Envisioning A Future You Want (Live Class 1-26)

What if you could find out what's holding you back... simply by imagining what you want in detail. Because when you start to envision a brighter future, your mind and body will shine a light on the things that get in the way. Not as a way to shut them down, but to bring love and attention to the ways you're not ready to take that step. We'll resolve this together in a live class going from grounding, to talk, to a meditation and final notes.

Transcript

Let's go ahead and get started.

So we haven't done this one in a while,

But today is envisioning a future that we want and dealing with the fears that come up.

And I actually wanted to share,

Out of all the movements in meditation,

Spirituality,

Whatever you want to label the space,

The one that I have resisted the most for most of my life is the idea of manifestation.

I really struggled with it.

I was early 20s meditating.

And when I saw the people who were saying they were just manifesting,

First of all,

99% of the time,

It didn't feel like they were doing anything.

It didn't feel like they were accomplishing anything.

And I judged the crap out of them.

I was not healthy,

Not good at it.

And I was using every part of the rationalist mind to fight them.

And over time,

And with significant differences in understanding of who I am,

What the universe is,

How the mind works,

How energy works,

I've changed my tune.

But at the same time,

My skepticism of it helped me realize one of the most important things about manifestation,

And any work along that lines,

Whether you're in a cold,

Hard rationalist board room envisioning your five-year plan,

Or you're sitting in your college bedroom imagining yourself being rich in love,

Having everything under the sun,

Isn't actually anything metaphysical.

The important thing that I've found that is helpful about those exercises is about figuring out why you believe it isn't going to happen.

Because the thing that helps you the most to realizing why you don't have something is starting to envisioning it here and seeing what shows up in your head.

Because for instance,

A lot of people would sit there and they'll say,

I want more money.

Just a standard one.

And if I ask you to actually imagine having great wealth,

Your mind's going to come up with a whole bunch of stories,

Like rich people are evil,

Or I don't deserve that,

Or it's going to require me working 14-hour days,

Or who am I to do that,

I'm not that special,

Or I don't know what I'm doing here,

Or only evil people earn a lot of money or only something.

And in your mind,

You're all of a sudden going to realize why you're not taking any of the steps or any of the activities towards what you're looking for.

Similarly,

People might start imagining a great relationship,

And stories are going to come up.

Stories like,

But where am I going to find them?

Or if I'm really with a great guy or woman,

She's going to see,

He or she is going to see who I really am,

And they're going to leave,

Or I don't deserve someone like that,

Or I'll only deserve someone like that when I get my shit together,

Or anything that you're using that's getting in the way.

Similarly,

Imagining a healthy body might,

In your head,

Imagine restrictive diets,

Self-judgment,

Control,

Management,

Fighting yourself,

And shame around admitting that you've been avoiding it the whole time.

Anything you can imagine that someone is trying to do,

And often saying that they want.

The simple exercise of imagining yourself having it generally exposes why you haven't gotten there,

Because you'll realize that one part of you wants it,

And one part of your body and mind really doesn't want it.

That they have a story about what it means,

And I just use some really simple examples,

But the last time we did this exercise,

I had people imagining a relationship,

And saying,

I imagine that if I actually had a good healthy relationship,

Then I wouldn't be allowed to have bad days,

And I do still have bad days,

So I don't deserve a healthy relationship,

Because any truly healthy good relationship isn't going to want to put up with that.

And to some people that may sound silly,

To some people that strikes a chord,

And when you start to realize the simple thing that you're using to get in the way of having more,

Having something that you're looking for,

The story that you have about what it means to you,

Then you have a choice,

And that's what we're going to do today.

We're going to ground,

Talk,

And meditate,

And if all of you are already percolating,

To pick a single thing that you either really want,

But aren't taking action on,

Or at the very least,

You already know you say you really want,

But you know you're not really taking action to get there,

And we're going to figure out what the tug of war is.

We're going to figure out what the thing in your body and your mind is that is telling a story of,

I'd love to have a great relationship,

But I'd love to have a life with more financial freedom,

But I'd love to have a healthy body,

But,

Because that but is the reason you're not taking action,

And until you resolve on it,

Until you feel through it,

And that's what most of,

I'm still convinced,

People are talking about when they describe manifesting in the work happening,

Is when you resolve those self-conflicts,

You all of a sudden realize that most dreams that most people have are just possible,

Without needing to do that much work,

Or without having all of the pain and resistance towards it.

You want something specific,

It's out there,

Someone has it,

They might want to give it to you.

