Doubt On The Spiritual Path

Doubt on the spiritual path can be very dangerous. According to the Buddha, doubt is one of the 5 hindrances (obstacles) to enlightenment. In this talk, I help you to see how doubt sneaks it's way into our psyche trying to derail us from our practice - and with this awareness to no longer let doubt be so destructive.

Transcript

When Siddhartha was sitting under the Bodhi tree to become enlightened,

He was getting very very close to understanding the nature of suffering,

Understanding the nature of reality,

And the veil of illusion of who he really was was starting to be lifted.

So way off in the cosmos,

Mara gets wind of this.

And Mara is sometimes depicted as a demon,

Maybe a jokester,

A trickster,

And we mostly know Mara as the ego.

So Mara,

Getting wind of what Siddhartha is up to,

Comes rushing down to earth.

He sees Siddhartha sitting under the Bodhi tree and he sees that he is very very close.

So immediately he flicks his wrists and three beautiful women appear.

And they're trying to seduce Siddhartha,

They're trying to get his attention and pull him out of this deep samadhi.

And Siddhartha is completely unmoved.

So Mara next says,

Okay I'll get him with fear,

Flicks his wrists and these little angry demons arise and they're throwing these arrows with these flaming tips at Siddhartha.

And they come within a couple feet of him and they just fall to the ground,

Not one getting through and harming him.

Siddhartha is completely unmoved.

So now Mara is really panicking,

This isn't looking good.

So he has his last trick and he looks at Siddhartha and he says,

Who do you think you are?

Others before you have come to try and be enlightened.

Those that have practiced longer,

Have been more dedicated to their path,

Wiser and you think you can become enlightened when others have failed?

Who would be your witness to you being the great enlightened one?

And with that Siddhartha,

Now Buddha,

Takes his right hand and he presses it down to the earth and he says,

The earth is my witness and the world shakes.

And with that Mara disappears.

So the last trick that Mara had up his sleeve was doubt.

Now not all doubt is bad.

Doubt is what brought every one of us here.

We all doubted what we were being told about how to live a happy and meaningful,

Purposeful life.

If we just got good grades and went to college and if we just got a good job and if we married the right person,

If we got the right house,

If we just got all these things,

We would be eternally happy.

And what we found was that did not work.

So we started to doubt what we were being told and it was doubt that got us looking for another path.

And so we come along and we find a path like this,

A spiritual path and the teachings describe our predicament of suffering to a T.

We're shocked.

Yes,

This is exactly what keeps happening.

And what these teachings also tell us is that if we can learn to peel back the layers of who we think we are and discover who we really are,

That we will know our true nature,

Which is peace and happiness.

So we hear this and it sounds pretty good,

Almost too good.

So we have a little doubt and that's kind of good because if we just had blind faith,

This path wouldn't work.

We have to see for ourselves.

This is a path of walking ourselves and discovering ourselves if these teachings are true.

It's the only way the path works.

So a little bit of doubt is helpful for us.

But the type of doubt that Mara was throwing out at the Buddha was self-doubt.

And that is one of the most cruel and vicious and familiar forms of doubt.

The doubt where we have spent a lot of time over our whole lives questioning whether we're good enough,

Whether we're worthy enough,

Whether we're kind enough,

Whether we're loving enough,

Whether we're compassionate enough,

Whether we're disciplined enough,

Whether we're smart enough,

Wise enough.

And the problem is that we believe that we're not because that's what doubt does.

Doubt is incredibly destructive.

So on the path that we are on,

We oscillate between spending time,

Sometimes a lot of time,

Minutes,

Hours,

Days,

Weeks,

Months,

Where we are totally centered,

Where we are at peace.

We are our true nature of peace and happiness.

We see each other as one.

We see that,

Why would I not forgive you?

Why would I judge you?

That makes no sense.

Why would I compare myself to someone else?

Why would I get jealous?

You know,

Your happiness is my happiness and it feels so good.

But then we still experience those times where we're judging and we're comparing and we're angry and we're desiring for something.

