Judgment: By What Criteria Do I Judge Myself & Others?

This talk begins with a short story followed by quotes to support a deeper dive into the topic of judgment. Being judgemental restricts your perceptions and doesn't allow you to see all the existing opportunities. Our judgments actually judge us, revealing and exposing our weaknesses— perfection, projection, perception, passive, passion, and peace. Deep dive into this wholesome, creative reflection with Robert Halley and awaken to what you could benefit the most with your time and attention.

Transcript

Warm greetings to you all.

I welcome you to this moment in time with a story,

Some quotes,

And reflective questions.

Feel free to have a journal nearby.

Shall you choose to reflect that way?

Or maybe you treat this like a meditation.

Find comfort in this moment,

In your body,

With any intuitive movement.

Maybe there's some tea.

Allow these words to spark in and around you.

Words are funny things.

They're like spells.

They're like unique equations in math and science.

Let them wash through your values,

Beliefs,

And how you feel today.

And let's see where we go.

Beautiful breath in.

Beautiful breath out.

In.

Expand in all directions.

Out.

Release.

Two friends met up one day and they struck up a conversation.

Tell me,

My friend,

Said the one.

The last time we ran into one another a long time ago,

You said you were off to search for a wife.

You wanted a relationship.

So,

Uh,

What happened with that?

Did you do anything about it?

You bet I did,

Replied the friend.

After we spoke back then,

I was so determined to find the perfect woman.

And so,

I went out looking.

I actually went on a blind date and I met a truly beautiful woman.

Wow.

Absolutely gorgeous.

But,

Uh,

She wasn't smart enough for me and,

Uh,

I feel I couldn't speak to her about anything of substance,

Of depth.

So,

You know,

I had to move on.

And then a short while afterwards,

I met a second woman.

Educated,

Intelligent,

Very,

Very experienced.

Uh,

But she wasn't very good looking.

I tried for a short time to develop a relationship with her,

But it always bothered me that she wasn't pretty enough.

So,

I moved on.

And then,

One day,

I found the woman that captured my heart.

Stunningly beautiful,

With an incredible body and so smart,

Intelligent conversations.

With a great head on her shoulders.

She was honestly like the most perfect woman for me.

Oh!

Okay.

So,

Why didn't she marry her?

Asked the first friend.

They were somewhat puzzled.

Well,

Unfortunately,

Came the answer.

She happened to be looking for the perfect man.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I will allow five mindful breaths to echo what the short story is evolving in you and your emotions and your thoughts.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Inhale deeply.

Exhale completely.

So what part of that story did you like?

What part of that story did you not like?

What part of that story activated something in you?

A frustration?

A hope?

So whether you are single,

Dating,

Committed,

This idea of human connection and perfection and attraction and the effort and the release I'm sure has some resonance no matter where you are in your life.

Such wisdom shared.

Be that which you are seeking.

But at the end of the day,

The qualities are in the eye of the beholder.

For nothing and no one is perfect.

Those are two funny interesting words together.

Projection and perfection.

So currently in my life right now I am single.

I am dabbling my toes into making effort to connect with some people in person when it allows and it feels intuitively right.

But nowadays a lot of it is virtual.

It's very interesting because people have different types of communication.

A big awakening a few days ago which I knew but it came back to me is this projection.

We're always projecting.

You're projecting,

You're kind of making it up.

You're making up the character.

You're projecting why they did that.

Why did they respond that way?

You're projecting your past pain.

You're projecting your ideal mate.

We're always projecting.

And it's really good to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

And just to be aware of the projecting.

You're projecting your frustration.

You're projecting your time frame.

Your age.

You're projecting.

So this projecting and perfection,

They are a dance.

I wonder what the medicine is to balance out this projection.

Since we're with the P words what's another P word?

Projection.

Perfection.

Peace.

Passive.

Can we be passive in the interactions to feel and find a breeze of peace to hear not only with our ears but with our hearts.

Knowing that there quite often is a wounded child,

A wounded person within.

Yeah.

Even just the conscious awareness of that.

Passion.

Yes.

Passion.

Protection.

I'm all about the buzzwords.

So as a coach,

We can talk till the cows come home.

You can ramble and brain dump.

But it's interesting.

I'm sure we've all been there.

You're hearing someone but it's they're kind of empty words.

So,

Pshh.

Find the buzzword.

What's alive for you today?

How does that story make you feel?

Same with this play on the P words.

Projection.

Perfection.

Passion.

What is your passion?

And is the passion alive in the two people when they meet?

Is it repressed?

Hello.

Protection.

What is the protection needed?

Or have you been protecting your heart too much?

