Don't Give Up, No Feeling Is Final

Inevitably, throughout our lives, we will all experience both the beauty and terror of what are called the eight worldly winds, which can arrive in varying degrees – sometimes as a gentle breeze, at other times like a gusting tornado. Either way, the way we work with these winds is what will determine how much they affect us as they’re passing through. This talk explores how we can discover and take refuge in that calm, still point that rests in the center of the storm.

Transcript

So the The topic for this talk today sort of arose for me this month after an interesting series of events which proceeded to offer me a really strong lesson about what the Buddha calls the Eight Worldly Winds.

So I thought I'd share some of the Buddhist teachings on these eight things which actually have numerous different names including the vicissitudes or the concerns,

The dharmas,

The emotions,

Attachments,

Lots of different names for these.

But because I tend to love metaphors so much I really like to just stick with the name Worldly Winds.

And what I love to remember about these different winds is that just like the actual wind we really don't have a lot of control over any of these.

And we also can't determine how strong or how mild they are when they arrive either.

But the important thing to remember is that the way we work with these winds when they do show up really encompasses the entirety of our practice.

In fact learning how to work with these is exactly what can lead us to the fruit of our efforts which is equanimity or more of a sense of balance and ease and steadiness in our lives.

So as you might imagine all eight of these are incredibly important to keep in mind.

But before I impact them a bit I first wanted to share about what happened to my husband and I this month that encouraged me to write this talk about the winds.

Many of you may know that we live in a little wood heated cottage that we rent in the middle of a free range cattle farm.

The house was actually once the old farm hands house and it sits on top of the hill and it's surrounded by trees and happily we really do love and enjoy these except for when it gets windy.

Unfortunately when the wind comes it rushes right up on the side of the house that faces the empty fields below it.

And when it's strong the house physically rattles.

It's loud actually.

All the walls and windows shake and when it's really bad we end up sleeping in the middle of the living room in front of the wood stove.

So a few weeks ago when those stronger winter winds started arriving we woke up one morning and we discovered that one of the big trees had fallen into the driveway and it had broken the fence and was just a huge mess all over the yard really.

So when the winds had died down a little bit my husband went outside with his chainsaw and his axe and he spent half the day clearing out all the brush and then cutting up the tree so that we could get down the driveway which was great.

But a few days later the skin all over our bodies started to break out in these big awful itchy patches of blisters and we both realized that the tree must have been covered in poison ivy.

Now usually my husband is pretty immune to the stuff but this time it was just really all over and while he was incredibly uncomfortable he is also not deathly allergic to poison ivy like I am.

So sadly as we both anticipated my eyes started to swell shut so we knew we needed to go spend some time at urgent care which ended up to be not one day there but two because the first dose of prednisone just didn't do it.

And on that second day when we finally arrived back home what we discovered was that the well on the farm had failed and so we were then without any water for three days while the plumbers were over here trying to sort things out for us.

In the meantime the same day that the well stopped working my computer decided to suddenly crash so while I was covered with poison ivy and very unpleasantly hopped up on massive doses of prednisone I also had no water and no computer and at the same time I received an email on my phone letting me know that I didn't receive a local COVID relief grant that I spent a lot of time applying for and a dear friend who I walk with once a week called to let me know that she and her old family likely were exposed to someone who was very sick with COVID.

So in summary it was just one of those weeks which I know that we've all experienced when the more difficult winds seem to arrive with fierce force and unfortunately the gusts just seem to keep coming without a lot of breaks in between.

And of course there are times in each of our lives where it can feel like a whole month of storms or maybe even a year or two of these kind of whirlwinds where the wind just keeps coming or even getting stronger.

Even without a lot of quiet or even sunshine in between.

And really for all of us this year the year 2020 has been one of those years.

A year when the whole planet has been hit with a massive storm of sorts which we are all very much still in and of course weathering as best as we can.

And just for a moment you might even pause and spend some time reflecting on some of the more difficult winds or maybe even storms that you yourself may be facing right now in your own life.

So this might look like reflecting on all the difficult winds you might have weathered just this year.

Maybe just this month or this week or maybe even just in the course of your day today.

So just for a moment I'd like to invite you to think about all these different winds in your life.

Because we are all humans living in this world I know for certain that we've likely all experienced some difficult winds just this week even maybe several just today.

This is the quality of the winds.

