Act Like A Grownup: Handle Worries

Handling worries can seem difficult sometimes, and what makes it difficult is not the actual worry, it is how you deal with the worry. The first step here is to identify long-term issues, and how they affect your life. Once you identify them, you will be able to deal with them more efficiently, and you will avoid creating long-lasting burdens. It is a skill to know how to confront issues, but once learned it is possible to do so in a content manner.

Please note: This track may include some explicit language.

Transcript

Being alive means dealing with a never-ending amount of shit coming your way.

Life is one big problem-solving process and it never stops.

Life will always be full of worries.

How you look at these worries and even more so how you deal with your worries will dictate your happiness and your ability to grow.

So whenever life throws at you,

Don't worry,

Be happy.

Or better,

Worry in a mature way,

Deal with problems and be happy.

So today we're looking at the way you react to problems and issues that need sorting out.

We will try to improve your attitude towards your worries and problems.

Our goal is also to increase your awareness of your emotional and physical reactions when problems arise.

Next to your mindset,

We also want to improve how you structure your problem-solving actions.

Mark Twain said,

I've had a lot of worries in my life,

Most of which never happen.

So here's our first lesson of the day.

Make sure your worries are real.

Now,

Before we really start,

I would like to add a second quote today.

I'm not a fan of everything Steve Jobs has done in his life,

But there's a great quote from him regarding problem-solving that I want to share with you.

When you first start off trying to solve a problem,

The first solutions you come up with are very complex and most people stop there.

But if you keep going and live with the problem and peel more layers of the onion off,

You can oftentimes arrive at some very elegant and simple solutions.

Now,

This quote brings me to my first point today,

Which is to truly identify the issue.

I would highly recommend becoming completely conscious of what the real problem is.

When humans worry,

Even when we actually do not yet fully understand the issue at hand,

Make sure you know everything you possibly can about your problem before you allow yourself to worry.

There are often solutions that are not difficult to implement.

And you can see these solutions once you look at things in detail.

Research your problem and your worries.

Sit with them.

Embrace them.

Ask five friends for their opinion.

Ask an expert for an opinion.

Whatever you have to do,

Completely and utterly understand every inch of your issue.

When you really look at a problem,

Then most likely the best solution will automatically appear in front of your eyes.

Now once identified,

How can you attack your problems?

After analyzing,

You will benefit from deciding if your problem is important or urgent or both.

Important is anything that is high up in your value chain.

Urgent is a real problem that will not go away by itself and that increases in size when not dealt with.

If something is urgent and important,

Do it immediately.

Something is important but not urgent,

Put it in your order of importance with your other issues you need to sort out.

Anything unimportant,

Consider letting it go.

But be aware that you don't just pretend it is unimportant.

In that case,

You would actually suppress your worries.

Which brings us to our next point.

Do not suppress worries.

Don't suppress issues that will not dissolve by themselves.

If you suppress important problems,

They will only grow bigger.

If you can't deal with an issue immediately,

Then make a calendar entry for when you do have time.

Or maybe even make several entries for different parts of your problem-solving action.

Give it structure.

If you don't,

Then the accumulation of the problems that you still need to sort out will eventually break you down and make you feel overwhelmed.

Next,

Let's talk about your mindset.

When there is a problem and you're not tackling it,

Ask yourself if you really don't have the ability to solve it or whether you're just being whiny.

If you're complaining,

Feeling sorry for yourself or victimizing yourself,

Then kick your own ass and tell yourself to make a start regardless.

Start actioning,

Start solving your problems,

Start facing your worries.

In this case,

Doing is better than planning.

Usually a good plan is necessary,

But when you realize you're whiny,

Then force yourself to make an immediate start.

By actioning,

You find out very quickly how complex your issue really is and most importantly,

You are already on the path towards solving it.

So let's dive a bit deeper into your mindset around how you actually experience your problems.

You already realize that suppressing or ignoring your problems does not work.

So how should you feel about your problems and worries?

What attitude serves you when you start filling out your tax return,

Dealing with a work problem or having a difficult conversation with your family?

