When Nothing Excites You Anymore: Lost Joy & Numbness

Do you remember when things used to excite you? When you looked forward to experiences? If that fire has dimmed and you find yourself just going through the motions, this practice offers a compassionate path forward. I'm Abi Beri, and I begin by sharing my own experience of this loss. Then we explore:

- Why joy naturally dims (nervous system science, explained simply)
- What your body's been carrying (stored emotions)
- Rumi's wisdom on welcoming difficult guests
- A somatic practice to meet and release sadness
- How to reconnect with genuine feeling

This isn't about positive thinking or spiritual bypassing. It's about having the courage to feel what needs to be felt.

BEST FOR:
- Emotional numbness or feeling flat
- "Nothing excites me anymore"
- Going through the motions
- Chronic tiredness that sleep doesn't fix
- Lost motivation and joy
- Understanding your nervous system's role

Transcript

So welcome everyone and thank you for listening.

So today we are going to take a journey together,

A journey inwards,

To meet something that I think lives in many of us but we rarely talk about it openly.

In my own experience,

A few years ago,

I noticed something had changed in me.

I couldn't quite put my finger when it happened but there was a shift.

I used to look forward to things,

You know that feeling,

When you have something coming up,

A dinner with friends,

Weekend trips,

A project that you're excited about and you actually feel anticipation in your body.

That little spark in you that says this is going to be good and I had that.

I had that for years and then I didn't.

It wasn't that I became depressed.

I was still functioning,

Still working,

Still showing up,

Still doing all the things that I needed to do but something had dimmed.

The color had faded.

The things that used to light me up felt flat.

I planned something nice and when it arrived,

I'd just be going through the motions.

The joy wasn't there.

The fire in my belly,

That aliveness I used to feel,

Just moving through the world,

It had gone quiet and the strange thing was I couldn't even really complain about it because nothing was wrong on the surface.

My life looked fine from outside but there was just a low level sadness,

Heaviness or a feeling that said is this really it and I'm telling you this because I think I'm not alone in this.

I think this happens to a lot of us somewhere along the way and I think we need to talk about it more openly,

Without shame,

Without pretending everything's fine when it may not be.

So let's explore this together.

Not to force the joy back but to understand it,

To meet it and to give it some space.

The sadness we are willing to feel is the sadness we can transform.

Now let me ask you something and let's be honest with ourselves.

Do you remember feeling more alive when you were younger?

Maybe not even that much younger,

Maybe just a few years ago and for some of you it could be a few decades ago.

But was there probably a time when things felt lighter somehow?

When small things could genuinely excite you?

When you'd laugh more easily?

When your body moved with more freedom?

When you had energy not just to do things but to enjoy things?

When there was this sense of possibility like life was unfolding and you were curious about what came next?

What happened to that?

Now for most of us it doesn't leave all at once.

It's not dramatic,

It's more like the volume slowly gets turned down,

The colors gradually fade,

The fire in your belly dims bit by bit until one day you realize I don't feel that anymore.

When did that go?

And here's what I've noticed in myself and in people that I work with that we don't just lose joy randomly.

There is usually a why.

It's not always a clear single event but a why nonetheless that's there.

When you were younger and I'm talking anywhere from childhood to your 20s or even early 30s your body probably knew how to feel things fully and then let them go.

You got angry,

You felt it,

You expressed it,

Maybe too loudly according to the adults around you and then it passed.

You felt sad,

You cried and then you felt better.

You felt excited,

You jumped around,

You couldn't sit still and you lived that excitement in your whole body.

Emotions moved through you like weather,

Like waves in the ocean,

They came,

They peaked and they moved on.

But then life started teaching you different lessons.

Don't be so emotional,

Calm down,

Sit still,

Be productive,

Have boundaries,

Stop being sensitive,

Grow up,

Get serious.

This is how adults behave.

And the world you were entering,

The adult world of responsibilities and bills and deadlines and expectations,

It didn't really have space for your full emotional range.