Knowing that love invites us to be raw,

Naked,

And vulnerable.

We're on earth school everyone.

There is a thought.

Being unsatisfied in my partner reveals my own judgemental nature which cannot be satisfied.

Whoa.

So when you're not satisfied ask yourself what would satisfy you?

But the thing is this is an abundant universe and it's an abundant life.

So will you ever be satisfied?

Is there different levels of satisfaction?

What does that mean to you?

Is stability not enough?

A few moments ago I mentioned passion.

Of course life is a juggling act with families,

With mates,

With workplaces,

With where you live,

With bills,

And this and that.

But what is the non-negotiable?

What is the passion in your heart that is the fuel,

The fire for your soul,

For your existence to wake up each day?

So that will talk to you.

It will.

Objectification.

We are multidimensional people.

Sure this is the dense down incarnated reality of flesh,

Blood,

And bone,

Skin,

Shapes,

Muscle,

Fat,

Stretch marks,

Pores,

This,

That,

Hair,

No hair.

Yes,

We are uniquely odd and beautiful in our own ways,

But where were we before these bodies?

Where are we going?

We are more than meets the eye.

The idea of monogamy,

Is it even achievable?

Remember there's no right or wrong.

We're here for different experiences.

In Earth school it's easy to control people with systems.

But remember there's no judgement at the end of your life.

It's just the review.

What next?

What did you download?

What did you offer?

What's your next mission?

It's the character.

What character wants that?

What are you meant to learn and grow with?

We don't have the answers.

I'm just a curious,

Compassionate fella.

When neediness sparks and it's itchy,

When your neediness is itchy it's time to take that journey with you.

Of course everything is exemplified with companionship and community but there will always need to be tending to your internal fires.

Yes.

So when you find yourself single how you defined it,

Enjoy the gift of that.

There's been many studies,

Don't have the exact one to quote,

But women that did separate from their partner are choosing not to remarry and are more satisfied with their lifestyle.

All these beautiful women's circles,

Getting property together,

Celebrating passions.

I do see being single as a gift,

Especially when you want to serve the world,

When you're developing passive income.

But again,

There's no right or wrong.

We're all here for different reasons and seasons and things can change fast.

What is the growth your soul craves?

Remember,

Family does not look one way.

We're making it all up.

You're my family.

You see?

Virtual is actually vibrational.

We connect with threads of love.

Let's listen to some quotes.

I have five quotes.

The way the quotes work is I read one,

Let it just wash through you like a warm breeze.

The second time you hear the quote,

Get a little more critical and let's see where thought goes with it.

Being judgmental restricts your perceptions and doesn't allow you to see all the existing opportunities.

It causes you to focus on what isn't there rather than what is.

On places in which you aren't good enough and so is the other.

From Efrat Shani,

Israeli life coach.

Again,

Being judgmental restricts your perceptions and doesn't allow you to see all the existing opportunities.

It causes you to focus on what isn't there rather than what is.

On places in which you aren't good enough and neither is the other.

Abraham Hicks talks about what is itis.

When you're so focused on what is itis and the judgments and what you're seeing,

You are narrowing that vision.

Even in your trauma and pain,

We just want to soothe,

Distract,

What does your inner being have to say?

Remember,

You are God-godding.

What is the vast,

Bird's eye view of the perspective of why and who you met that person?

The uncomfortableness,

The friction.

Remember,

You don't have to marry someone or have sex with them,

But there's something there.

What's the opportunity?

Often,

The opportunity is just to learn more about you.

A boundary,

A value,

A belief,

A change.

May you confront your judgments with at least five breaths.

Remember,

Mindfulness in the new world is not an hour meditation.

It's five breaths.

Normalize that.

That's one of my missions.

You're triggered.

You're like,

Ugh.

You realize you judge someone.

Even just looking.

Oh.

Just take your five breaths.

What's behind the judgment?

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Our next quote is from William Shakespeare.

Hear these words.

Nothing is good or bad,

But thinking makes it so.

Nothing is good or bad,

But thinking makes it so.

How do you feel about that?

Hmm.

Yes,

Indeed.

That supports one of my quotes,

Too.

There is no good or bad only which you are attempting to achieve.

Yeah,

Words are such funny things.

It's true.

Remember,

We're making it all up.

I love saying that.

You're making it all up.

Yes,

Our caregivers,

Our role models,

Our people of influence,

Who you hang around.

You'll start to be influenced by the common collective dominant,

Like what's cool to wear.

Oh,

You're not wearing Nikes?

Oh my gosh,

You have velcro shoes?

I remember being made fun of when people had velcro shoes from Byway.

All right.

Our next quote is from Paul and Prose Valerie.

