A Reflection Focused On Self-Acceptance

Part of resting is letting go of our inner critic. This reflection is about self-acceptance. Self-acceptance means accepting ourselves for who we are at this very moment. It means relating to ourselves as we would to someone who we love and care deeply for. This is not the easiest reflection. It will challenge you. Sometimes, we need to let the pain out to let the love in. This audio is 18 minutes long.

Transcript

Hello.

I'd like to welcome you to this reflection.

Our focus is self-acceptance.

Unfortunately,

Most of us tend to use harsh,

Critical language when we talk to ourselves.

Consider for a moment,

Would you talk this way to a close friend or even a stranger?

Today's reflection may be challenging.

It's not always easy to look at and remove our filters.

They've served us well.

Pain can be a natural byproduct of a self-compassion practice.

When we practice self-compassion,

Love goes in and all pain comes out.

We accept our emotions and ourselves as we are.

Now,

If you're ready,

I would like to ask you to close your eyes if you haven't already done so.

Now try to focus your attention on your breath.

Place one hand on your stomach,

Another on your chest,

And just notice how you breathe in and how you breathe out.

Allow yourself to do just that.

Breathe in and breathe out.

There's nothing you need to achieve or become.

In this reflection,

You cannot fail or succeed.

Allow yourself to just see how it goes.

Simply breathe in and breathe out.

Feel how the air flows,

How your stomach or chest expands when you breathe in,

And how the air moves out when you exhale.

We'll deliberately slow our breath to allow the body to relax even further and to awaken the parts of our brain that help us stay calm.

The inhale's a count of three,

The exhale's a count of six,

And we'll complete five cycles.

Follow the breath like this for just a few moments.

And when I return to speaking,

You can refer to a more comfortable breathing pattern.

So let's breathe in two,

Three,

Out two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six.

Now breathe in two,

Three,

Out two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six.

In two,

Three,

Out two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six.

In two,

Three,

Out two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six.

In two,

Three,

Out two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six.

In two,

Three,

Out two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six.

Relax even deeper.

Self-acceptance,

As the terms suggest,

Is about the self.

But who is the self?

Who are you?

For this,

I'd like to ask you to go back with me in time.

Imagine the moment you were born,

The moment you came to this planet as a little baby.

You had no idea about right or wrong,

No idea about anything really.

You just were.

You were looking at this world with brand new eyes.

Try to visualize yourself as this little baby as vividly as possible.

Now imagine that someone would tell you,

This baby,

That you're not good enough yet,

That you need to find a good job later in life,

That you need to make enough money or become successful in order to be enough,

That you would be worthy of love only if you were to become successful in the future,

That you're not enough the way you are now,

That something needs to be added to you,

This baby,

For you to become worthwhile.

Can you imagine yourself saying this to your own child or a child you know that it's not good enough yet?

Well,

Perhaps you agree with me that it makes no sense to consider the worth of this new human being to be dependent on something that it may or may not become.

Can you feel how enough you have been from the very moment you have entered this planet?

You have always been enough.

You have always been whole,

Always been worthy of love.

Love is not something you need to earn or to find.

It's your birthright and you own it.

For a moment,

Allow yourself to see if you can feel the truth behind these words.

Now let's move slowly into the future.

You're no longer a newborn baby.

You're a young child.

As you mature,

You learn about right and wrong and good and bad.

Your parents teach you what it's like to be a good girl or a good boy.

Soon,

You notice that some things cause people around you to react more positively towards you.

They praise you and they say they're proud of you.

Maybe you notice that when you work hard at school,

When you help others,

Act kindly,

Get good grades,

Or look beautiful,

You receive positive attention from others.

Likewise,

You learn that some things you do result in negative attention from others.

Maybe you notice that when you fail at school or hang out with the wrong crowd or dress differently,

That people react in a disapproving way towards you.

Soon,

You learn that some things cause the people around you to approve of you and perhaps even admire you.

For a moment,

Being approved by others feels good.

It feels as if you are good enough.

It feels as if you are whole,

That you are loved.

How reassuring this is.

However,

This feeling will not and does not last long.

And you now need to make sure that after this moment of praise,

You continue to get their approval.

It's like a drug.

Once the effect is gone,

You need more.

And so you continue to do what will give you that feeling of relief,

That feeling of being good or enough.

Now,

I'd like you to think back to you as your youngest self that you can remember and connect to this young person.

Remember what it felt like to be you at this young age.

This might take a little time,

But just see how far back you can go and try to connect to yourself as this child.

Perhaps you are around seven years of age or maybe you're twelve or maybe older.