You can experience your worries as explosive landmines to be avoided or you can experience your worries as just another puzzle piece in the river of life that you're floating in.

As long as you're alive,

You will have to deal with worries.

It is not something that ends one day.

Accepting that being alive means constantly dealing with issues does not make life heavier.

It just shows you that everything is a process.

Once you truly accept this fact,

Then your emotional reaction to your worries will become so little that you can deal with worries without feeling overwhelmed.

Now let's talk about how you can feel even less overwhelmed by your worries.

The answer is ask for help.

You're not an expert at everything and it might take you five hours to figure out something that someone else can tell you in two minutes.

Make sure you're allowing yourself to ask for help.

It makes your life easier and it also connects you with other human beings.

Also,

People love to help so asking for help is often a beautiful invitation for someone and not an annoyance.

It is a chance for both of you to connect.

The next point I want to make is that you are limited and that you need to make sacrifices.

You can only solve a limited amount of problems in a day.

You cannot be everywhere all the time and you don't have 50 hours in a day.

You have 24 and at least 9 of them you should use for sleeping.

You should take on only the amount of worries that you can handle without becoming imbalanced.

So don't avoid your problems but also make sure you only take on a workload you can manage.

Next,

I would like to talk about structure.

Giving structure to your problem-solving mechanism will make you truly understand your capacity.

Structure is great because we are often not overwhelmed by the amount of worries but rather by how aimlessly worries float around in our brain.

So the first step to achieve structure is to create an order which makes it possible to handle one issue at a time.

Try to do one thing at a time even when working on multiple issues in a day.

If you put your worries in an order then you will not be bothered by the worries you are not currently dealing with because subconsciously you trust that no worries will be forgotten.

Now I want to talk a bit more about the process of solving a problem.

After thoroughly identifying all aspects of the problem you will benefit from a good plan.

You don't need to have the perfect roadmap for every detail but have a basic structure of what landmarks to hit.

It will help you not to get lost in details or overly frustrated in the process.

It will also often allow you to do things in the easiest and most time-efficient way possible.

Now I want to talk about the mindset around setbacks.

Many problems and worries are not solved easily or with just one action.

And also most problems change while you are solving them.

It is important that you don't allow setbacks to frustrate you to the point where you want to give up.

When there are setbacks take a moment to digest them before you react.

Then immediately after you have accepted the setback let it motivate you to work even harder.

Do not let setbacks allow your process to come to a complete standstill.

The start of any movement is always the hardest.

No matter if it is a train,

A plane,

A car or your actions.

All of them are extremely hard to start moving but once they are in motion it is rather easy to keep moving.

So make sure you are never coming to an absolute standstill.

Stay in the flow once you move to avoid extremely energy depleting restarts.

Lastly I want to mention the reward.

When you solve a problem you will feel like an achiever because you are an achiever.

Your success will give you immediate joy and pleasure.

You will reflect,

Look back at the problem and you will feel like a winner.

Do not underestimate your mental reward system.

You being proud of yourself is important in order to be happy and to keep growing.

Now we have arrived at the practical part of today's course.

I would like to invite you now to write down a list of 5 worries in your life.

Make number 1 the biggest worry.

The list can be any issues,

Problems or general things you need to sort out in your life.

Pause the course now and write down your list of 5 and any thoughts and observations around your worries.

Now I would like you to write down very short and structured plans as to how and when you will deal with these issues or worries.

Remember,

Your worries will constantly change by nature but bringing awareness and structure to your list regularly will make your life easier.

So write down a mini plan of action for each worry and remember the first step for each is the most important.

Again pause the course now and come back to it when you have done this planning.

Now over the next few days or during this week I would like you to put the first step of solving an issue into action.

This can be small or big action but make it consciously.

Take action every single day and observe yourself while you do so.

Are you trying to avoid it?

Does it make you nervous or uneasy?

Make an action and try to be as conscious as you can doing so.

Please make a calendar entry now for when you will continue this course.

It can be a couple of days or a week but please set a reminder now so that you will stay on your path.

Thank you.