You want a good relationship,

There's someone else wonderful who wants a relationship,

Probably within a kilometer or a mile from you,

But until you allow yourself to say,

I really want this,

And I've resolved the part of me that really doesn't want it,

You're never going to have it.

So that's why we want to practice today.

Everybody up for that?

And hey Jeffrey.

Yeah,

And Sherry,

I do actually want to address that before we go into grounding.

Most of the rest of the questions,

I will have time for questions in there,

But Sherry said,

I have an aversion to manifest also,

Because I conflate the idea with,

If only then I'd be happy.

Thoughts?

Yes.

So I am going to address this head-on,

Because most of the work I do is not this like,

Accomplish your dreams,

It's work within.

But this is working within,

Because a lot of times people sit there manifesting,

Because they're unwilling to accept themselves as they are.

They're imagining making a million dollars,

Because then they'll have proved that they're worth something.

They're imagining themselves being in an incredible relationship,

Because then they'll know that they're worthy of love and belonging.

They're imagining themselves having a healthy body,

Because then they won't be feeling internal shame and doubt and fear.

That's not a healthy structure,

And that's why I'm counteracting it today,

With that underlying thing.

Because the real thing that's gonna make you happy is letting go of those stories,

Accepting reality as it is.

But the difference is,

Reality as it is,

Is so much more capable than we ever believe it to be when we're sitting behind those stories.

You can have a lot of things in life,

Not because of some crazy magical interpretation,

But just because you stop blocking yourself from it.

And often the counterpoint is,

If I say,

I want,

Really want,

I don't know,

Most things I have,

I want to have,

But I really want to figure out how to do this online business thing,

And trying to do more,

And have something sustainable.

I might,

If I realize that the reason I don't want it,

Is because I feel like I have to be one of those really arrogant talking heads,

Chasing money,

Doing anything under the sun,

Then,

Hey,

I'm not going to do it.

And if I let that go and say,

Actually,

If I keep supporting people and helping people and offering myself forward,

I just need to have an offer this,

And why do I get in the way of myself doing that?

Then I'm going to end up happier long before I ever achieved that goal,

Because I'm going to have internal alignment,

Internal consistency,

Internal being okay with myself and happy with myself and supported.

And that's the goal,

Because you're not going to be happy when you have the great relationship,

But you might be,

But that's not until you have the great relationship,

But you are going to be a hell of a lot happier when you let go of the idea of,

I will only deserve to have that great relationship when I fix myself and I have no bad days,

So I don't have a great relationship right now because I'm an awful person who still needs work.

Does that make sense,

Sheree?

And everyone?

Because if so,

Let's take a moment to ground in and then we'll talk all about it before the meditation.

If everybody can find a comfortable position,

Close your eyes,

Take a deep breath,

Let it out with a sigh.

And I want you to see if you can get in touch with your wanting right now,

Because some part of you most of the time wants something.

And some of us follow it blindly,

Some of us are afraid of it because they think it'll lead us to disaster,

But I'm asking you to see if you can notice the part of you that wants.

If that's too abstract,

At a certain point on the breath out,

Your body wants a breath.

At a certain point of pain or tension,

Your body wants to release it.

At a certain point of hunger,

Your body wants to eat.

So in many ways,

Your body every day and in every moment is signaling to you a series of wants.

And they start small,

But they grow.

And they grow with association and stories.

So right now,

I'm actually a little cold,

And if I tune in,

My body would like to be warmer.

Or it might want more sleep.

Or it might want connection,

Or touch,

Or company.

It might want stability and certainty because the system is overwhelmed.

Or it might want novelty and variety because there's been too much repetition.

But many of us go in one of two directions.

Either suppress our wants because we're afraid of getting overwhelmed by it,

To either control,

Manage,

Suppress,

Avoid.

Or fall straight into following the wants without being in touch with our bodies.

Or being in touch with our mind's stories,

Saying that want will be fulfilled when.

Abstract idea or thing off in the future.

And with that,

We direct our actions.

So all of our work today,

Or all of our work on the subject,

Starts with becoming familiar with the experience of wanting,

Without suppressing it,

And without blindly chasing it.

So take one more minute,

And see if within your body,

And within your experience,

You can isolate a couple of feelings of wanting.

And finally,

See if you can be in tune with the emotions that you have associated,

Or the default actions you are taking.

Related to your wants.

Because for instance,

If a want comes up,

And you're pushing,

And shrinking,

And tensing,

And trying to avoid being actively afraid of your wants,

That tells you a lot about how you interact in the world.

Or if a want arises,

And your mind immediately activates to tell you all the ways,

All the things in which you can or you can't get it,

And what you have to do,

And you're itching in your chair to go respond,

That also tells you a lot of how you interact with the world.

