Hi,
My name's Clara Sante and welcome to Insight Timer.
Today's talk is about teen moods.
Teenagers' moods and emotions are huge.
They're big and loud or loudly silent.
We've always tried to make our children okay,
So when they hit the teen years and they don't seem okay a lot of the time,
It feels like a big adjustment for us.
It used to be that we went through every emotion with them,
And because we were around them so much,
We always had a little bit of knowledge about the situation,
Even if it was something that happened at school.
We would know the children that it happened with and probably the parents and the teachers,
And also the added bonus that our children actually took our advice and listened to us.
But when they're older,
We don't tend to know about their lives as much,
So when they've had something going on,
We either don't even know what's happened or we don't know the people involved,
So it's hard for us to give any kind of advice.
Also,
They don't value our opinions anymore.
They'd rather go to friends,
And this is great,
But their friends might just put their own beliefs on them instead.
When our teenager is a moody,
It's hard.
They're the size of adults,
So it's hard not to get drawn in,
And we almost feel like they should know better.
So what should we do when our teenage moods are so up and down?
Well,
The most important thing to realize is that it's not personal.
It's not about us.
Even if they seem in a mood with us,
Even when the comments and shouting are directed at us,
They have something running through their mind,
And they believe it to be 100% true.
It could be something that happened,
And they're completely caught up in the story of what this means about them.
They don't know it's a story,
So they've been swept away,
Caught up in the narrative about how they're not good enough.
They don't know that they don't have to believe the narrative,
So it'll keep playing over and over in their minds,
Which comes with a feeling.
It's all singing,
All dancing,
Special effects,
So it feels really real and true.
They want relief from this feeling,
Because it feels awful.
They'll lash out or go silent,
Trying to get out of.
.
.
It feels unbearable.
Teenagers are so self-conscious.
They really care about what others think.
So not only are they assessing things around them,
But also how it'll look to other people.
So there's layer upon layer of things on their minds.
I'm not saying that if they're lashing out,
We do nothing.
If there's something in their behaviour that's intimidating or inappropriate,
Then they need to know that it won't be tolerated.
But if it's just moodiness,
Shouting,
Silence,
Then we can zoom out and watch it with interest.
Once it's no longer personal,
It's much easier to be with.
Probably any response with them will annoy them.
That's a given.
But allowing them to get it out of their system with no judgment is gold.
Once they've settled down a bit and it's all flowed through and we're still there,
That's when the magic happens.
They trust us because they've been able to show their feelings and we've let them.
There's nothing more powerful than giving your children the permission to feel their feelings.
It means that they don't get stuck.
They all flow all the way through and then out again.
Even the story about the feelings can be there.
It's just a story.
If we try to change or stop it,
It's gonna keep showing up until we see it for what it is,
A very repetitive,
Habitual story.
See if you can start to be onto your teenagers' stories.
Instead of getting sucked into the content,
See it as a story that plays out over and over again.
It might differ a little bit,
But it'll have the same undertone.
And if it ever feels right to do so,
Once they've settled down,
Ask them if they realize that the story running through their mind is always quite similar.
And see if you can gently tell them about how humans have repetitive stories that feel so real,
But at the end of the day,
They're just stories.
Thanks so much for listening and good luck.
