From "Fine" To Fulfilled

The little things in life count - but when was the last time you paid attention to them. We believe that fulfilment comes from ‘big’ things - health, love, money. But it doesn’t. This event helps you break out of “fine” and move toward a life and love that truly feel fulfilling.

Transcript

We talk about from fine to fulfilled and I have a quote here.

The quote is,

Fine isn't enough,

You deserve to feel alive.

I think it's a beautiful,

Beautiful quote and I believe in this quote because we all deserve to feel alive and and we go through it when I go through the examples because I have a beautiful example that I want to share with you how I went from fine to fulfilled but there's also things you should,

Not should,

That you might want to do to get there because it just doesn't flow just at you and here you go.

But before we get there I want you to do something.

What is your definition of fine?

When you hear the word fine,

What does it mean to you?

And now I'm aware,

Context,

Yeah,

But there is like this general definition.

There is something that when I talk to people and they say how was the food and then the other person says oh not bad and for me not bad means yeah it's not good because good means good.

Not bad means it's I don't know if I would order it again but that's my definition.

So in this case with fine I want you to think about what's your definition for fine.

How does it look like?

Do you even have an example of when you say fine and when would you choose a different word?

So just keep that in mind while we're going through this session and the Cambridge dictionary,

I looked it up,

What is the definition for fine and the synonyms for fine?

I didn't find a proper description or definition.

I found a definition couple of synonyms and here are they.

So for fine as an adjective we have the synonyms satisfactory,

Excellent,

Thin like a thin line,

Exact,

Sunny,

Bad or not convenient.

So when I look at these synonyms it's like it's the whole range.

We go from bad,

Not convenient to excellent but again it depends on context but nevertheless what's your definition?

Just think about it.

Write it down if something pops up and now I want to go through the examples.

So examples of you being fine and maybe probably not fulfilled.

So the first one is going through routines without excitement and my personal example here it comes because as you know I'm a business owner.

I run my business as a relationship coach and mental health support and when I started this business you listen to all of these voices,

All of these business coaches,

All of these experts in XYZ and they tell you you need to do this,

You need to do that,

You need to do that and you need to be consistent and you need to do it every day and even if you don't like it it's just the consistency and you will get to like it etc etc.

So you get so many voices telling you what you need,

What you should,

What you have to do to be successful and you do it.

I did it.

I didn't get successful with what they told me to do and what I did and I was miserable.

So not successful,

Miserable,

Dreading,

Particularly the admin stuff,

The posting,

The writing.

It felt like it's a chore.

I'm not enjoying it.

The only time when I'm happy is when I work with my clients and that was like oh a lift up and then oh now I have to go down in my dungeon and be unhappy and when people would ask me so how is it entrepreneur,

Business,

It's fine.

So for me,

Fine in that moment was it's not convenient.

Not to say it was shite.

It was horrible.

I was crying so many times.

I was dreading all that work but I felt fine and I felt it needs to happen.

You don't need to be fulfilled to create a business,

To grow a business.

People told me,

All these experts told me,

That's not the case.

You won't feel fulfilled.

Now here's the thing.

I will come back to this later in connection but I want you to know right now that the change when business became successful,

When I became fulfilled,

Happened when I brought excitement into the routines.

How I did that,

We go to that later when it's the how,

How do you get there.

But know this.

It means leave stuff out and it means bring stuff in.

It not just happens because you have this automation now and you've done it so many times and now you feel the excitement or in the other way around that because you have done it so long,

For so long that no excitement is left.

You often,

Clients come to me,

People talk in social media around the world when I just talk to them about their relationship.

They believe that a long-term relationship loses all its excitement.

It's not fulfilled anymore.

It's fine.

That's a belief and it's the same with this routine.

You have that routine and you believe there's no excitement anymore because you're doing this so often and because you have done it for so long and because this is what you need to do.

This is what you have to do,

But it's not.

But maybe it shows you this example,

Maybe shows you that,

Oh,

I'm fine,

But I'm not fulfilled in that area.

I do stuff.

I do have these routines that not exciting.

Another example of you being fine and maybe not fulfilled is in your relationship,

You're settling for,

We're not fighting.

So when someone asks you,

How's your relationship?

We're fine.

We're not fighting.

And I hear that very often.

Don't get me wrong.

I hear that so,

So often that couples,

Individuals,

When they come to work with me,

They believe that that is harmony.

That is a good thing that you are fine in your relationship because you are not fighting.

But it's the opposite because not fighting means avoiding conflict,

Avoiding the truth,

Build up resentment,

Disconnection,

All of that.

But you're fine.

But which of the synonyms is it?

Yeah.

Is it not convenient?

Is it bad?

Is it satisfactory?

Be true to yourself.

