Loneliness: Lesson 1- 3 Steps Of Understanding

In this lesson, we are going to focus on the three steps of understanding loneliness. Loneliness can be a crippling energy. If you've been experiencing it and are ready to shift from loneliness to healthy solitude and beyond, come sit with David for this meditation and series.

Transcript

Hey friend,

Thank you for jumping right into this series.

I'm going to start with our first meditation on working through loneliness and healing it and coming out the other side.

For this meditation we're going to focus on three steps.

The first one is going to be identifying the feeling of loneliness and how we experience it in the body,

Just so we can get intimate with our loneliness.

We know how strong it is,

How it affects us,

How it makes us feel.

And then the second part,

We're going to take a look at the loneliness and see what's causing it.

What's the underlying belief,

The real deep sense of where it's coming from and what's generating it.

So we have some understanding of what's happening.

And in the third part,

We're going to actually look at what our next step is here.

What it's teaching us.

How we're going to grow and expand through our loneliness.

Rather than seeing it as some kind of punishment or limitation,

As we heal we're going to recognize that there's an opportunity here.

It's a really beautiful opportunity if you're willing to walk down the path of loneliness and come out the other side.

Perhaps you go in lonely and you come out the other side,

Just really grounded in your own energy and ready to give and receive love.

So let's start.

You can go ahead and close your eyes.

Take a few deep breaths in.

And make sure you take a few breaths out as well.

Put a light smile on your face.

Drop your shoulders.

Just start to relax any tension you might feel just by breathing slowly and recognizing that all is well.

And you've already taken one of the biggest steps,

Which is acknowledging what you're working on and being willing to sit down and face it.

And to begin,

What I'd like you to do is just start to allow yourself to actually feel the emotion of loneliness.

Feel the energy of it in your body like you probably have many times before.

But this time I'd like you to really focus on the sensations of the feeling.

Where in your body do you feel it?

And how does it feel?

For example,

Is there a pressure on your chest or a tingling?

A heaviness?

A confusion?

A sadness?

Take a moment and let yourself be intimate with this feeling of loneliness.

Just like if I was teaching you the piano and I said,

Hey,

Here's the C note.

Remember how this sounds.

Experience how this sounds.

What is the vibration?

What's the tune of your loneliness?

Just sense it for a moment.

It might almost feel like a field of energy around you.

And all I want you to do is become familiar with it.

You don't need to judge it or manipulate it or hide it or override it.

And you might get a sense,

Oh,

This is familiar.

I know this feeling.

But have you ever really just sat with it without needing to go anywhere or without needing to change it?

If you feel uncomfortable or find some resistance,

See if you can be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.

See if you can be open to resistance and just allow it to be there.

Just looking at it like,

Huh,

That's a fascinating experience.

So the first step here is we become aware of the feeling.

We allow the feeling to arise.

And we're really becoming aware of the energy of loneliness and how it shows up in our body.

By the end of this series,

I would like you to be a pro,

An expert in the feeling of loneliness.

What at this moment might seem like a weakness or a vulnerability in you.

Once it's understood and healed,

Will become a very deep strength.

But first you have to invite it in,

Almost like you're inviting loneliness in for tea.

Allow it to sit down with you.

And of course,

If there's any emotion that needs to come out,

Allow it.

Leave it room.

And then I'd like you to ask this loneliness where it comes from.

What generated this feeling of loneliness?

Is there an experience,

A belief?

Has it just always kind of been there?

Feel free to ask it and see if you get a response,

An image of feeling,

A sense.

Perhaps some of your loneliness has been generated from some painful experiences.

You may remember them,

You may not.

But somehow this loneliness got its energy.

It has a certain momentum to it.

And you're just looking at that,

Understanding where it arose from.

And finding a deeper sense of why you feel it.

And I can't tell you why you feel it for you.

You have to experience it for yourself.

But I can say that it's not here to punish you.

You're doing great work.

Make sure you're still breathing.

Give your loneliness a light smile.

