Nothing Is Purely Good Or Bad

In a Chinese village, a farmer's life takes unexpected turns, sparking varied reactions from his neighbors. When his horse escapes, sympathy is met with the farmer's measured response, "Maybe." Subsequent events, including the return of the horse with others and an unfortunate accident, elicit similar responses. The farmer's resilient outlook challenges conventional notions of good and bad fortune, inviting contemplation on the unpredictable nature of life.

Transcript

Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away.

All the neighbors came around that evening and said,

That's too bad.

And the farmer said,

Maybe.

The next day the horse came back and brought seven wild horses with it.

And all the neighbors came around and said,

That's great,

Isn't it?

And the farmer said,

Maybe.

The next day his son,

Who was attempting to tame one of the horses,

Was riding it and was thrown and broke his leg.

And all the neighbors came around in the evening and said,

Well,

That's too bad,

Isn't it?

And the farmer said,

Maybe.

The next day the conscription officers came around looking for people for the army.

They rejected his son because he had a broken leg.

And all the neighbors came around that evening and said,

Well,

Isn't that wonderful?

And the farmer said,

Maybe.

So this Chinese farmer story is a Zen narrative about perspective and humility.

It has been attributed to the philosopher Alan Watts.

And with this story I want to welcome you to today's talk around the topic of nothing ever being purely good or purely bad.

I find this a very interesting topic for several reasons.

Our modern society is becoming more and more polarized.

The media we absorb pushes our opinions into extremes and many of us tend to easily jump to conclusions and then portray our own opinions in extremes,

Either good or bad.

Subconsciously we are all taught to do so.

And we often don't take the time to see the entire picture.

And the picture being that every event,

Moment or person in this world is good and bad.

Of course,

There's nothing wrong with judging moments,

Events and people because this allows you to choose what is best for you and allows you to surround yourself with the right people and create your ideal lifestyle.

But I would argue that all of us can still benefit from seeing both sides of the coin.

From not allowing anyone to manipulate you into becoming an extremified version of yourself in an extremified world.

To never see only black or white.

To never say this is 100% bad or this is 100% good.

Now in the Chinese farmer story at the beginning,

There's some wisdom I really,

Really love.

And there's also something that makes me want to warn you.

The wisdom is of course to not jump to quick conclusions and not cement your opinion to the obvious.

Often things are presented to us in a way that makes it really obvious,

Clear and easy to understand what events are good and bad for us.

What are the good people and the evil people.

Even though it is often portrayed to us with clarity and certainty,

It is often just part of the story.

Let us choose news channels as another example.

You can literally change one channel on the TV and then get a completely opposite opinion on the exact same events or people of what is good and what is bad.

Who are the good people and who are the bad people.

What that means is that either one channel is completely lying or it means that all these channels are extremified and that they want to manipulate you.

The way the media operates is not to educate you,

It operates to manipulate you.

This blatant obvious way of influencing us tells us that humans can often easily be manipulated and easily made to believe what is good and what is bad.

It is not hard to manipulate the human mind and every person who wants to avoid being made an extremist has to become aware of this.

As mentioned before,

The Chinese farmer story's wisdom is also a warning.

The warning being to not jump to conclusions quickly.

This is important because if you do jump to conclusions quickly you will constantly jump from happiness to unhappiness and back to happiness and then unhappiness again.

And you will never experience a stable and content life.

Again,

I am not saying judging is inherently bad but what I am definitely saying is to quickly come to conclusions and to make extreme judgments holds you back from experiencing life to the fullest and to be an empathetic human being.

Now I want to give another warning inspired by the Zen story.

We humans are reactive by nature and we need to respect this nature.

We are not meant to be Zen masters living in a mountain cave in solitude.

By nature or God,

Whatever you believe in,

We are made to be reactive.

So I don't think to become completely non-reactive is a wise thing to do.

It would go against your human nature.

You can meditate to become a person who can be in a non-reactive energy for a long time and become a content and calm human being.

That's all great.

But never suppress your feelings.

You're not meant to be non-reactive all the time.

You're meant to react no matter whether the reactions are joyful or full of sorrow.

Of course there is a healthy balance needed between being non-reactive or observant and being reactive.

As always,

It is about finding this sweet spot that works for you.

But be aware that both sides need attention.

I see as many people suffering from lack of expression and reactiveness just as much as I see people who are suffering from being overly reactive.

If you think you might be at danger of being too non-reactive,

Then ask yourself whether you think of yourself as advanced or above certain things.

These thoughts can be dangerous.

People who meditate a lot and people who do a lot of self-development programs are at risk of developing these thoughts and then becoming too passive and thus suppressing their emotions.

