The Swing Of The Pendulum - Part 17

"The Swing of The Pendulum" is a novel from English author Frances Mary Peard, published in 1893. It follows the adventures of a group of English travellers to Norway and explores what life was really like for young women in Victorian Britain. Set against the backdrop of the Industrial Revolution, this book offers a fascinating insight into the massive societal shifts that were at play back then!

Transcript

Hello there.

Thank you so much for joining me for this ongoing reading of The Swing of the Pendulum the charming book from 1893 by English author Frances Mary Peard.

Perhaps you've heard the preceding parts of this book.

If you haven't and you would like to,

You can look for the playlist for The Swing of the Pendulum and all of the parts of the book are there in order.

But for now let's just take a moment here to have a nice,

Deep exhale.

Letting go of the day.

Letting go of whichever baggage we might be bringing along with us into this moment.

For right now there's nothing else we have to do and nowhere else we have to be.

So we can just relax,

Get ourselves comfortable and enjoy the ongoing tale of The Swing of the Pendulum.

Chapter 17 The Result of Incoherence Millie with shame at her own appropriation which,

Looked back upon appeared excessive decided that Fanny had been bored that night and no wonder with so floundering an acquaintance thrust upon her she admired her friend penitently for that last offer of a plank of refuge and hoped that bashfulness might prevent his accepting it.

Why were you so kind Fanny?

She remonstrated.

I am sure you had done all that could have been expected of you.

Oh,

And more he never expects said Lady Fanny musingly.

One ought to do something for the helpless.

You at any rate might be obliged to him.

It was Mrs Ravenhill who asked why?

Lady Fanny considered that he made a second centre of conversation and cried out at maintained her assertion first you have to discover what he has to say and then to help him to say it.

It is very absorbing.

I think you might have been more helpful then Mrs Ravenhill remarked smiling for a long time you left him to me and what did I know of what he had to say and I don't approve of your laughing at him for he is a good man and carries it in his face Is goodness pink asked Fanny with an innocent air.

The next moment she cried out don't listen to me good he is better than all of us put together.

The poor love him.

You don't know how he has changed the place where he has been working.

Even Milborough hasn't a word to say against him.

There was a young fellow at Hunston going to the bad as fast as he could and Mr Elliot got hold of him and never let go again.

That's the only way of describing it.

It was splendid and then one makes much of these little trifles as if they mattered as if they could compare with the real thing and once more Millie caught a gleam in the grey Irish eyes which if it had been possible looked like tears.

Mrs Ravenhill suddenly enlightened was beginning to say something in praise of such a character when Fanny interrupted her no he's absurd ridiculous she cried and tore him to tatters.

This was at breakfast.

Afterwards when Millie was alone with her mother she flew at her with questions.

What did she think?

Was it possible?

Mrs Ravenhill was as much at sea as herself.

Everything pointed to unlikelihood yet nothing else seemed to explain those rushing words with which Fanny had painted a noble nature they talked amazingly the last person they would have expected Mrs Ravenhill was more quickly reconciled than Millie if she respects him I have no fear and what else can have attracted her I hope he does not think of her fortune but I should not suspect him no no but a man that she laughs at it is her revenge on her own heart I can hardly fancy Milbrough approving still in a year she will be her own mistress and after all Millie we may have gone too far it may be no more than girlish enthusiasm you know as well as I how quickly Fanny is stirred by what she admires and poor child Thorpe has not too much of that if I were you I would say nothing to her until she speaks herself not a word did Fanny breathe and perhaps was unconscious of having betrayed feeling a suggestion made that she might not care to accompany Mrs Ravenhill and Millie for some shopping she set aside declaring that with fashion changing every week she must make the most of being at headquarters Mrs Ravenhill satisfied herself by leaving word unknown to her that if Mr Elliot appeared they would be at home for tea however the precaution was useless for he did not come and Fanny made no remark by the next day Mrs Ravenhill now on the lookout for signs convinced herself that her guest was restless and earned of Millie Fanny left to herself wondered about the house and peeped over the stairs when a hesitating ring sounded declaring that it must be his he cannot even ring like other people he turns it into an apology she cried angry with every shortcoming but when only a card followed the ring she grew uneasy beginning to fear she knew not what wandered on the landing watched from the balcony this living he is in the tortures of doubt so am I it would make all the difference perhaps provide him with a tongue at least give me an excuse an excuse now Fanny the coward Fanny the worldly she scorched herself with scorn what excuse do you want you know him but he is worth a hundred of those butterfly non entities who are suggested as appropriate husbands yet you have not the courage of your convictions then with a laugh she relented from her fierceness when the courage of convictions includes something extremely like having to offer oneself one may be forgiven hesitation did you think I had left Mr.