Be honest with yourself.

How,

When I would ask you now,

How's your relationship?

And you say,

Fine.

What do you mean by fine?

And if it's not that excellent,

It's satisfactory,

I'm fulfilled.

Then the question is,

What are you avoiding?

What is the reason for it not being fulfilled?

Number three,

The third example of why you're being fine,

Why you might be fine and not fulfilled is that you're feeling flat even after achievements.

So that means it's,

I saw a post yesterday,

The day before yesterday,

I don't remember.

And it was this lady,

Don't remember who she was,

But she had this clip where she said,

I thought I will be happy when I lose weight.

I thought I will be happy when I'm in a relationship.

I thought I will be happy when I set up my own business.

I thought I would be happy when I achieve a certain amount of money.

I thought I would be happy.

So the list goes on and on and on.

And every time she achieves something,

The next point gets added.

And she believes that,

Yeah,

I will be happy.

I will be fulfilled.

I will be satisfied when I achieve the next thing.

Of course,

It doesn't happen.

There is this short term happiness,

Satisfaction,

But usually it doesn't last longer than at max four weeks.

And then you come back to finding the next thing that you can chase,

That you can achieve of the pursuit for fulfillment,

For happiness.

And if you find yourself in this description,

When I ask you,

How do you feel?

How often do you say,

I'm fine?

How often do you say,

I'm not fulfilled?

I'm unhappy.

I'm not satisfied.

I feel empty inside.

And that's the disadvantage of feeling unfulfilled.

You have that numbness inside you.

And because you believe maybe that people don't want to know how you actually feel,

Maybe you don't even know how you actually feel,

How yourself,

That it's just like you became so used to it that this numbness is,

It's just me.

It's normal.

It has become the new normal.

Or maybe it's that the disconnection in your relationship has grown more and more and more.

And now it's fine.

We're fine because that has become the new normal.

So you're fine.

You're not bad anymore.

Maybe you've been bad last year when you still thought about it,

Wanted to fix it,

Wanted to change something.

And now you're settled into that disconnection.

So now I'm fine.

I'm okay with it now.

I've built up so much resentment that I don't care anymore.

We're fine now.

And if you would move into that fulfillment state with yourself,

With your relationship,

With your surrounding,

Then you would have joy.

The simplicity of joy.

And you would have a closer relationship.

And of course,

You would have more purpose.

What has that to do with fulfillment?

Because when you um,

Feel that joy,

When joy comes from appreciating these little things,

Like a child,

When you give it here,

Here,

Here's my bottle.

Take it like,

Oh my God,

It's amazing.

Look at this.

That's the simple joy.

And that gives you the purpose to look for more simple joy.

That gives you a purpose to not run after these achievements after the,

I need to find joy now.

I need to find fulfillment.

I need to do that.

It's more,

You set,

Sit back and you appreciate what's there.

We talk about gratitude because back to gratitude in this point,

It's just there.

And then you appreciate it.

And that gives you the purpose to get up in the morning because it's Oh,

What a wonderful day.

Even if it's raining,

Even if it's very cold,

Whatever it is,

It's just like wonderful.

Now,

The big question is how do you get there?

How do you feel fulfilled?

Now the thing is feeling fulfilled is a feeling you feel fulfilled.

And if you've been here with me,

You know that I teach you that your feelings are created through your mind,

Through your thoughts.

So they're not just there.

It's a thought that starts,

That creates these feelings.

And the thought is created by all those interpretations from everything you've experienced until this moment in time.

And from your values,

Your fears,

Your worries,

Your hopes,

Your dreams,

Your beliefs,

Everything,

Everything comes together and says,

Oh,

Here's the thought,

Thought creates the feeling.

So you feel fulfilled.

Now,

If you know that now,

That means that feeling fulfilled,

There is a thought behind it.

There is a thought that creates you to feel,

To say,

I feel fulfilled or I feel fine.

Find that thought.

Find that thought that creates either I'm fine or I'm fulfilled or find both.

Up to you.

Do as much as you want,

Go wild,

Find those thoughts.

And when you have it,

And it takes some time,

Particularly if you've never done it before,

If you've never paid attention to your thoughts before in this context,

Saying like,

Oh,

My feeling,

I'm feeling fine.

Oh,

What thought came before that?

What was I thinking?

If you're not used to that,

It probably takes some time to get used to it and to find that thought again and just take a wild guess,

Write it down,

See what thought comes up.

And then what you could do,

Maybe you say that,

Find the thought for I'm fine.

In this situation,

When I say I'm fine,

What thought comes up creating that feeling?

And I said,

Okay,

How could I change that sentence,

That thought to make me feel fulfilled?

And here we come,

Gratitude again,

Yeah,

Because when gratitude,

What you do with the gratitude,

You find gratitude in everything.

