this.

The meaning you give determines the energy you bring.

And that energy shapes everything.

And since we're talking about energy,

Let's talk about emotions.

Because here's the deal.

Your emotions are the fuel that drives your decisions.

Think about it.

When you're feeling inspired,

Hopeful,

Or just energized,

You're unstoppable.

But when you're in a loop of fear,

Frustration,

Or self-doubt,

You freeze up.

And here's the kicker.

Most of us live in a pattern of just a handful of emotions.

For real.

Research shows the average person cycles through the same 10 to 12 emotions over and over again every week.

If half of those are negative,

Guess what direction your life's heading in?

So here's a challenge.

What if you could design the emotional patterns you live in?

What if you could choose to live in emotions like joy,

Curiosity,

Or gratitude instead of anger,

Anxiety,

Or self-pity?

It starts with awareness.

When you feel yourself spiraling into a negative cycle,

Pause and ask,

What triggered this?

What need am I trying to meet?

And is there a better way to meet it?

This practice,

It's a game changer.

Because once you break free from those old emotional patterns,

You free up so much energy.

Energy you can channel into creating the life you actually want.

But look,

I get it.

Breaking habits isn't easy.

If it were,

We'd all have our dream bodies,

Dream jobs,

And dream relationships by now.

But here's what I'll tell you.

Progress beats perfection every time.

And the cool thing?

You don't have to master all six needs overnight.

Just start small.

Pick one area of your life where you feel stuck or unfulfilled and ask,

What need am I trying to meet here?

And how can I meet it in a way that grows me or help someone else?

Remember when I said contribution is the secret to fulfillment?

Let's bring that full circle.

Because this is where everything connects.

When you give to others,

Whether it's your time,

Your expertise,

Or even just a kind word,

You meet one of the deepest needs in the human experience.

You shift your focus from what can I get to what can I give.

And when you do that,

Life stops feeling so heavy.

It starts feeling meaningful,

Filled with purpose.

And here's the best part.

You don't have to wait until you've figured everything out to contribute.

Start where you are.

Maybe it's helping a coworker with a problem they're struggling with.

Maybe it's calling a friend who's been going through a hard time.

Or maybe it's showing up for your family in a way you haven't been.

Small acts of contribution ripple out into the world in ways you might not even realize.

So here's my final thought for you.

Life is a beautiful mix of challenges and opportunities,

Struggles and breakthroughs.

And while you can't control everything,

You can control how you respond.

You can control your focus,

Your meaning,

And your actions.

And as you start to take ownership of those three things,

I promise you this,

Your life will start to change in ways you can't even imagine.

If you enjoyed today's talk,

I believe that you would love our top-rated courses here on Insight Timer.

Over 4,

000 students already went through our courses,

And the responses are amazing.

Our goal here at Healing Waves is to help you on your transformation journey by combining ancient wisdom with modern science.

Thank you for being with me today.

I appreciate you,

And I hope to see you again soon.

Reviews

Thank you! This is so power helpful and practical
I will listen again
Love and blessings to you Healing Waves

Hello, I love listening to your talks. Incredibly insightful. Thank you for them!
I noticed a pattern in all your talks which is not mentioned at least not in the ones I heard as of yet, the commonality overcoming all challenges, regardless in our own lives or when you mention famous individuals is finding our true purpose. When we do anything from pure inner purpose it is no longer work… it’s like a river, it flowes. Even when challenges arise and they will we find a way around them, which we would not ( we would give up) if we exist by not doing what we were meant to do in this lifetime.
The main issue I see that with all life’s conditioning from childhood to adulthood we lose complete sight of what that is.
Me personally did not even realize that I am in the matrix not fulfilling my life purpose until recently and I am in my early 50’….it’s a beautiful challenge to shift my life around with so much baggage but I’m working on it.
Thank you again for these incredible, smart inspiring talks.
Cheers!