It needed you controlled,

Contained,

Predictable and productive.

It needed you controlled,

Contained,

Predictable and productive.

So you learned.

You learned to hold your feelings instead of letting them out.

You learned to smile when you felt like crying.

You learned to say I'm fine when you were absolutely not fine.

And you learned to kept pushing through when your body was screaming for rest.

And I'm not blaming anyone here.

You did what you needed to do to survive.

To be accepted,

To keep your job,

Maintain your relationships.

And we all do this.

But here's something that nobody tells you.

Those emotions you didn't express,

They didn't just disappear.

They went somewhere.

They settled into your body,

Into your tight shoulders,

Into your clenched jaw,

Into the knot in your stomach,

Into the shallow breathing,

Into your nervous system.

And over time,

Months,

Years and decades,

All of that unexpressed life,

All of that unfelt feeling becomes a weight,

A heaviness,

Or you can call it a dimming in your fire.

Now I want to explain something to you.

And I'll try and keep it simple.

But this is important.

This is backed by neuroscience,

Trauma research.

And it also explains much of what you may be experiencing.

Your nervous system,

The part of you that runs automatically without you thinking about it,

It has three main states.

So first there is the state of safety and connection.

When you're here,

Your body feels calm but alive.

Your breathing is easy and full.

Your heart has a good rhythm.

You can think clearly.

And this is where you can actually enjoy things.

Second,

There is the state of stress and activation.

Now this is your flight or fight response.

Heart is racing,

Mind is spinning,

Muscles are tight,

Always on alert.

A little bit of this is fine.

But for most of us in modern life,

We live here.

The endless to-do lists,

The pressure,

The rushing,

The worry,

Money,

Relationships,

Future.

And your body's constantly thinking it's under threat.

Then third,

There is the state of shutdown and collapse.

Now this is what happens when your system gets overwhelmed and just gives up.

Everything slows down.

You feel numb,

Disconnected,

Exhausted in a way that sleep cannot fix.

There is a heaviness.

There is a what's-the-point feeling.

This is also called depression that lives in the body.

And we get stuck in a loop between the second and the third state.

We push,

Push,

Push,

Stressed out,

Overwhelmed,

Running on fumes.

And then we collapse.

Then we force ourselves to push,

Push,

Push again.

And then we collapse.

But that first state,

The calm,

Alive,

Connected place where joy actually lives,

We hardly ever get there anymore.

And there is a possibility that our nervous system has forgotten what it feels like.

So this is what happened to your fire.

It hasn't disappeared.

It's been suppressed by a nervous system that's stuck in survival mode.

The sadness that you feel isn't random.

It's your body's way of saying,

Something has to change.

Please listen to me.

Now,

Here's what I want you to understand.

Really understand that you're not broken.

I know it feels like maybe you are.

I know you look at other people who seem happy and energized.

And you may think what's wrong with me.

And you may have tried the usual things,

More sleep,

More exercise,

More positive thinking,

More affirmations,

More gratitude,

More vision board.

And while they might help a little,

You still may not have your fire back fully.

And that could be because this is not something you can force or fake or think your way back to.

Joy doesn't respond to willpower.

And I say this again,

Joy doesn't respond to willpower.

You can't just decide one day to feel alive and happy again.

But here's the good news.

You can create conditions for it to return.

You can work with your body and your nervous system to help them remember safety.

To discharge and release what's been stored.

And to make space to feel alive again.

So that's what we are going to do today.

Now,

Before we do that,

Let's understand sadness a little bit.

Now there is this 13th century poet,

Rumi.

And some of you,

A lot of you may have heard of them.

And Rumi quotes are everywhere these days.

They're on Instagram and TikTok.

But bear with me because this one actually matters.

Now he wrote a poem called The Guest House.

And when I first really heard it,

Not just read it,

But when I heard it,

Something shifted.

And let me share just a small part of it with you.

Rumi says this being human is a guest house.

Every morning is a new arrival.

A joy,

A depression,

A meanness.

Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all.

