Taking Time For Ourselves

We live in a world that makes it difficult to take time for ourselves. We reward busyness and make people feel guilty for wanting to slow down. But there are ways to take time for ourselves, in what I call "time cracks" or spaces throughout our day where we can reset. In this guided activity, I offer tips for making the most out of the time we get with ourselves.

This is my first talk on Insight Timer, as I normally post music. But I've found a way to incorporate some more music here too!

Transcript

We live in a culture that oppresses self-care through social norms.

Whether you are at work or spending time with family,

Stepping away for a bit to connect with yourself is considered selfish and inconsiderate.

But in taking time for ourselves,

We increase our ability to be present with others.

Hi,

My name is Beau,

And until now,

I've mostly only shared my meditation music on Insight Timer.

But today I'd like to talk to you about taking time for ourselves,

And to give you some strategies for how to make the most out of that time.

You're going to need a pen and paper for this guided activity.

Let's make sure you're in a comfortable position,

And let's take some breaths together to make sure we're both in the present moment.

Think about one of your most busy days,

When you've got a lot of things going on.

Maybe take the kids to school,

Go to work,

Pick them up,

Take them to sports practice,

Come home,

Cook dinner,

Talk with your spouse about work or money or family,

And then watch some TV and go to bed.

Now envision walking down a sidewalk,

One with cracks in it.

Imagine the cracks as little spaces of time you can take for yourself throughout this busy day.

Maybe it's 10 minutes in the car after you just dropped off a kid at practice,

And you've got 10 minutes before the next thing.

Maybe it's 20 minutes before everybody gets up in the morning.

Take a moment to write down what these cracks of time are for you.

For most people,

Checking our social media doesn't count,

But for some of us it does.

I'll let you decide on that.

If you have some ideas about what you could do during that time,

Make sure to take some time and write those down.

If you'd like some ideas,

I have a few.

You could leave your phone in your car or on silent for 10 minutes and go for a walk.

Yes,

A walk in some very ordinary neighborhood near wherever you're parked.

As a teacher,

I would get done for the day.

This is back when I was teaching in the public schools.

I'd get done for the day and sometimes just take a walk in the area around the school.

And yes,

It would have been awkward to see some of my students after school who may have lived right near the school.

But the time in that walk was worth it to me.

It was worth it to me to take time for myself before getting into my car and into my logic brain and back onto the next thing.

You also could keep a journal in your car.

You could write in the style of what I've heard of as morning pages,

Where it's kind of a stream of thought,

Stream of consciousness thing,

Where you're just kind of writing what comes to mind,

No filter,

And with no intention to share it with anybody or for even you to really read back through it because we're often our own worst critic.

It might be something like,

I can't believe who so-and-so said at lunch how unprofessional.

I wonder what makes the earth wobble when it rotates.

You know,

Whatever,

Whatever comes to your mind.

Or you could try some creative writing,

Like some lines to a poem.

If I'm feeling it,

I'll write free poetry where I'm just kind of writing lines,

No structure.

But if I'm a little blocked,

I'll give myself some rules like,

Okay,

Like five to seven syllables per line,

And I'll rhyme at the end of every other line.

You could write a story about something totally made up.

Writing stories,

Fantasy stories,

Are a great way to connect to the inner child.

Maybe you just imagine two people in a cafe.

What would they talk about?

That's actually how I started writing a novel a couple years back during COVID.

I just,

I imagined,

Well,

A friend of mine gave me a kit on how to write a novel in a month,

Which I thought was pretty ambitious.

But it says you just have to start writing with a scene and really try to make it,

If you can make it as average and mediocre as possible,

The better.

So I was writing about this old couple in a cafe.

And then it kind of,

That was like the tip of this iceberg.

Now I'm not saying that happens for everybody.

I got lucky and I also had some time on my hands.

But the point is,

Whatever you write,

It doesn't have to be well written.

It's more about taking some time for you to feel connected to yourself,

Which I think we make a better connection to ourself when we get to be creative.

So much in our life is a response to something.

And that time of being creative,

It's like gluing back together these pieces that we're kind of handing out to the world.

Maybe you text someone you haven't talked to for a while while you're in the car,

They're sitting there in the school parking lot or whatever.

Just because you're taking time for yourself doesn't mean you have to disengage from everybody.

Maybe connecting to somebody in the past kind of reminds you of a period of your life,

Who you were back then,

And allows you to feel a sense of continuity with that person.

One that can get lost in sort of the muck of present circumstances.

So write something down that you want to try this week in one of your cracks of time.

And I encourage you to draw something next to what you write.

It could be literal or symbolic.

Images have a way of sticking in our memory better than words.

So maybe you draw someone taking a walk.

Or maybe you draw the sidewalk with the cracks in it.

Maybe you draw a pen riding across the night sky.

Now let's talk about finding time for yourself when you're with your family.

Imagine you're at a family gathering.

Perhaps during the holidays.

Let's imagine everything's going pretty well,

And I say imagine because I recognize for many people family holiday time can be pretty difficult and stressful.

If it's too difficult in this imagination to be with family,

Imagine being with some friends or extended family instead.

Now even though things are going well,

I want you to imagine telling everybody,

I'm going to take a walk.

I'll be back in 10 to 15 minutes.

Now I want you to imagine the comments and questions that would come up.

Perhaps someone says,

Oh,

A walk sounds great.

You know,

We could all use some movement.

And you'd have to reply,

Oh,

I'd prefer to be alone for a bit.

Imagine how other people would respond to that.

Spend a little bit of time journaling about this interaction.

The response and the feelings that would come up.

The way I see it,

There are two scenarios here.

In the first scenario,

People are hurt because you want to be alone for a bit.

Or you presume they are hurt.

Good thing to distinguish there.

In this scenario,

You should assure them that being alone recharges your battery and allows you to be more present with them.

Assure them this time is really to improve the quality of the rest of your time with them.

Scenario two.

Imagine the situation was awkward but not too judgmental.

Sit with the awkwardness for a bit until it passes.

Now imagine you got out of the house and you're on your walk.

What sorts of things could you do to make the most of this time now that you got it?

Before I provide some suggestions,

Maybe you could jot down some ideas.

When I take walks,

I start by taking a breath and relaxing the muscles in my face.

I do this within 10 seconds of getting out the door.

Then I let my eyes begin to wander to the sights around me,

Whether it's just the houses or cars or the horizon in the distance.

Whatever.

After a bit of that,

I check in with my inner child.

I ask him,

How are you doing?

What would you like to talk to me about,

If anything?

How do you feel about everything going on today?

He may tell me that he liked it when the family played a board game,

But he didn't really like it when they started talking about politics because it was boring for him.

I found my inner child doesn't always love those conversations.

I mean,

Sometimes I do love those conversations,

But he doesn't,

So I don't talk to him about that.

He may say he wants to go with everyone on a hike or a dance or do something fun.

My inner child is fundamentally fun and adventurous,

And when I listen to him,

I feel more whole and less constrained by adult social norms,

Over-intellectualizing,

And that drab small talk.

So these are some suggestions that you can take with you to spend some more time with yourself and to make the most out of that time.

I'd love to learn how this activity was for you.

Please put your comments below.

Let me know what you think.

Also,

If you have any ideas for spending time with yourself that you'd like to share with the Insight Timer community,

Please feel free to write them in the comments below this recording.

As a side note,

All the music for this session was written by me.

I'll leave you with a little more to close out the session today.

Take care.