Holding Your Ground Under Personal Attack (Live Class) 1-16

How do you stay grounded when others are coming after you. How do you sit with yourself and take action even as others seek to provoke you into following their pattern and emotions. That's what we discussed during this full live class that included a talk, grounding, and meditation that you'll be able to respond to separately.

Inspired by Kemberly

Transcript

Let's go ahead and get started.

So we've done this class a number of times,

So I want to have some feedback in the beginning to see what questions for those who are new or old you would most like to talk about.

Because this class,

How to Hold Your Ground Without Closing Your Heart,

Is about a really,

Really simple topic with about 20 different variations that we've already discussed,

Which is,

How do I figure out what I am comfortable with and allow myself to request that without turning the other person into the enemy?

So I'll say that again in a different way,

And then see what questions people still have,

And we'll direct the class based on that,

Is,

I want to be able to figure out where I'm feeling uncomfortable,

Where I'm feeling unsafe,

Where I don't appreciate behavior,

Where I don't think that this is appropriate because I don't feel comfortable.

And I want to learn how to express that to other people,

To ask for a change,

To ask for something differently,

Or to communicate what you are going to do if the behavior does not change,

But to do so without turning the other person into a bad person.

Because the core of this class is about saying,

It is appropriate for you to say,

This is the way that I want to interact in the world,

This is the way that I want to experience people in the world.

And it is also appropriate for anyone else to say,

I'm not really willing to do that.

And it doesn't make one person right,

One person wrong.

It's simply a negotiation of one person saying,

This is the way in which I'm going to need to be treated,

Or the interactions we're willing to have,

In order for me to want to invest in a relationship.

And another person has the ability to say yes or no.

And it doesn't mean that anyone's bad,

Because the second that you approach it with right or wrong,

Good or bad,

We lose our chance to actually have a calm negotiation with the other person about what type of behavior we're willing to have.

And it turns into a battle of good and bad,

Right and wrong,

Defensiveness and attack,

Trying to make the other person wrong,

So that they feel ashamed,

Criticized,

Or in some form willing to change because they're wrong,

Rather than it being simple.

The simplicity of,

I don't like this.

I don't feel comfortable.

I'd really appreciate if we could try this.

Are you open to having a relationship that looks like this?

If that makes sense to people.

Do people have questions about that,

Or specific ways in which we would like to go through it today together?

Because we can approach it from any specific question in any specific area,

But that's the core goal that all of the practices are based on.

Hmm.

So Rian.

Good.

Boundaries.

And if I get my accents right,

Kimberly.

Or Kimberly?

Kimberly.

I am currently experiencing the opposite.

Being turned into the bad person,

I am trying to stand my ground due to the issues they are facing.

That's a really good one.

We haven't actually done that.

So I'll give a minute in case anyone else has anything they'd like to add.

But I think that would be a really,

Really good tack for today.

So thank you for putting that in.

And hi,

Deb.

Hi.

Yeah,

I love it.

Karma,

You've got to give me some notes of my girlfriend is always.

.

.

I almost said mad,

But that's not appropriate.

Almost disappointed in me in my lack of ability to use emotions in chats.

Where sometimes I'll have the phone because she'll be doing something and she's like,

Can you text this person?

And I text something that sounds like an email and she's like,

Where are the emojis?

So that was well communicated with emojis and beyond my skill set.

RS,

Vote for Kimberly's example.

Yeah,

I like it.

So let's go with that.

But first,

Yes,

Yeah,

Her session is after this.

She's a bit nervous,

But she's going to be eating with people.

So let's go ahead.

And we've got to start with grounding ourselves in because this kind of work requires us to have a ground.

That's why it's in the title.

Because the second you're ungrounded,

I'm going to use this definition before we go into grounding.

So you think about it.

The second you are ungrounded,

You seek or search out a ground in other people or your surroundings,

Meaning you try to change the world to create a safe place for yourself rather than creating a safe place within yourself from which to react,

Which is where most of our behavior that causes problems and most of other people's behavior that is uncomfortable comes from is we are trying to change them or they are trying to change us in order to feel safe rather than creating safety within themselves.

