Somatic Self-Compassion: Beyond Toxic Positivity

This isn't a traditional meditation — it's a spoken healing piece. No visualisations, no techniques, just honest words about self-compassion and being exactly where you are.

Perfect for when meditation feels like too much, or when you need permission to not be okay.

What you'll experience: Relief from toxic positivity pressure. Permission to feel what you actually feel. Understanding why "can't meditate" isn't failure. Somatic self-compassion that lands in the body. A sense of being met exactly where you are

Transcript

So welcome everyone,

And thank you for listening.

Now,

I don't know where you're listening from right now.

Maybe you're in bed,

Unable to sleep.

Maybe you're on a train,

Watching the world blur past the window.

Maybe you're in your car,

Finally alone after a long day of being everything to everyone.

It doesn't matter where you are,

And you don't need to be anywhere special for this.

You don't need to find a quiet room or sit in a particular position,

And you don't need to close your eyes.

You don't need to do anything at all.

I'm not going to ask you to breathe in a certain way,

Or to visualize anything,

Or to go anywhere.

I'm just going to talk to you,

And just be open to listening.

And maybe,

Just maybe,

In that listening,

Something will soften,

Something will settle,

And something might feel a little bit more okay today.

No pressure,

Just see what happens.

Now,

I want to talk about something that I think a lot of people feel,

But don't often say out loud,

And that's the exhaustion of positivity.

Now,

We live in a world that's saturated with messages about how we should think,

How we should feel,

How we should frame our experience.

Be grateful,

Look on the bright side,

Everything happens for a reason,

Good vibes only,

Manifest your dreams,

Think positive,

And positive things will happen.

And look,

There's nothing wrong with gratitude,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with hope,

And there is nothing wrong with looking for meaning,

Or trying to cultivate a positive outlook.

But somewhere along the way,

These ideas got twisted into something else,

More like a demand,

A performance,

Or a mask we are supposed to wear,

No matter what's actually happening underneath.

And that's exhausting.

It's exhausting to feel sad,

And then feel bad about feeling sad.

To feel anxious,

And then feel anxious about being anxious.

To struggle and then add a layer of shame on top,

Because you should be more grateful,

You should be more positive,

You should be more something else.

As if your feelings are a problem to be solved,

And as if your humanity is an inconvenience.

Now,

I just want you to hear this,

You are allowed not to be okay.

You are allowed not to be okay.

You are allowed not to be okay.

You are allowed to have a hard day,

A hard week,

A hard year.

You are allowed to feel grief without rushing to find the lesson.

You are allowed to feel anger without immediately forgiving.

You are allowed to feel scared without pretending to be brave.

These feelings don't make you negative.

They don't mean you're not spiritual enough,

Or evolved enough,

Or grateful enough.

They just mean you're human.

They mean you're alive,

And they mean you're paying attention to your actual experience,

Instead of performing someone else's idea of how you should be.

Now,

While we are on the topic of things that are supposed to help,

But sometimes just add more pressure,

Let's talk about meditation.

Now,

I am a holistic therapist,

And I have a piece of paper that says I'm a meditation teacher.

I teach meditation.

I believe in its power,

But I also want to say this,

That if meditation feels like another thing you're failing at,

Then you need to listen to this.

I've met so many people who've tried meditation,

And then they say,

I can't do it,

Because my mind won't stop.

They can't sit still.

They feel more anxious.

They feel they're failing at this.

They get bored.

They fall asleep,

And they feel deep down they are doing it wrong.

Now,

I want to say something that might sound strange,

Coming from someone who teaches this stuff.

There is no wrong.

If your mind wanders,

That's not wrong.

That's exactly what minds do,

And that's literally what they evolved to do.

Your mind is a prediction machine,

A problem solver,

A storyteller.

So,

Asking your mind to be quiet is asking a fish not to swim.

It will never happen.

If you feel restless,

That's also not wrong.

That might be exactly what your body needs you to feel.

That restlessness might be information.

It might be energy that needs to move somehow.

It might be your system saying that,

Hey,

Sitting still right now is not what I need.

If you fall asleep,

That's also not wrong.

It might mean that you're exhausted.

It might mean your nervous system finally felt safe enough to rest,

And it might be the most healing thing that could possibly happen.

