Are You Lonely Part 2 - Boundaries Vs Defense Mechanisms

This is part 2 of the Do You Feel Alone series. In this part, Alara goes over the difference between boundaries and defense mechanisms. These two are very different but are often confused. This is a recording of a live event.

Please note: This track was recorded live and may contain background noises.

Transcript

Welcome,

Welcome.

I am Laura Sage and I really help women,

Leaders,

Visionaries,

Creatives,

Those who feel disconnected,

Those who feel dull,

Those who feel lonely.

I help them to reconnect to themselves,

To reconnect to their playfulness,

To their pleasure,

To their bodies,

To their power,

Deep intimate connection with themselves,

The reality,

With the experience and with others.

So I always invite you into this space with me in the form of an experience,

Because the words are intelligent.

The information has a deep resonance to it.

And if you allow,

If you allow yourself to be fully present,

If you shut off the phone or the other distractions,

If you really come into this space with me,

There's always,

Always,

Always opportunity for transformation right here,

Right now.

So just go ahead and take a nice deep breath in through the nose,

Out through the mouth.

Feel your body be here now,

Here now in your body.

Be all in,

All into this moment,

All in to this experience.

So today is a continuation of a talk I did the other day around loneliness,

Disconnection.

And I promised to get that talk up on audio tracks.

So do make sure you are following me and check those.

I'll get it done before the 16th,

Because that's when Insight Timer goes on holiday.

It's a continuation of the first talk,

Because at the end of the first talk,

I got a strong hit about a conversation between the difference of boundaries and defense mechanisms.

So I want you just to feel these words,

Boundaries and defense mechanisms.

All of the information is actually right there in the words.

But because we're often in our head,

We're rarely in our bodies,

We're rarely in the present moment.

We only perceive the words for what we've been taught that they are.

Boundaries,

You know,

We learn,

We're taught are almost like a line that can't be crossed,

Or a line drawn in the sand,

Or a line of differentiation,

Dictation.

Defense mechanisms feels like weapons,

Tools of defense,

Tools of protection.

I have a different take on what boundaries are than most people,

And even those in the spiritual community.

So if you've never heard me speak about boundaries,

I invite you to stay in your body.

I invite you to be very present.

And as I go into the conversation of boundaries,

Notice,

Notice how you feel in your body.

Notice perhaps any resonance with what I say.

Notice perhaps any triggers to what I say.

And just notice from the observer,

From the witness,

Meaning a space of non-judgment,

As if you're watching from a third party,

Watching yourself as another.

Just witness yourself.

Witness the immediate reactions that happen in every second.

The immediate reactions of our body,

Of our emotions,

And of our mind in every single second.

You are constantly reacting to your physical reality.

Are you aware of these reactions?

Take a nice deep breath.

And I mean it,

Like breathe into your body.

Be engaged in this process with me.

Breathe in through the nose,

Out through the mouth.

The breath is so very important to this process.

Pulling yourself deeper into your body,

Pulling yourself out of the fight or flight,

Pulling yourself into the now.

So try to breathe throughout the process,

Not just when I say.

No holding of the breath.

If you feel like you want to take a breath,

Take a breath.

And when I invite you to take a breath,

Breathe all the way down into your pelvis.

Breathe all the way down to your root.

Feel your perineum drop.

Feel your pelvis open slightly.

Breathe powerfully into yourself.

There is so much space that you can take up.

So much space that you can take up.

And when we hold our breath,

We hold ourselves.

We don't allow that space to be taken up.

So back to the conversation.

Boundaries versus defense mechanisms.

I can't even say that word,

Mechanisms.

What I've always channeled around boundaries is that what boundaries truly are is not some projection of the mind.

It's not some rule that you create in your physical reality,

Though that can be the way it is created into your physical reality.

I'll explain.

A boundary is not a mental creation.

A boundary is energetic.

True boundaries are created through your vibration.

So take a nice deep breath with that.

They're created through the integrity,

The level of integrity,

The depth of your integrity,

The clarity of your integrity to your self,

The self,

The I am,

Your truth,

Your authenticity,

Your alignment,

You,

You,

You,

You,

You,

The integrity to yourself,

The integrity to your desires,

The integrity to the love that is available to you.

Boundaries are self-love,

Not self-care,

Not loving the self,

Self-love.

It is created through a deepening into an acceptance for who you are as you are.

So just feel that in the body.

Feel.

How does your body get lit?

How does your body feel?

Is there any triggers around the feeling,

The sensation of the integrity of self?

Ah,

Right?

Hearts,

Hearts,

Hearts.

Uh-uh,

Uh.

I feel lit.

I feel lit in my womb.

I feel lit in my heart.

My body starts to vibrate as I talk about it.

I feel sensual.

I feel orgasmic because it's fucking beautiful.