As I like to say to my students,

No well is infinitely deep.

So no matter how much loneliness you feel,

There is a bottom,

There is a reason,

And there is a path forward to heal.

And our third step here is to see what that next step is.

So you can ask the loneliness here,

What is my next step?

Is it to heal,

Understand,

Grow,

Have more self-love,

Get out there and connect?

Take a moment and see what that next step is for you.

Make sure you're breathing.

And really open up to whatever this answer is.

It might just be a vague intuitive sense,

Or you might get a real clear image in your mind's eye.

You might hear a word or have a feeling.

But there's no need to try to figure it out or analyze it.

Really our deepest answers have a simplicity to them,

And an innocence.

You may even recognize that as you've been doing this work with me here,

Some of the loneliness is even dissipating or melting off.

Great job.

When you feel like you've come to a place of completion for this meditation,

You can let go of whatever you've been looking at and experiencing.

Take a big deep breath in.

Easy soft sigh out.

Great work.

Thank you for sitting with me for this first meditation in our loneliness series.

And whenever you're ready,

You can go right into the second one.

And I will be there with you.

See you soon.

Reviews

Very easy to follow and very insightful. I discovered the real reason for my loneliness. Now I have identified it, now I can do something about it. So grateful. Thank you David 🙏😊

Provided much clarity, and therefore, acceptance. Thank you.

Truly beautiful and emotional for me, much needed and appreciated, a wonderful support for a difficult time.

Great. Speaks confidently, clearly and calmly - none of that whiny drone with twangly music that passes for modern insightful teaching. The meditation is good too. Quite the perspective bringer. And outs a smile on your face.

Great insight! It is so clear and deeply connecting you with the self. Also gives a loving touch to an emotion we consider negative and painful.
Thank you for sharing this valuable lesson 🙏🏻

Memories surfaced from many years, way back down that lonely road. Tears. Loneliness felt safe on some level. Less fear now, but it lingers, and I recognize it now. Your talk was kind, helpful, and I perhaps needed to remember, and feel that sadness again.

I’ve felt lonely specifically when others don’t “see” me. This was very helpful again. Thank you 🙏🏽💙

I can not put it into words. I think I had an epiphany. That's just unbelievable!! 🙌🏽 ...even though I got interrupted while meditating in the worst possible momen🤦🏽‍♀️😄 but I took it with amusement, as I learnt from you, and carried on😄) Thank you so much, David Gandelman.

Excellent. Thank you. I will recommend this meditation to friends and clients.

Thank you. This makes me contemplate that perhaps loneliness is simply a lack of self love
Looking forward to the next one

How can i thank you? The timing of this is impeccable. Suddenly i have been hit by loneliness like a thundernolt. I am alone but i had never felt lonely. It was painful. This meditation has really put me on track again and look forward to part 2 and 3. It brought me back to my 3 year old so she has been lonely for a very long time and has felt it in abstract ways all her life. I am now 67.
How complex the human psyche is.🙏💝

Really helpful

So glad I found this. Addressing my loneliness and consciously seeing it for what it is, how it makes me feel, and where it's really coming from actually eased it. Lovely ❤ Thank you. Heading to the 2nd meditation now 😁

Amazing. Really never just felt my loneliness before as in sitting with it and acknowledging it, I've just distracted myself from it or cried. So this was good. And it went all by itself by the end because I had my answers and feelings and I felt ok with it somehow. It's strange but in a good way. I am confident I can sit with loneliness now next time it comes up. And I can breathe through it. Thank you 🙏

Nice meditation- perfext wait time

Excellent - timing perfect and warmth and compassion resonated! Thanks so much!

Deeply healing

Thank you, that was wonderful.

Thank you very much! Was a bit fast for me, still had so many feelings and felt a bit „stressed“ about going to step two to find out where the lonelyness is coming from. However i feel a lot lighter now 🙏🏻🥰

Thank you David. This practice brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my heart. Feeling grateful. Sending good wishes.