Understanding Emotions: Somatic Nervous System Regulation

If you've ever felt anxious, stressed, or emotionally overwhelmed without knowing why - this is for you.
In this therapeutic podcast-style meditation, I'll help you understand what's really happening in your body when you feel uncomfortable emotions. We'll explore:
- Why your emotions are intelligent messengers (not problems to fix)
- How your nervous system stores unprocessed stress and trauma
- Why some of your anxiety might be inherited from your family system
- Practical somatic tools to release what isn't yours and heal what is
This isn't your typical 'just breathe and relax' meditation. This is therapeutic education combined with a powerful guided practice that will help you:
• Understand the root cause of your emotional patterns
• Work WITH your nervous system instead of against it
• Identify and release ancestral trauma and family patterns
• Complete stress cycles that have been stuck in your body

Transcript

So welcome everyone and thank you for listening.

So today let's explore emotions.

You know that feeling,

That heavy uncomfortable sensation that shows up in your body.

Maybe it's a tightness in your chest or butterflies in your stomach or maybe it's a restless energy sometimes that won't let you sit still.

Maybe it wakes you up at 3 a.

M with racing thoughts and maybe it follows you through your day like an unwelcome shadow.

We have a word for it,

Anxiety,

But honestly I find that word gets overused to the point where it stops meaning anything specific.

So for now let's just call it what it is.

Uncomfortable emotions,

Strong feelings,

Maybe that thing in your body that's trying to tell you something.

And here's what I want you to know right from the start.

You're not broken,

You're not overthinking everything,

You're not too sensitive despite what people might have told you.

What's happening in your body is intelligent and today we are going to understand exactly why.

So let's talk about what emotions actually are because I think we've been sold a bit of a lie about them.

The cultural message most of us got growing up was something like emotions are problems to be solved,

Feelings are inconvenient interruptions to productivity and if you're feeling something uncomfortable you should either start to think your way out of it or distract yourself until it goes away.

And just have a think now,

Does this sound familiar?

Here's what I've learned in my own journey and facilitating work for people.

Emotions are not problems,

They're information.

They are your body's way of communicating with you.

Think about it like this,

If you touch a hot stove you're going to feel pain and that pain isn't there to annoy you,

It's just telling you something.

It's saying hey move your hand,

This is dangerous.

So the pain is protective and it's intelligent.

Emotional discomfort often works the same way.

So that knot in your stomach before a big presentation,

Before a big meeting,

That's your body saying this matters to you,

Pay attention.

The sadness that shows up when you think about a lost relationship,

That's your heart still processing grief.

The frustration when your boundaries are crossed,

That's your system saying this is not okay with me.

So the first thing we are going to do is changing our relationship with these feelings.

So instead of seeing them as the enemy,

We're going to start to see them as messengers and good messengers at that.

So let me give you an example of what I mean.

Let's just say you're lying in bed at night and suddenly your heart starts racing.

Your mind starts spinning with worries about work,

About money,

About somebody else,

About that conversation you had earlier,

About everything and nothing all at once.

And the old way of thinking would be,

I am being irrational,

I need to stop thinking like this,

I need to calm down,

I have to be up early in the morning tomorrow.

And then you'd probably try some breathing exercises possibly while trying to beat yourself up for being anxious in the first place.

But what if instead you just got curious?

What if you said,

Okay body,

You're trying to tell me something,

What is it?

And I'm going to say this again.

Okay body,

You're trying to tell me something,

What is it?

Now maybe your body is telling you that you've been pushing too hard and you need rest.

Maybe it's telling you that something in your life feels out of alignment.

Or maybe it's telling you that you haven't processed something difficult that happened to you.

Maybe it's alerting you to a boundary that needs to be set.

So the racing heart isn't the problem,

It's an alarm bell.

And if you just keep hitting the snooze button without addressing the alarm or what the alarm is about,

It's going to keep going off louder and louder.

Now this is why I've seen people,

Including myself,

Trying every relaxation technique under the sun and still struggling to relax.

Because they're treating the symptom and not necessarily listening to the message.

So step one in this whole journey is simple.

Start listening.

Start treating your emotions like they have something valuable this to say,

Because they do.

And now here's where it gets interesting.

I have seen this in my work with somatic therapy.

Somatic just means off the body.

Somatic therapy is therapy that pays attention to what is happening in your physical body,

Not just your thoughts.

And this is where most traditional talk therapy misses.

Your body also holds on to experiences.

Your nervous system also remembers things your mind might have forgotten.

And sometimes,

Actually quite often,

The uncomfortable emotions you're feeling aren't really about what's happening right now.

Let me give you another example.