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

Who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture.

Still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

Now let's read that line again.

Do it in your mind this time.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

So what if your sadness isn't the enemy?

What if this dimming,

This loss of fire and this heaviness that you carry?

What if it's actually time to clear something out?

Clear out the false life.

Clear out the performed happiness.

Clear out the pushing yourself beyond your limits and living for everyone else's expectations.

What if unhappiness is your soul's way of saying no more.

I am done with that version.

There is something more authentic waiting.

But first we have to let go of the old stuff.

Now that's how I've come to see it.

Not as something to fix,

But as a messenger.

A sometimes painful,

Sometimes unwelcome messenger.

Yes,

But a messenger nonetheless.

And the medicine is not to fight it or transcend it or spiritually bypass it.

The medicine is to meet it to welcome it.

And like Rumi says to make space for it.

To listen to what it has to tell you.

And that's what we're about to do today.

Now preparing the space.

Not your physical space.

Your inner space.

So let's begin.

Wherever you are,

Listening to my words.

Just find a comfortable position.

What is the most comfortable position for me right now?

Will I drop my shoulders?

Will I take a deep breath?

Just find that position for you.

You can sit or you can lie down.

You can keep your eyes open.

You can keep your eyes closed.

Whatever feels right for your body.

This is not about some perfect meditation posture.

This is just about being comfortable enough so you can actually feel.

If you're sitting down,

Feel your hips making contact with the surface beneath you.

If you're lying down,

Feel the length of your spines supported by the floor or the bed or the couch.

And just notice your body is being held right now.

You don't have to hold yourself up right now.

Your body is being held.

You can let earth,

Ground,

The furniture hold you.

Now place one hand on your heart and one on your belly.

And this simple touch is powerful.

It is a signal to your nervous system that you are here,

That you're present and that you're not abandoning yourself.

Feel the warmth of your hands through whatever you're wearing and feel the gentle rise and fall of your breath beneath your palms.

Just take a moment first to acknowledge yourself.

You showed up here today.

You're willing to feel.

You're willing to be present to what's inside you that takes courage,

That takes care and that really matters.

Now let's bring your awareness fully into your body.

Notice your breath without trying to change it.

Is it shallow or deep,

Fast or slow?

No judgment.

Just notice.

Now scan through your body,

Starting with your feet.

Can you feel them?

Are they tensed or relaxed?

Your legs,

Your hips,

Your belly under your hand,

Your chest under your other hand,

Your shoulders,

Your jaw and your face.

Where are you holding tension and where do you feel tight,

Guarded or gripped?

And as you notice these places of folding,

I want you to do something kind for yourself.

Take a deep breath in through your nose and as you exhale through your mouth,

Make a sound,

A sigh,

Whatever wants to come.

Let's do that together now.

Breathe in,

Release now with a sound and again breathe in and release with your sound.

Now one more time,

Fill your lungs,

Breathing in,

In,

In,

In,

In,

In,

Hold,

Hold it,

Hold it.

Now releasing everything.

One more time,

Fill your lungs,

Breathing in,

In,

In,

In,

In,

In,

Hold your breath.

Now when we exhale,

We are going to empty the stomach completely.

Notice how that feels.

You just gave your nervous system permission to release something and even the small permission matters.

I'm now going to ask you to do something that might feel counterintuitive,

That instead of pushing away the heaviness,

The sadness and the sense of dimming,

I want you to turn inwards,

Towards it.

Not dive into it and drown into it,

But to acknowledge it,

To say hello to it and to give it some space.

So with your hands still on your heart and your belly,

I want you to ask yourself gently,

Where do I feel sadness in my body right now?

Where do I feel sadness in my body right now?

Where do I feel sadness in my body right now?

Don't think about it too much,

Just notice.

Is there a place in your body that feels heavy,

Dense,

Tight,

Grey?

Where does the dimming live physically?

Maybe it's in your chest,

Maybe it's in your throat,

Maybe it's in your belly or your shoulders or maybe it's everywhere,

Like a blanket over your whole body.