So with that,

Let's take five minutes and try to seek a ground for yourself right now.

Go ahead and find a comfortable position to sit in.

Close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

Let it out with a sigh.

And for one minute,

Just see if you can be aware of your current state without reacting to it.

No fixed goal.

No thing you have to pay attention to.

Just to check in with yourself,

Which could range from total peace.

Let's actually use a scale of zero to a hundred.

It could range from the Buddha to feeling peaceful to feeling slight agitation but aware to feeling a sense of tension about something in the past that happened or the future you're worried about to starting to be agitated,

Which you can notice with your breath,

Your heartbeat,

Your pulse being flushed to really being agitated in body and mind.

So you're not really present because your body's in fight or flight all the way to the narrowing of eyes and gaze and mental chatter that says you are so preoccupied with some danger that you can't be here.

Wherever you are,

The first step is to become aware of it and accept it because often our attempts to get rid of it or shut it down are simply avoiding the feeling that's arising.

But if you can notice where you are without reacting,

We can begin to sit with it and let it begin to dissolve.

So see if you can identify an area of tension you're still holding.

That could be tightness in your breath,

Shallow breathing from your chest,

Your heartbeat a little fast,

Your pulse going quicker,

Tension in your jaw or in your back.

Wherever it is,

I want you to bring your attention there as if you're observing it,

Not changing it.

If it helps and you can reach it,

You can bring your hands to that spot.

For instance,

Putting your hands on your heart or on your lungs or in your stomach to remind yourself to breathe more deeply.

And with nothing to change,

Nothing to do,

Stay there.

And if there was any single prompt,

Be curious.

Be curious of what's happening.

Not in a mental way of sharing a story of why,

But in this moment,

Oh man,

I feel a lot of tension in my stomach and I keep breathing out really quickly.

And maybe simply being aware of it,

You can notice a tightness to your breath that feels a little ragged.

And then you notice the muscles that are tightening up around it.

And if the mind tries to tell a story,

That's its job.

We don't blame it.

You don't need to name it.

It could be fear,

Tension,

Anger,

Hurt.

Our only goal is to experience it because when we experience it,

It loses its charge and we start to calm all on our own.

Now,

If you're finding yourself higher on that scale of tension,

I'm going to ask you to keep your eyes closed and you can still listen,

But keep your hands wherever you're finding the most amount of tension and keep breathing and feeling into them until you find yourself in a state of calm.

Because this work cannot be done from tension because we will react to try to escape the cage and the danger,

Real or imagined.

With that said,

If you do find yourself ready,

You can go ahead and wiggle your fingers and toes.

Go ahead and yawn if you can.

Ah,

Stretch a little bit,

Whatever feels comfortable.

And then when you feel ready,

Go ahead and open your eyes.

And as a reminder,

There is no blame,

No shame for being activated.

It just means that your mind and body have identified a threat.

I like the phrase,

And I think I borrowed it from Tony Robbins of all people,

But stress is just the achiever word for fear.

So if you're saying you're stressed,

I often find it more helpful to say,

I'm afraid.

Because if you're afraid,

You can ask yourself what you are afraid of.

When people hear the word stress,

They think about managing stress,

Implying that stress has to exist in your life.

But it doesn't.

Stress only occurs in the way that we're describing it when we have fear of circumstances.

So if you're afraid of something,

We want to sit with the fear until we can be calm enough to take reasoned emotional action,

Not reactive,

Provocative action.

But with that said,

I am going to discuss today,

And thank you for putting that in,

Kimberly,

The idea of what to do when other people's ungroundedness,

Reactivity,

Emotions are being provoked at us,

And we're not sure how to handle it.

Because that's a really,

Really good example of how to hold your ground without closing your heart.

As we discussed at the very beginning,

But to repeat here of the main points,

Our goal is to be able to express what we're feeling,

What's happening inside of us,

And what we're asking for without making either person good or bad.

Because the second that we make one person good and the other person bad,

Then we've set up a power dynamic that involves attacking and defensiveness,

Criticism and stonewalling,

That's pretty common in a lot of relationships,

But doesn't work very well and isn't very comfortable for anyone involved.