Elliot was no longer shy and his look fixed on hers was as frank and open as a child's lady Fanny fidgeted and confessed no no I did not I could not have gone without seeing you do you recollect what I said I wanted Fanny nodded and remarked that it could only be a question of what he wished himself scarcely that he said without looking at her but circumstances have forced me into decision without asking your advice she lent forward eagerly I am very glad I hope you asked nobody why should you hesitate it was offered to you because you were the best man the best man should have it yes I am glad for it shows that they can appreciate she stopped fearing to have said too much he fingered a paper knife on the table and eyed the floor when he spoke it was with a certain stiffness I shall always be sensible of the kindness the undeserved kindness it has made me more ashamed of my own failures than ever before oh no cried lady Fanny happy enough to jest once more I forbid your growing more retiring go on please go on never mind the failures I dare say your letter of acceptance was as full of apologies as if you were a fraud I I he became nervous again but recovered himself I I have refused refused her voice was tragic I could do nothing else why why what possessed you there was another another what other she grew ashamed of her eagerness and sat back in her chair trying to look unconcerned of course I have no right to ask this roused him he looked at her like a man who had been struck you are the one the only person forgive me I don't know what I am saying she looked away if you were kindly to explain what you have done and why yes yes I came here to do so when when I had seen you on Monday night I thought I fancied yes I determined to accept the offer there seemed no reason against it except the doubt whether I should not be filling the place of another man who would be better fitted but one may carry that fear too far Fanny played with a flower is it possible I thought so he said humbly the offer came unsought and it did not appear to me that I should be right to reject it until today today I had a letter from the Duke?

No from the wife of a man who it appears hoped to have had the living men hope easily he had grounds the Duke replied to him that if he had not offered it already to me he should have been glad to have assisted him he had applied for it what becomes of your scruples in such a case they belong only to myself heaven forbid that I should judge a man who has worked on a pittance and is saddled with half a dozen children oh of course cried Lady Fanny pettishly I wanted to hear that conclusion are you certain there are only six he went on unheeding there can be no doubt that he wants it more and he is a good man I know him he will work the parish well pray are you aware that the Duke never offers a second living to a man who has refused one I should not expect it and you do not care it is nothing to you that so far Fanny's words rushed then she suddenly stopped and crimsoned he drew a hard breath and was silent and with him silence said more than speech she interpreted it as a declaration that he knew what he was renouncing after what seemed to her a long time she forced herself to say have you absolutely decided I could do nothing else you you disapprove I it concerns yourself only yes of course he sighed and stood up lady Fanny's foot impatiently patted the carpet she turned her head away and remarked that he had probably consulted his friends before making a wreck of his prospects there is no one to consult he returned if my father had lived he I think would have bid me do as I am doing it has helped me to remember that I don't think you appear to require consolation said Fanny airily and hated herself for her cruelty she used it as a spur wanting him to say more but he only answered one should not you prefer to be a curate all your life prefer no I am dishonest if I give you that impression but in this case there was nothing else to be done I wonder how many people would have thought so well as I have said more than once you must please yourself for the sake of a man whom you have never seen and on account of a few quixotic scruples you give up your own advancement and disappoint all all your friends the words were indignant but the voice trembled he made a step towards her checked himself and drew back the hand with which he grasped a chair tightened its hold as he said slowly try to think of me kindly you go back to Hunston for a time a short time afterwards I shall look out for work in London oh she turned away her head then as he offered his hand remarked you will not stay to tea he would not something was murmured of an appointment and before she quite realised that he had said goodbye she heard the front door slam she flew to the window only to see a black back disappearing rushed up to her room bolted the door and sobbed on her bed scolding herself the while he has behaved splendidly as usual and I not a good word to throw him when I love him better than ever I would not have had him do differently no not for all the livings in England but I haven't the grace to say so and have sent the poor fellow away with a sore heart what does Milborough's opinion matter in a year I can do as I like marry a chimney sweep I suppose if it pleases me with only a chorus of protesting uncles and aunts to fear be honest you stupid little thing and own that it is your own pride your own odious contemptible pride which stood in your way for lady Fanny Enderby to marry a curate without prospects for no better reason than that he is a good man and she loves him when all the while only a finger lifted and there you have a budding duke at her feet certainly not the best of men and certainly not beloved to be fair she trotted out this youth before her judgement and tried to credit him with what virtues might charitably be hoped to be his opposite she set up John Elliot at his pinkest when she thought she hated him and looked at the pair with coldly discriminative eyes to the eye goodness would have kicked the beam but that her heart flung its weight into the balance and was big enough to carry the day she sat up sighed bathed her eyes and dismissed the young lord frankly owning that she wished he and the other could have changed places hey ho and the worst of it was that after that day he might have no more to say to her when Mrs Ravenhill and Millie came home Lady Fanny sat with her back to the light and asked questions with an immense show of interest she laughed immoderately over the slenderest materials from earth avoiding allusion to her own visitor until suddenly dragging in the subject by the way there has been a visitor Mr Elliot his card is downstairs said Mrs Ravenhill you saw him?

