Trust

This talk about trust presents different perspectives of and hinderances to trust. It proposes the possibility of actively cultivating trust and intruduces a specific practice. The talk was given during a workshop. Personal references have been deleted which is why there may be a "jump" at times.

Transcript

So,

I told you before about trust,

But I've been working on this topic a little more and I taught this also in the retreat and then I adapted it more.

And some time ago I heard Q-ed Blackson,

He's one of those guys who works a lot on surrender,

He says,

You trust Siri but you don't trust your inner voice.

And I thought that was quite interesting because it's true,

We trust all the people out there,

Right?

All these experts,

All these people,

All these systems.

I mean we read something on Facebook and we actually believe it's true,

Read something in the news,

You know?

But I think for so many of us the challenge is really to trust our inner voice and it's the way we're talking about right now.

And I think for some reason we're not so much taught to cultivate that confidence in our inner wisdom and intuition.

Intuition often is that female thing and is a little floaty schmotey and then maybe some super successful people say,

Oh they have this intuition.

I don't think we actually are being taught very much to listen to our heart and to our intuition and to really know what it is.

I think there's this element of being separate,

Separate from our inner wisdom and from our true self.

And in our society,

Which is like the so-called narcissistic society,

It gets a little worse because with all this materialism we're so much identified with all these outside factors.

That I think we're a little further removed still from our wisdom than the people before.

We also don't live in nature,

We don't live in small communities,

We're always also confronted with these big challenges that we don't know.

So I think it's become a little more difficult.

And actually one of the reasons is also that the separateness is something that's part of our human condition.

It's not only some psychological problem that was discovered by Freud because our parents did this and that.

Because in the Buddhist tradition it's more part of the human condition of being in this one individual body and not part of a greater whole.

So in a way the more we feel embodied in a materialistic society,

The more we are far removed from being part of the greater whole.

And what happens with the limited ego sense is very critical.

The ego,

As we've been talking about,

Is something that's very critical.

It always looks for problems and it says,

Oh,

What did I do wrong?

And the default mode network and all the things we've been talking about and the negativity bias.

And so we're a little really I think stuck in this lack of trusting our inner voice.

And also what we lack is all these rituals that traditional societies have that make us being part of a greater whole.

And also a truth that the traditional societies had,

Like an image of God or something.

Some of you I know have a practice where you're very dedicated and you go to a place where you feel part of a greater whole and a bigger group.

But many of us don't.

And so we're always kind of there alone trying to figure things out for ourselves.

And I don't think we're made for that.

It's actually really hard,

Right?

And at the same time we get so distracted all the time.

It's like another nice quote by Ram Dass.

He says,

This culture is fascinated with technology,

Multitasking,

Communication,

Sex,

Drugs,

Etc.

And it's hard to look inward when the pizazz of the culture pulls you outward.

And I think that example of what's happening constantly on the phone,

On social media,

Through whatever,

It constantly pulls us out.

And things happen out there.

And it's very hard to come back and just sit and listen to ourselves and know what's actually going on,

Right?

What's really important,

What's really mattering.

I think that's one of the reasons why there's a lot of separation and loneliness these days.

And maybe less resilience than there was before.

Because I think that people also had pretty hard times before.

But maybe it's not.

We don't know because we live now and we don't know what it was like before.

I think another element in our culture,

Which I only realized now looking so much at the Buddhist culture,

Is that we do have this idea of the original sin.

And women have it even more.

So this idea that as a human being per se we are flawed.

Whereas in the East we're actually perfect.

We're part of a greater whole,

Which is per se just perfect.

And there's this nice quote by Master Kongchul Rinpoche,

Quoted by Theresa May Trigger,

And she says,

I think the most important thing that Westerners need to understand is guiltlessness.

Even though we make a lot of mistakes and we may mess up in all kinds of ways,

All of that is impermanent,

Shifting,

Changing and temporary.

But fundamentally our minds and hearts are not guilty,

They are innocent.

And I think if you actually believe in that innocence of your own heart and minds,

It gives you a whole different perspective.