And this is equally important for Kimberly's question today,

Because it works both ways.

We've done a lot of classes where I'm trying to work with people to not make the other person bad.

But if someone is coming at you and trying to make you bad,

It is equally important to not accept that role.

And we do that in more ways than one.

For instance,

Something that might seem easy,

If someone comes in angry,

They're frustrated at something,

And they blame you for something that really isn't your fault.

And even if it was your fault,

The way they're speaking to is not appropriate.

One way that we tend to try to diffuse this anger is to say,

I'm sorry,

I shouldn't have acted that way.

I should have not done that.

I really should have thought of that.

I really apologize.

And there is one way to say that,

In which we truly believe that we should have done something differently,

And that we've broken a promise or a commitment,

Or we've caused someone harm,

And we are sorry.

But usually it's not that.

Usually it's,

You're trying to blame me.

I'm willing to accept the blame,

So as not to provoke further anger or further criticism from you.

I'm willing to accept the fault here,

So things do not escalate.

And that is equally unhealthy.

You do not want to end up in a situation where someone is able to offload their negative emotions to you,

And blame you for the experience.

But this is one of the trickiest things emotionally to do,

Is to have someone coming in,

I'm very American here,

So I'm and to respond non-violently.

But if you respond non-violently,

I'm just going to use two things,

Actually the opposite.

When someone comes in guns blazing,

We think we have two actions.

One,

To go on the attack,

To pull out our own pistol and say,

No,

This is your fault,

You've been doing these things,

Like this is your problem,

You're stressed at work,

You're always doing this,

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da,

Which turns it into a gunfight.

And most of us know that experience of a gunfight,

Going back and forth,

Trying to make the other person wrong,

In greater and greater heightened states,

That eventually ends up with either wearing out energy,

Or someone stonewalling and using criticism,

And then leaving the situation and feeling much worse about the relationship.

But the one we're going to talk about today,

In order to avoid,

Is the opposite.

Where you roll over,

You get down on hands and knees and you're like,

I'm so sorry,

This was so bad,

Please don't keep shooting me,

I'm a pathetic,

Awful person,

I don't know why you stay with me,

Over-exaggerating on purpose.

In order to accept the fault,

They came into the room guns blazing.

They were not in a state to be reasoned with.

They were probably overly activated.

But if you allow yourself to be the sacrificial lamb,

You actually do both people a disservice.

Because in any healthy adult relationship,

Each person is responsible for feeling through their own emotions,

Without projecting or acting them out at others.

And when people,

This is a reframe that I really want people to understand,

When people act out their emotions at you,

It's a game of hot potato.

It's a game of saying,

I'm really angry.

And when someone's angry,

They're almost always actually angry at themselves.

But they can't feel that anger at themselves.

So they're going to become angry at something else.

I don't care if that something else is whichever side in the political debate you see is wrong,

Whichever type of person you see is wrong,

Your spouse,

Or even just blaming yourself.

Rather than allowing that anger to sit,

We're trying to project that emotion outwards,

So that we do not have to feel it,

Because we can rationalize it and mentalize it in such a way that we don't have to experience and process it.

Which to put that into the simplest terms,

When your spouse or friend or partner or co-worker is angry,

Or frustrated or hurt or lost or grieving or this,

And they throw it at you like an emotional grenade.

They're asking you,

Will you please hold this emotion and be the focus of this emotion so that I do not have to.

And one of the definitions of codependence,

Or any form of people-pleasing or abusive or unhealthy relationships,

Any way you want to frame it,

Is to accept it.

It's to save someone else from their own internal emotional landscape by accepting the blame,

By accepting the criticism,

By accepting the emotion,

By accepting the behavior,

Which in reality means they don't have to face it.

But we're used to thinking of only two ways,

And I'm gonna say pause there.

If there are any questions about that,

Please let me know.

If I have not explained that well enough,

Put that in.

I'm gonna keep talking,

But we have time for that.

Because we think sometimes,

I have no way out.

Because when someone comes into the room lobbing an emotional grenade,

We believe that there's only two responses.