Here at once,

Reflect the second time.

Our judgments judge us.

We reveal and expose our weakness by the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows.

Our judgments judge us.

We reveal and expose our weakness by the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows.

Dang!

Oh,

You read yourself.

Can you imagine that?

Well,

That's because everything's a mirror.

When you judge something,

Boom!

It's right back in your face.

So what's in place of judgment then?

Bearing witness,

Bearing witness,

Silent blessing.

Remember,

Words are like knives instead of judging.

My mom always reminds me of my grandfather,

How sometimes he wouldn't talk.

He's hearing things and instead of cussing you or reading you or educating you when it's unasked feedback,

He would just smile or laugh.

Yeah,

For sure.

If you're quick to judge,

It's an area of cultivation,

What is weak in you.

What is so weak and unstable that you feel you have to hurt someone or call them out or judge them?

Unless of course you feel it's your karma to establish a boundary.

Remember,

There's no I'm just sharing what's coming through.

There's no one path.

However,

There is something called natural law that I'd like to learn more of.

Things like if someone's trying to kill you,

You do have the right to defend yourself.

So there's natural law and ethics like that.

But yeah,

We get to decide because the judgments are revealing something about,

Maybe something's not as secure in you,

Something's not secure for you to be so quick like that.

Hmm.

We definitely do learn when we're exposed outside of the homes we've grown up in,

The towns we've grown up in.

Okay,

Two more quotes.

First quote.

It's not wishful thinking.

This is a quote from The Secret.

It's not wishful thinking.

Hmm.

I wonder what that means.

I have to sit with that one.

So there's thinking and there's wishful.

Hmm.

Well if we relate this back to judgment.

Judgments are judgment.

They're heavy.

Wishful is more in the light of wouldn't it be nice.

Hmm.

Our final quote is perfect.

It's like the cherry on the cake from Mother Teresa.

Perhaps you've heard this before.

I'll read it slowly.

If you judge people,

You have no time to love them.

If you judge people,

You have no time to love them.

And if love is all there is.

Yeah.

So the buzzword of that quote is time.

Where you focused on your time.

Even think about it.

Close your eyes.

Yesterday.

So put put love in your left hand.

Put judgment in your right hand.

What's the teeter totter?

Evaluate it.

Yesterday.

Did you,

Let's see.

Did you judge yourself?

More than you loved yourself?

Think about it.

How did you eat?

Did you push yourself around?

Did you compare yourself to others?

Was judgment higher than love?

How about the people you interacted with?

Did you love them more than judge them?

What a simple exercise.

Where is your time focused?

What are you investing in?

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Life is not easy.

The world's gone a bit mad in its evolution.

But we get to decide.

Let's close with some questions.

Okay.

You may want to write them down.

To reflect and journal them later.

Or treat it like a meditation.

Just answer it in your head.

Alright.

First question of three.

What concerns me more?

What I have or what I haven't got?

What concerns me more?

What I have or what I haven't got?

Five mindful breaths between.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

It's interesting what your answer is right away without thinking too much.

Second question.

By what criteria do I judge others and myself?

What is the criteria,

The framework,

For which you would even want to judge someone or judge yourself?

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Our final question today is Which aspects of myself am I the most judgemental about?

Which aspects of myself am I the most judgemental about?

Scan your life,

Your head,

Your heart.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

We explored the theme of judgement.

Some say there is the final judgement.

But what does that mean?

Is there a God that will judge us?

Or is it our own selves that will judge us?

Is judgement another word of reflection,

Evaluation,

Understanding,

Learning,

Being,

Awakening?

Is my prayer and blessing to you that you can see that bird's eye view,

Treat everything like a mirror,

The friction,

The annoying personalities,

The pain,

The perfection you seek.

I wish your fires to stay alive in your passion of your gut,

Your heart,

Your soul,

In the passions to identify and light up and be a part of your life.

Your passions to identify and light up who you're meant to meet on the path of your life.

Remember we're making it all up.

You are more than meets the eye and you get to decide your relations.

May you strengthen the weakness of judgement to know thyself.

For all aspects,

All these aspects of life and reflection lead to one thing.

Who are you?

What are you?

And how will you demonstrate that?

I bless you with conscious awareness on your journey.

And for now,

We are contently complete.

.

Reviews

🌈🌍🔥🖤wow how awesome 🦋🌿

Thank you Robert for this reflective meditation. I most harshly judge myself for judging. When I do, I remind myself I'm still on a journey and still recognizing old programming and try to reflect why I'm judging. I am still human. I love the 5 breaths!! Incorporating that into every day. 🙏🏼🥰

So much to process. Thank you!