Now meditating and working on yourself are of course not a bad thing to do,

Not at all.

But we need to be careful here.

We need to not let it make us believe that we are more advanced than others or above idiotic emotional human experiences.

You are supposed to experience idiotic emotional human experience.

Now having said all that,

I want to acknowledge that the average human being living in a city is usually more at risk of being more reactive than he or she should be and that most of us can benefit from becoming less reactive.

The reason for that is mostly due to our modern lifestyle giving us an insane amount of data to deal with on a daily basis.

We are in a constant overload of information and allowing us to not even bother being reactive would often serve us well.

I often ask myself why I am getting so emotionally involved when I watch my favorite basketball team play.

It makes absolutely no sense to be emotionally involved in a game to such a degree.

Of course it is fun to cheer a team on and to experience joy when they win and sorrow when they lose.

But to what degree is this healthy?

I think it serves us all to become very conscious of how reactive we are.

Because we are now living in the information age of constant overload.

Now this whole concept of nothing being purely good nor purely bad of course underlies the concept that there is no such thing as an absolute truth.

Everything happening in this world is subjective.

This doesn't mean that your view on something is less valid but it means it is a view not the ultimate view.

Karlin Giebran said say not I have found the truth but rather I have found a truth.

This ability to understand that everything is subjective allows us to make two very profound changes in our life.

Firstly it allows us to connect with people in a deeper and more beautiful way because we can be empathetic beyond our own ideas and concepts.

We can accept that other people have a different experience of the same situation or topic and we can respect their way of thinking,

Their preferences and their way of doing things.

If we think our truth is the ultimate truth then we struggle to connect because we can never let go of judging others to an unhealthy amount.

By the way I see a lot of couples nowadays struggling with the idea that their way of thinking and their way of experiencing a situation are inherently different.

I think that very often men and women have completely different experiences and understandings of the same event or situation.

One has a masculine way,

The other a feminine way of thinking.

I believe the concept that your partner in quote needs to understand my side of the story is toxic.

I think the more healthy way would be to say my partner needs to accept that I am experiencing a situation completely different.

In a healthy partnership you don't need to agree on everything but you respect and accept your partner in their totality.

Now let's finish talking about Guy Bruns claim that there is not the truth but merely a truth.

The second big thing that is happening when accepting there is not one truth is that you become more content.

You become more content because the highs and lows are flatter and you are overall more at peace with yourself.

You become less righteous and more flexible because you are never in an agitated state induced by extreme joy or sorrow.

I would like to share another fun story.

An ancient Indian parable about objectivity.

A group of blind men heard that a strange animal called an elephant had been brought to the town.

But none of them were aware of its shape and form.

Out of curiosity they said we must inspect and know it by touch of which we are capable.

So they sought it out and when they found it they groped about it.

The first person whose hand landed on the trunk said this being is like a thick snake.

For another one whose hand reached its ear it seemed like a kind of a fan.

As for another person whose hand was upon its leg said the elephant is a pillar like a tree trunk.

The blind man who placed his hand upon its side said the elephant is a wall.

Another who felt its tail described it as a rope.

The last felt its tusk stating the elephant is that which is hard,

Smooth and like a spear.

Of course the story is a bit silly but in today's hyper-opinionated and polarized world I often think of this story when I observe people arguing.

There is very little flexibility and it seems like more people than ever make enemies out of everyone who has not adopted the same opinion as them.

Also when I observe people arguing today everyone seems to live in their own world.

Just like in the elephant story every person holds on to one part that serves their argument and does not see the entire picture.

You can often observe this in debates or interviews when people are not listening and digesting what another person said.

It is so sad because listening enriches all our lives.

I would like to watch a debate one day where someone says please give me three seconds I need to think about what you said.

Now another interesting topic inspired by the elephant story is that every human being has a framework to live by created by their experiences in their lives.

We all have different pasts and we all get triggered in different directions by the very same thing.

For one person a clown could be an image of happiness,

For another an image of horror.

Our minds and also our bodies are wired very differently partially by nature and partially by our past experiences.

Now I would like to share a personal story.

A while ago I started a weekly comedy night in a nightclub.

I did this together with a then friend.

We were quickly successful and we had great momentum.

After a while he wanted to change the style of the show and he eventually took over the entire project in a nasty way and paid me out.

Later I found out he also started stealing jokes from me and maybe also others.

Overall he is not someone I consider a good human and I most likely will never be friends with him again.

Over the last years it has served me to also challenge myself to see the good sides he has when thinking back on this story.

I often tried to see him as a human with a lot of flaws rather than an evil creature.

I most likely will never be friends with him again but it served me a lot to not see him as purely evil.