What is more beautiful than loving yourself unconditionally?

What is more beautiful than seeing you in the light of love?

There is nothing more beautiful,

Simply nothing,

For it is the beginning of the process,

The seed,

The realization of who you are and thus who everybody else is,

And thus who everybody else is.

You know how much easier it is to love others when you fucking accept yourself?

It just is.

It's just there.

You don't have to try.

So boundaries are the force field of the light that has created the frequency of love.

The frequency of love that is created through your self-acceptance.

To me,

That's what a boundary is.

So take a nice deep breath here.

Breathe all the way down into your pelvis,

Into your womb if you're a woman.

Breathe.

Let go.

Let go.

The beauty of it is,

Is that you don't have to analyze every single circumstance and try to determine what a boundary is in this circumstance.

Where should my boundary be here?

What does a boundary look like in this circumstance?

That's all mental.

That's all in the mind.

None of that is here.

None of that is here in your womb,

In your power.

None of that is in your power.

What are you creating the experience from?

What vibration are you creating your reality within?

That is power.

How are you showing up to the experience that you already created?

Because this was already created.

How are you showing up here now?

That's a boundary.

Allow yourself to experience the difference,

Whether you feel it,

Whether you sense it,

Whether you know it,

Whether you see it,

Whatever you,

However you wish to experience,

What I'm about to say,

Just get really in your body,

Breathe down into your pelvis,

Be open to this,

And allow yourself to experience the difference between somebody,

You,

Showing up from a mental structure of rules and regulations about what a boundary means,

Mental analysis of what a boundary means,

And then you showing up fully,

Completely,

Authentically in your love,

In your light,

In your power,

In your woman,

Your woman,

Your woman,

Showing up in your woman,

Showing up in presence and in love.

Love.

Not necessarily kindness,

Love.

And you and the full glory of who you are,

And in your power,

And in your playfulness,

And your genius,

And in your silliness,

And your awkwardness.

But you,

You,

You,

You,

Showing up fully.

How does that feel differently?

Boundaries have nothing to do with other people.

Nothing to do with other people.

Your whole reality has nothing to do with other people.

They are beautiful reflections.

They are amazing at mirroring us to ourselves.

And they're delightful to connect to,

And to play with,

And to experience,

And to see.

But your reality is you,

My love.

All of it is you.

So,

Your boundaries are absolutely about you.

I'll take another nice deep,

Deep breath.

Give yourself a voice.

Give yourself space to show up.

Give yourself space.

Give yourself a voice.

Feel yourself.

Be yourself.

Experience yourself.

Use this moment as a mirror of the power of your being through these words and through these vibrations,

Through this experience.

So,

That's what a boundary is.

And boundaries do so much.

Boundaries are a force field of love.

Do you know what a force field of love does?

Does it protect you?

Fuck yes,

If that's even needed at that point.

Because when you are vibrating powerful,

Powerful self-acceptance,

I'm not talking about the emotion of love.

I'm not talking about kindness.

I'm not talking about goodness.

I'm talking about unconditional,

Unrelentless,

Boundlessness,

Love,

And acceptance for yourself.

It is a force field.

It alters your entire reality.

It alters others that you come in contact with so much more than some mental construct of boundary.

But let me be clear.

If you need a mental construct until you get into a loving space with yourself,

Then by all means,

You do that.

But always know where you're headed.

The spiritual process is a journey.

With each step,

We evolve and change.

Sometimes the journey can feel very far away.

And so,

We need to just simply focus on the one step in front of ourselves.

We will always want to keep the destination clear.

Take another nice deep breath.

Right?

Yes.

Can you feel that?

Orgasms,

Orgasms,

Orgasms in my heart,

Orgasms in my body,

Orgasms in my mind.

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

So,

If that's what a boundary is,

I think it's pretty obvious what self-defense is.

But let's go into that.

It's definitely not a boundary.

Self-defense is created from trauma,

Any self-defense mechanisms,

And we have many of them.

In fact,

I invite you right now in this very moment to invite yourself into awareness of where are my defense mechanisms.

One of the most powerful defense mechanisms I've come across is the ego telling me,

I don't have any of that.

I don't need that.

That's not me.

Nope.

Not me.

Nope.

Don't have that.

And instead,

When we invite ourselves,

Do I,

Where am I,

Where do I,

We open.

We open to the possibility.

If it's not there,

What's wrong with opening to the possibility?

It's only the ego that's scared of that.

That's why the ego says,

No,

No,

Don't have that.

Not me.

And denial is such a powerful,

Powerful defense mechanism.

I used it for so many years,

Probably still do.

I'm sure I have denial of something.

I always invite myself,

Always.

So,

I invite you now to invite yourself where,

Where do I have defense mechanisms?

So,

Defense mechanisms are created from pain,

Created from trauma.

They're literally the shields of armor that we put up.