Years ago I remember someone saying that at any moment you could walk up to anyone you met on the street look them in the eye and say something like I can't tell you how I know this but I'm so sorry about what you're going through right now.

And that person would nod every time and say thank you.

Yes it really has been a struggle.

And I often like to think of that example whenever I'm experiencing some difficult or stormy weather in my life because it always helps me to remember that truly I am not alone even though it can so often feel that way when we are in the middle of facing those winds.

But as the Buddha taught us so wisely we really are never ever alone in this.

After his enlightenment actually when he first started teaching the very first thing the Buddha pointed out so simple was just the truth.

He said there is suffering there is suffering or there is dukkha dissatisfaction and we all experience it.

None of us are immune.

Of course this is known as the first noble truth there is suffering and happily the Buddha also offered us three other truths which is that there is a reason that we suffer and there is a way out of that suffering.

That way is the noble eightfold path of practice.

The idea is that as we walk along the path what we will all encounter are those eight worldly winds which by the way we are not being asked to avoid or somehow transcend but instead to understand for what they are and to learn from them.

We can actually use them to grow if we choose to.

These eight worldly winds are actually four pairs of opposites which I find can be helpful to remember them since if we just remember the first four we can remember the other four.

All eight of them are universal conditions which simply swirl through our lives continuously just like the wind.

They're really unavoidable.

They actually include both the difficult winds as well as ones that can feel more pleasant.

So they include and these are opposites gain and loss pleasure and pain good reputation bad reputation sometimes also known as success and failure and finally praise and blame.

Now repeat those gain and loss pleasure and pain success failure praise and blame.

And again if we really start to notice these we can see that the combinations of these eight can arise and pass sometimes minute by minute.

And of course just like the weather they can feel either fierce or maybe just slightly breezy either way through our practice we might also start to notice how much we're really affected by each of these how much control we give to them sometimes or how much we let them swirl us around if you will.

The Tibetan Buddhist master Lama Yeshe says the winds can often create what he calls the constant yo-yo effect and he describes it this way.

I get a present I feel so happy I lost that wonderful gift I'm so unhappy.

Somebody says you're wonderful and you feel up somebody says you made a mistake and your mood goes down.

Just this week actually I experienced a simple example of this.

I was reading some of the comments about a talk I'd posted recently and the first commentator wrote that she really appreciated hearing my laughter throughout this talk and that she'd been laughing right along with me.

And then the very next comment box someone else had written that while they had enjoyed my talk they found my laughter just totally distracting.

So in the span of about 30 seconds I got to experience those two opposites praise and blame right there in the same moment.

It was so interesting.

Reminded me of a famous passage from the Buddha who was actually criticized quite frequently when he was alive.

In the Dhammapada he tells us this has been going on through the ages.

They criticize the silent ones.

They criticize the talkative ones.

They criticize the moderate ones.

There is no one in the world that escapes criticism.

There never was and never will be nor is there now the wholly criticized or the wholly approved.

So I find that so helpful to remember that being criticized is just one of those eight worldly wins and it happens to all of us.

Yet as we all know whenever the more difficult wins arrive those wins of loss or pain or a feeling of failure or being blamed somehow they can often just feel so ominous.

It can really sometimes mentally and emotionally knock us right over just like that big tree all over the driveway.

It can really feel like that.

And as we're lying there maybe broken into a hundred different pieces all over the driveway it can sometimes feel like this is now a permanent kind of situation that things will never change.

But the truth is if we can learn to understand and work with these wins instead of against them when they arrive eventually we really can stand back up and clean up the mess and the sun does return and maybe even eventually a new tree grows up in its place.

It's really just the nature of life itself.

As the writer Thoreau reminds us it was summer and now again it's winter.

Nature loves this rhyme so well she never tires of repeating it.

Many of you may know that I love collecting what I refer to as Buddhist sticky notes which are very short concise phrases that can help remind us of the teachings when we really need to access them quickly.

And for those times when I'm sort of emotionally scattered all over the driveway if you will and maybe believing that this might now be a permanent state of being I like to remember two simple phrases that I've attached to one another actually because they go together so well.

They are don't give up and no feeling is final.

Don't give up no feeling is final.

So that first phrase is encouragement or maybe the practice compassion and loving kindness Karuna and Metta really important.