Let the grenade explode on us,

Protecting the other person from their own emotional experience,

Or throw the grenade back in a game of hot potato that usually explodes and hits both of us.

But the reality is that there's a middle way.

And this one's really,

Really hard.

So I'm glad we talked about this on the 15th class and Kimberly's example,

And Karma saying it.

It's hard.

If someone comes in and throws a grenade at you,

It is really difficult to stop,

Take a second,

And say,

This person is throwing me this grenade,

Not because they're a bad person,

Not because I'm a bad person,

And I am not being a good person by either throwing it back at them because they're an awful person,

Or holding on to it because I'm going to save them from it,

But because right now,

They're afraid.

They don't know how to handle this emotion.

They're not sure how to do it.

They're really scared,

And they're begging us,

Please don't make me feel this.

But rationally,

If you can take a moment,

And compassionately,

You can say,

This is theirs,

And they have the strength to handle it,

Even if they don't believe they do.

And the best thing that I can possibly do is with as much compassion as I can give you,

Say,

Hey,

I love you.

I don't appreciate this emotional grenade being thrown at me,

But I understand you're going through a lot right now,

And if you need some space to feel through this,

Then I can give that to you.

I'll go to the store,

I'll go for a walk,

I'll go for this.

Or if you need to process an emotion right now,

And this is your way of saying that you need to process this emotion,

I'd be glad to give you a hug.

I'd be glad to watch a movie that allows you to feel it.

I'd be glad to cuddle in bed.

I'd be glad to do something only if you are glad to do it,

And you're not reacting to the grenade,

But I'm not willing to have this emotion thrown at me.

This is not my emotion to bear.

This is not my responsibility.

And if the person escalates,

Which we want to learn to reframe,

Is they are escalating,

Not because they are trying to be an awful person,

But because they're saying,

Please,

Please,

Please don't make me feel this.

I don't want to feel this.

It's really scary.

It's really uncomfortable,

And I don't want to do it.

And the kindest,

Most compassionate thing you can do is say,

This isn't mine,

And I'm not going to do you the disservice of pretending it is so that you can continue to avoid it.

I promise that you can handle this,

And I believe in you,

And I'm not going to allow you to use me as an outlet to avoid these emotions.

Does that make sense?

And again,

When these boundaries show up,

Your only responsibility is to be clear,

Is to be clear and say,

This isn't mine,

And when this action occurs,

I feel hurt.

It's really painful.

I feel really activated,

And I can't be present with you as a result,

And I know you're struggling,

But I need 20 minutes,

Or I need a break,

Or I'm going to leave for a while and see if we can get back into a state where you want to feel through this,

Either together or separately,

Or share what was going on for you,

But I can't take this for you.

It's not mine.

And inevitably,

What's going through probably half of these people's heads is they're going to find a way that it is yours,

And your responsibility is to not take the grenade or throw it back.

They're going to say,

Yes,

It is yours because maybe I did have a bad time at work,

But I come home and you failed to clean this dish to my standards.

And you can say,

Maybe I did fail to do that dish to these standards,

But this is not mine.

This is not my emotion,

And I do not appreciate being spoken to in this way,

But I understand you have a lot going on,

So I'm going to leave until you can be in a state where we can have an appropriate conversation.

And they might escalate further and escalate further,

And you don't have to put up with any behavior.

At any point,

You can say,

I'm going to leave here.

The only thing,

The only thing I'm asking you to practice today,

And it's scary,

Is to leave while putting it in their lap without blame,

Saying,

I'm going to leave.

I don't like being spoken to this way,

And I don't want to have a conversation that looks like this,

And I'd be glad to discuss this when we're both calm.

Does this make sense?

Nope.

And to add in karma,

Because I want,

This is the point,

I actually forgot to say,

But we'll end at 50 today,

So that Katarina can get ready for her class.

So we have about five more minutes before I'll do a meditation,

But with karma saying,

Sometimes you're dealing with an unstable person,

Which makes rational feedback ineffective.

Yeah,

You're not there to provide feedback.

They just get more escalated and vindictive than walk away,

But it is still difficult to process all that.

Yep.