How far back you can travel doesn't actually matter.

All that matters is that you connect to yourself at this younger age.

Now there have been times in your few years of life where you felt a need to be approved by others.

If you can,

Allow yourself to go back to such a moment.

What do you see?

What do you feel?

What are you doing to reassure yourself that you are enough?

Just see what comes up.

And we'll pause for a moment.

Now let's continue to move forward in time.

As you grow older and become more mature,

You continue to be exposed to a world in which you notice there appear to be rules for being a successful human being,

Things that people need to do or become in order to be considered valuable or worthy.

Depending on your environment,

You may learn that things like money,

Status,

Appearance,

Intelligence,

Power,

And physical strength are important.

These things are important because they reveal information about your worth.

For a moment,

Try to remember what it was like when you were a teenager or a young adult.

Visualize yourself around this time as best you can.

What was important to you at this age?

What were you striving for?

What did you believe made you worthy,

Successful,

Or enough?

We'll pause for a moment.

So far,

We've explored what we can call your conditions for self-worth.

Conditions for self-worth are those things that we believe make us lovable or enough.

We strive for these things so that we can feel that we are loved unconditionally.

Most people live in constant fear of being not enough and as a result,

Spend their entire lives trying to live up to the expectations and standards that surround them.

These standards are conditions and so we suffer from what we can call conditional self-acceptance.

We accept and love ourselves as long as we meet these standards.

Okay,

Now come back to this present moment.

Keep your eyes closed but bring yourself back to where you are,

Sitting here in this room with my voice.

Consider your current life.

Are there standards that you've picked up during your life that you're using to evaluate yourself today?

What are they?

How do you know these standards are still influencing you today?

How do you feel when you're not able to meet these standards?

And we'll pause for just a moment.

I'd like you to imagine the little child inside of you,

The child you once were who was afraid of being unloved,

That they might do something that would cause other people to disapprove of them.

Now visualize this little boy or girl standing in front of you,

Looking back at you.

You can feel the child's fear of not being enough.

This child is in deep need of being loved.

Thankfully,

You have the opportunity now to say something to this child.

What would you say and what would you do?

Can you see that you have always been worthy of love from this very first day you arrived?

Can you see that everyone is equally worthy from the time they are born until the time they die?

As a child,

You may achieve very little and yet you are still precious and worthwhile.

And when you are old or ill,

Relaxed or asleep or simply doing nothing,

You still are worthy.

Your worthiness cannot be measured.

It can never change.

During your lifetime,

You may do bad things,

But these things don't make you a bad person.

In the same way,

You may do good things,

But these things don't make you a good person.

Your worth is always there,

Along with your potential to grow and learn from your mistakes.

Since you cannot measure or change your worth,

There is no point in being concerned about it.

As best you can,

Let it go.

You are enough just the way you are.

Rather than seeking out your own worth,

Devote your time to learn,

Explore,

Grow,

Connect and enjoy life.

We cannot control whether other people appreciate us or accept us,

But we can learn to accept ourselves.

Now,

If you are ready for it,

You can decide to make an intention to become more accepting of yourself.

This is a moment in which you can decide to see yourself for who you are rather than what you believe you should be.

To start with,

Allow yourself to be exactly as you are in this moment.

How do you feel right now?

Whatever you feel at this moment,

Whether it's pleasant or unpleasant,

Allow it to be there.

This is you at this moment,

And that's okay.

You are okay the way you are right now,

Regardless of what you think or feel.

Just notice what goes on in your body.

Maybe there's tension in your shoulders or pain in your stomach.

Maybe you feel relaxed.

Maybe you feel nothing at all.

It's all good.

If you want,

You can say to yourself,

It's okay.

Whatever I feel,

It's okay.

Let go of the need to mold your feelings into something different.

This is you at this moment,

And that's enough.

Now,

Finally,

If you'd like,

You may silently repeat the following phrases to yourself.

May I accept myself for who I am right now?

May I realize that my strengths don't mean that I am more than others.

May I realize that my weaknesses don't mean that I am less than others.

May I accept my imperfections?

They don't define me or take away from who I am as a person.

May I feel and deeply know that I am enough now and that I will always be enough,

Regardless of what happens.

May I realize that I deserve to be loved now,

Like I deserved to be loved when I was born.

May I treat myself the way I treat those who I care deeply for.

Now,

For a moment or so,

Bring your attention back to your breath.

You've completed this reflection.

Gently wiggle your fingers and your toes.

Move your shoulders.

Celebrate your success with a gentle hug.

When you feel ready,

Open your eyes.

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Thank you for sharing. This was very helpful 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