What Triggers You Is A Gift

In What Triggers You Is A Gift, we explore how the things that trigger us are often the hidden keys to our personal growth and transformation. Instead of avoiding or suppressing our emotional reactions, this podcast encourages you to lean into them, understand their roots, and uncover the lessons they hold. Through insightful discussions and practical tools, we dive into how triggers can reveal deep-seated beliefs, unresolved emotions, and unmet needs, offering an opportunity to heal and evolve. Tune in to learn how embracing what triggers you can unlock a path to greater self-awareness, emotional freedom, and a more empowered life.

Transcript

Today we're going to talk about something that might just change the way you look at your life.

And yourself.

You know that little thing that happens when someone says something,

Or does something,

And it just gets under your skin?

Maybe it's a comment from a friend that really shouldn't bother you,

But it does.

Or maybe it's your partner leaving a dish in the sink when you're already stressed from your day,

And suddenly you're ready to explode.

You ever wonder why that happens?

Why seemingly small things can trigger such a big response?

What if I told you those moments,

Those frustrating,

Annoying,

I-can't-believe-they-did-that moments aren't random?

What if they're actually some of the most important clues about your life that you're ever going to get?

What if,

Instead of being problems,

Your triggers were actually keys?

Like signposts pointing to the places where you're not fully free?

And what if,

Once you understood them,

Once you really got what they were trying to tell you,

You could unlock a version of yourself that's lighter,

More confident,

And,

Honestly,

Just.

.

.

Free?

That's what we're diving into today.

We're going to unpack why triggers happen,

What they're secretly telling you,

And how they've been shaping your life in ways you might not even realise.

Most of us,

We spend years,

Maybe even decades,

Either avoiding those feelings or trying to control everything around us so the triggers don't show up.

But here's the problem.

Avoiding them doesn't make them go away.

It just keeps them hidden,

Quietly steering your life from behind the scenes.

So if you've ever felt like you're carrying this invisible weight,

A stress that you can't quite explain,

An anxiety that keeps popping up,

Or even just a feeling of being stuck,

You're going to want to hear this.

What we're going to talk about today might just help you unpack that weight and finally let it go.

Let's get into it.

I want to start with a simple but powerful idea.

Your triggers reveal where you're not free.

Think about that.

Every time something triggers you,

Every time it feels like someone or something has set you off,

It's like a little alarm bell going off in your subconscious.

It's not random.

It's showing you something,

A part of yourself,

A belief,

Or even a memory,

That's asking for your attention.

Let me tell you a story that really brings this to life.

You probably know Oprah Winfrey,

Right?

She's someone the world recognises for her strength,

Her insight,

And her influence.

But what you might not know is just how much of her journey has been about facing her own triggers.

Oprah grew up in incredibly difficult circumstances.

There was a lot of instability,

Neglect,

And even abuse during her childhood,

And for years those early experiences left her battling this deep,

Almost constant feeling of unworthiness.

She carried it into her adult life,

Even as she started to build her career.

She shared how for a long time she felt this overwhelming need to control everything.

At first glance it might have looked like she was just driven or detail-oriented,

But underneath that need to control was really coming from a fear of abandonment.

She'd learned as a child that to feel safe she had to make sure things stayed predictable.

But here's where things got interesting.

She didn't ignore that pattern.

She didn't sweep it under the rug or blame it on other people.

Instead she got curious.

She asked herself,

Where is this coming from?

Why am I reacting this way?

And by doing that work,

By understanding and healing those old wounds,

She didn't just free herself from those patterns.

She became the Oprah we know today.

So let me ask you this,

What if your triggers could do the same for you?

I know what you might be thinking.

Okay,

Great story,

But how do I even begin figuring out what my triggers mean?

Fair question.

Let's start small.

Think about the last time you felt really frustrated or upset or maybe just weirdly annoyed for no obvious reason.

What happened?

Maybe someone criticised you at work or maybe you had an argument with a friend or a partner and it left you stewing way longer than it probably should have.

Now here's the thing,

That feeling,

The one that lingered,

That's a breadcrumb.

It's trying to lead you to something deeper.

Why did it bother you so much?

What emotion came up?

Was it rejection?

Shame?

Maybe a sense of not being enough?

These are the questions that start to peel back the layers.

See,

Triggers don't come out of nowhere.

They have roots.

And most of the time those roots trace back to something you learned or experienced a long,

Long time ago,

Usually in childhood.