Someone cuts you off in traffic and suddenly you're absolutely furious.

Heart is racing.

You want to scream.

But deep down,

You know,

This reaction is too big for this situation.

This reaction is too big for this situation.

Now,

Whatever situation,

Whatever person,

Whatever place where you experience something like this,

Where you feel this reaction is too big for this,

That's because your nervous system isn't just reacting to the car cutting you off.

It's reacting to every single time you're felt unseen,

Dismissed,

Or disrespected.

Your body is bringing up an activation,

An old stress response that never fully got completed.

We all store unprocessed stress in our bodies.

It lives in our tight shoulders,

In our clenched jaws,

In our shallow breathing,

And our racing hearts.

And when something in the present even remotely resembles something from the past,

Boom,

Your nervous system fires up like you're still in that old situation.

And this is called a nervous system response,

And it's completely normal.

So your body is not being dramatic.

It's being protective.

It's trying to keep you safe based on what it learned was dangerous in the past.

Your body is trying to keep you safe based on what it learned was dangerous in the past.

Once you understand this,

You can start to work with your nervous system instead of against it.

You can start to complete those old stress responses and teach your body that it is safe now.

Now let me teach you a bit more about how this actually works,

Because this is really fascinating and it works.

So your nervous system has two main branches.

The sympathetic nervous system,

Which handles activation,

Which many of us know as fight,

Flight,

Or freeze response.

And then we have the parasympathetic nervous system,

Which handles rest,

Digestion,

And recovery.

Whenever you encounter something that your system perceives as a threat,

This could be real physical danger or just something that reminds your system of past danger.

Your sympathetic nervous system kicks in,

And that often looks like your heart rate going up,

Your breathing getting shallow,

Blood moves away from your digestive system into your muscles so you can run or fight.

Cortisol,

Adrenaline start to flood your system.

And this is a brilliant design when you're actually facing danger.

The problem is,

In modern life,

We activate this system all the time.

Traffic,

Work,

Stress,

Relationships,

Scrolling.

But we rarely get to complete the stress cycle.

Now in nature,

If an animal escapes danger,

It just shakes it off.

And you've probably seen a dog shake after a stressful encounter,

Right?

That's the nervous system completing the stress response or discharging the activation.

But we are told to stay professional,

Keep it together,

Not make a scene.

And I'm not asking you to discharge your activations or start to shake when you're in public.

But the point here is,

We suppress,

We hold the scream,

We swallow the tears,

And all that activation gets stored in the body as tension,

Tightness,

Chronic stress.

And over time,

If you've got enough incomplete stress cycles stored up,

Your nervous system then starts to run hot.

You become hypervigilant.

You're always scanning for danger.

And your baseline of activation is much,

Much higher than it should be.

And even small things can tip you over the edge into overwhelm.

Now this is what people call anxiety.

But today,

Maybe we can explore that it's a nervous system that's been stuck in a stress response,

Sometimes for years.

And the beautiful thing is,

The natural thing is,

Your body wants to complete these cycles.

It wants to discharge the stored activation and stress.

It wants to return to a state of regulation and ease.

We have to give it permission and the right tools to do so.

And that's what we are going to do in this practice session.

Let's bring in another piece here with emotions,

Which is the family piece.

And take what resonates.

Now we're going to go even deeper.

Some of the anxiety,

Some of the fear,

Some of the sadness,

And some of the tension that you're carrying may not be yours.

Some of the fear,

Some of the anxiety,

Some of the sadness that you are carrying may not be yours.

Now stay with me.

This is where family system work comes in.

Now,

Family constellations is an approach that looks at how patterns,

Traumas,

And emotional states gets passed down through family systems.

Not just behaviors or learned habits,

But something deeper.

Now scientists are studying something called epigenetics,

Which show that traumatic experiences can actually change our gene expression,

Our DNA.

And those changes can be inherited by our children and grandchildren.

Your grandmother's fear during a war,

Your grandfather's grief from a loss,

Your parents' chronic stress,

These things can leave imprints that get passed down.

Now it's not just biological,

It's also energetic,

It's also systemic.

So children,

By nature,

Are incredibly perceptive.

So we absorb the emotional atmosphere of our families with or without knowing it.

So if your mother was constantly worried,

You might have learned to be hypervigilant just by being in that house,

Always scanning for danger,

Even if nothing bad ever happened to you personally.

If your father carried unspoken grief,

And of course they are all examples,

You might find yourself sad without even knowing why.

If your family system experienced trauma generations back,

Famine,

War,

Displacement,

Loss,

Some part of that survival activation might still be running with your nervous system.

So this is what I mean when I say some of what you're feeling may not be yours.