If you want to,

It just takes a swap of perspective,

You just move the perspective in a different direction.

And that's how you find the gratitude in everything.

So,

How could you do that?

How could you move the perspective from fine to fulfilled to create that thought and give you the feeling?

It doesn't have to do with the same part that made you feel fine.

We want to create the feeling here.

And that is fulfillment.

So,

Even if,

Let's say,

Pick an example.

How's your coffee?

And I said,

Yeah,

I'm fine.

It's okay.

It's fine.

So,

How could you do that and say,

Oh,

I'm really happy with my coffee.

I feel so happy with my coffee.

What perspective could you change from?

It's okay.

Because the coffee stays the same,

The perspective could change.

Say,

Instead of the coffee,

You could also say,

You know,

Coffee is different,

But it's so enjoyable and amazing to be outside and to sit here and observe the people.

That makes me fulfilled.

That makes me happy.

Yeah,

You change the perspective.

I hope that makes sense.

Another thing you could do is that you identify one area you're settling.

So,

One area where you say,

I'm settling,

I'm going with fine.

And I'm going with my example that I shared with you with business.

I went with fine.

I'm fine.

I make money.

I do these things that I have.

I have engagement.

People are coming.

Everything was fine.

I was settling for fine.

I wanted more,

But I was settling for fine.

And then the next step you do is you write a list of what would feel fulfilling.

How would that look like?

What would it be?

What I did in my case is that I thought,

Okay,

Let's list all the things that I do in my business.

Everything from admin to coaching from these live classes,

Everything,

Everything,

Everything,

Everything.

And then I rated them.

I created a scale,

Said,

Okay,

Enjoyment.

How much do I enjoy doing these tasks?

So,

Off I went and I rated each and every single task.

And then I had another rating scale,

Said,

Okay,

What of these do I need and want?

So,

A couple of rating scales came additionally to it.

And I ended up just leaving so much stuff out that I've done before,

Even though these experts told me,

Do it.

It's necessary.

Without them,

You won't be successful.

And I believed.

Yeah.

Don't want to hide that fact that I believe them.

That's why I did them.

But only when I decided,

No,

I want that enjoyment.

I want to feel fulfilled.

I don't want to be scared or try to avoid working on my business and in my business because of these tasks that I'm doing.

I didn't want that anymore.

And when I changed that,

When I went through my list,

Like you can do with your list and then say,

Okay,

What can I do for me?

It was,

I'm not doing this anymore.

I'm not doing this anymore,

But I want to do this more of this because I love doing this.

So,

I want to do more of this.

And that's what you do.

You take a step forward.

When you have your list,

You take a step towards it to get that fulfillment.

And what happened for me is that my business bloomed.

It grew.

And I believe it was because I let go of all of that,

That wasn't enjoying,

Joyful,

Fulfilling to me.

And I gave myself more of that,

More of what gave me joy,

More of what fulfilled me,

More of what made me happy.

And I believe that you,

People told me that my energy is different.

I'm showing up differently.

As a coach,

I've grown.

And it's simply because I choose fulfillment over fine.

I chose joy over okay.

Now,

Don't get me wrong.

There are tasks in your life,

In my life,

That are just like,

Yeah,

You struggle to put that enjoyment and excitement into them.

But here is my suggestion that your thoughts create your reality.

So,

You choose what you want to do.

What you want to make out of it.

Because I said to one client today,

Said your life is meaningless.

You give everything a second in your life meaning.

So,

When you need to do a task,

When you say,

Okay,

If I don't do this task,

It's your choice.

I choose to do this task because I don't like the consequence that comes from not doing this task.

What if you don't give any meaning to it?

It's like,

I'm just doing it.

Full stop.

End of story.

Like,

Me today,

Before I prepared for this session,

I did the laundry and I tidied up the kitchen.

When I came home after my client sessions,

I went into the kitchen and thought,

Oh my God,

It's like an explosion in here.

And my brain went into,

Oh,

Can't be asked to tidy that up.

And then I said,

Okay,

I'll leave it.

Walk the dogs,

I come back,

I have some lunch.

And then after lunch,

I got up and said,

I'm doing it now.

I chose to do it now.

And that was the end of the story.

No more drama,

No more,

Not positive,

Not negative.

It was just like,

I'm doing it now.

So in I went and 15 minutes later,

Everything was done.

Everything was clean and tidied up again.

But I chose to get up because I didn't like the consequence.

I chose to stop,

To just say,

I'm doing it.

I choose not to give it further meaning,

Not to get annoyed with every play that I take out of the dishwasher.

You could do that.

Of course you can,

It's your choice.

But it's up to you what you make out of it.

And with that,

I'm finishing my class.