So see if you can simply step back and observe the tendency that you have,

Whether it's universal,

Or related to the specific wants that come up.

Does your body loosen or tighten?

Does your mind activate?

Does it spend time telling you what you need to do to get it with big stories,

Or how you can't get it with equally big stories?

And just notice it,

Without falling into the river,

To the best of your ability today.

And then,

Take a moment to wiggle your fingers and toes,

Yawn or stretch,

And when you feel ready,

Go ahead and open your eyes.

Today,

For those of you who joined later,

We're focusing on something really specific.

We're focusing on envisioning the future that we want,

Not for the standard reason people come up with,

Not to make it happen.

Not under the illusion that if we just think about hard enough,

We'll make it happen.

But to figure out why we're not already making it happen.

To flush out the shadows,

To find the stories and feelings that we are the ones holding ourselves back.

And this comes in a couple of different ways.

But there's a eternal quote by Carl Jung that fits.

Until we make the unconscious conscious,

It will direct your life and you will call it fate.

Until you make the unconscious conscious,

It will direct your life and you will call it fate.

So that's what we're doing today.

We're figuring out,

And we're going to pick one topic for meditation.

If you go into that topic and say,

I want this,

And start to clearly envisioning yourself having it,

There's only a couple of outcomes.

One,

It sounds incredible.

It feels incredible.

There's nothing happening in your mind and nothing happening in your body.

And it just sounds so great that you want to get up off the couch or the chair.

And start doing whatever it takes to get it.

But I guarantee you,

If you haven't already accomplished that goal or that thing or that area,

Then that's not going to happen.

Because if you felt that way,

You'd already be going towards it.

Which inherently tells you that you have some doubts,

Some hesitations,

Some uncertainties.

And when we go into those,

So let's say you're imagining the healthy,

Perfect relationship that you want.

Most people go into these manifestation exercises,

And when those doubts and hesitations come up,

They try to like be like a 1980s video game,

Ignoring them or shooting them,

Trying to get rid of them,

Because they just want to envision this thing that they want.

Which is how a lot of people,

It's a good analogy for how many people go through life.

Because instead,

What we're going to do today is use it to say,

If these things are coming up,

There's something I already actively believe,

And I'm already actively afraid of.

And they are the things that are holding me back from doing this.

So what are they?

What are they?

And rather than allowing the part of ourselves that wants the incredible happy relationship to dominate the discussion,

We're going to have a reasoned view of all sides of it,

And trust ourselves to have a conversation with ourselves.

So what does that look like?

If you say,

Hey,

I really want to have x type of relationship,

And I start envisioning it,

And I start piecing it together in my head,

I'm going to pay attention to what my body is doing.

Because if my body starts to relax and really get into the idea and being like,

That would be wonderful,

Then my body doesn't have subconscious associations negatively to it.

And people are like,

Why would I have subconscious negative associations to a happy,

Healthy relationship?

Lots of reasons.

One,

If I do that,

And all of a sudden my body starts freezing,

It's,

I have a lot of idiosyncratic,

Crazy patterns,

I'm neurodivergent,

I'm something,

And anybody who's that good and healthy isn't really going to put up with me.

So eventually they're just going to get fed up and angry,

And they're going to leave me,

And I'm going to feel all the abandonment.

Now that's a verbal story,

But you know what that feels like in your body.

You know what the feeling of,

Oh no,

A happy,

Healthy relationship is never going to put up with me,

Feels like in your body.

So pay attention to what your body does when you start envisioning it.

Because it's going to tell you whether you think that's actually the greatest thing in the world,

Or super,

Super scary.

And similarly,

Your mind is going to do the same thing.

It's going to do one of two things.

One,

It's going to tell you all the things you need to do to get there,

Which is just another way of doing the opposite.

It's going to tell you all of the reasons you can't get there.

So I'm going to say that again,

And then see if people get my drift before I explain it.

It's going to tell you all of the things you need to do to get there,

Which is just another way of saying all of the reasons you can't get there.

So let me use an example,

And I'll continue on relationships.

If you say,

I really want to have a happy,

Healthy relationship,

And your mind starts saying,

Well,

I'm really messy,

I could never invite someone over to this house.

And I'm a bit out of shape,

And I need to get in shape before I could do that,

Because the kind of person I want wouldn't.

And no one who I really want is going to put up with somebody indecisive like me.

So I really need to take a course on decision making.

That's the same thing.

That is your mind saying,

I,

I,

Who I am right now,

Cannot have and does not deserve what I am asking for.

And most people think that's more positive,

Because they're like,

You know what?

