Nobody Is Pure: Embrace Your Shadow

There are no good or bad people, there are merely people doing good and bad things. Of course, we all strive to be positive, beautiful souls, full of good deeds. But to do so you will need to bring your shadows to the surface and learn to control them. You will gain trust that dealing with trauma is beneficial, and you will understand the paths and tools available in dealing with trauma.

Transcript

So today we are looking at the benefits of bringing the not so pleasant thoughts and feelings into the consciousness.

Our goal is for you to give yourself permission to experience all kinds of feelings and thoughts and not ignore and suppress the negative ones.

This is important because if you suppress negative emotions,

Then they will grow into something uncontrollable.

Lastly,

Our goal is to gain trust in how to handle negative thoughts and feelings.

Carl Jung said that until you make the unconscious conscious,

It will direct your life and you will call it fate.

Let's make sure that all your thoughts and feelings,

Including the negative ones,

Are conscious so that you control your own destiny.

Now I want to mention a couple of things before we relate trauma and dark thoughts to our overall topic of developing yourself.

First of all,

I am well aware that there are different sizes of shadows and that different sizes need different approaches as to how to deal with them.

For example,

A victim of extreme sexual violence has a different size trauma and requires a professional expert on how to deal with trauma,

Which I am not.

Today when talking about shadows,

I am not so much talking about deeper or extreme traumas.

If you feel you have a big trauma to deal with,

Then I urge you to do so with a psychologist.

Secondly,

Trauma can be passed on through generations.

My grandfather,

For example,

Was involved in the Second World War as a teenage soldier and was in a Russian war prison for five years.

It is my belief that such a big trauma is passed on through generations as it cannot be digested in one lifetime.

Today I will not take generational trauma into account when talking about shadows.

So now let us look at your shadows and understand why it is so important not only to become aware of them but also to deal with them in order to let them go.

First of all,

Let us look at what happens when you hide your shadows,

When you keep them in the subconscious.

What happens then is that you are constantly in a state of defense and victimhood.

To a small degree,

You are also constantly in shock.

This happens when you are unable to deal with trauma and don't even allow yourself to experience any thoughts around it.

Signs of that are sentences like,

It's fine,

That's in the past,

I don't want to think about that.

I am not saying you should reopen old wounds daily,

But I am saying that making space for shadows is healthy and will make you a complete and authentic person in the long run.

The next thing to understand is that dark thoughts and your shadows can be used as a tool.

It is a source of energy you can make use of.

Don't judge yourself or hesitate when you can use shadows to make yourself energetic and productive.

As long as the action is positive,

You are fine.

The source is secondary.

So the first step is to give yourself permission to see your dark thoughts and feelings as a source.

Now I would like you to think about when and how is the right time for you to open the can of worms.

Maybe you were not capable of working through something yet,

Which is fine.

Being mindful of timing is healthy.

But burying your negative emotions is not only unhealthy.

It is unfortunately extremely common and will put a cloud around your entire life.

And that cloud makes it impossible to live a happy and fulfilled life.

So be mindful of timing,

But do create moments where you can experience your shadow.

Now let's talk about creating these experiences.

Let your intuition decide at what point it serves you to experience thoughts and feelings.

And more importantly,

At what point it serves you to allow your shadow to become an action.

Of course,

The action should be positive or at least not harmful.

But it can be a direct action coming out of a shadow.

This could be as simple as a short conversation,

Punching your pillow,

Going to a martial arts training or shouting in the forest.

There are tons of possible outlets.

Be conscious,

But let your intuition guide you to find a healthy way to let your shadow move through you.

It needs to move through you because then it will move out of you eventually.

This will make you light and with a feeling of lightness comes the ability to move freely.

The next positive aspect of dealing with shadows is that it gives you a feeling of control.

You're choosing to let a shadow move through you and to experience it.

You're in control and aware of that decision and you will consciously live with the consequences.

The opposite happens when you try to bury a shadow.

The shadow will arise every now and then and you will not be in control and you will not be able to deal with it.

Now let us talk about what happens if your shadows don't move and pile up.

The most obvious example is forming an addiction.

An addicted person will look for a quick and easy feeling of relief from his own thoughts without bringing anything to the real consciousness.

I would urge you to be extremely aware when making it a habit to have a drink whenever you feel down.

Your body and mind will get used to that and become addicted way quicker than you think.

So be aware of patterns that can form addictions.

Next,

Let's look at aspects of your personality that you are ashamed of.

Usually these types of shadows are not really dark thoughts or feelings.

You have rather been taught to believe that something is wrong with you.

So you created a false shadow.

A very big example of that is how homosexual people are treated in many countries.

They are made to believe a part of their personality is fundamentally wrong and they are shamed into believing it is a shadow.

So make sure your shadows are real in the first place and not some adopted external belief system that does not serve you.

Now,

I would like to recommend you always challenge yourself whenever you feel anger or resentment towards another person.

Challenge yourself to really identify the personality trait that bothers you.

Very often it is your shadow that is bothered and acts up.

And not really you.

In these cases,

Your shadow has been created by you not being able to express the specific personality trait yourself.

For example,

Let's say you get extremely irritated by anyone wearing colorful hats.

It is very much worth your time to investigate if it comes from having been forbidden to wear color or hats to be expressive with clothing in general at any stage in your life.

Maybe you buried a few of these kinds of shadows a long time ago.

They are worth exploring and dismantling.

Before I get into the practical exercise of the day,

I want to share with you a few things that allow shadows to move.

And again,

I want to remind you that none of these will replace a professional psychologist if you are in need of one.

So here are things you can do to create space for shadows.

Firstly,

Stay connected to people who are supportive of you.

Don't isolate yourself.

Second,

Find activities that allow you to naturally express your authentic and complete self.

Third,

Find exercises that leave space for feelings to arise and be expressed.

For example,

Ecstatic dance,

Yoga,

Art class or hiking.

Four,

Take care of your sleep.

Five,

Learn how to meditate.

Six,

Attend a support group.

I personally have been attending groups for a long time and it allows me to let my shadows move whenever I have the need.

So now let us look at the practical exercise for today.

I would like to invite you to write down three shadows you have at times floating around in your mind.

You don't need to write down their origin necessarily,

But do so if you can.

I want you to write down three dark thoughts or feelings or urges you have had in the last months or years that you can remember.

These can be as small or as big as you like.

Pause the course here and come back when you have written out three shadows.

Now I would like to invite you to write down how you feel about them.

How do these three shadows make you feel?

Can you accept them as part of your life?

Can you erase them and keep them as part of you for a while?

Or do you need to seek help to manage and let go of a shadow?

Write down any thoughts and feelings around your three shadows.

Again,

Pause the course here and come back to it when you are done.

In the next few days or during this week,

I would like to invite you to become more conscious of yourself whenever you get triggered by someone.

Ask yourself what exactly about that person triggers you.

What makes them so difficult to be around?

And most importantly,

What traits of that person's personality do you also have?

Make sure that once per day you try and become conscious of your reaction towards someone else.