And let's stay with the word may.

So if it resonates,

You can receive the words,

Just take what you think aligns with where you are and what your body is accepting.

You may also be carrying emotional patterns and nervous system activations that belonged to your parents,

Grandparents,

Or maybe further back.

Not because you're cursed or doomed,

But because families are systems,

Systems have loyalty.

And on a deep,

Deep,

Deep unconscious level,

We try to carry things for people that we love.

And I'll say this again,

On a deep,

Deep,

Deep unconscious level,

We try to carry things for people that we love.

Now here is the healing part in all this.

Once you become aware of this,

You can choose to put it down.

You can honor what your family went through without having to carry their unprocessed pain.

And you can break the cycle with self-awareness.

Let me give you an example of how this shows up.

I worked with a woman once who had chronic anxiety around money and finances.

No matter how much she earned,

She couldn't shake this feeling that she was going to lose everything.

She would check her bank account multiple times a day.

She couldn't enjoy anything she bought because of guilt and fear that just came up.

And logically,

It made absolutely no sense.

No problems with money all her life,

All her childhood.

She had a really good job,

Savings.

But her body kept on telling her a different story.

In our family constellation work together,

What emerged was that her grandmother had lived through famine.

Her grandmother's children,

Including this woman's father,

Grew up in a house where scarcity was a lived reality.

Where food was uncertain and where survival was precarious.

That fear of scarcity,

That survival hyper-vigilance had been passed down through the family system.

Her father carried it as a general anxiety and need to control resources.

And she inherited it as the inability to feel safe without money.

When she was able to see this,

To recognize this fear isn't about my bank account,

This is my grandmother's fear,

This is my father's fear.

It's been trying to protect me,

But it's based on a reality that's no longer mine.

Something shifted.

She was able to honor the real struggle her grandmother went through.

To acknowledge the survival instinct that kept her family alive.

And then to say,

I see you,

I honor you,

I am safe now and I can put this down.

See how your body is reacting to these words.

Is anything coming up for you?

Are you feeling,

Sensing,

Being aware of something just by listening to this?

Now this is the power of family constellation work.

It helps you see the invisible loyalties,

The unconscious contracts,

The emotional inheritance that you may be carrying.

And it gives you permission to live your own life.

Now I want to be clear,

This does not mean that your struggles are not real or valid.

They are.

What you're feeling is real.

The impact on your life is real.

But understanding the source can sometimes change everything.

It's the difference between I am broken and I don't know why,

Versus I'm carrying something for my family and I can choose to put it down.

One makes you powerless,

The other gives you power.

And that's what we are going to work with in this practice.

So I've been throwing a lot at you today.

So let's recap what we have learned.

Your emotions,

Including the uncomfortable ones,

Are intelligent.

They are messages,

Not problems.

Second,

Your body holds on to unprocessed experiences and stress.

Sometimes you're not reacting to what's happening now.

You're reacting to what happened then.

Your nervous system is trying to protect you based on old information.

Third,

Some of what you're feeling might not be yours.

You might be carrying emotional patterns,

Fears,

Or nervous system activation that were inherited from your family system.

Now you might be thinking that,

Okay,

Abby,

That's really fascinating.

And what do I do with all this?

So we are going to do a practice together.

Yeah?

A somatic practice that helps you connect with your body,

Discharge some of that stored activation,

And begin the process of discerning what's mine and what isn't.

So let's begin now.

Find yourself a comfortable position.

You could be sitting up,

Lying down,

Or whatever feels supportive to your body right now.

If you're sitting,

Let your feet rest flat on the ground.

Feel the weight of your body being held by whatever surface you're on.

And here's something else to explore.

You don't have to close your eyes.

If that doesn't feel comfortable.

Some people feel safer with their eyes open or with a soft gaze downwards.

Just trust what your system needs.

Now take a breath.

Not a forced breath,

Not a deep breath,

Not a breath with numbers.

Just take a breath.

And just notice the breath you're already breathing in and out.

Nothing to fix here.

Just noticing.

Now before we go inwards,

Let's orient to the external world.

This is a grounding technique that helps you navigate and make your nervous system feel safe.

Look around the room that you're in.

Notice what you can see.

Maybe you see a window,

A wall,

A lamp,

Or your hand,

Whatever is there.

Just look around the room and notice.

Now notice the things you can physically feel.

Chair,

Bed,

Yoga mat beneath you.

Feet on the floor.

Air on your skin.

Clothes touching your body.

Now what can you hear?

My voice.

Silence.

Maybe your own breathing.

Maybe the hum of a refrigerator or a heater.

Traffic outside.

And you've just done something really important.