I want the relationship I want.

They might tell their girlfriends or guy friends,

Like,

I'm finally ready for a relationship.

And two weeks later,

You're like,

How is it on that search for a great relationship?

And they're like,

It's great.

I'm reading three books on dating advice.

I am going to the gym every single day.

And I've cleaned my entire house.

And I got a coach on my mindset.

And most of us somewhere,

If we share the same feelings,

And I hope I'm not outing or triggering too many people right now,

Are going to be like,

Good,

That person's going to have the great relationship in six,

12,

18 months,

When they finally fix themselves and deserve it.

But if you're really honest,

You're going to realize that what this person is very,

Very bluntly saying is,

I don't deserve a healthy,

Happy relationship right now.

I'm not the kind of person who has a,

The kind of person who has and deserves these things,

Has all of these things that I do not have yet.

And I need to go do all of these compounding factors before I can have what I'm looking for.

Which is not all that different than your mind saying,

Wait a second,

You can't have that because you're not in shape.

The only difference is whether the mind believes that you can get in shape.

You can't have that because you're disorganized and you have bad days and no one would put up with it.

Which the only difference is your mind at the moment,

At that energetic state,

At that structure,

Not believing that you could get organized or get in good shape.

So you might be saying deep down,

There is a want that I want comfort,

Companionship,

Love,

And connection.

And then all of a sudden a thought comes up and says,

You can't have that because you're too freaking crazy.

And instead of actively going out in the world,

Looking for love and connection,

You say,

I need a therapist and I need to get my life together.

And you might actually need a therapist.

You might find that helpful,

Not against therapy,

But you're not allowing yourself to directly go for what you want because you don't believe that you deserve it.

You don't believe you are ready for it.

You don't believe you are capable of it.

And as a result,

You have constructed a huge storyline of the reason you can't have it or don't have it yet.

Now,

Jazz,

Basically we feel we are not lovable.

And as long as that storyline exists,

I don't care how much you try to manifest.

You aren't going to allow yourself to have it.

So does that make sense to everyone?

Because we have about five minutes left before the meditation.

And if anybody has any questions,

This would be the right time.

I'll keep talking,

But I really want the questions to come in because if someone's like,

But wait,

What about?

I don't want you sitting through a meditation with that in your head.

I want you to be in the meditation,

Practicing it.

So the last thing that I'll say to prepare you for the meditation and waiting for questions to pop up is when we do this meditation,

There are actually three outcomes that are important.

One,

You do convince yourself that you want the thing that you want and that the story that you're telling is outdated,

Unuseful,

Unimportant,

And you're ready to stop and allow yourself to have that goal.

Option two,

You realize you don't actually want that goal at all.

The goal is related to your insecurity.

You want to be the president.

You want to have an incredible job.

You want to have a Lamborghini.

You want to have something.

You want to have the applause of some people.

You want it because of the insecurity and you realize that you can let it go.

Or two or three,

There's actually a really,

Really mixed bag that you want to recognize and start asking yourself.

You say you want a great relationship,

But you think there's a lot of work in there and you know that it's going to require experience.

You know that it's going to require work.

And you know that someone else is going to call you out on your BS as much as you're going to call them out on the BS.

And you know that it's going to require a lot of growth and you know that it's going to be really unstabilizing.

And there's a part of you going,

With that full picture of what a relationship is and does,

That's why I've been holding back.

And until I fully accept that it's all of these things and I still want it,

But I want to do it in a more tender way,

In an appropriate way,

I want to learn these things,

I want to practice in smaller doses,

Then you can allow your full self to have agreement and move forward.

All right.

So I see some labels here,

Like it's called resistance.

I'm going to make a joke.

I don't care what it's called.

What does it feel like and what's it mean for you?

That's not opposing you,

Tam.

But a lot of times it's like,

It's resistance.

Of course it's resistance.

But what is it?

What are you resisting?

What is the feeling,

The thought,

The story that you're resisting or you've constructed to avoid?

And to flip down to Nicole,

Nicole said insecurity and fear seems behind it all,

Lack of confidence.

That's some of it,

But it's not the whole picture.

Because sometimes it's genuine understanding of what it really takes.

For instance,

This is really weird,

But as I've wanted to support you all more and coming up with more and more ways to do it,

I've been watching a lot of videos and there's a really great guy on branding who had a good hook,

Which was I have helped people create thousands of videos.

But when I finally started to do it for myself,

I hesitated.

And he was waiting for people to say because he didn't know what he was doing or this.

And he's like,

Because I know how hard it is.

Because I know how difficult it actually is.

