Develop Your Good Heart

This is Part 2 of a series of teachings that introduces some of the factors relating to our true well-being and happiness from the Buddhist viewpoint.

To develop our good heart may sound very good, but what does it mean? How do you develop your good heart, and how does that help in your journey through your life?

This discussion of the good heart starts with the basic underlying ground of our mind, which is our awareness. From cultivating and developing our awareness in the right way comes brightness, clarity, and eventually wisdom, and brings with it many good qualities of mind, which together we could call our good heart.

Developing our good heart can offer us more meaning and understanding in our lives, enabling us to be happier and helping us to look after our true wellbeing.

Transcript

So lovely to see you all.

So you'll see we've given you a little book and a pen.

The main thing is,

Some of what we say you probably know already,

A lot of it's not new,

But Buddhism has a particular understanding of the things that we're going to talk about which may be new.

Some of the things that we may feel are very familiar to us,

Buddhism often gives a totally different dimension to those things which means that we understand why these particular attitudes or practices or skills could help us.

So the idea of the book is that we're going to forget most of what we hear today.

Within a few days we'll have a vague memory of some of the things that we talked about,

But there might be things that you hear that could really help a lot,

Could be very beneficial or could even change your life.

So it's worth,

You don't have to just take notes,

But if you hear something that really resonates with you and you feel you can understand the purpose and the benefit,

Then it's a good idea to make a few notes because you'll forget a lot of this stuff and that's the best way is just keeping a record of what we've talked about.

So the class was called Developing Your Good Heart and that must mean something to all of you because you came and there must be something about that statement that means something to you.

Actually if you were to distill all of Buddhist practice,

Probably at the foundation of it is this idea of our good heart.

So it's a great sounding thing,

But what is it?

What does it mean?

And how do you develop your good heart and how does that help on our journey through our life and how does that help for us to have more meaning and understanding in our life and to be happier,

To understand the process of how we can look after ourselves well.

So in Buddhism,

What do we mean by good heart?

So actually it's a little bit of a combination of what you could say was our good heart and our good mind.

One way of looking at it is that in our Western culture we spend a lot of our life,

Particularly in our youth,

Developing our understanding and our knowledge and our skills that are basic learning that we do to operate in the world.

And as we go on this becomes also a set of skills that we acquire that we can use in our work and to be able to be equipped to look after ourselves and others.

And a lot of it is to do with studying and developing our intellectual understanding,

Our ability to work things out,

Our ability to navigate the difficulties that we have in our life.

But it's very much around our thinking,

Our beliefs,

Our learned information that we get through our science culture and our technology culture and so on.

But when Buddhism talks about our mind,

It has a lot to say about another aspect of our mind.

When we talk about mind in Buddhism,

Part of that is we're talking about our basic awareness.

So our awareness,

Which means our consciousness of the present,

Our experience of what's happening in the present,

Is coming from our awareness.

It's not coming from our thoughts.

It's not coming from our feelings.

It's not coming from our beliefs.

It's actually coming from our knowing of what the present is,

Our experience of moment by moment.

It might be coming via our senses,

Our hearing,

Our feeling,

Our touching,

Our smelling,

Our seeing,

And also our mind that's processing the information and the experiences.

But what is it that knows all of those things is our awareness.

So Buddhism says the foundation or the ground of our mind is actually awareness.

And not only that,

It says that awareness is something that we can develop stronger and clearer and brighter.

And we've never heard that in our Western culture.

If you come from Asia,

You might be familiar with it.

But there's not really anything in Western culture that talks about how do you develop your awareness.

Specifically,

I mean,

You can develop using your awareness to learn to be a pianist or to learn many things.

But actually to develop our awareness is something we haven't got much experience or understanding of.

Yet Buddhism says that's the thing that's in us that can be developed in a way that brings us to a lot of clarity in our mind.

In fact,

It can develop what's called wisdom.

So this is an experiential thing that we're talking about,

Not something that we retain by memory.

It's not something that we learn and then we keep it in our mind as a memory.

This is an experience of living.

So that's a distinction to note.

When we talk about our good heart in Buddhism,

It includes this essential nature of our mind,

Which is awareness.

Now,

Buddhism says that awareness can be developed to an extraordinary state.

It can be developed actually way beyond our conventional understanding,

Our conventional knowledge.

It can be developed to a state that's called enlightenment,

Which is what the Buddha did.

And so the development of awareness is like,

It doesn't have a ceiling on it.

It doesn't have a,

It's like it goes to an enormous level of clarity and brightness and wisdom and many good qualities come along that path as you go along that journey.

And where is the journey take you to?

Well,

Basically in Buddhism,

It says it takes you to becoming an enlightened being like a Buddha.