It served me because it made my own thinking not purely negative.

And this made me less emotional.

It made me hate less thus it made me a less hateful person.

Also in the entire process of dealing with him it was only ever me who was angry.

Even if I was wronged the feeling of anger was only ever experienced by me and me only.

So how much of it served me?

Again some anger is great to have but what amount is good for us?

And how does it serve me to see a human in a complete way never perfect nor a complete villain?

These questions can be very healthy and rewarding.

Next I would like to tell another Zen story.

It's a story for everyone who blames their environment for anything that goes wrong in their lives.

Two men visit a Zen master.

The first man says,

I'm thinking of moving to this town,

What's it like?

The Zen master asks,

What was your old town like?

The first man responds,

It was dreadful,

Everyone was hateful,

I hated it.

The Zen master says,

This town is very much the same,

I don't think you should move here.

The first man leaves and the second man comes in.

The second man says,

I'm thinking of moving to this town,

What's it like?

The Zen master asks,

What was your old town like?

The second man responds,

It was wonderful,

Everyone was friendly and I was happy,

Just interested in a change now.

The Zen master says,

This town is very much the same,

I think you will like it here.

I love this quote because it reminds me of my time in Berlin.

I lived in Berlin for 10 years and I loved and hated it equally.

I'm not a town person anymore and live in the countryside now,

But I am very grateful for Berlin.

The city opened me up and let me be exactly what I wanted to be at any moment.

That wasn't always the best version of myself,

But it did teach me a lot.

Back to the story of the two towns.

What is the wisdom here specifically?

Having established that the truth is subjective and that there is no one truth means that there are also different truths or ways to experience anything available to us.

For example a town.

This of course,

This is of course not 100% true,

But to a large extent we can all choose how to approach and experience anything happening in our life.

We can to a large extent decide what mindset and attitude we have.

I already mentioned this before,

But I want to extend this topic a bit.

I want to extend it because I think there is a fundamental misconception about how mindsets are formed.

I acknowledge that you cannot just choose your mindset or at least not choose for it permanently or for a long time,

Like a week.

You cannot wake up one morning and say,

I'm now positive or I'm a positive person or I now feel positive about this and that.

This might work momentarily,

But I don't think it lasts long or works well overall.

I believe that the only way to improve your mindset is your actions.

Let me explain this a bit further.

When wanting to change your life,

Important areas to look at are your emotions,

Mindset,

Attitudes and actions.

And out of these it is your actions we should look at the most,

For two big reasons.

Your actions are the easiest to consciously control and change and it is your actions mainly that create your emotions,

Mindset and attitudes.

They are all to a large extent a result of your actions,

The actions that you choose.

Now coming back to the story of the two people experiencing a town completely differently.

I would argue that no one can just say,

I decide to love this town now.

Again,

Consciously changing your mindset is not a bad idea and it does work momentarily,

But the better thing to do is to change your daily actions from the smallest to the biggest.

Become a healthy and stable human being,

Which will then by default make your experiences,

Including your experience of the town,

A more positive one.

Now let us move on to another topic around nothing being purely good or bad,

Which is everything starting as an interpretation in your mind.

Shakespeare wrote,

There is nothing either good or bad,

But thinking makes it so.

The quote is from Hamlet and is used to describe the following situation.

Because Hamlet knows the truth of King Claudius' rise to power,

He is restless and feels as though he has been imprisoned within his own country.

He wishes that he could set aside his knowledge and live ignorant of what's going on around him,

But he can't.

The discussion around today's topic is now becoming very philosophical,

But let's elaborate a bit.

Can we get to a point where we just see everything for what it is,

Without needing to label it as something good or bad?

The answer is no.

We can't,

Because we all need to differentiate.

You're not eating your car battery,

You're eating potatoes.

Your ability to think,

Eating a car battery is bad,

Allows you to stay alive.

Now this might be obvious,

But needs to be acknowledged.

Your thinking of what is good and bad keeps you alive.

Having said all this,

Of course we can all benefit from judging less,

From trying to not constantly fool us into believing the things that don't matter actually do matter.

Your health matters,

Your basic needs matter,

Your security matters.

It is important,

And you better judge wisely,

To create a happy life.

For the rest,

Ask yourself,

Does an event,

A moment,

An experience or a person need to be labeled good or bad?

Is it important how successful you are?

Should the results of your favorite sports team matter?

Does it matter what opinion your neighbor has?

How bad the traffic is?

How stupid other people are?

Judge wisely what you deem good or bad and what you can just leave as is.

Not many times in your life is it worth your time to even begin judging.

Now we are at the end of this talk.

I hope this talk served you and I hope you enjoyed listening to it.