So,

If meditation makes you more anxious,

That's not wrong either.

For some people,

Especially with trauma in their timeline,

Closing their eyes and going inwards can actually activate the nervous system rather than calm it.

So,

That's not a failure at all.

That's important information about what your system needs.

The goal of meditation was never to stop your thoughts or achieve some perfect state of blissful emptiness.

The goal,

If there is one,

Is simply awareness,

Noticing what's there,

Being present with your actual experience,

Whatever that experience is.

I'll say that again.

Meditation simply means being present with your actual experience,

Whatever that experience is.

Now,

This is what I've come to understand after years of practice and years of working and my own personal experiences,

That awareness is not somewhere you have to get to.

It's where you already are.

So,

Right now,

You're listening to my voice and you're aware.

You're aware of the words,

You're aware of the sounds around you.

You may also be aware of how your body feels,

Even if that awareness is vague or partial,

But it's there.

You might be aware of thoughts drifting through.

You might be aware of emotions present or absent.

So,

That's it.

That is awareness.

You're already doing it.

You don't need to achieve it.

You don't need to deepen it or purify it or make it special.

You just need to notice that it's already here,

That you are already here,

That this moment is already happening and you're already part of it.

You're in it.

And here's the thing about awareness.

It doesn't judge.

Awareness itself is neutral.

It simply witnesses what is.

Awareness is always neutral and it simply witnesses what is.

The judgment,

The criticism,

The I should be different,

That's thought.

That's the mind-adding commentary.

But beneath the commentary,

Awareness is just aware,

Open,

Receptive.

It's like a mirror that reflects whatever appears without preference.

So,

You don't have to quiet your mind to access this.

You don't have to feel peaceful or blissful and you don't have to be in a good mood.

You just have to notice that you are noticing.

That something in you is aware of this moment exactly as it is.

And once again,

Something in you is aware of this moment exactly as it is.

So,

Let's talk now about self-compassion because this word also gets thrown around a lot and I think it's often misunderstood.

Self-compassion is not positive thinking.

It's not telling yourself everything is fine when it isn't and it's not affirmations that you do in the mirror or forcing gratitude or silver lining of your suffering.

Self-compassion does not mean that you have to be positive all the time.

Self-compassion is much,

Much,

Much simpler and much more radical than that.

Now,

If I was to summarize this term,

Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness that you'd offer to somebody you love,

That you'd offer to a good friend.

That's it.

That's the whole thing.

So,

If your friend came to you or a loved one exhausted and overwhelmed,

Would you tell them to be more positive?

Would you start to tell them to list all the things that they should be grateful for?

Would you give them a vision board?

Would you suggest they are not trying hard enough?

Or you would probably just listen to them?

You'd probably simply say something like,

That sounds really hard.

I am sorry you're going through this.

What do you need?

Just these words.

That sounds really hard.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

What do you need?

Now,

That comes close to compassion.

And you deserve to receive it from yourself as much as you deserve to receive it from others.

Now,

The somatic part of self-compassion is about bringing this same kindness into the body.

You can sit and think compassionate thoughts all day long.

But if your body is still braced,

Tight,

And your body is still holding the posture of someone under threat,

That compassion will never land in your system.

So,

The body needs to feel the kindness,

Not just hear it.

This might mean placing a hand on your heart when you're struggling.

Struggling internally with something.

Not as a technique,

But as a gesture of care.

It might mean softening your shoulders when you notice they've crept up to your ears.

It might mean speaking to yourself in a tender voice when you repeat an old pattern.

As if you were speaking to someone you love.

And these are not tricks.

These are communications.

You are literally telling your nervous system,

Through the language it understands,

That you are not under attack.

You are safe.

You are held.

Even if the holding is coming from yourself.

Now,

I want to give you some permissions.

And I know you don't need my permission.

You're a grown adult.

You can give yourself permission.

But sometimes it helps to hear it from the outside.

Sometimes we need someone else to say something we've been longing to hear.

So,

Receive these words now.

You have permission to feel what you feel.

You have permission to feel what you feel.

Not what you think you should feel.

Not what would be more convenient to feel.

Not what would make others more comfortable.

But what you actually feel right now,

Today.

You also have permission to not be fixed.