You've told your nervous system we are here,

We are present,

And we are safe.

This is called resourcing.

Take another breath now.

Now I just want you to notice what's happening in your body right now.

Not trying to change it.

Not trying to relax it.

Just noticing.

Start at the top of your head.

Is there any tension there?

Now move your awareness down to your face,

To your jaw,

To your forehead,

And around your eyes.

A lot of us hold tension in our faces without realizing it.

Now move down your neck and your shoulders.

Now this is where a lot of people carry the weight of the world.

So just notice what's there.

No judgment.

Chest.

Chest.

Or your heart space.

Is there any tension there?

Is it open?

Closed?

Tight?

Just notice.

Slowly,

Gently dropping down to your belly.

A lot of emotions live here.

Fear,

Anxiety,

And even old trauma.

It all gets stored in the belly.

What's your belly telling you now?

Your hips,

Your legs,

And your feet.

Your hips,

Your legs,

And your feet.

Are they restless?

Are they heavy?

Are they wobbly?

Are they wanting to move?

Just scan through now once again.

Nothing here is positive.

Nothing here is negative.

This is just information.

Notice these sensations.

I want you to get curious now.

Say hello to them.

I'm going to say hello tension in my shoulders.

Hello tightness in my chest.

I feel you.

I see you there.

These sensations may be messengers.

So we are not going to battle them.

Not today.

We're just going to listen.

Just stay here with me.

Breathing,

Noticing,

Breathing,

Noticing,

Breathing,

Noticing.

Now pick one area for me where you're feeling the most sensation,

Most activation.

And if you're not feeling anything,

Where are you being guided to look at today?

Maybe it's your chest,

Or your belly,

Or your shoulders.

Just one place.

And we are going to work with that.

If it's comfortable,

Place your hands there,

Or hand there.

And now feel the warmth of your hand on your body.

And breathe into that space.

Imagine your breath going directly to where you're feeling tension or discomfort.

I'm now going to take you to a place with that one area of my body where I felt the most activation.

I may have my hand there.

And I'm just breathing.

I want you to ask yourself a question now.

And don't overthink this.

Whatever comes up,

Comes up.

The words are,

Is this feeling mine?

Is this feeling mine?

Is this feeling mine?

Just ask it.

Notice what happens in your body when you ask.

Does the sensation shift?

Does an image or a memory come up?

And there's no right answer here.

This is just an exploration.

Do you sense somebody else?

A parent,

Grandparent,

An ancestor?

Again,

Just be curious with this.

If you sense what you're feeling might be connected to someone else in your family system,

I want you to try something.

First,

Just acknowledge it.

Now,

Receive my words or say this in your mind.

I see you.

I see what you went through.

I see the fear you carried.

I see the pain you endured and the burden that you held.

Breathe with that now.

Breathe with that now.

Take a moment to really honor that.

Whatever your ancestors,

Your parents or your grandparents went through,

It was real.

It mattered and they survived.

You're only here today because they survived.

Breathe with that.

Now,

I want you to imagine that you can see this person,

Whoever they were.

And if you don't see anybody,

Just see this feeling,

See this emotion.

I see what you carried.

I honor your strength.

And now,

I'm going to leave this burden with you.

Not because I don't love you,

But because it's yours,

Not mine.

You are the big one.

I am the little one.

And I'm going to live my life now.

You're acknowledging the natural order now.

You don't have to carry what doesn't belong to you.

Take a deep breath in.

And as you breathe out,

Imagine gently placing that feeling down.

Not rejecting it.

Not dishonoring it.

But lovingly acknowledging it by saying,

This belongs to you,

Not to me.

Whatever is happening in your body right now,

Whatever you're aware of right now,

Is perfect.

Just stay with that.

Nothing has to make sense to your conscious mind.

Breathe.

Notice.

Now,

Does something shift for you?

Did the tension ease even a little?

Has your breathing deepened?

Or has something softened?

You might or might not feel a huge shift.

And that's okay.

You've started a process.

You've opened a door.

Take one more breath with me.

Now,

Coming back to your body,

If there's tension or activation still present,

You're going to make a different inquiry now.

Receiving the words once again.

What are you trying to tell me?

What do you need?

What are you trying to tell me?

What do you need?

And then,

Actually listen.

Don't rush.

Don't rush to fix it.

Just listen.

Now,

Your body might need to move.

And if that's true,

Let it.

Remember what I said earlier about animals shaking off stress.

Your body wants to do the same thing.

Maybe your shoulders need to roll.

Maybe you need to shake out your hands.

Maybe you need to stretch.

Maybe you need to stand up and shake your whole body.

Trust that instinct.