Because I know how much work it actually takes.

And you could take that same statement for everything.

Everything.

Because you might say,

I want a great relationship.

But if you're truly honest with yourself,

A great relationship transforms you.

A great relationship overwhelms you.

A great relationship scares you on a regular basis.

A great relationship challenges you to your deepest core.

A great relationship mirrors you and shows you things that you didn't yet want to see.

A great relationship finds you in your deepest,

Darkest moments where you didn't want to be seen and you weren't sure you were ready to let go.

And it brings it to you anyway.

A great relationship finds you in the moments of utter frustration and challenges you to release that frustration.

A great relationship has you needing to learn to set boundaries and figure out what's okay and what's not okay.

A great relationship is one of the hardest damn things you could ever do in your entire life.

And so if some part of you is saying,

I want a great relationship because it would be lovely to cuddle with someone at night.

And for someone to tell me I'm pretty or handsome and a couple of other perks.

But you know deep down,

There's a lot more to it.

And you're afraid to admit to yourself,

I'm scared of that.

I'm not sure I want that yet.

The me that I am,

And I'm going to say this three times,

The me that I currently am will not survive a great relationship.

The me that I am will not survive a great relationship.

The me that I am will not survive a great relationship or any goal worth going for.

The you,

Who you believe you are and who you are attached to and you are stuck to at the moment will not survive the transformation to the goal that you're searching for.

And if a huge part of you is saying,

Not ready to let go of that part yet,

You won't go for it.

And some of that's fear.

Some of that's insecurity.

Some of that's a lack of confidence.

But some of it's,

I'm comfortable here.

It might be nice to take that next step,

But I kind of don't want to.

And that's okay.

That's okay.

That's the same thing that people on the verge of having children,

Of getting a dog,

Of striking out on their own,

Of traveling,

Of doing anything,

Any great thing.

If you're like,

Nope,

I may be lying to myself in some ways,

But I'm actually comfortable right here.

I don't want to destabilize myself in this way and become a truly different person.

Then it's okay to accept that.

There is no reason besides an internal story and a Western belief system that you need to become it all,

Do it all,

See it all,

Experience it all.

So some of it might be accepting.

I'm actually perfectly happy with where I am right now and I'd be a lot happier if I stopped telling myself I need to be somewhere else.

And I'll say this one more time,

Because Jaz said the fear can be the undercurrent,

But not everything's fear.

It's actually something I rebelled against a lot when I spoke for those of you who come regularly last week in an organization that I'm struggling with,

Because they pathologize and label any as a hesitation,

Fear and doubt as fear or as like holding yourself back.

But that's not really true.

Life isn't better on the other side.

Life is better when you accept yourself and allow yourself to have what you're truly looking for.

So some of it might be fear and some of it is really,

Really saying,

Hey,

I don't want to do that.

I like the me that I am and doing this will require me to be a different me.

Now,

If you don't like yourself,

Change whether you like yourself and what would be comfortable and then take actions that are in line with that new self.

But if you're saying,

For instance,

For I have a good example,

Katarina and I know that if we have kids,

We will be completely different people.

And that's okay.

We will totally accept that if we choose to do it.

But if I go into having children,

Not accepting that having children will totally change who I am and saying like,

I'm just going to have kids,

A huge part of me is going to be holding back because they know that's not true.

And it's equally okay for someone to say,

You know what,

I'm not going to do that because I like this experience.

I don't want to choose that life experience that is going to completely transform me and overwhelm me.

And I know it'll probably be incredible,

But no.

And that's true for everything in life.

So I want to make sure we have time for the meditation.

But so I'm going to quick answer Johnny and Helen,

But I thought those were really good to understand.

We're not going into this bludgeoning and pushing and fighting ourselves to say,

Why aren't you having this great relationship,

Being a millionaire,

Having that perfect six pack abs and doing this?

Why aren't you doing that?

Life would be so much better.

Nope.

No,

You wouldn't.

Life wouldn't be so much better necessarily if any of those things occur.

I can tell you,

I know Decca and hundred millionaires and they are not necessarily any happier.

It is not your life circumstances.

I know people who have really great relationships and they'll tell you it's a lot of work.

I know people who have six pack abs and they'll tell you every once in a while,

They really,

Really crave a donut.

So there isn't any specific thing that's going to make it better.

It's about choosing to be the person you want to be and reconciling all of the work involved and saying it's okay without having this fight of who you should be and what you need to be.

So last with Johnny,

I find that kind of an interesting question.

How do we know if the manifestation is from our ego or our true self?

You don't.

Because the true self doesn't actually need anything.

The true self is watching the whole story.