You have permission to not be fixed.

You are not a problem to be solved.

You are not broken and in need of any repair.

You are just a living,

Breathing,

Complex human being,

Who is doing their best in circumstances that are sometimes really,

Really hard.

You also have permission to rest without earning it.

You don't have to be productive to deserve a break.

You don't have to be exhausted to justify your rest.

You can rest because you're a human being.

And rest is a human need.

Full stop.

You have permission to not meditate.

You have permission to not meditate.

Or to meditate differently than anyone told you to.

Or to call something meditation that doesn't look like what the apps and the gurus are telling you.

If staring out at the window helps you be present,

That's meditation.

If walking helps you feel connected to your body,

That's meditation.

If going to the gym makes you feel better,

That's meditation.

If listening to someone talk helps something in you settle,

That's meditation.

So you get to define what works for you.

Give yourself that permission now.

I'll also say you have permission to not be positive.

You have permission to not be positive.

You can be realistic.

You can be sad.

You can be angry.

You can be grieving.

You can be all of these things and still be a good person.

Still be spiritual.

And still be worthy of love and belonging.

Your value doesn't depend on your mood.

And to bring all this together,

You have permission to be exactly where you are.

You have permission to be exactly where you are.

You have permission to be exactly where you are.

Where you are is enough.

Where you are is enough.

Where you are is enough.

There is an idea in our culture that we should always be growing improving,

Always moving towards a better version of ourselves.

And don't get me wrong,

Growth is beautiful.

Change is possible and healing is real.

But there is a shadow side to this constant striving also.

It can simply become another way of saying that you right now are not good enough.

That this moment is not enough and you need to be somewhere else than where you are.

I want to offer you a different perspective.

What if where you are is exactly where you need to be?

What if where you are is exactly where you need to be?

What if this struggle,

This confusion and this not having it all figured out?

What if it's not a problem?

What if it's just life?

What if it's just the curriculum of your life?

What if you don't need to be more healed,

More enlightened,

More together before you deserve kindness?

What if you deserve kindness right now in this mess,

In the middle of all this?

People don't heal by rejecting where they are.

They heal by fully arriving there.

By stopping the war with themselves.

By saying,

Okay,

This is what's here and I'm going to meet it with as much compassion as I can.

This is what's here and I'm going to meet it with as much compassion as I can.

The paradox is that acceptance often creates more change than resistance ever did.

When we stop fighting ourselves,

Energy gets freed up.

When we stop performing wellness,

Actual wellness has space to emerge.

Now your body is so much wiser than you've probably been taught to believe.

We live in a culture that treats the body as something to be controlled,

Disciplined and overridden.

We are taught to push through our fatigue,

Ignore hunger,

Suppress emotions,

Power through the pain and we are often taught that the mind should be in charge and the body should follow orders.

But the body is not your enemy.

It's not an obstacle to be overcome.

It's your home.

It's the vehicle through which you experience every single moment of your life and it's constantly communicating with you if you're willing to listen.

The tension in your shoulders,

It's not just tension,

It's information.

Maybe it's saying I'm carrying too much and I'm bracing for impact or I haven't felt safe enough to soften.

The churning in your stomach is also information.

The heaviness in your chest is also information.

The restlessness that won't let you sit still is also information.

So your body is not making these sensations to annoy you.

It's trying to help you.

It's trying to tell you something.

And here's the beautiful thing.

When you start listening,

Really listening,

Without trying to immediately fix or change,

The body softens.

It may be happening right now if you're paying attention and offering presence to your body.

It's like it's been waiting to be heard,

Waiting to be acknowledged.

And when that finally happens,

It can let go just a little.

You don't need an expert to interpret your body's signals for you.

You don't need a technique or a method.

You just need to pay attention,

To get curious,

To ask gently,

What are you trying to tell me?

Now in this space,

I want to say something about difficult emotions.

Anxiety,

Sadness,

Anger,

Fear,

Grief,

Shame,

Disappointment.

The ones we usually try to get rid of as quickly as possible.

Now these emotions are not your enemies.

I know they don't feel good.

I know they can be overwhelming.

I know that sometimes they seem to take over and you just want them to stop.

I get it.

I really do.

But emotions,

Even the painful ones,

Are fundamentally on your side.