When we say good heart,

It comes from that perspective.

And then how does it,

How do we experience that apart from just our simple knowing,

Which we touched on in the meditation,

You know,

That was about knowing,

Wasn't it?

It was about being in the present,

Relaxing our mind,

Experiencing the present,

Experiencing our breath.

That's an exercise in our awareness.

We call it mindfulness,

But essentially it's,

It's allowing our awareness to become still and quiet and then gradually to become brighter.

But a part of our awareness is also the different mental states that we have.

So Buddhism says that some of the mental states that we experience every day are going to be beneficial in the sense that they will contribute to the development of our goodness,

Our good heart,

And our awareness.

In other words,

They will help the awareness expand,

They will help the awareness become clearer.

So if we put our awareness on a very negative thing,

What happens is our awareness shrinks.

It gets heavy.

It gets dark,

Because it's,

It's connecting up,

It's sort of enveloping something which is not helpful,

It's actually harmful.

But if we were to put the awareness on a very good quality,

The awareness can grow,

The awareness can become clearer and steadier.

So in Buddhism,

These good qualities are our good heart,

That's what we mean.

So what they could be,

For example,

In each class,

We'll talk about one or two topics only.

There's other things we could say,

But we just want to look at one or two basic things that we can start to see what they mean from the Buddhist viewpoint.

And one of them that we talk about today is called generosity.

So this is one of the qualities that the Buddha taught will nourish our awareness,

Will nourish our goodness,

Will allow the good qualities in us to grow.

And as those qualities grow,

So will our happiness.

Because our happiness,

You can't just sort of find a button you can push and our happiness will grow.

There's no knob that you can,

There's nothing in us that you can switch the happiness on.

But actually,

In a sort of a way there is,

Because if you know,

Happiness is a byproduct of our mental state.

It's like the end result of what our mental state is.

So you can't work on happiness because it's an end result.

You've got to work on the thing that produces the happiness.

So one of these is generosity.

So we can give an example.

Actually it's in our book.

So maybe we'll hand out the book,

We'll read a short little thing to explain how generosity is an enabler of our well-being,

Our happiness,

Our clarity,

Our brightness.

What role does generosity play?

And then,

So we're going to page 27.

Simon,

You could read for us.

Chapter Three Generosity Buddha's teachings place generosity at the very beginning.

Learning how to give things is essential.

Why would we bother to learn how to give?

Giving appears to be simple enough.

We have been giving all sorts of things to others many times a day for most of our adult life.

If we are a parent,

That is all about giving,

As our children are dependent on us to use our skills and resources to support them.

It seems like simple stuff.

There is a Buddhist book about giving called Dhana,

Which is the Pali word for generosity.

The book is 778 pages long.

That means there is a lot about giving we have not learnt yet.

This is not just information about what we could refer to as conventional giving.

This is about the Buddhist practice of giving.

The practice of giving,

Called dhana in the Pali language,

Is placed first in the order of things as a foundation for the process of us becoming free from suffering.

Let us imagine ourselves to be a farmer for a moment.

Suppose we have a large field in which we wish to sow our crop.

What would happen if the soil in our field is of poor quality?

It may lack nutrients.

It may be dry.

It may be too acidic.

The good topsoil may have blown away in the wind.

If we were to sow our grain in that field,

If we spent a lot of time ploughing and preparing the ground,

Removing the rocks,

And then planting our crop,

We will be very disappointed.

Due to the poor soil quality,

Not all the seeds we have planted will be able to grow.

The plants that do grow will struggle to establish themselves,

And some will die before they can be harvested.

The poor soil cannot support the seeds that are sown to flourish into healthy plants.

They will be stunted and not develop to their full potential.

Keep going?

Yeah.

Our minds can be likened to the soil in this situation.

Lack of generosity shows itself as a dry mind,

Harsh,

Mean,

Closed,

Narrow,

Stingy,

Jealous,

And unforgiving.

Soil not able to support growth of any good seeds planted there,

Anything we sow,

Any good actions we do with a non-generous mind will not develop fully,

Will be stunted,

And the resultant fruit will be small.

Generosity is nutrient for the mind,

The rich,

Lush,

Fertile energy which supports and nourishes the growth of further goodness.

It is the temperament of giving and forgiving,

Openness,

Cheerfulness,

Supporting,

Accepting,

Easing the way for the other person,

Joyfully lending a helping hand and nourishing.

So if you think about it,

If you look at a whole series of behaviours that we can do which are considered to be good behaviours or our good heart,

Our goodness,

So you can consider things like friendliness,

Kindness,

As we said forgiveness,

Compassion,

Love.

What would those qualities look like if you didn't have generosity?

What would be the quality of your friendliness if you didn't have generosity?