Saw and quarrelled with him why?

He came to London to accept a living and some man's wife has written to say she wants it for her husband well you needn't ask said Lady Fanny with asperity or you wouldn't need to ask if you knew Mr Elliot of course he means to hand over the offer to him there was silence then Mrs Ravenhill said gently I think your Mr Elliot must be a very fine fellow Fanny and I'm beginning to be proud of knowing him that's the only pride left to me she broke down and buried her face in a sofa cushion Millie was by her side in a moment with her hand in both hers dearest Fanny idiotic Fanny say anything you like nothing would be foolish enough and I do detest shy men with a gasp between each sentence and a laugh at the end Mrs Ravenhill slipped out of the room there now I have spoiled your mother's tea she had finished Fanny tell me are you going to marry him oh I suppose so sighing the next moment she had pushed Millie aside started up and stared blankly at her friend good gracious what is it cried Millie in alarm I had forgotten he has never asked me isn't that necessary perhaps words aren't necessary oh they are unfortunately for now nothing will ever work him up to say them sighing I'm not sure that he could have done it with a living at his back but now not a word martyrdom self-denial all the discomforts of life perhaps if I were to have smallpox or to tumble into the fire and be horribly scarred otherwise oh Millie when you fall in love avoid excellence the inconvenience of it Millie murmured something consolatory but Fanny broke in with a quick shake of the head my dear I know all your feeling wondering what I find in him to like attraction of opposites isn't there such an expression there ought to be I don't expect you to sympathize I only ask one thing anything Millie kissed her don't call him worthy that's what they'll all do I know those of them who try to approve Fanny has chosen a very worthy man to hear that I really believe would make me hate him she had the promise satisfied on this point she began to talk about him his simplicity earnestness unworldliness so unlike us all and now what he has just done though it has driven me distracted isn't it splendid tell me do you know any other man who would be so disinterested challenged Millie flung a mental glance at Wareham but finding it impossible to set the two men side by side signified her admiration thinking it unnecessary to allude to its qualifications after Fanny had glorified her idol for a little she fell back upon the difficulty he would never propose what was to be done somebody must move somebody must Millie acknowledged can't he take a hint never would you like mother to write and get her into a scrape with Milbrough and all of them no she might ask him to luncheon to breakfast he would arrive at eight besides no no her head was buried again when she lifted it it was to remark the morning is so cold blooded if there was only some excuse I dare say mother has a paper to be signed before a clergyman said Millie hopefully and they're all taking holidays I'll go and see Fanny called anxiously after her not a word of me reluctantly Mrs.