But again,

In this conversation,

I want you to experience the difference,

Right?

This is not just about words.

This is about a deep resonance within your body.

So,

You feel,

You feel,

You feel the boundaries,

Right?

The potential,

Even if you've never felt love and acceptance for yourself,

You can feel the potential.

Perhaps you've seen it in another.

Perhaps you feel it right here in this moment,

Power of that.

And then we bring on defense mechanisms,

Which is armor,

Cold and hard and rigid.

Defense mechanisms keep out.

That's what it means to defend yourself,

To keep out others,

Energy,

Love,

Connection,

Pleasure,

Joy,

The list goes on.

It keeps out and it keeps you locked away in your very own cage created by your self.

Take a nice deep breath here.

Breathe into the body.

Own it,

Own it,

Own it,

Own it here now.

Own it,

Own the cage,

The prison,

The cell created by yourself to protect,

To defend.

I just love that action.

Do you love that?

I love doing that.

It's like one of my favorite things.

It's just something about that little action that puts emphasis on the moment.

You know,

A long time ago when I was in psychic school,

I don't know why that made me laugh.

I don't know why.

I was told that I was like a bird in a cage.

It's waiting to be set free.

That was a long time ago.

And I still recall that memory.

Why?

Because it hit me.

It hit me.

Yes,

I feel like a cage fucking bird.

Yes,

I want to be set free.

How do I do that?

How do I set myself free?

It took me years to figure it out.

And I don't pretend to have all the answers.

Do I feel free?

Yes.

Yes,

I do.

But it took in acknowledging my fucking defense mechanisms.

It took owning how scared I was to be seen.

To be seen as weak.

If I drop my defense mechanisms,

I'm weak.

Somebody will take advantage of me.

We all have experienced pain with others.

We've all experienced it.

Everybody,

Everybody on the planet has experienced pain through an other.

The magic is in remaining open or opening back up.

There's no magic in just closing yourself off.

There's no magic in defense mechanisms.

All you do is create a prison for the bird that wishes to fly.

So many ways that we use defense mechanisms.

Yeah.

Food as a defense mechanism.

Like I said,

My ego is one of my biggest and still is.

I'm still constantly striving to acknowledge more and more of myself.

My ego is such a strong protector.

Nope.

Nope.

Nope.

That's not true.

Nope.

Nope.

Not true.

Nope.

That's not me.

I don't have to listen to that.

I don't have to partake in that.

Locking myself away from opportunity of experiences.

You know,

One of the things I hear often just in reality,

Right?

With other people,

Actually,

It's more on TV.

I don't really hear these kinds of things with people that I know,

But you know,

On TV or on movies or something like that,

People will say like,

Oh,

I had my heart hurt and now I'm more careful.

I'm more guarded.

And all I want to do is reach out and grab that person and wrap my arms around them and hold them and tell them,

Please,

Please,

Please,

Please do not guard yourself.

Please open more.

Take a nice deep breath right here.

Breathe into your bodies.

Please open more.

That's true defense.

That's the true defense mechanism.

It's to open more because in those moments,

It is an invitation to love ourselves through that experience,

To love ourselves in the reflection of another,

To love ourselves.

It's an opportunity to love ourselves,

To dig deep inside of ourselves and insist on that love,

To insist on that love.

That's what those experiences are really about.

We didn't know that.

I didn't know that.

I'm sure you didn't know that as a kid growing up.

Nobody taught us that.

All I knew is it fucking hurt.

So let me just shut down and shut down and shut down and defend and build bigger walls.

And why do I feel so alone?

Why do I feel so alone?

Why do I feel so alone?

Another nice deep breath.

Come on,

Breathe into your body.

Whatever you're feeling is perfect.

Breathe into the body strongly,

Deeply,

Powerfully.

Whatever you're feeling,

Breathe into the body.

That's the truth.

That's the truth of feeling alone.

That's the truth of our loneliness.

That's the truth of our separation to what to do with this information.

First,

Acknowledge that throughout this conversation,

You have received vibrations and energies into yourself.

Acknowledge that you're actually different from the beginning of this transmission.

Just acknowledge yourself being present for this talk.

It's already changing.

It's already shifting.

You can take action steps,

Action steps to allow yourself to see where your defense mechanisms are.

Action steps through just simply your intention to invite yourself.

Set an intention.

Invite yourself to see,

To realize,

To become aware of the guarding,

The armor,

The defense mechanisms so that you can start to choose in those moments.

Turn your awareness back on yourself.

Love yourself.

Feel grateful for yourself.

Even just simply acknowledge yourself.

Whatever step you're capable of taking,

Acknowledgement,

Gratitude,

Love,

Deep love,

Wherever you are in your journey,

Those little moments are massive to you,

To you,

And transformational,

And you are extremely powerful.

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