Just notice.

Whatever you find,

When you find it,

Just bring your attention there,

That's all.

Now here's the practice.

Instead of trying to change it or fix it or make it go away,

I want you to just be with it.

Place your attention on that place in your body where sadness lives and just breathe with it.

Imagine you're sitting next to a friend who's in pain.

You don't need to have all the answers,

You don't need to fix them,

You just need to be there.

And that's what we're doing now,

Being there for your own sadness.

Breathe into that place,

Breathe into that heaviness,

Breathe into that dimming and just see what happens.

Now as you're breathing with it,

See if you can get curious about it.

Just curious,

Not analysing anything,

Like you're meeting it for the first time.

What does it feel like?

Is it tight or loose?

Hot or cold?

Does it have a colour,

A texture or a shape?

Just listen.

If this sadness could speak,

If it had a voice,

What would it say?

Not what your thoughts say about it,

But what would it say directly to you?

Listen,

Just listen.

Now for some of us,

The sadness might be saying,

I'm so tired.

It might be saying,

This isn't the life you're meant to be living.

It might be saying,

Can you stop now?

Can you rest?

Or it might be saying,

All those feelings you've never felt,

They're all here.

They need to move through and they need to be witnessed.

Or it might be saying,

Remember who you were before you learn to be small.

I remember.

I'm trying to bring you back,

Says the sadness.

So whatever your sadness is saying,

Whichever way it's talking to you,

Just receive it.

You don't have to do anything with it right now.

Let it speak,

Let it be heard.

Let it speak,

Let it be heard.

Now here is what often happens when we actually make space for sadness instead of pushing it away.

It moves.

Not always dramatically,

Not always immediately.

But when sadness is finally given permission to exist,

To be felt and to be witnessed,

It starts to shift.

So let's give that permission now.

Still with your hands on your heart and the belly and still breathing into the places where sadness lives.

I want you to say this out loud if you can,

Or silently if you need to.

I see you,

I feel you,

You're allowed to be here.

I see you,

I feel you,

You're allowed to be here.

I see you,

I feel you,

You're allowed to be here.

Thank you for trying to tell me something.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

I am listening now.

Thank you for trying to tell me something.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

I am listening now.

Take a deep breath now.

As you exhale,

Imagine the sadness softening just slightly.

Not disappearing,

Softening.

Like ice beginning to melt.

Like a clenched fist slowly opening,

Softening.

Some of you might feel emotions rising.

Tears might want to come.

If they do,

Let them.

Crying isn't weakness.

It's your nervous system releasing what it's been holding.

It's medicine.

Let it move.

And if tears don't come,

That's okay too.

There's no right or wrong way to do this.

The fact that you're here and the fact that you're willing to feel is what matters.

Now I want to help your nervous system remember something.

Remember the first state I talked about earlier.

The place of safety and connection where joy actually lives.

Your system knows this place.

It's forgotten how to get there.

But it knows.

But it remembers.

And we are going to help it remember together.

Keeping your hands now on your heart and the belly,

I want you to think back,

Way back if you need to.

A moment in your life when you felt truly alive.

Not just happy,

But alive.

When the fire was burning.

When you felt connected to yourself,

To life,

Or to the moment.

Maybe it was running as a child.

Maybe it was laughing with a childhood friend.

Maybe it was a moment in nature.

Maybe it was dancing,

Creating something,

Falling in love,

Holding someone you care about.

Don't judge the memory.

Don't analyze it.

Just find that moment when you felt truly,

Truly,

Truly alive and it'll come to you.

Now as you hold that memory,

Notice what does aliveness feel like in your body?

Not just in your thoughts,

But in your body.

What sensations come with that memory?

Maybe there is warmth.

Maybe there's an openness in your chest.

Maybe there's a lightness.

Maybe your breath deepens.

Maybe there's a tingling,

Or energy,

Or a sense of expansion.

Just notice this physical sensation of aliveness now.