But that doesn't change that you've tried to figure out what makes you feel better.

What makes you feel whole versus what makes you feel grasping?

What feels like you're trying to fill a hole versus trying to plant something new?

That's not a universal trick and all of it's still ego.

But it's all about how you feel.

How you feel.

And Eric,

Even the true self doesn't light you up.

The true self is everything.

The true self is within without having any needs at all,

Watching and observing and piecing together.

I found that construct unhelpful of the true self.

Because often that means you're ignoring the other self.

So I don't mean to say that harshly,

But when people say my true self wants to save the world,

No,

My true self also wants a donut.

My true self wants to have an incredible relationship that I deserve.

No,

My true self also says that's freaking scary.

My true self wants to have six pack abs and run 100K.

No,

My true self also wants to feel comfort and love.

Every part of you is both yourself and your true self.

When people start labeling the true self,

It very often starts to be this idea of my true self is only the part that believes and wants and takes action on the things that I currently think are the absolute best for me.

That's just an artificial version of another self that you haven't hit yet that is shaming and criticizing the self that you are.

The true self is the one you are with all of the experiences that you're labeling good and bad.

It's nothing and it's everything.

And I'm sorry,

Because that's important for the meditation today is you want to recognize all of it.

Your true self also gets sad,

Also gets depressed,

Also gets anxious,

Also gets afraid.

And that's not something to be sublimated or avoided.

That's part of who you are.

That's part of what you're experiencing.

And we want to embrace every piece of that.

I hope that makes sense,

Eric.

But I'll be glad to talk after the meditation because I want to make sure to honor the time today.

So,

If everybody wants to get into a comfortable position,

Go ahead,

Close your eyes.

Take a deep,

Deep breath.

Let it out with a sigh.

And take one minute to tune in with yourself right now.

All of it.

The part of you that's scared of doing this work.

The part of you that's a little excited to figure out what's going on.

The part of you that's pushing you so hard to have this goal that you've chosen.

And the part of you that's holding very far back.

The part of you that's saying that what you're going to do is the best thing possible.

And the part of you that's saying,

Hold the brakes or pull the brakes.

We haven't really considered the whole picture here.

Because if you've chosen a true goal that you say you want,

But you haven't taken action,

All parts of those are you.

And we often want to pathologize or sublimate or avoid or eliminate the part that says no.

But that part has wisdom too.

That part is saying,

When you take that step,

A part of you grows and a part of you dies.

A part of your experience increases and a part of your experience decreases.

And we're not sure we're ready for that yet.

So we're going to examine and be kind to all of those parts today.

When you're ready,

Think of that goal that you tell yourself you want,

Especially one fraught with,

You've been saying you want it for a long time,

Or but haven't taken it,

Or you've started to do it,

But it's slow and painful and a struggle.

And I want you to start imagining it done.

Imagining you have already accomplished it.

Picture it.

It's close and bright and big.

And you may already be struggling and that's good,

But we want to go for at least a minute or two.

In what is it?

Imagining it done.

It doesn't matter what it is,

Big or small.

It could be losing 20 pounds.

It could be losing 300 pounds.

It could be having a healthy relationship.

It could be having a clean house.

It could be lots of things.

It could be starting your own business.

It could be asking for a raise.

It could be finally going on vacation.

It could be quitting and traveling the world.

Whatever it is,

Picture it done.

Picture it actually happening.

Put in details to make it seem more real.

If you'd be in a different house,

Imagine the house.

If your body would look real different,

Imagine looking in the mirror.

If you'd be with new people or new places,

What would they look like?

Where would you be?

And what would it feel like?

And if you're really,

Really struggling,

I know.

Just keep going for 30 seconds,

One more minute,

Because you owe it to yourself to do the other side.

Would it be worth it?

We can't do this exercise if all you've done is give in to the voices of doubt.

You want to say,

Clearly,

What would this be like?

What would it feel like?

What would the experience be like?

What would it mean for you?

Chances are they've already cropped up in their masses.

But I want you to picture yourself sitting in a comfortable room with multiple chairs.

Put yourself in the most comfortable and nicest one,

Of course.

But then I want you to start inviting in the parts of you that said no.

And we're going to have a conversation with three of them today.

The three loudest ones that said no,

No,

No.

So you know which voice was most powerful or which part in your body was most powerful in saying no to this dream.

Bring them in and imagine them sitting next to you.

What did they say about this dream?

What is it that they are saying?

And remember,

You're not listening like a friend trying to correct you.

You're listening like a really good woman's circle trying to understand.

Because if that voice says,

You know,

If we do that,

Our entire life is going to change.