Or what would be the quality of your kindness if you didn't have generosity?

You would see that these attitudes which potentially would be very virtuous would not be properly developed,

They would be like limited.

So the friendliness would have boundaries around it,

Would be limited by our lack of generosity,

Like we wouldn't be able to give a lot in that friendliness.

Or our love,

It would be very conditional,

We wouldn't be able to give freely,

We'd be wanting what's in it for us all the time.

Our kindness,

We'd be happy to be kind about some things but other things it's going to cost me too much or I haven't got the time or I couldn't be bothered.

It's like all of these potentially very good qualities would have flaws in them.

So this is what we could relate to this story about the seeds,

Because it's like when we do a good act we're planting a good seed,

But if we don't have this quality of generosity that seed can't grow properly.

It's like it won't be real kindness actually,

It'll be some sort of cardboard cutout.

It won't have the full strength of what kindness is capable of,

Neither will the love,

Neither will the friendship.

So it's like they'll all be stunted.

So if you talk about your good heart,

That's got to be made up of all of these good qualities,

Good attitudes and good behaviours.

But if they're all limited and restricted and stunted by the fact that your generosity hasn't been,

You really don't have a generous mind,

Then the goodness of your heart is not really developed,

Is it?

It's like a stunted thing.

So this is why it's like you have to get the foundation for all of those things to develop.

The foundation is you have to have a generous mind.

So then what does it look like?

Because it's not,

In the West we might think that means you have to give a lot,

But actually it's not really about giving a lot.

It's about having a disposition of being able to get on with others,

Being able to support others,

Being able to accept others.

You know,

Because it's easy to be critical of others because that's just part of our nature.

We find faults easily.

Something somebody did in the past,

We harbour maybe,

And then we close the door to them.

You know,

They might have been having a bad day,

But that's not part of how we look at it.

They did that and that's the end of it.

We don't like them or we don't accept them.

We don't forgive easily.

But generosity,

It's like you can give a person another chance.

Generosity is willing to hold out a hand.

Generosity is willing to consider them.

Maybe they were struggling.

Why was their behaviour like that?

Maybe they've had a lot of difficulties in their life.

You know,

Generosity is a mind that can accept people and allow for the fact that we don't know what their experience has been.

You know,

People are a product of a lot of things,

Why they are the way they are.

It's easy to condemn them or be critical,

But generosity will maybe not be so quick in making that judgment because it understands the nature of the world.

It's a tough place and we didn't all get what we needed to develop in a way that means that we're whatever we would want to be.

So generosity is kind of an attitude,

How you look at the world,

Where you're not harsh,

You're not highly judgmental.

I don't mean you just let everyone get away with anything.

That's not it.

It's about your basic way of interpreting the world around you,

Whether there's kindness in it,

Whether you've got acceptance of others,

Or whether you're shutting down and having a lot of judgments and whether you're being very careful about who you allow through the door and who you will help and who you won't help.

So a generous nature is you give people a break and you try to look after people.

It doesn't mean you run around,

You know,

Give all your money away or something like that.

It's not about that.

It's just about your basic way of looking at other beings.

Can you look at them from a good point of view of this wish for the other beings to be well and happy?

And rather than trying to compete with them or be better than them,

It's just a basic,

This is just basic goodness,

We're talking about really,

What it means to have a good heart.

So,

It's maybe not necessarily our nature to have this generous view,

But we can develop it.

We can look to be a better person in this particular way of being aware of the needs of others and looking to make allowances and accept others as they are,

Even though people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and they display so many different temperaments and behaviours.

But rather than be cynical to be able to make allowance for the fact that we're all come from different backgrounds and it's okay.

So,

This then contributes to our ability to be friendly,

Kind,

Supportive.

It doesn't mean we let people beat up on us.

That's not healthy.

It doesn't mean that we approve of people doing things that are bad or harmful.

No,

That's not it.

It's just about our internal world.

This is about how we are inside,

What our mind is like internally,

How we relate to the world.

So,

Do we relate to the world with some kindness and openness or do we relate to the world harshly,

Judgmentally,

Critically?

Because it makes a difference to us.

This is part of what causes our well-being or our suffering,

How we interface with the world.

If we come from the position of a good heart,

Our interface with the world is called wholesome in Buddhism.

Wholesome meaning it will contribute to our well-being and others' well-being.

Unwholesome means it contributes to our lack of well-being or our mental unwellness and probably it will spill over to be unbeneficial to others.

Because if our internal world is a tough place,

Then it's very hard for us to really be good to others.

So,

We'll go around to see how you think about this or what are you hearing,

What do you think?

Min,

How are you going with this?

And by the way,

You can say pass,

Right?