That brings me to the next big idea.

So many of our triggers are actually survival patterns.

Here's the deal,

When you were a kid you were just trying to figure out how to get by,

How to feel safe and how to make sure the people around you,

Your parents,

Caregivers,

Teachers,

Would take care of you.

And sometimes to survive you had to make these unspoken agreements with yourself.

Maybe you learned that to get love.

You had to be perfect.

Maybe you figured out that sharing how you really felt wasn't safe.

So you stopped doing it.

Maybe you decided that if you could just keep everyone happy,

You'd feel secure.

These patterns served a purpose.

They protected you when you needed them.

But here's where they get tricky.

They don't go away.

They stick with you.

Even when you're not a kid anymore.

Even when you don't need them in the same way.

Let's take a look at Serena Williams.

She's one of the greatest athletes of all time,

No question.

But even someone at her level has triggers.

She's talked about how,

Growing up in this ultra-competitive and strict environment,

She felt a constant need to prove herself.

To show that she was not just good,

But great.

And that need,

The one that had been ingrained in her since childhood,

Followed her into her career.

It showed up during matches,

Especially under pressure.

When things didn't go her way,

It wasn't just about the game.

It was about something deeper,

Something tied to her younger self.

But once she started to unpack that,

To understand where it came from,

It gave her a whole new kind of freedom.

She could compete not from a place of needing validation,

But from a place of joy and passion.

So again,

The question comes back to you.

What survival patterns might you be holding onto,

Without even realising it?

Maybe you've noticed that you're a people pleaser.

Or maybe you avoid confrontation at all costs.

Or maybe you're always striving,

Always pushing,

Because slowing down feels too risky.

Whatever it is the first step is simply noticing.

Start with the next time something triggers you.

And instead of reacting or trying to push the feeling away,

Pause.

Ask yourself,

What's behind this?

What's this really about?

Because here's the truth.

The thing that's triggering you isn't really the issue.

It's the belief,

The memory,

Or the pattern underneath it.

It's like an iceberg.

The trigger is just the tip.

The real stuff,

The stuff that'll set you free,

Is below the surface.

And here's where it gets really empowering.

Once you see those patterns for what they are,

They stop running the show.

Remember you're not that kid anymore.

You don't have to keep playing by the same rules you made back then.

You get to rewrite the script.

You get to decide what freedom looks like for you now.

We're just getting started,

But take a minute to let this sink in.

Think about it.

What's the last thing that really triggered you?

Where might it be pointing you?

We've talked about how your triggers are like breadcrumbs,

Leading you to the patterns and beliefs that might be holding you back.

So now the question is,

What do you do once you've noticed the pattern?

The answer might surprise you.

It's not about fighting it.

It's not about fixing yourself or even trying to make those feelings go away.

In fact,

It's kind of the opposite.

Let me explain.

Think back to that analogy we used earlier about the iceberg.

The trigger,

That reaction you feel when something sets you off,

Is just the tip.

But what's underneath?

That's the part of you that's scared.

That's the part that's still holding onto those old survival patterns,

Those unspoken agreements from when you were a kid.

And you can't fight fear.

You can't fix fear.

But here's what you can do.

You can make space for it.

Let me paint a picture for you.

Imagine you're babysitting a little kid and this kid has just heard a scary noise outside.

Maybe it's the wind.

Maybe it's just the neighbour's dog barking.

But to this kid,

It's terrifying.

Now what's your first instinct?

Do you tell the kid to stop being scared?

Do you tell them to toughen up?

Of course not.

You'd probably bend down to their level,

Look them in the eye and say,

It's okay,

I'm here,

You're safe.

You'd comfort them,

Right?

So here's the thing.

That kid,

That's what your trigger is.

Not the noise,

But the part of you that's reacting to it.

And just like you comfort that little kid,

You can do the same for yourself.

That's the first step to real freedom.

Not getting rid of the fear,

But making space for it.

Saying to yourself,

It's okay.

I see you.

I hear you.

I know this might sound a little abstract,

So let me ground this in another story.

You've probably heard of Nelson Mandela.

He's someone the world sees as a symbol of courage and strength.

But what a lot of people don't realise is how much inner work he did during his 27 years in prison.

Yes,

Physical prison.

And he's talked about how,

In that tiny,

Confined space,

He learned not to escape his fears,

But to face them.