Ravenhill consented though she declined to offer the bait of a signature she felt that Fanny's love must be real since it could not have sprung from imaginary causes and the man is a gentleman she said Millie sighed and owned amazement so that no one has really the right to object I have long wished her to marry and her own heart is more to be trusted than Milborough he shall be asked to luncheon and shall have his opportunity whether he'll take it this communicated to Fanny by Millie she was dolefully certain that he would not come don't you think he may read encouragement dear man yes but sigh he'll think himself bound to quash encouragement and if he should come and turns pink I shall inevitably be cross this is your doing Millie I'll she threatened what sigh do the same for you someday there was a pause before the answer came and Fanny prophesied disaster at first he had left London when that idea was abandoned it was for the certainty that she had so disgusted him at the last interview that he would have no more to do with her the more right I thought him the more disagreeable I became sigh my dear depend upon it he is blessing his stars for his escape and his mind once made up sigh no little inveiglements of luncheon will move him sigh Millie what possessed me to be such a wretch sigh her presentiments were unfounded Mr Elliot wrote to accept and Fanny's mood varied between mirth which sparkled sometimes through tears and a dignity which her friends found comic when he arrived she was in her room Millie went to fetch her and was told that it was no use she should not come down too shy people will be ridiculously unmanageable and you shan't be saddled with them sigh besides I suppose he is roseatly triumphant a happy inspiration made Millie assure her that he looked as if he had not slept for a week lady Fanny fidgeted absurd I only answer your question well go I will see about it but don't expect me she called after her warningly luncheon was announced before she appeared with dignity in the ascendant she hardly glanced at Mr Elliot and her embarrassment was greater than his for he carried the look of a man who had been through the worst and has nothing to fear ice all round and about Mrs Ravenhill and Millie made heroic efforts to warm the chilly atmosphere but do what they would it enveloped them Fanny without a tongue had changed to lead and to a stranger the dreary meal ended Mrs Ravenhill rose Millie and Fanny will take you upstairs Mr Elliot she said for I have to go out up spoke Fanny may I come with you oh certainly said Mrs Ravenhill provoked then to her amazement Mr Elliot's voice was heard there is something I should be glad of an opportunity of saying if Lady Fanny could give me five minutes and certainly she will interposed Mrs Ravenhill again the drawing room is at your service come Millie Fanny's feet dragged all the way upstairs she marched into the drawing room and sat stiffly on a seat by the window tried to say something jesting and failed all that she got out was well forgive me if I speak of my own feelings it is for the first and last time he said hurriedly a slight movement of her head I I'm quite aware that they have no excuse except in the law of our nature one must love what is lovable however wide the distance your kindness your sweetness his voice shook but he controlled it and she was aware of the effort I don't want to talk of anything except just to tell you what even with the gap between us hopelessly widening I think you should know if I could have fairly accepted this living without harming another man I had a wild dream of trying whether my love could have won some crumb of hope I would have waited years a lifetime but I meant to try to win your heart at last that is at an end since I have been in town I have made inquiries to stay at Hunston would be impossible I I am not strong enough I have accepted an offer of work in London forgive me for troubling you it seemed to me that this much I might say you may trust too by giving you no more annoyance I am very grateful to you for letting me speak he stood looking down upon her and all Fanny's composure had returned and with it her powers of teasing she leaned back in the chair and glanced up at him with a wicked smile in her eyes oh don't thank me if you only knew how glad I am to hear your plans they please you she evaded the question I admire your rapidity it is all settled then perhaps you don't return to Hunston at all it is necessary until my successor comes he spoke quietly but his face was that of a man braced to meet strokes suddenly he put out his hand goodbye lady Fanny she rose without taking his hand and leaned against the window you have decided so much that I should like to know if you have fixed upon a house a house where in London in your new parish of course I have not thought of it and that's lucky she said with a smile which sent his head spinning why the word broke from him I should hate a house I did not choose for myself you Fanny he made a step nearer but checked himself gripping the back of a chair and breathing the words you are cruel she darted a look at him do you want me to retract he became incoherent you you know I don't think of what I want you might Fanny she leaned forward a little her lips curved into a smile well for answer he caught her to him with a cry and another Fanny when she was released she put an anxious question tell me the truth it was really you who proposed that he had grown audacious what does it matter it matters a great deal for I had been screwing myself up to do it in case you were too shy but I really believe it would have killed me didn't you see how uncomfortable I was I you mean I was wretched cool enough to speak and of course when you said that if only this and that had happened you would have asked me to marry you it was exactly the same as asking me to do it now was it his tone was blissful then a cloud swept over him poverty can you face it lady Fanny shook her head dolefully he stepped back no but I am poor no of course not I have been very wrong she put her hand shyly on his arm dear we shan't be poor unless her smile returned what do you call poverty poverty I suppose we ought to have some hundreds a year he said with gloom oh more more then indeed I have done wrongly my income will not reach four her tone mimicked his and you give away three quarters you must be the worst match in the country oh no he said simply till now I always thought that I was rather rich but I see now that of course you want more coming from Thorpe and its luxuries and I am ashamed at my selfishness I don't wonder but let us see you know I have something have you enough to give you a little of what you have been accustomed to that and a few pounds over for you which you may spend on beef tea and flannel the murmurs which followed were incoherent Lady Fanny said afterwards to Millie for pity's sake let no one tell him I have three thousand a year if he doesn't fly from England in dismay he will want me to build two or three cathedrals at least and now to prepare for the family wrath at any rate Milborough can't say much he should have taken me to Norway