Our entire identity is going to change.

Ask it.

Ask it what's going to change.

And what's it going to mean for you?

What are you going to put up with that you haven't had to put up with before?

If it's going to require you to fail and you haven't had to try so you haven't had to fail before.

If it's going to require you to put yourself out there and be rejected,

Be honest with that.

What is it?

What does it say?

And if you're arguing with it,

Take some deep breaths.

Because if you hate this part of yourself,

You're not doing yourself any favors.

It's there.

It is you.

And that is what I meant by the true self.

It's already here.

You always are your true self.

It doesn't mean that the true,

The inner witness can't let go of pieces and add new pieces.

But the self is what you're experiencing right now.

All of it.

So if there's a part of you that's sending a message and laying down anchor,

Keeping yourself from going towards it,

You can't just shove it away.

It's you.

You're the one holding yourself back.

So listen to yourself because there's a reason.

There's a reason that you are holding on.

What are they saying?

And when they're done,

Say thank you for sharing.

And ask if there's another voice that you want to invite into the conversation.

And if there is,

Bring it in.

Bring it in and ask it.

What's the reason that you,

This part of me,

Is holding us back?

And listen because you're getting a clearer picture of what it's going to mean to have this goal or do this thing.

And it's not trivial.

It really isn't.

If you're putting yourself out there and dating,

For instance,

It's not just rainbows and butterflies.

It's also being seen and judged and appraised and criticized and risking abandonment.

Those things are all true.

Every single day you date and every single day you're in a relationship,

You've put your heart on your sleeve and out of your control.

You're risking them walking away.

There is no way to have that,

A relationship,

A good one,

Where you've put your love and care and connection in without also risking that,

The abandonment,

The rejection,

The mirroring,

The potential loss,

The hurt.

So when it tells its story,

Of what it's going to mean,

What's possible,

You don't try to minimize it or abandonment or say it'll never happen.

You say,

Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me the entirety of this choice.

And ask one more time,

Is there another part of me that wants to be heard?

That wants to see that I am not allowing myself to see that if I go for this goal,

This part is going to disappear?

And invite it into the conversation and ask it what it needs to share.

And listen deeply.

It might say something like,

We've always said that we're shy.

And if we do this,

We can't be shy anymore.

And it's shyness or whatever identity has always protected us in these ways.

And if we let that go,

You're more likely to experience these things.

And you want to take that with grace.

Because no matter what transformational goal it's right.

You're going to have to let go of pieces of your identity.

And you created that identity for a reason.

And you can choose to let go.

But the point that I've been talking on the true self is you've kept it for a reason.

Having it benefits you somehow.

And letting it go does have both benefits and consequences.

So be honest to yourself of what those are.

And have the courage to face them.

If you still have a dozen voices ringing in your head,

Please mute or pause and keep going.

As long as you have the energy to do so with kindness.

Because I can guarantee you,

You won't be able to smoothly,

Cleanly move towards this goal or abandon it until you have heard all of these voices and act from all of them.

But if you feel ready,

I want you to start a final conversation with all of your voices.

All of yourself.

Because there's only a couple possibilities.

One,

In which you admit to yourself,

You're ready.

Yes,

This thing is scary.

Yes,

It's uncomfortable.

Yes,

I'll be letting go of aspects of myself that served me for a long time.

And yes,

I'll be choosing new aspects of myself that currently seem really scary.

And yes,

I can't predict the outcome and I can't be in control and I'll be exposed to a lot more of things I've traditionally avoided.

But,

It's worth it.

And if that's true,

Have that conversation with yourself.

But two,

Is it's not worth it.

It's not worth it.

This is a goal from younger years or different times or different places and I'm not that person anymore.

And I don't want to be that person anymore.

This is outdated and this isn't the person that I want to be.

And I'm ready to let go of this goal or idea entirely and become content recognizing I already like my current life more.

And if you need to have that conversation with yourself and the parts of you still dreaming of that goal,

Do that.

And finally,

If there's conflict,

Be honest and accept yourself in that conflict and say,

What do we need to know in order to make a decision?

Because for instance,

You might say,

I want to quit.

I want to start my own company or any goal that's new and scary.

And you say,

But I'm really not sure if it's worth it.

There's a lot on each side and there is no clear answer for me right now.

And ask yourself what you would need to know,

See,

Experience,

Or feel to know whether it is worth it and go get it.

For instance,

I just had a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday along those lines where she said,

I need to know that someone like me can do something like this and what it took.

And I said,

That's great.

Because YouTube is full of people telling you that they were someone like you who did something like this and this is what it took.

