Hello and welcome to improve your relationship by letting go of expectations.
I want to start by saying that every one of us has their individual expectations about life in general and the areas that are involved,
Like your relationship and your partner.
Your expectations are driven by everything you've encountered throughout your life.
That is your culture,
Your family,
Your friends,
Past relationships,
Even what you've seen on telly or social media.
Your brain has taken all of that in,
Filtered it,
Did its individual interpretations and created an idea or belief about how you want your relationship to be and how your partner should be and behave.
This process is happening in your subconscious and unless you reflect on it or you question it,
You take these expectations with you and speak and behave according to these beliefs.
When it comes to your romantic relationships,
You might be particularly expectant on what you want and what you don't want and the reason for this is often driven by fear.
The fear of getting hurt,
The fear of being cheated on,
The fear of being lied to,
The fear of being alone,
The fear of losing control,
The fear of being disappointed,
The fear of other people's judgment.
And even though fear might be the underlying reason,
The more obvious reasons are that you have previous experiences where you decided this is what I want and this is what I don't want as well as what you've seen around you and classify as normal.
And with this normal,
You may have noticed that friends,
Family,
And even strangers who agree with your expectations are particularly welcomed by you and that goes specifically when it's about venting about your expectations which aren't met by your partner.
And I think it's very fair to say that we've all been there at some point in our life or relationship.
And as normal as it is for you to have expectations about your relationship and your partner,
They are one of the main reasons for conflict,
Disconnect,
And even the end of a union because expectations can create tension and disappointment between partners and they struggle to meet each other's needs and desires,
Leading to increased tension and disappointment.
And this can result in decreased satisfaction and fulfillment within the relationship as you may feel misunderstood,
Unappreciated,
Or invalidated by your partner.
Often,
Resentment,
Emotional and physical disconnect are the result of this.
Now,
One could say that it's because your expectations are unrealistic.
I don't want to go there.
Yes,
Your expectations,
Your ideas,
And your beliefs are valid.
They might not be beneficial for you and your results and the outcome you want,
But they are valid.
What I would like to offer you,
Though,
Is the idea of letting go of your expectations.
And don't get me wrong here.
Letting go doesn't mean that you let go of your boundaries.
It doesn't mean that you let go of your needs and desires.
It doesn't mean that you let go of your responsibilities or choices.
What I mean by letting go of your expectations is to give yourself permission to question your expectations,
To adjust your expectation,
To be open to change them from its core.
By doing that,
You will improve your relationship dynamics and improve the quality of your relationship because you don't put on pressure on your partner,
On yourself.
There won't be blaming.
There won't be shaming.
It will also boost the compassion between you two as you will leave out the judgment and accept what is right now.
And you can achieve that by identifying your expectations and ask yourself the five following questions.
Where did you get that expectation from?
What promise lies behind the expectation?
What fear lies behind the expectation?
What is the benefit of having this expectation?
What would happen if you let go of this expectation?
After finding your answers to these questions,
I want to encourage you to talk to your partner about your expectations and what you found out about them.
See if by talking about them openly and honestly,
Without judgment and blame,
If you find a middle ground or maybe even something new.
I wish you all the best in this endeavor and want you to remember that you are amazing just the way you are.
Take care and goodbye.
