Talk and practice. Now hear this :) The main thing fueling your misery about fights and arguments is mostl likely self blame and shame. We may not even be aware of this, focusing instead on the very real impact of the other person's unacceptable or difficult behaviour. But if you can turn your focus to yourself, develop awareness of how you're relating to yourself, and strengthen your own self-compassion, conflict becomes a pathway to inner flourishing. A path of becoming more and more who you want to be, whether that's calm or fierce or both.