Now here's the powerful part.

Your body can't tell the difference between a memory and the present moment.

And right now as you're remembering that alive feeling,

Your nervous system is starting to shift towards that state.

You're reminding your body what safety and aliveness feel like.

Stay with those sensations.

Breathe into them if you can.

And let your body remember that this is possible.

Your sadness came to clear something out.

To wake you up and to say something has to change.

And your aliveness,

The fire that you remember,

It's still there.

It hasn't gone anywhere.

It's just been buried under years and years and years of unfelt feelings,

Unmet needs,

And an unlived life.

So let's make a new agreement now between you and yourself,

Between you and your body,

Between you and your life.

With your hands still on your heart and the belly,

I want you to say this to yourself,

Or just receive my words.

I don't have to keep living the way I've been living.

I don't have to keep pushing myself into numbness.

I don't have to perform joy when I don't feel it.

I am allowed to feel what I feel and I am allowed to change.

And you can say that in your own words also.

Now let's add,

I am willing to come back to myself.

I am willing to feel again,

Even when it's uncomfortable.

I am willing to listen to what my body needs.

I am willing to let the fire return slowly in its own time.

Now this is not magic.

You won't wake up tomorrow completely transformed,

But you've started something today.

You've made contact,

You've stopped running from your own sadness,

And you've given yourself permission to feel,

Change,

And to come back to life.

And that's huge.

That's everything.

Now if you're in a process right now,

You're very welcome to pause this recording.

We are going to start bringing this journey to a close.

Take a deep breath now,

The deepest breath you've taken all day.

Feel your lungs completely and hold.

Let it all out with the sound again.

Wiggle your fingers,

Wiggle your toes,

Roll your shoulders.

If your eyes were closed,

You can open them.

Your body has been so present,

So still.

Thank it.

Thank your body for willing to feel,

To be open,

And to meet what's inside.

Look around the room.

Now,

You did something that most people avoid.

You turned towards your own pain and you made space for what your body was showing you.

You stopped pushing,

You stopped pretending,

And you just felt.

That's brave,

That's radical.

And in a world that wants you medicated,

Distracted,

Or spiritually bypassing your way around feelings,

You actually felt them.

And in feeling them,

You began the process of letting them move,

Of releasing what's been stored,

And of making space for something new.

The fire hasn't come roaring back yet,

And that's okay.

It doesn't work that way.

But you've tended to it.

You've removed some of the wet blankets that were smothering it.

You've given it oxygen,

You've given it your attention.

And that's how the fire comes back.

Not all at once,

Breath by breath,

Feeling by feeling.

Now,

I want to leave you with something practical,

Because this isn't about the time you spent in this exploration.

This is about your life.

Now,

Here is what I invite you to do as often as you can.

Check in with your body,

Not just your thoughts,

Your body.

Ask,

What do you need right now?

And then listen.

Then you let yourself feel.

When sadness comes,

Don't immediately distract yourself.

When you're tired,

Instead of pushing through with coffee,

When you're angry,

Find a safe way to express it.

Write it out,

Scream into a pillow,

Punch a cushion,

Do something.

Let your emotions move through you instead of storing them.

Then reconnect with whatever used to make you feel alive.

Your body remembers,

Just give it some opportunities now to remember.

And last thing,

Just be gentle with yourself.

You're not going to fix this overnight.

You're not going to fix this.

It's not the goal.

The goal is to become who you actually are,

Underneath all the performance and the pushing and the pretending.

So thank you for being here.

Thank you for your courage,

Your willingness,

Your honesty.

The sadness that you carry is not your enemy.

It's a teacher.

It's a messenger.

It's trying to bring you back to yourself.

And the fire you remember,

The aliveness you've lost touch with is not gone.

It's waiting for you to create the conditions for it to return.

And you've started that journey today.

So until we meet again,

Be gentle with yourself,

Feel what needs to be felt,

And trust that the fire knows how to return when you're ready for it.

Thank you very much for joining me and Namaste.

Reviews

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