It shows you that whatever you do,

Which you may call a mistake or falling short,

Is either because you don't know or because you're suffering or because you're striving for something different.

Or you just don't have it as a… what's his name,

The one who founded the non-violent communication?

We'll come back.

He says we all have legitimate needs,

But many of us have strategies to fulfill those needs which are not legitimate.

It's pretty much what we're talking about right now.

The need to belong and be part of it is legitimate,

But to go do it through bullying is not a very beneficial way.

Per se there's this innocence underlying.

If we do something like that,

It actually means that we're suffering and we're applying a strategy that's actually hurtful to others,

But probably also very hurtful to ourselves,

Because our true need will never be fulfilled like that.

And so again,

His name is Warshaw Rosenberg,

You've probably heard about him a lot.

It's again about this contact with our inner wisdom.

Again in the Buddhist tradition there's this phrase,

The lion's roar.

I've told you that before.

It says enlightenment is one with a trusting heart.

So the idea of the lion's roar is that we have that trust and that intuitive sense of knowing and the power of our hearts and minds to wake up through all experience,

Whatever happens,

That our hearts have that capacity to wake up,

To be enlightened.

It's like in the Christian tradition you would say,

We have to trust that we are made in the image of God.

This is what we really are.

We're not just something that fell out of paradise or something,

But actually this is who we really are.

And this trust is trusting the goodness of our own heart,

It's trusting our inner wisdom.

It says trust in the luminous nature of your own heart and mind.

It's your home.

Rather than believing that we're sinful or we're wrong or something's not good enough or we're going to be falling short.

It's quite interesting because it's something that can be cultivated.

We're talking about beliefs.

We've been talking about beliefs to some of you lately.

It's one of those beliefs that if you notice you're holding this belief that you're falling short or maybe you're not good enough or you're not worth to be enlightened,

You can see with time that this is a belief that's not helpful.

It is not helpful.

And if you start to cultivate and trust in that inner light,

Then you can notice that suddenly you're not going to be arrogant or looking down on others or feeling superior,

But you are probably going to be more courageous,

Have an open heart,

More willing to try new things because you're actually trusting in something that's bigger than yourself.

And if you can cultivate that trust,

It gives you the courage for equanimity.

That idea of being equilibrated in all situations of life and to open your heart in compassion,

Right?

Rather than closing it out of fear.

Because we actually need that trust to be equanimous.

If we don't have trust,

I mean that's my personal experience,

I guess you can relate.

If I lack trust,

It's very hard to be equanimous or peaceful or patient in a very difficult situation.

Because then I worry if I start to trust and say I can do this and maybe my child can do this or we can go through this or it's going to sort itself out somehow.

Then I can be more calm and I can take wiser decisions.

I'm not saying it's easy.

I mean personally I find it very difficult.

But my experience is that it can be cultivated.

You can want to cultivate that.

And it's interesting because it says,

Trust and wisdom dance together.

Trust without wisdom can be naive and wisdom without trust purely rational and heartless.

So it's not that kind of thing like,

Everything is going to be alright and it's all going to fail into place.

Because it's not.

There are situations and we're talking about this.

Sometimes things are not going to be alright.

And so the trust is really the trust that your heart can hold this and you can go through this and you will grow through this and you will wake up through this and hopefully you cultivate more compassion.

It's not that,

It's all going to be okay.

So that's the wisdom.

But if there's only wisdom without trust,

It can be very hard and rational and there's no compassion.

Ramdas again says,

When you learn to trust your intuition,

You will find a quiet place in the heart of your own being that is wise and can guide your actions.

So the idea is really that when you manage to trust,

And of course if you have something like trust in God,

This is much easier,

Right?

Because then you can relate to somebody with some higher force and just let things go,

Right?

You can just lay them down and say,

Please help me with this.

But what my experience is that you can still do it.

When you listen to your inner voice,

You can still lay it down and ask some higher intelligence,

Force,

Wisdom,

Love to please help you with the situation and give you guidance.

I think that something can always be done.