So let's go experience that and meet some of those people in these places so that you can see whether or not it's worth it.

What would you need to do,

See,

Hear,

Feel,

Experience to make that final decision?

Whatever it is,

Have that final conversation with yourself.

And if you're in one of the other conversations,

Keep going,

Keep resolving,

Keep asking with curiosity instead of punishment.

What else do I need to know?

What else am I not accepting?

What else is it time to let go of?

For instance,

I'm putting a story into a meditation.

I just read a beautiful article from a friend who has a child with some issues.

And the article was all about his one year journey to accept that life wasn't gonna look the way that he expected and to stop trying and start coming up with a new way.

So if life has changed irrevocably for you,

Either because something happened or you've aged out of the period where that goal made sense,

What else is it time to let go of?

Because life has seasons.

And if you're no longer in the season where that goal made sense,

That aspiration made sense,

It's time to let go.

And if you're also in a new season where it's time to let go of a part of you and chase a greater goal,

Let that go too.

And if you don't have the emotional information to make a decision,

What else do you need to know?

Because that's truly being kind to yourself.

That's the true self.

Seeing all of it,

Accepting all of it,

Conversing with all of it without leaving any part of it in the shadows and another part lionized.

And that's when you can make a decision and truly act on it.

Because all parts of you have been heard and a decision has been made.

So with that final decision,

If you need more time,

Please mute or pause.

But our time is running out today.

So if you can go ahead and wiggle your fingers,

Your toes,

Give yourself permission to yawn or stretch.

And when you feel ready,

Go ahead and open your eyes.

First,

I'm gonna put up the follow and I don't have too much time because I've got to give Katarina time to prepare for her mindful and intuitive eating class.

But I first wanted to say to Eric,

To Helen,

To Jazz,

I'm sorry,

I kind of rushed to that before the meditation and I tried to answer it during the meditation.

Which is,

So many people try to move forward by pathologizing,

Which is a fancy word for making bad some parts of themselves and lionizing or heroizing another part of themselves.

And that's not helpful.

It doesn't work.

It just literally sets you up for internal struggle because there is no part of yourself that doesn't serve a purpose.

It might be an outdated purpose.

It might be a purpose that has consequences that you didn't expect.

It might have issues in new things you're trying to do,

But it served a purpose.

And you wanna bring all parts of yourself to bear.

Everything's showing up in order to make a decision.

And unfortunately,

That's really scary for most people because what we want to do,

What we want to do is say,

The real part of me,

And this is again an organization that I struggled with last week.

The real part of me wants to step up,

Wants to do all of that.

And I'm like,

Bullshit,

The real part of you is scared and the real part of you wants it.

They're both real.

They're both equally real.

And you can only bypass one or the other for so long.

There's a part of you in any choice that says,

We're not in Kansas anymore.

And yeah,

If you walk through Oz,

You're gonna change.

You're gonna change drastically.

And that has good and bad.

And you wanna listen to that intuitive part within yourself that says,

Before we walk through Oz,

Can we admit that there are parts of ourselves that aren't gonna survive that?

And those parts have helped us and picking up new parts of ourselves are gonna have consequences.

So let's be aware and be honest and walk in eyes wide open rather than trying to rush through.

When parts of ourselves,

I'm gonna say it strongly,

But I'm gonna put up the donation one now in case anyone feels called.

Parts of in any change you're making,

That's worth talking about.

Parts of yourself are literally going to die.

Parts of yourself that you've been carrying for a long time and you carried them for a reason,

No matter what you say now.

And so as a result,

You want to pay attention to that.

You wanna know.

You want to admit to say,

I am letting go of the shy part of myself,

Of the afraid part of myself,

Of the hurt part of myself,

Of the this part of myself.

And those parts of myself saved me.

And when I let them go,

I'm gonna take on this new mantle.

But there is no mantle that doesn't have benefits and consequences.

The brave part of myself,

I'm gonna choose to be brave,

Means I'm gonna go into some scary situations,

Man.

And that's okay to admit to yourself.

Because if you try to bypass that and say,

No,

I'm just gonna be brave and I'm not gonna give fear.

That's actually not being brave.

The bravest thing you can do is admit that life will never be the same.

And that's gonna come with benefits and consequences.

And I wanna look at all of those things.

And thank you,

Sheree.

And thank you,

Nicole.

And if you have any questions or anything else,

I just wanna say,

I love you all.

I appreciate you all.

I always love doing this.

And if there's anything you really want to see or experience or try,

Please always put it in the chat or in the group you can find.

But love you all.

I appreciate you all.

And I hope to see you tomorrow.