You'd think his time behind bars was all about survival,

But it wasn't just about that.

Mandela used that time to reflect on his deepest,

Darkest emotions.

The anger,

The fear,

The frustration.

Instead of trying to shove them aside or pretend they didn't exist,

He sat with them.

He made space for them.

And in doing that,

He found something extraordinary.

He found the kind of freedom that no external force could take away.

Not even a prison cell.

That's the opportunity I want you to see for yourself.

Because here's the truth.

You can't run from fear,

And you can't outsmart it either.

But you can create a space where it doesn't control you anymore.

Let's take a second and slow this down.

Because I'm guessing you might be asking,

Okay,

But how do I actually do this?

It starts with awareness.

The next time you feel yourself getting triggered,

Whether it's something your boss says,

Or an argument with your partner,

Or even just sitting in traffic,

Pause.

Ask yourself,

What part of me is reacting right now?

And then,

Instead of trying to push that feeling away or rationalise it,

Just sit with it.

I get it,

This can feel uncomfortable.

At first,

Our reflex is to numb those feelings,

To escape them,

Or to direct our energy outward and blame the situation.

But every time you pause,

Every time you notice what's really going on inside of you,

You're taking back a little more of your power.

And here's where this gets really interesting.

When you stop fighting the fear,

It starts to let go of you.

Let me bring this to life with one more story.

Have you ever heard of Brené Brown?

You know,

The researcher who's practically a household name when it comes to vulnerability and courage.

She shared how,

For years,

She struggled with perfectionism.

And it wasn't just about wanting things to be perfect.

It was about what perfectionism represented.

To Brené,

Being perfect meant being safe.

It meant being above criticism.

It meant avoiding rejection.

But as she peeled back the layers,

She realised something.

The need for perfection wasn't about the present.

It was tied to her past.

It came from a belief,

Rooted in childhood,

That love was conditional.

If you're perfect,

Then you'll be loved.

And here's the breakthrough she had.

Perfectionism wasn't keeping her safe,

It was keeping her small.

It was only when Brené began making space for her imperfections,

When she invited those fears to the table,

Instead of trying to conquer them,

That she unlocked a new kind of freedom.

What's so powerful about this is that it teaches us something really important.

Feeling scared,

Feeling triggered,

Doesn't mean something's wrong with you.

It means you're human.

In fact,

If you can walk away from today's discussion with just one idea,

Let it be this.

You don't have to fix your feelings,

You just have to meet them with compassion.

Imagine if you could step into your next big challenge,

Whether it's a career move,

A relationship or simply speaking your truth,

Without being weighed down by all those old fears.

Imagine making decisions based on what your adult self truly wants,

Not what your younger self feels it needs to survive.

Let's zoom back out for a moment,

Because I want to connect the dots.

We started this conversation by talking about triggers,

Those moments that set something off inside you.

What I hope you're seeing now is that these triggers aren't the enemy,

They're actually your greatest teachers.

Every time you feel triggered,

It's an opportunity to look inward,

To examine the patterns and beliefs that were handed to you,

As a kid,

But don't quite fit anymore.

And bit by bit,

As you do this work,

You start to rewrite the story of how you move through the world.

The old story says I'm not safe,

I have to control everything,

I have to prove myself.

But the new story?

The one you get to create.

That story says I'm free,

I trust myself,

I trust life.

And sure this isn't an overnight process,

This isn't about flipping a switch where nothing ever triggers you again,

But it's about progress.

It's about building awareness,

Making space and choosing freedom,

One choice at a time.

So the next time something or someone pushes your buttons,

Take a breath.

Pause.

Ask yourself what's really happening here.

And more importantly,

See if you can meet that part of you with kindness instead of judgement.

Because here's the thing.

Freedom doesn't come from avoiding life's messiness or shielding yourself from discomfort.

It comes from being able to move through it without letting it define you.

What would your life look like if you approached every trigger with curiosity instead of resistance?

What might you unlock in yourself?

If you enjoyed today's talk,

I believe that you would love our top-rated courses here on Insight Timer.

Over 4,

000 students already went through our courses and the responses are amazing.

Our goal here at Healing Waves is to help you on your transformation journey by combining ancient wisdom with modern science.

Thank you for being with me today.

I appreciate you and I hope to see you again soon.

Reviews

Wow! Well done! I appreciate the way you’ve concentrated, yet simplified complex concepts into easy actionable steps! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