You don't have to.

Pass is fine.

One student made the following comment,

I would be more generous in general,

But what would happen if people take advantage of that?

If you are being generous and someone else is using you,

Then you will feel that being generous without expectations could not be a good thing to do.

It may be the case,

But the difficulty is if we base our behaviour and our qualities that we choose and that we use and we develop on how someone else reacts to it,

We'll start to shut off all our good qualities.

Because we'll say,

Well,

Sometimes those people throw it back at me or sometimes they do things which suggest they don't appreciate what I put out there.

So,

Then we get to a point where we just shut down everything because some people didn't approve or some people didn't react how we wanted.

So,

Then you've got to ask how strong are those qualities that we have if they can just fall to bits as soon as somebody doesn't reciprocate in the way we expect.

So,

This is the idea of to give without expectation.

That if you have expectation,

You're going to wear something that says,

Oh,

Well,

I'm not going to be friendly anymore.

I'm not going to be kind.

Why would I bother?

These people don't appreciate me.

But the problem is that's your well-being that you're putting on the line there.

Your inner world of goodness is being given away because somebody externally didn't behave how you want it.

So,

Basically,

You can't develop your goodness if you go about it like that because you'll give up.

But the goodness has its own benefit,

Which is what you need for your well-being and happiness.

And I wouldn't give that up because somebody wasn't appreciative of something that I did.

So,

I would rather do the goodness without the expectation because I need to develop my goodness as my path to my own well-being and happiness.

I'm not depending on someone else's reaction to it because I know in the world I'm going to get every sort of reaction,

Isn't it?

Some people will criticize me for that.

Some people will be angry for that.

Some people will think I'm a wonderful person,

Right?

But I can't control any of those things.

I can only look after myself.

And I know that if I develop my goodness,

Then I will help others,

Whether they appreciate it or not.

Some people will appreciate it,

And a lot of people could be better off for the fact that I've developed those things.

But I will be better off,

Which is the real bottom line,

I guess.

But one thing that does happen is that when you increase your generosity,

You see more people who are generous.

So the people who are likely to take advantage of that,

Those type of people in your life start to reduce.

That's one of the side effects of practicing generosity.

But the other thing too is that people who have practiced generosity really,

Really well are so beautiful to be around.

Like,

You're just really attracted to them because they are not judging you,

Because they're generous.

They're allowing you to be who you are.

You know,

Often we feel when we meet someone,

We're a little bit anxious sometimes because it's like,

What are you thinking about me?

When you meet someone who's developed generosity really,

Really powerfully,

You don't feel that way.

They're lovely to be around.

They allow you to be who you are.

They're really willing to consider your point of view and the way that you look at things.

And they're really good at listening and being completely with you.

And that's a very special thing to see and witness and experience.

Another student has asked the following question.

How do you develop that when you give and give without expectation?

How do you keep working on yourself to have strength and courage if another person is difficult?

So,

You know,

If you were to say to me,

How do you become a great pianist?

There's a process,

Isn't there?

That you have a period of time where you have to develop those qualities that it takes to be a great pianist.

You have to work on it.

You have to recognize that you're not going to be a great pianist in a couple of weeks or even a couple of months,

Right?

But you also understand that there is a path towards becoming a great pianist.

And you have to have the perseverance and the willingness to go on that journey to get to that quality that you wish for.

And in this process in Buddhism,

We're basically shifting.

It's change management.

We're identifying qualities that would be very helpful and beneficial for us.

And we can see that in some areas we might be pretty good and other areas we're not so good.

But the whole thing is a process of development and practice.

And that is essentially what Buddhism is about.

So if you were to ask Vinci or Simon,

They will tell you that they're on a journey towards something that they haven't got to yet,

But they're well along the way compared to where they were when they started.

And that they can recognize the things that they are deliberately cultivating.

And it's not like just a flippant sort of idea.

They cultivate those things consistently over a period of time.

And gradually those qualities improve.

So even difficult things can be achieved.

Frank,

You did also just mention that it is a process.

A lot of the times we think that we often think about the hardest sort of the most challenging person in our life.

And because this is a process we're all learning,

What we say is when beginning to practice generosity explicitly,

Like we're advocating,

Is you start with someone that it's easy to do.

Don't sort of go,

I'm going to get the most challenging person in my life.

I'm going to practice generosity because that's going to be a disaster.

What we say is we start in areas where it's very easy to do,

Where the environment's very conducive and will help you to get you a sense of confidence about generosity.

So we wouldn't start trying to play the piano with the most difficult piece.

No,

Exactly.

We'd probably start with the scales,

Right?

Yeah,

Exactly.

And so it's like that.

It's about being realistic.

Yeah,

That's right.