They are still part of your guidance system and they are how your psyche processes experiences.

They are how your body releases what it can't hold.

Anxiety often arises when we are approaching something important.

It might be trying to protect us or prepare us or alert us to a genuine concern that needs addressing.

Sadness often arises when we have lost something that mattered.

It's the natural response to caring.

It's love with nowhere to go.

Anger often arises when a boundary has been crossed or a value has been violated.

It's energy for protection and it's fuel for change.

So these emotions are not mistakes.

You are not wrong or bad for having them.

They are not signs that something is wrong with you.

They are just signs that you are paying attention,

That you care and you are alive.

Now the problem isn't the emotions themselves.

The problem is what we do with them.

When we suppress them,

They don't go away.

They just go underground.

When we judge them,

We add suffering on top of suffering.

When we act them out unconsciously,

We create consequences we didn't intend.

When we simply feel them,

Let them move through us without resistance,

Without story,

Without judgment.

They tend to pass.

Like weather,

Like waves,

They arise,

They peak,

They dissipate and something shifts.

Now there's one more thing I want to address because I can almost hear some of you thinking all that sounds lovely,

Great but you don't understand.

I am too critical.

I'm too hard on myself.

I just can't decide to be kind to myself.

Now that voice,

That harsh one,

It's louder than anything that you're saying and I hear you and I want to say even that is okay.

You don't have to be good at self-compassion.

You don't have to do it perfectly.

You don't even have to do it at all but here's what you can do.

You can be compassionate towards the part of you that can't be compassionate.

Now I'll say that again.

You can be compassionate towards the part of you that can't be compassionate.

That harsh inner critic,

It didn't come from nowhere.

It developed for a reason.

At some point in your history,

It was probably trying to protect you,

To help you fit in,

To keep you safe from rejection or punishment,

To motivate you when you didn't have other sources of motivation.

So it's not evil.

It's just outdated.

It's using strategies that might have been necessary once but are not serving you anymore.

So instead of fighting the critic,

Instead of criticizing yourself for being critical which is just more of the same,

What if you could acknowledge it?

What if you could say,

I see you.

I know you're trying to help me.

Thank you for trying to protect me but I've got this now and you can rest.

Now that's advanced self-compassion.

That's meeting yourself exactly where you are,

Including the parts that are hard,

Including the parts that resist and also including the parts that believe they don't deserve kindness.

Now just this moment,

We are coming to the end of our time together and I don't want to give you a five-step action plan that will change your life in two days or a technique to practice or any homework to do.

I just want to sit here with you for another moment because that's what we've been doing this whole time really.

Just being together,

Breathing in the same temporal space even though we are separated by distance and maybe by time depending on where you're listening to this and in this moment everything I've been saying comes down to something very simple.

You don't have to be different than you are.

You don't have to be different than you are.

You don't have to be different than you are.

Not right now,

Not in this moment.

You can want to change.

You can be working towards change.

You can hope for a different future but right here,

Right now,

You're allowed to simply be what you are.

Feel what you feel.

Breathe how you're breathing.

This isn't resignation.

It isn't giving up.

It's actually the opposite.

It's putting down the burden of constant self-improvement long enough to remember that you're already whole,

Already worthy,

Already enough.

Not because you've achieved enough or healed enough or grown enough but because you exist.

Because you're here.

Because that's what enough actually means.

So wherever you are right now,

Whatever you're feeling,

Whatever you're struggling with,

Whatever you wish were different,

I want you to know that's okay.

Not in a toxic positivity,

Everything is fine way.

In a deeper way.

In a way that includes the not-okayness.

You're a human being doing human things,

Feeling human feelings and that is not a problem to be solved.

That is life and you are living it.

So thank you for listening.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for letting me talk to you like this without any agenda,

Without trying to fix anything.

Take whatever landed,

Leave whatever didn't.

Your system knows what it needs and if you want to talk more,

If you want support on this journey,

You know where to find me.

Until next time,

Be gentle with yourself.

Not because you should but because you can.

So thank you very much for listening and namaste.

Reviews

I don't know why self compassion is so hard for me, but it sure is. This track is incredibly helpful. I needed this today.

There's a lot of air and space in this recording. Thank you!