The Importance Of Discernment

In this track, I guide you through the practice of discernment—learning to separate yourself from the situations and behaviors that challenge you. By recognizing the difference between who you are and what is happening, you can release self-judgment and nurture the deeper parts of yourself.

This meditation helps you repair old patterns, speak to yourself with kindness, and create space for healing and self-compassion. Perfect for anyone who wants to feel more grounded, gentle, and at peace in their daily life.

Transcript

Let's talk about discernment today.

The definition of discernment is the ability to perceive,

Recognize,

And understand differences clearly,

Especially between what is important and what is not or between truth and falsehood.

Specifically,

I want to talk about how discernment is about noticing the difference between yourself and the situation.

There's an important distinction we should always make,

Especially when something seems to be going wrong.

In healthy parenting,

This distinction often happens automatically,

And it helps raise children who feel safe,

Seen,

And valued.

And those children become healthy adults.

What it is is separating the behavior or the situation from the human being.

For example,

If you get mad at a child for something,

It's important to tell them,

I'm not mad at you,

I'm upset about the behavior.

There was one time when I was teaching a kindergarten class,

And a little three-year-old boy jumped off a desk onto the floor.

I'm sure my eyes got really wide as I told him no very strictly,

And immediately he started to cry.

Instinctively,

I went up to him and I looked him in the eye and said,

I'm sorry,

I didn't mean to scare you,

I just felt nervous that you might hurt yourself by jumping off the table.

I'm not mad at you,

I'm upset about the jumping.

Please don't do that again.

That distinction was huge.

I saw myself in the,

Excuse me,

I saw this in myself recently.

So one day I went to get shampoo and conditioner.

My hair is very dry and I literally cannot wash it without conditioner.

I got home and as I started showering,

I realized I bought two shampoos instead of a shampoo and a conditioner.

Immediately,

I felt frustrated.

But then an instinct kicked in,

And I said to myself,

I'm not mad at me,

I'm disappointed in the situation,

Because now my hair will be really dry without that conditioner.

It was like my innate parenting skills had stepped into the conscious self,

Helping me navigate that moment and make that important distinction.

And then I started thinking to myself,

Wow,

There have been so many times I haven't made this distinction.

There are probably parts of me that have been feeling like I am bad or I am wrong,

When it was really just the situation itself.

Now,

I know it might sound odd to hear that we need to remind ourselves about this distinction,

But the truth is,

We should have learned this as children.

And if our parents didn't discern our behaviors from who we were as little humans,

We need to do that for ourselves now.

Even though our conscious mind knows,

Obviously,

I'm not mad at myself,

It's just this situation,

There are deeper parts of us that don't know that and need to hear it now.

And those are the parts that need repair in order to heal and move forward in our adult lives.

Once you realize that you are not the only one here,

As this human,

And that there are deeper parts of you at work,

That's when you understand how important it is to speak to yourself in kind and patient ways.

To help yourself learn and grow in ways that were absent in childhood.

Yes,

I am Dakota,

This human,

But there are other parts of me that drive my behaviors.

And that's really important to understand when you start healing.

This is reparenting at its core.

It's realizing all the times we unconsciously shamed ourselves.

If you really pay attention,

You hear people doing this all the time.

Being mad at themselves for being late to work,

Or kicking themselves for missing a flight,

Or even getting angry for forgetting sunglasses at the house.

It doesn't seem like a big deal,

And sometimes it's not.

But it's not a one-time thing,

And if it happens over and over again,

Every day,

Multiple times a day,

These little micro-traumas happen to parts of ourselves,

And they really do cause more trauma.

And when they happen enough,

They become huge.

Some people look at their lives and say,

I have a great life,

Why do I feel so unhappy?

And I would start by asking this question.

How do you speak to yourself?

Discerning between the situation and you as a human is a great place to start if you want to feel better in your day-to-day life.

Everything starts within.