Parenting Teenagers More Gracefully

This is a talk about how we show up when we parent our teenagers. Once we start to become aware of the filters we parent through, we start to parent from a much more present state, which builds better connections.

Transcript

Hi there,

My name's Clara Sante and I'm a Change Coach.

I coach mainly teenagers and their parents.

I also have two teenagers myself and a 12-year-old who already acts like a teenager.

This talk is about how we,

As parents,

Show up.

The teen years are historically known as a bit of a nightmare but what I'm exploring here is what if they weren't?

What if the filter of teen years or a nightmare wasn't even there?

Could you see them through new and fresh eyes?

Could you parent your teen a little bit more gracefully?

Every morning we wake up,

We start our day and the way we navigate through is from a program that has formed all of our opinions,

Our beliefs,

Our views and how we interact with our teenagers and young people.

The way we've been programmed has come from what we've picked up along the way.

So how we've been parented or from teachers,

Friends,

TV,

Social media and other things in our environment.

We have no control over what we pick up so it's completely invisible until we start taking a look at it.

When you react to your teenager's behaviour in a really strong way,

What is the programming there?

So if they're coming across as disrespectful there'll be programming around respect or if they're angry you may have programming around anger being an emotion that we shouldn't feel.

When we experience their anger through a programmed filter it gives it a story.

There's judgment,

Opinion,

There are beliefs and because the filter is invisible we don't even notice why we're getting such a strong reaction.

So then it really looks like their anger is causing our pain and suffering.

Now the good news about bringing this to our attention is actually that noticing is enough and it's the constant noticing and the awareness of what's really going on that will deepen your connection with your teenager.

The filter isn't real,

It's just been picked up and then confirmed over and over and it's never even been questioned before so it seems so real.

So keep being on to your filters so every time there's a strong reaction to what your teen has said or done,

Take a look at and try and notice the filter that you're seeing the situation through and it's the bringing it to the surface that will start to dissolve it.

Start questioning its reality because that's enough to ground you back to the moment-to-moment experience of being a parent.

Thanks for listening.

Reviews

Loved this, thank you 🙏

Thanks for this track Clare and the reminder to be aware parenting through our filter. Loved this 😍

Thank you for sharing your insights, Clare. 🙏🏻 I really resonated with how you said that we are not in charge of the filters that we pick up. It was so interesting- I took a nice, deep breath when I heard you say that. Then the filters create a story that feels “real,” but is made of nothing. I listened to your track twice, and I’m sure I will come back to it. ☺️

Great insights Clare! Just having this awareness to begin with is going to make a difference as you are less likely to be in pure “reaction mode” when something comes up.

So helpful! I love that noticing the filters is enough. That makes so much sense. Thank you!

I love how you point to the “filter”. This is so useful and clear because it reminds me to be less in the head and more in the moment