This isn't random.

This may be your nervous system creating,

Completing a stress response.

So this is how we discharge an activation.

So if your body wants to move,

Please let it move.

Roll your shoulders.

Shake your hands.

Move your hips.

Anything else that you're being guided to do.

Take a moment here.

More if you need to.

As you're doing this,

Your body might also need sound.

Now,

Sound is incredibly healing.

It helps to release what's stuck.

If you need to sigh,

Sigh.

A big,

Audible exhale.

If you need to hum,

Hum.

If you need to make any other kind of sound,

Just let it out.

Don't worry about how it sounds.

This is not about being pretty or composed.

This is just about expression.

So make some sound now if you need to.

I am allowing my body to move.

I'm allowing my body to make any sounds that I think I need right now.

And your body might just need acknowledgement.

Sometimes it doesn't need you to do anything except to be present with it.

I know you're scared.

I know this is hard.

I know you've been holding on to so much.

I am here with you.

You are not alone.

You are safe now.

I know you're scared.

I know this is hard.

I know you've been holding on to so much.

I am here with you.

You are not alone.

You are safe now.

So this is called co-regulation.

You're using your conscious awareness to help your nervous system settle.

You're being the compassionate,

Present witness that maybe you didn't have when you needed one.

Now,

As we did this,

You may have been guided to do one or more exercise more.

You may have felt better making the sound.

You may have felt better while shaking or moving your body.

Or you may just have felt better by receiving the words.

Again,

Take that as information of your body actually asking you off.

This is what my body needs.

For now,

Place both your hands on your body somewhere.

Heart,

Belly,

Or wherever it feels right.

And just breathe with your hands there.

I am here.

I am listening.

I've got you.

Breathe again.

I am here.

I am listening.

I've got you.

And again.

I am here.

I am listening.

I've got you.

Stay here now for a few seconds,

Just being with yourself.

Now,

One hand on the belly.

One hand on the heart.

Feel the warmth of your own hands.

You can also put your hands on your skin.

Feel the rise and fall of your breath.

And I want you to say something to yourself.

Silently or out loud.

I am learning to listen to my body.

I am learning to honor my emotions.

I am releasing what is in mine.

And I am here for what is.

I am learning to listen to my body.

I am learning to honor my emotions.

I am releasing what is in mine.

And I am here for what is.

Now,

If you are in a process right now,

You're very welcome to pause this recording and stay here for as long as you need to.

So how are you feeling right now?

Hopefully a little lighter.

Hopefully a little bit more spacious.

Maybe a little bit more curious about what's actually happening in your system.

So before we wrap up,

This is not a practice.

This is not a one-time fix.

Understanding your emotions.

Working with your nervous system.

And discerning what's yours and what's inherited.

These are skills you develop over time.

Be patient with yourself.

Be curious.

And be kind.

Your body has been holding on to so much for so long.

Maybe your entire life.

Maybe even longer if you're carrying family patents.

So whatever you feel right now is absolutely okay.

What matters is that you've started.

You've turned towards your body instead of away from it.

And you've started listening instead of fighting.

And that's huge.

Let me give you some practical guidance for continuing this work in your daily life.

First,

Check in with your body regularly.

Not just when you're overwhelmed.

Make it a habit.

Morning coffee,

Check in.

Sitting at a red light,

Check in.

Before bed,

Check in.

And the words can be as simple as,

Hey body,

What do you need?

Hey body,

What do you need?

Second,

When you notice uncomfortable emotions arising,

Just pause just for a second before trying to fix them.

Get curious first.

Ask,

Is this mine?

Is this about now?

Or is this an old activation?

Is this telling me something important?

Third,

Give your nervous system what it needs to complete the stress cycle.

Move your body.

Make a sound.

Cry if you need to.

Shake it out.

Don't just sit there and try to think your way out of it.

It may not work.

Your body needs to move that energy.

It needs to move that energy.

It needs to move that energy.

Fourth,

If you notice patterns that feel bigger than you,

If you keep hitting the same wall,

Feeling the same fear,

Repeating the same cycles,

Just be open to this possibility.

Consider that there might be a family system component here.

It doesn't make you weak.

It actually gives you a doorway to heal it.

Like we said before,

Awareness of these patterns is the first and the most important step to heal them.

Now,

Having all this work,

All this rewiring land,

So just know this before we close.

You're doing great.

The fact that you're here listening,

Exploring,

Being willing to look at your inner world,

That takes a lot of courage.

And I honor that.

So take care of yourself.

Be gentle.

And just remember your emotions are wise.

Your body is intelligent.

And you are exactly where you need to be.

So until next time,

Namaste.