What I am hearing hidden underneath that is this secret belief that maybe if I show them the error of their ways,

Then they'll change their behavior.

But if someone is activated enough,

Which is one way to really compassionately think about this,

So I want to put it together.

If someone is activated enough that they're willing to walk into a room with someone they love,

Or someone they care about,

Or someone they work with,

Or someone this,

And lob an emotional grenade at them saying,

Please carry this for me.

Ration is offline.

Rationality is offline.

The prefrontal cortex is offline,

And that doesn't make them a bad person,

But it is important to recognize that the second someone's rationality is offline,

They're going to interpret most of what you do as a threat.

And the only thing,

Jazz,

I'll get to that in a second.

The only thing that we can do is say no,

Is to say,

Hey,

I'm not willing to be held responsible for this.

I'm not willing to be spoken to like this.

I'm not willing to be yelled at.

I'm not willing.

And the trick that I heard from both Karma and Jazz is we believe we can change them.

With our clever words and our caring,

Considerate nature,

And our reframing,

And our intelligence,

And our news articles,

And our practices,

But don't.

Yep.

And Karma,

I'll get to that,

Is that's not our responsibility.

Not in any way,

Shape,

Or form.

Our only responsibility is to say,

I'm not willing.

I'm going to say this a couple of times.

I am not willing to participate in this dynamic,

In this pattern,

In this experience,

Which ironically is the only thing that encourages change.

Because if you say,

I am not available for this,

And if you continue to have this type of behavior,

Which has me feeling this way,

Then I am going to adapt our relationship,

Or my willingness to be in this relationship in these ways.

That's it.

Because patterns do not change with knowledge.

Patterns do not change with practice.

Patterns do not change under threat.

Patterns change when they no longer work,

And the cost is too great.

So if you are in a relationship,

And this is the heartbreaking thing,

And you are no longer available for a pattern,

They only have two choices.

Well,

Three.

One,

Try to convince you to go back into the old pattern,

Which is what karma is describing.

It didn't work,

So they became more aggressive,

Which I'm going to say in a different way.

I hand you a grenade.

You say,

No,

Thank you.

I hand you the grenade angrily.

You say,

No,

Thank you.

I hand you the grenade with sadness.

You say,

No,

Thank you.

I hand you the grenade with criticism.

You say,

No,

Thank you.

I hand you the grenade with guilt.

You say,

No,

Thank you.

Everyone who does not want to hold that grenade and feel it for themselves,

And is used to you holding the grenade for them,

Is going to try every tactic they know to get you to hold the grenade.

That's all it is.

I am scared to hold this grenade.

I'm used to you holding the grenade,

And every time you learn to give it back to me under specific circumstances,

Before allowing the grenade to explode on me,

I'm going to try every tactic I can think of to get you to do it for me.

And if you accept the grenade,

That was your responsibility.

Because if you were more afraid of their anger than holding the grenade,

You might let it blow up with resentment,

But you were afraid that they were going to get angry.

You were afraid they were going to do this.

Now,

Let's be clear.

In that exact example,

What I'm trying to share with you is,

Let's say most people would keep standing there as the grenade gets passed to them until they reach the point where they give up.

Either they got exhausted,

They say this is never going to work,

Or someone has finally tried handing them the grenade with something that they can't they can't stop.

They're unwilling to risk.

But what we want to practice today is if someone hands you an emotional grenade,

And you hand it back,

And they try again,

You say,

Hey,

This is your grenade.

I'm going to leave to allow you to feel your grenade.

Sorry for all the military examples today,

But I think an emotional grenade is a really vivid example of how it feels in a relationship.

And you walk away.

And they're going to try everything.

But if you walk away and disengage from the situation,

They have no choice except to do one of two things.

And this is the scary part.

Either fall on their own grenade,

Finally feel what they're avoiding,

And process it,

And come back and apologize with a change dynamic or pattern,

Or try to find good emojis,

Or try to find a new person who is going to take that grenade,

Which is usually what happens.

And sometimes you see in people who had an one abusive parent,

They ended up being the one to try to take the grenade to try to save their mother,

Or their brother or their younger sibling,

Because they knew that that person was going to keep wandering around trying to throw the emotional grenade at someone.

