Connecting Old & Young
I think it's safe to say that in these times, a lot of people are feeling alienated. I wonder though if that is more on the surface than we might realise and that actually the time to connect with everyone - especially across the generations - is upon us. Our young people need us to be able to recognise their beauty. To help them foster it, develop it and also so that we might learn from the new knowledge and perspectives that they embody.
Transcript
Hello,
This is a talk on something that I experienced recently that gave me a point to contemplate and reflect upon really.
So I was recording some meditations and some meditations for children and I thought to myself what can I bring to the teenage audience?
What am I to help them with and in fact do I really know what it is to be a teenager at the moment in this time?
Anyway I couldn't come up with an answer and I couldn't gleam any interpretation through meditation so I went to the sauna to clear my head and take a break.
But you know as these things often happen I go to the sauna and lo and behold I'm sharing the sauna with five teenage lads they call them here in England.
They're so they're there 17 18 and coming to the end of their schooling and they've just done exams it's exam season here and it was really really a blessing and such an interesting experience listening to them.
I was going to engage them and ask them you know if you don't mind me asking what would you like out of a meditation?
And before I form the sentence with my mouth I kind of caught myself and just heard that voice you know listen just listen.
And I was really struck at the level of intimacy that they had in their friendships and how that was a real safe space for them to talk amongst themselves about all sorts of things you know from the usual about girls and sports and things like that but insights into how they thought about and formed ideas around their future and their place in the world.
That really struck me that such a narrative exists at the moment about how that generation in particular and younger are somehow not living in the real world and living you know increasingly a digital existence.
Now I do think that's true however I wonder how much are their elders holding space for them to show that intimacy publicly that they're so obviously capable of.
The deep emotions that they're experiencing the concerns and worries about the world the truth that they could teach us because they see it in an instance because they've been born into this time for a purpose for themselves for the world and for us to learn and grow and reflect through their unfolding.
A lot of that has to do with judgment and the way that we create that hierarchy within ourselves it would be really easy just to feel the depth of all the feelings that come up in you as your soul desires to move through this material world and experience itself but of course we're judging that all against a barometer of success.
It occurred to me the other day that it's pretty frowned upon in our society when you change your value system or you change your interests say you've been a fisherman all your life and then one day you decide to just get into BMXing people are going to say to you oh why did you give up your fishing and you might think well I didn't give it up I just love something different now.
And for these young men in the sauna and teenagers and millennials in general I guess the question that is missing and alienating them is what is the difference between the missing and alienating them is what do you love to do?
But that's quite a difficult thing for them to express publicly when the generations that have gone before perhaps weren't asked that question so honestly and openly.
This connection between young and old is so important and I hope that it returns more and more because there's so much to learn for everybody in that.
It's so important to engage with people outside of your social spectrum and especially outside of your age group.
I'm glad I listened in the sauna that day because it was them who taught me and reminded me of the simplicity and intensity of the relationships and friendships that I had at that time in my adolescence.
I think perhaps as adults we disregard the importance of that because we're missing some of that in our own lives.
We get so stuck in our nuclear little existence with our partners and our children who are of course our world.
But what about that community?
That soul tribe?
The people that excite and inspire you and question and challenge you and show you a perspective that can't be taught in a book but only shared in the gaze of someone's eyes.
When you talk to somebody and they sit and listen and they hold you in their own way and they sit and listen and they hold you in their awareness,
In that dream of the possibility in you so much can flower open.
And as for younger generations what can they teach us?
How to hold that possibility for ourselves?
What can we teach them?
Perhaps that a lot of the noise that seems to be the main focus in this world at the moment doesn't mean a thing.
The tide still draws in and still draws out.
And as long as you choose to show up every day,
You'll realize that this world is made for you.
The one perspective I had of them in their youth talking so wonderfully and openly,
Was really just how special they were.
How much potential there was and I remember my brother described it to me once that adolescence most definitely shouldn't be full of self-doubt but should be a period of wanderlust where you feel absolutely energized to do whatever you might want to.
So I think perhaps we need to set an example and initiate those interactions and I think I'll be a little bit bolder in doing so next time.
Just to say hello,
Just to see what I can learn and just to see what love and consciousness can be shared.
Thanks for listening and I'll see you again soon.
Bye!
4.8 (25)
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Katherine
May 25, 2020
Thank you Oliver. I enjoy listening to teenagers. The curiosity like the two year old, but now they have words and can walk faster. lol. Fasinating.
Rebecca
December 5, 2019
Beautiful observations. I recently lost the last member of my grandparents, as well as an aunt. My child is about to turn 19 years old. I find myself standing at an odd crossroads, reflecting both on the past and the future experiences lived and yet to be lived, all the while feeling myself as a critical link between the two, with a foot firmly in both temporal domains. I have many younger people, which for ease of description I will define as 17-25, in my client caseload. The concerns have remained largely the same (with a few notable exceptions, like cyberstalking ad bullying) over the last couple of decades. The methods employed in their lives have shifted, but the core concerns, broken down, remain fairly constant. Thus, the work I do also tends to remain fairly constant, though I need to stay halfway current on changing cultural references so as to be more effective. (I'm American, so this is all in American culture here. A reference to the pop star Michael Jackson or the garage band Nirvana might not hit the mark, but mentioning Taylor Swift or any of the K-Pop bands might, depending on the client. One client had no idea who the children's tv legend Mister Rogers was and thought it was an old cartoon.) The connection between old and young, it seems to me, is much as a tree, family tree or otherwise. The central trunk is solid, but the bark may change with the seasons. People young and old have durable life concerns from generation to generation, and the framing and expression of those concerns are what trip people up and lead to disconnection. Look beyond the outer bark, the shiny wrapping paper on the gift box, and inside you will find a person often very similar to yourself and generations more advanced than yours. Speak to the shared experiences and concerns, not to whether the gift tag is green or yellow or has stripes. This is my learned and lived experience doing work like this professionally for 20+ years. And even I still stand here perplexed at my place within it all. It's no wonder others do so as well, and often with far fewer insights/resources to adapt. Teens should be allowed to explore. I was. And I consider that to be not only one of the most formative times in my life, but also the most rewarding, and gave me the self-confidence I needed when stepping out on my life journey. MY self-determined journey, not a journey to please others that would leave me feeling unfulfilled and as if something was ineffably "wrong" in some way. This was a bit of a treatise, I see, which was unintended. It is simply that this is a subject I feel passionate about at this point in time. I thought this talk was excellent and did a lovely job highlighting the wisdom and learning to be had by simply listening - or should I say, "Listening" (there is a big difference!) - to the actual talk of teens and the content/meaning therein. I can only expect this experience will be of benefit to you as you move forward in creating practices for the teenage set, many of whom do not have but desperately desire some form of moral and/or spiritual guidance, or even simply a reliable teacher to guide them through the challenges of coming to young adulthood. Thank you for sharing this with us here. It touched me deeply, as I am preparing this morning to head out to work. I wish there were more willing to step up and voice their thoughts in this way. I see the blazing starlight within you. 🤲🏻❤️🤲🏻