In the Pali language the root meaning of the word Metta is Mitra which means friend and this is absolutely crucial to be your own friend here to offer ourselves that kind of non-judgmental care and encouragement especially when we're knocked down all over the driveway.

As many times as we need we can remind ourselves please don't give up.

The second phrase no feeling is final is from a line in a famous old roomy poem which reads in part.

Let everything happen to you beauty and terror just keep going no feeling is final.

Do not let yourself lose me nearby is the country they call life.

You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

So that phrase no feeling is final.

It's also just a simple reminder of the truth which is that truly no feeling situation or even story of self is ever permanent or final.

You know unless of course we're dead and even then you know all the Buddhist traditions tend to disagree on that one.

So especially when we're facing some of the stronger winds can really be helpful to remember those phrases.

Don't give up.

No feeling is final.

And you are not alone which can help us to remember that others are also experiencing the same thing the same emotions maybe even a similar situation or challenge.

And of course it seems the older we get the more the truth of this becomes apparent that even though we so often wish that things were somehow different or that we could somehow rise above all the winds and storms like a great bird or maybe finally reach that sweet spot in our lives where all of our days were warm and still and sunny.

The truth is that throughout all the years of our life on this earth we will all experience and will continue to experience the winds of gain loss pleasure pain success failure praise and blame.

To use another one of those sticky note phrases from the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh this is it this is it and simply the condition of our lives just like the weather or as Dr.

John Kabat-Zinn calls it the full catastrophe.

So the reality is that the winds we experience are actually not the problem since if this were true life itself would be a problem.

The problem is how we tend to meet or respond to these winds whenever they arrive which is with what are often called the three poisons or the three unwholesome roots or cliches.

These include wanting or greed clinging attachment not wanting or aversion or even hatred and finally delusion which is often considered not being able to see things for what they truly are which is impermanent impersonal and dissatisfactory or not permanently satisfying which you may also recognize as the three conditions of existence itself.

In the look of a paris sutta where the Buddha first introduces the teachings of these eight worldly winds he tells us this gain loss status disgrace censure praise pleasure pain these conditions among human beings are in constant impermanent subject to change knowing this the wise person mindful ponders these changing conditions desirable things don't charm the mind undesirable ones bring no resistance ones welcoming and rebelling are scattered gone to their end do not exist.

So when we consider these we might think of the eight worldly winds as the four main things that we like and tend to become attached to gain pleasure success and praise and four main things that we don't like and try to avoid loss pain failure and blame and I may be even easier way to think about these is as our main hopes and fears these are our main hopes and fears.

So for instance we might find ourselves constantly hoping for some sort of gain pleasure success or praise and being frequently afraid of some loss pain failure or blame and as a kind of practice if you're curious you might even start to consider how much of your mental space each day maybe even each minute is occupied with these eight worldly winds.

So for example you might just consider ask yourself how much time do I spend hoping for some sort of gain pleasure success or praise how much time in my life or how much time do I spend feeling afraid about loss or pain failure blame can be an incredibly eye opening practice to see where we place our mental energy each day or rather see what winds seem to be very frequently spinning us.

You might even take a moment to consider which one of these winds is particularly fierce in your life right now.

Which one has been blowing the strongest lately.

So for instance maybe you're really wanting something right now or maybe you're really afraid of something you might even consider maybe these two things are linked they often are remembering as you consider that again this is the human condition we all do this this wanting not wanting we all do it.

The problem is whenever we're caught up in the swirl of these winds or maybe a storm or even a tornado of these winds what happens is that we're so busy spinning around in the narratives that we've created that we're missing out on our actual lives as they're happening because we're not truly living them.

Starting from the look of a Patti Sutta the Buddha tells us this monks which means us monks these eight worldly conditions spin after the world and the world spins after these eight worldly conditions which eight gain loss status disgrace censure praise pleasure and pain.

These are the eight worldly conditions that spin after the world and the world spins after these eight worldly conditions.

And of course if you can stay with the metaphor of the wind the more and more we spin around in our own narratives or try desperately to either run away or hold on the more stormy our lives become and we end up just spinning and spinning instead of becoming more and more still and steady becoming that calm presence that can rest in the center of the storms.

And when we're really letting those winds spin us around sadly we're missing out on the preciousness of this very moment the present which is all we truly have.

Now of course this does not at all mean that we need to let go of all of our dreams and hopes and goals.

Of course we don't.