And amongst all that fear and desire and judging and comparing,

Doubt wiggles its way in and goes,

Ah,

Not so spiritual now,

Are you?

Look at you judging someone else.

Did you think you were enlightened?

Is that who you thought you were?

It's not who you are.

This is who you are.

And so now we doubt those periods when we were awakened,

When we were more loving,

We were more peaceful,

We were more kind,

Forgiving.

We doubt that that was really true.

And we start to doubt the path and we start to doubt whether we should even continue with our practice because it's not working anymore.

I mean,

Look at me.

I'm judging someone.

I'm not spiritual at all.

And Maro does a deep sigh of relief.

Phew.

She almost did it.

I got her back right where I wanted her to be.

So our path is a gradual path,

A progressive path.

It is not a sudden path of enlightenment.

That's very rare for people to wake up suddenly.

Even though some people do it,

Eckhart Tolle has done it.

The Buddha didn't wake up suddenly.

He was meditating for seven years very diligently.

For the last forty-nine days,

He meditated straight day and night until he woke up.

That's not sudden.

So we are on a gradual progressive path,

Which means we learn the teachings,

We understand our predicament,

We understand how we're misperceiving the world and misperceiving ourselves.

And then we go out into the world and we see it happening and we integrate it and we have insights.

And so we start to spend more time being awake.

But we're not fully there yet.

It's progressive.

The old habits of the ego are still there.

So we go back and forth.

And we start to over time,

Though.

We spend more time being awake and less time lost in our ego.

But it's a back and forth.

The old habits still persist for quite a while.

The judging,

The comparing,

The jealousy,

The anger,

The resentment,

The desire.

It still persists.

And we have to be so careful because out of all of that will arise the doubt.

See,

You can't really do it.

It doesn't really stick.

It doesn't in the beginning.

It's a back and forth.

But every time that we get lost in those moments where we're having a bad day,

We are judging someone else or comparing or judging ourselves,

You know,

Pushing back on something happening.

You know,

We have those moments and we can remember that every spiritual master that has gone before us has had those moments too.

That they've all done it.

They've all judged and compared and been jealous and been resentful and been vengeful.

That's what got them on this path.

This is the ego.

The difference is that what kept them going was they didn't get stuck in the doubting mind.

They knew it was just part of the path and they would double down on their practice instead of giving up.

And this is the message for us.

Don't give up because you're having a non-spiritual moment,

An unkind moment.

It's going to happen.

Expect it.

Don't imagine that for some reason now you're not capable of waking up,

Of being enlightened.

And by the way,

For some of you,

Those words enlightenment or waking up might not resonate.

Maybe it's just that you want happiness.

Same thing.

Same thing.

Enlightenment,

Awakening.

We do it because we want happiness.

Right?

It's all the same thing.

And so we just remember on this path that as we progress and we experience those awakened moments,

The unawakened moments are just waiting to happen.

Don't get stuck in them.

See Mara for what he is.

Ah,

Doubt.

Here you are again.

I was expecting you.

You typically come right around this time of day when my energy is feeling a little bit low,

When I've just had to visit some family members or someone,

A client that I didn't like.

Oh,

I was expecting you right on time.

I see you Mara.

It's okay.

It's okay.

This is normal.

And we use our practice to keep bringing us back to the center again because that is the only thing that will bring us back.

We don't want to get lost in doubt.

It's very dangerous.

It's very crippling to our practice and to who we think we are.

We get really sucked into that.

So just to remember on the gradual path,

On the progressive path,

The old habits persist.

They don't die away,

Die immediately.

Expect them.

That's wisdom.

Bring them to a rise and you won't be so caught off guard.

Reviews

Just what I needed to hear tonight.Thank.you Meredith 🙏

Thank you Meredith, this talk resonated with me on a powerful level, I stopped meditating for yrs due to being lost in doubt & resistance, however, now i am stepping back into the light. 🙂🙏

I love that you brought forth the clarity of expect, acknowledge, and understanding that it all goes together— and to get right back on the path. 🙏🏼

Thank you so much for this message so beautiful and profound ❤️🙏🏼