And they learned to be the savior by accepting the grenade,

Thinking they were saving someone else from experiencing it,

Rather than recognizing that at the end of the day,

The person throwing the grenade is the one who needs to feel it.

Yeah.

And the uncharted territory.

Yep.

If someone is unwilling to stop throwing you a grenade,

The only thing you can do is leave and say,

I'm unwilling,

And I'm unwilling to have this dynamic.

And you can be clear.

The compassionate clearness is,

Hey,

When you try to project your emotions on me,

This is how it feels for me,

And it's not enjoyable.

And I don't want to be in a relationship that is like this.

So I'm going to try something new.

Anytime that you are throwing your emotions at me,

I'm going to say,

Please stop doing that.

And if you do not stop,

I'm going to leave.

Whether we're,

I don't know who this is,

But whether we're on a date or in a meeting or at a home or in a visit,

Whatever it is,

You say,

I'm going to leave.

And I'll come back in 30 minutes an hour and give you the opportunity to see whether you want to process this for yourself without throwing it at me.

But I'm unwilling to allow you to throw these grenades at me.

Yep.

And that's the same in reverse,

Elizabeth.

If I have been throwing grenades at other people,

They might take the grenade.

And then we got to meditate because we're running out of time.

If I throw their grenade at someone else repeatedly,

And they take it,

No one takes it lovingly,

Caringly.

They take it because they feel like they have to,

But they build up anger and resentment and it shows up in various forms.

But because they're unwilling to stop taking the grenade or do so,

It just starts bubbling up.

And we don't know where the anger is coming from.

Anytime that we either accept or give grenades by not being responsible for our own emotions and experiences and feeling through them,

We're going to end up with problems.

I mean,

A lot of men and women are like this,

So I don't want to stereotype in either way,

In which they're confused why their husband or wife is stonewalling them or getting critical or snappy in random moments.

And the real answer is they've probably been taking your grenades for a long time that you haven't been seeing as grenades,

But they've been building up resentment and frustration at the criticism or the communication.

And,

Oh man,

We'll have about a maybe a five,

Ten minute meditation,

So maybe I'll describe it because these are really good questions and I'm sorry.

And these are going to be recorded now.

Because Deb's saying,

What if there really is an issue under the grenade that they don't know how else to express it?

There always is.

And that is not your responsibility.

If this is your child and they are in an emotional development level where they truly don't know another way to express it,

But of course you're not really under threat with them,

You can sit with them and it's still healthy parenting to say,

Hey,

When we're feeling these kinds of ways,

I know it's scary and it's uncomfortable,

But we don't throw it at other people and I'm not going to come.

Because often we learn this when you watch,

For instance,

Someone in a relationship who gets uncomfortable and gets really angry and you go over then comfort them and coddle them because you know they're hurting and that's the only way they know how to do it.

Where do you think they learned that?

They learned that when they were three or four and they held a tantrum and someone came and helped them.

So in these kind of circumstances,

Each person is responsible for their own things.

So when you say,

For instance,

Deb,

If it's your partner,

Normally a very loving and wonderful partner,

That's okay.

That's okay.

That's where holding your ground without closing your heart looks like,

Is if they have a problem and they're coming to you and they're projecting it outwards,

You want to say,

Hey,

I see that you're really struggling here,

But when you communicate to me in this way,

It feels like this and I can't be there for you when it feels like this,

But I see you have a problem and I'd be glad to discuss it with you in another way in another time when you are ready.

You don't make yourself available for someone else's emotional grenades.

That's how people end up in emotionally immature relationships or accept those sides of it.

If someone hands you a grenade,

You say,

Oh look,

This is yours.

I love you and I know that you're going to come out better on the other side,

But you can have that now.

Yeah,

But okay.

So,

We won't have time for a full meditation today,

But I do want to describe a practice of how this looks like,

And we've already described it a couple times today.

So,

We'll do a four-minute version of it that you can extend for as long as you want,

But with that time constraint,

Let's go ahead and find a comfortable position.