It's just that when we're clinging so strongly so tightly to how we want it to be or so or afraid of how we don't want it to be again what's happening is that we're missing out on what actually is right now in this very moment.

We're missing out on the lives that we're actually living right now.

And honestly we're also missing out on the mystery of what could be since if we really think about it nothing we've ever wanted ever tends out to turn out exactly how we imagined it to be anyway does it.

And of course it also doesn't mean that life isn't sometimes truly painful because sadly as we all know it really can be.

It's just that when we are not living our actual moments even the painful ones we are missing out on what it means to be human altogether.

We are missing out on experiencing the preciousness of this fleeting alive awakened life.

Many years ago the journalist Bill Moyers was interviewing the great Joseph Campbell who spent a lifetime exploring the wisdom of all the great myths and religion.

When Campbell surprised him by saying this he said people say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life.

He said I don't think that's what we're really seeking.

I think that what we're seeking is an experience of being alive so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.

And that phrase the rapture of being alive reminds me of this great metaphor I like to remember about how the wind creates different waves in the water and how in the teachings our emotional lives are often likened to that of the ocean.

So you might imagine that we are the ocean if you will and that it is our common tendency all of us to want to only experience those waves or winds of gain pleasure success and praise right.

We tend to really welcome those maybe even seek them out.

And of course we also tend to want to resist the waves that come that are filled with grief or anger since a failure or blame.

It's our human tendency.

Problem is whenever we resist or try to block out all the difficult waves that arrive what happens is that we ourselves tend to become more like ice cubes as we block it out.

So sadly in our efforts to protect ourselves what's happening is that we only end up hardening our own hearts.

So instead of protecting us what happens is that not only do we lock in whatever the wave brought the grief anger blame etc.

We also end up blocking out our full capacity for joy or our full capacity for experiencing life itself.

So what the teachings are urging us to practice is to ride all the waves of our lives fully allowing each of these to be experienced as they arrive and to let ourselves fully feel them to feel the joy and the gladness when it comes.

Feel it fully and let it go along with the grief and the anger whatever it is without automatically acting out on these emotions or clinging on to them or resisting them.

We let them flow through.

We're also being asked to fully investigate these winds when they arrive to open up to them and see what they might have to teach us and allow them to soften us so that we can truly start to experience that rapture of being alive.

Many years ago there was a famous phrase attributed to John Cabot Zen that was turned into posters I used to see at some of the retreat centers.

The really common phrase so you may have heard it but it relates to this teaching.

It was you can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf.

You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf.

And recently I was listening to a talk by another one of my teachers Jonathan Faust who offered a shorter version of that phrase which was simply surfs up surfs up.

I just love that because it's so simple and it's actually a great practice because it involves an awareness on our part that a wave is arising surfs up and it's also really light which I think adds a little humor into the mix when the winds aren't so strong.

We might even use it as another one of those sticky note phrases as a reminder to us that you know this is it.

One of the winds is simply arising and instead of resisting or holding on we can instead practice becoming open to fully knowing what it is that's flowing through.

And quite honestly this opening up to the knowing really is the whole practice.

Learning how we can courageously soften and open more and more instead of clinging or resisting and in doing so discover true wisdom.

My very favorite Buddhist non-pepper children says it this way.

We want to know our pain so that we can stop endlessly running.

We want to know our pleasure so that we can stop endlessly grasping.

Then somehow our questions get bigger and our inquisitiveness more vast.

We want to know about loss so we might understand other people when their lives are falling apart.

We want to know about gain so we might understand other people when they are delighted or when they get arrogant and puffed up and carried away.

When we become more insightful and compassionate about how we ourselves get hooked we spontaneously feel more tenderness for the human race.

So in essence when we're working with these eight winds what we're really practicing is the quality of equanimity which again is the fruit of our whole practice.

Equanimity is a word that's often used for this ability to weather the storms of our lives with what is called balanced awareness.

A sense of steadiness and ease in the midst of all these fluid changing impermanent conditions.

In the Pali language there are many words for equanimity but the most common of these is upekka and its root meaning is to look over.

So it refers to the equanimity that arises from the power of observation,

That ability to see without being caught by what we see.

And this is really where our practice on the cushion comes into play because it can train us to become more aware of what's happening and the thoughts and the emotions that are arising without necessarily believing them as true or acting on them.

We can simply rest in the awareness of whatever's arising and that resting place is calm.

