Find Inner Peace And Stillness Through Acceptance

In this talk, you’ll learn how to see people for who they really are. You will also get a better understanding of what you should and shouldn't try out, and also change in your life. You will understand that it can at times serve you to give up control. You will accept yourself for who you are, embrace your imperfection and become calm and content.

Transcript

During your lifetime you will be liked and disliked.

And you will also like and dislike others.

The people closest to you will at times wish they never met you and at times think you're the greatest person in the world.

During your lifetime you will be loved and you will be hated.

You will be embraced and will be abandoned.

All the people you love will one day die.

Your parents will die.

Your friends will die and one day even you will die.

Now how can you find acceptance for all of this?

So our goal today is to find acceptance for your life as it is right now.

You will become stable and content and you will be able to deal with everything that life throws at you in a calm way.

In today's session you will gain clarity on what your life is really like and who you truly are.

Our goal is to also become conscious of your impulses and how all impulses serve a purpose.

Lao Tzu said because one accepts oneself the whole world accepts him or her.

Let's find acceptance.

Now what does accepting actually mean?

Accepting is acknowledging reality as it is right now.

The emphasis is on right now.

You might already understand the concept of the impermanence which shows that finding acceptance does not mean things can't change in the future.

The sun will set.

Accept it.

But it will also rise again.

Accept that too.

Understand that when you accept something it will still change for the better or the worse.

Now the very first thing you should consider accepting is yourself.

Accept who you are.

Accept what you want.

Accept what you need.

If you do not accept who you are then you will have zero chances to ever be truly happy.

The life you live will not serve you.

You will live a life defined by others.

This could be your family,

Your work,

Your friends or even the media you absorb.

In order to be happy and develop yourself you need to accept the real you first and foremost.

You need to be in control of your life.

Now let us talk about control a bit.

There are many things in this world that are out of your control.

For the most part that is other people's choices.

If you for example have a family member who is an addict you will have learned this already.

You cannot control other people.

And accepting that you cannot control other people's choices and actions is fundamental in order to be content and at peace.

Accept reality.

It will allow you to see people for who they truly are right now.

It will bring you closer to the people you're supposed to be close to and detach you from unhealthy relationships.

Now let us look at everyday events where finding acceptance might be beneficial to you.

The train is late,

The sun will set,

Your work will need attention.

All these things will happen whether you want them to or not.

You cannot change these facts.

But you can change your reaction and attitude towards them.

Accept circumstances and focus on your reactions and actions that you are in control of.

Now let us look more in detail at the example of the train being late.

You've been waiting forever at the platform and you're already late for your important meeting.

You hope the train will come in a minute and then drive twice as fast but it never even arrives.

Now you can choose different ways to react towards this event.

I'm not saying you shouldn't get annoyed or not use some swear words.

Go ahead,

Knock yourself out.

You're a human after all.

But after shouting you might benefit from quickly accepting reality.

Because accepting reality makes your negative emotions disappear.

Once you truly find acceptance you realize the train is completely out of your control and that's exactly what you want.

You want to allow short experiences of negative emotions.

Then very quickly accept circumstances for what they are and finally move on.

Now when dealing with big emotional events there are a lot of people who think acceptance can only happen after your emotional experience and not during your emotional experience.

I believe acceptance and emotional experiences can go hand in hand.

Acceptance can actually help you deal with your emotions.

Starting to accept new circumstances does not mean you immediately move on from them.

Big emotional events need time to let go of but don't be scared to accept them rather quickly.

Finding acceptance will not make you ignore the emotional experience nor diminish that connection to yourself or others.

Now let's look a bit more at the difference between accepting and ignoring.

Accepting things leads you lets you deal with them and digest them in a healthy way.

Ignoring things makes you bury your negative feelings deep inside of you which makes them grow into a burden.

Thus in order to be happy make sure you accept but not ignore.

Furthermore accepting can also be misinterpreted as giving up.

The two look very similar sometimes but are actually very different.

Giving up means you still have the power to do something about it but you choose not to.

You might say you accept the pain in your foot because you went to eight different doctors and none of them could help you.

This might look like accepting but it is actually giving up.

You still have the choice to see a ninth doctor,

A tenth,

A hundredth.

I'm not saying it is easy but I'm saying accepting is different from giving up.

Now let's look at acceptance in connection with your motivation for future development.

Truly accepting your life as it is right now does not mean that you don't want to develop anymore,

That you don't want to achieve bigger and better things.

Finding acceptance will make you happy with your current circumstances while still being interested in developing and motivated to grow.

Next let's talk about impulses.

Many people think finding acceptance means giving up on impulses.

First of all your natural impulses are given by birth and they all serve a purpose.

Impulses are often vilified but that's because of the over-controlled environments we live in.

Impulses will usually show you the best directions and even keep you alive in extreme situations.

They will help you make the right choices if you are balanced and healthy.

Only in an imbalanced state can impulses not be trusted.

Accepting yourself,

Others and situations for what they are does not mean you should live a life free of reactions and impulses.

They are not opposites.

Now of course not all impulses serve you.

If someone on the highway cuts you short your impulse might be to run them off the street.

Following up on that impulse would be a bad decision and will make your life a lot less happy.

But ignoring that impulse will also make you unhappy.

So what do you do with it?

First of all you need to accept that you have that impulse in that.

In that example you need to say the sentence I accept being a person who for a few seconds wants to run another person off the street.

Accepting that you are capable of having that impulse is positive not negative.

It doesn't make you a murderer,

It makes you a human being.

That very impulse should not lead to an action in the above scenario.

But in another situation the same impulse might protect your life.

So let's talk about finding an outlet for impulses that should not lead to an action.

A healthy outlet might be completely different for everyone.

After our road rage example maybe you need to practice meditation and let the impulse evaporate.

Or you need to go boxing,

Live out the rage or race a derby where you can really run someone off the street.

Try out different safe and healthy outlets for impulses and keep the ones that work for you.

Accepting your needs and who you truly are will make you content and at peace with yourself.

Now we're coming towards the end of today and I hope you slowly realize how little control you have over everything in this world apart from yourself.

Before we come to the practical part of today let us look at let us look one more time at how finding acceptance can make you a happier person.

The main reason for this is the increased feeling of freedom.

Practicing acceptance of situations and people that are outside of your control frees you from the burden of changing them.

You can accept situations and people for who and what they are instead of wasting your time and energy trying to change them.

You will still have thoughts and feelings about them but they will not irritate you anymore.

They will not irritate you anymore because you will have disconnected your feelings from the aimless motivation to change what is outside of your control.

You will focus on what you can and this will serve you and your surroundings.