Go ahead and close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

Let it out with a sigh,

And I bet there's one person more than others that came up for you today in this discussion.

I want you to bring them to mind,

And I want you to first bring them to mind in the most loving way you know possible.

Who they are,

What are their good qualities,

Good memories with them,

And then I want you to think about the emotional grenades that they throw your way,

Whether that's anger,

Criticism,

Or guilt,

Or hurt,

Or snippy comments,

And I want you to see while the grenade's not actively being thrown at you that they're scared,

That they don't know how to handle something going on beneath,

Something that's theirs,

Their responsibility,

And it's not your responsibility to change it either.

I want you to admit to yourself how it feels when you accept it,

When you accept the grenade and let it blow up,

And you can't do anything about it.

There's nothing you can do to fix it because it's not yours,

And it builds up resentment,

Or frustration,

Or ill will towards them,

And maybe you end up snappy and throwing some grenades back out of the hurt you're now feeling from the grenade,

And when you want that to change,

You're ready for that to change.

I'd ask you to have this practice in your head.

If a literal emotional grenade,

Even if you make it rainbow and colorful,

Feels too violent for you,

Make it a hot potato,

But I want you to actively imagine them throwing it to you,

Back and forth with words you know deeply because they happen over and over again,

And you hold the potato,

Hand it back to them with as much love as you can,

And choose a phrase that would be appropriate for this situation or person,

Like,

I love you,

This is yours,

I believe in you,

Good luck,

And I want you to imagine not the words they're going to say to you,

But the words that are underneath it,

So they might say,

How dare you,

Da-da-da-da-da,

But you know it,

This is really scary,

I'm not sure I can handle this,

And they throw the potato back at you,

Or the grenade back at you,

And I want you to imagine yourself responding to the hidden words,

Giving them back their grenade,

Saying,

I know this is really scary,

I know you've been avoiding this,

And I know if you face this,

You're going to feel the guilt of having thrown it for so long,

But I believe in you,

And you can keep going,

And keep doing that for as long as you need,

Until you feel and understand that you are compassionately,

Lovingly saying,

No thank you,

This is yours,

I know it's scary,

But you've got this,

And as usual,

If this is the most important thing you can imagine doing today,

Please put me on mute,

Or pause,

And go for as long as you can,

But for our limited time today,

Go ahead and wiggle your fingers and toes,

Or give yourself a yawn,

Or a stretch,

And when you feel ready,

Go ahead and open your eyes,

So it's going to be a little bit condensed today,

Because I got to get out,

I don't want to rush Katarina to start her class,

But I'll say,

If you're new here,

And you enjoyed this,

Of course I'd love a follow,

Because I really enjoy what we're doing here today,

And thank you so much Karma,

And as Karma said,

Donations are never expected,

But they are appreciated,

Just put up a lot of equipment to do this better,

And starting recordings,

And really enjoying doing this for you,

But as always,

I am putting together now,

These are going to be all recorded,

I just put together the first recording from a couple of days ago,

And doing it all in terms of the whole class will be a recording,

And then the grounding,

The meditation,

And the talk that will be put up,

And if there's ever anything you do want to talk about,

You can put it in here,

Put it in the group you can find,

David Longhini's circle,

Thank you Kimberly for today,

And I might even put it as a link of inspired by Kimberly on today's talk,

But I appreciate you all,

I love you all,

I'm always looking for ways to serve you better,

And that's why I love those of you who have the courage to chat,

Because I can't see what's working,

And what's not working,

But I love you all,

And I'll see as many of you as are up to join soon.

Reviews

This was a great topic. I think we all deal with similar situations time to time. While listening to you I came to a possible solution that I feel would work for me and I will share it with you: in a “guns blazing “ situation: I will ground- take a few deep breath and say: I hear what you are say and understand your concerns but you are being disrespectful to me. We can discuss this later in a calm manner…. Walk away!
I will try this approach next time it comes up. Thanks again for this talk

Wow, this was powerful. I truly appreciate your shared wisdom & guidance. This track resonated with me & made me realize decades of this pattern happening in my past. Thank you for the tools for today & moving forward. You're a gift!🙏🏻🩵✨️