And in fact in that resting place we can also see much more clearly because we're not so caught up in the storm.

We are in that calm center.

The Indian philosopher Krishnamurti spoke so beautifully about this type of resting.

He said,

When the mind is still tranquil not seeking any answer or solution neither resisting or avoiding it is only then that there can be a regeneration because then the mind is capable of perceiving what is true and it is the truth that liberates not our effort to be free.

It is the truth that liberates not our effort to be free.

Poverty is also often translated as Tattra Majjatatta which ultimately means,

Quote,

To stand in the middle of all of this.

And often as encouragement it really helps me to recall this image from the Buddha who tells us this.

Praise and blame,

Recognition and disregard,

Gain and loss,

Pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind,

Rest like a giant tree in the midst of all of them.

And of course we need to remember that a good tree also flows and bends and sings with the wind.

It allows the wind to wash through.

And finally before I offer you a short meditation on the eight worldly winds I feel in a way required to mention another great phrase about equanimity that comes from another of my favorite teachers,

Bhikkhu Analyu,

Who famously summed up the entire practice in four words which I've been using quite a lot this year which is keep calmly knowing change.

We keep,

Which means continually,

Calmly,

Without reacting,

Knowing,

Being aware of the truth of change.

Again,

We don't give up.

We don't give up.

We simply remember no feeling is final and truly I am not alone.

So to end,

If it's available to you,

I'd like to offer you a brief meditation on these eight worldly winds.

So you might just find a comfortable sitting posture.

Maybe begin by taking a nice deep breath in and slow breath out.

A couple of rounds of these maybe on your own just to settle here,

Settle and calm the mind and body.

Becoming more still.

Finding that calmer center.

To help yourself feel a little more grounded.

You might even sense your sit bones,

The weight of the sit bones on the chair cushion.

Or if you're walking,

Maybe the feet on the earth connect with that.

Sensing the breath.

Allowing the shoulders to drop down.

Letting the hands be soft and open.

Maybe noticing the whole area of the face and softening here,

Letting go.

Feeling the expression in the face,

The eyes,

Cheeks,

Lips.

Breathing.

Letting the tummy be soft.

Sensing the air,

The breath.

As you're ready,

I'd like to invite you to consider some of these questions.

The first is,

How might something I want be creating too many swirls of wind in my life?

How might something I want be creating too many swirls of wind in my life?

Feeling that the wanting is not wrong.

It's how we're working with the wanting that may be causing some suffering.

You might now consider,

How might something I don't want be creating too many swirls of wind in my life?

How might something I don't want be creating too many swirls of wind in my life?

Again,

Remembering that the not wanting is not necessarily wrong.

It's in how we're working with the not wanting that may be creating suffering.

Still breathing,

You might now consider,

How might I better offer myself my own kindness compassion,

And encouragement?

How might I be a better friend to myself in this moment?

Still breathing,

Finally,

You might consider,

How might I be able to simply be more present with what is,

And remind myself that no feeling is final?

How might I be able to simply be more present with what is,

Reminding myself no feeling is final?

I'm finally just listening to these words from Fred Lamont,

Who tells us,

Pilgrim,

Traveler,

Isn't it time to depart from the kingdom of fear?

Time to begin our journey across the ocean of surrender.

Yes,

This body is a frail boat,

But it holds a vast sail unfurled before the breath of the beloved.

And whether the night is covered with clouds or clustered with stars,

We move through waves of sleep and waking under the boundless dome of a mother's silence.

Namaste and blessings.

Reviews

I love these talks! So full of wisdom and wonderful ways to apply ideas to one’s own life. Thank you!

I consider myself most fortune to have listened to this superb talk 🌟 Thank you very much for sharing it.

Incredible

Excellent, thank you 🙏

So beautiful and full of wisdom. I will be returning again and again. Thank you.

Bless you ... So grateful for your talk felt it was just for me in this moment ... Thank you 😊 💓

Must listen again
Wind has taken on a new meaning 🙏🏻

A very interesting and uplifting talk, presented in a soothing, calming voice. Thank you. I don't know how it's only showing 4 and a half stars?!... I gave 5. X

Truly rich in beautiful passages and insights. Thank you, Shell for this deeply moving talk. 🙏💗

Great way to start off 2021. Thank you for the encouraging and comforting words. Namaste 🙏🏾

Beautiful teaching, hopeful and kind. Thank you.