And whatever is out there,

It will manifest when you ask for it.

I think that's a very powerful experience that many people have made.

And I think one challenging thing with buying into trust is that we often place reason about intuition and we create a duality between reason and intuition.

So it's either the heart or the mind.

It's either reason or your heartfulness.

And that's actually probably not very wise because usually we actually need the two.

We need the trust and the wisdom.

The real intelligence in the sense of the higher reasoning comes from the heart,

Needs to be connected to the heart energy.

And I think that's what we often forget.

We think we can solve things by thinking them through rather than listening to our hearts and see what comes.

And then doing that dance between our capacity to reason,

Which of course is very important,

And the voice of our heart.

And so again,

That's from Emmanuel,

That imaginary friend of Ram Dassai,

Who we were talking about before.

He says,

True intelligence is the ability of the mind to honor the wisdom of the heart.

True wisdom does not require an intellectual vocabulary.

You all have wisdom,

You all know everything there is to know,

But you have not received training or permission to express your wisdom in your world.

And so it's very interesting because often we know things and we intuit things,

But we don't have the words.

So it's the language that limits us and because we don't have the words,

We don't think it's true.

Or it doesn't exist.

But the fact is that we still know it.

And it's very interesting,

Like with these hot math people,

The heart has 40,

000 nerve ganglions too.

It's like a little brain.

And like the gut,

The communication from the gut and the heart to the brain is 80%,

And the communication from the brain down is 20%.

So the heart has a huge impact on the amygdala,

Which is the emotional center.

It just always looks at,

Is there an emergency?

Do I have to react?

Is there something I know that's dangerous?

And so the heart,

When you calm the heart and you listen to your heart,

That amygdala region calms down.

That's when you get to synchronicity,

Right?

There's not so much movement.

And so I think the challenge here is really to listen and to not necessarily understand in words or be able to express in words what's happening.

And still listen and take your time and be patient.

We're talking about patience.

To take the patience that the mind and the ratio will understand what the heart has to say.

And still listen,

And really,

Even if you can't have the words.

And I think that's a really challenging thing because you have to accept the limitations of your rational mind.

And I was just on retreat and I was asking the teacher,

In my mind,

I've had so much recognition for my rational mind.

I got a first degree from the LSE because my rational mind works so well.

And that has opened so many doors for me.

And now,

On my inner path,

My rational mind is not so helpful anymore.

And I have to tell him all the time,

I have to listen.

Patience.

I want to first listen to what the heart has to say.

Ah,

You know.

You probably all know this,

Right?

And I just noticed that now,

At that second part of my life,

I need to listen to my heart much more.

And at the same time be kind and patient with the rational mind.

Say,

You're very helpful,

Thank you very much.

And I will need you,

I will call you when I need you.

So I think it's very challenging in our society.

First because the rational mind is so highly esteemed.

Second because for some reason many of us have the trance of unworthiness.

We just somehow feel that we are small and not good enough.

And thirdly because of the materialistic world we are in,

That gets us so much more stuck in that narcissistic tendency that we have.

Not because our parents did something mean to us,

But because we are in these individual bodies and always identify with the I,

Rather than identifying with the whole.

And we have very few institutions,

Or many of us don't make use of institutions that make us feel part of a greater whole.

And therefore I think it's very helpful to practice trust.

And I've been looking for practices on trust.

And there's one practice which is based on the Tong Lian practice,

The heart breathing practice that I've been taught by Wolfgang,

Who has developed the essential psychotherapy I'm doing sessions with.

So this is the practice we're doing now.

But there's also now when I was on retreat,

Tara practices,

Also practices on trust,

Where you call on Tara,

Which is an incarnation of the Buddha of compassion,

A female incarnation of the Buddha of compassion.

But of course you can call on God or Mother Mary,

On Jesus,

On your grandmother,

On whoever,

On the light out there,

To help you find the trust in this moment and to really give you trust.

And you can inhale the trust from them.

You can have it flow to you.

That's why I wanted to do this practice with you,

Even though we've already done a practice on trust.