Often people will notice that sometimes relationships get really difficult and a lot of drama occurs in particular types of relationships and things continuously seem to go wrong and nothing is ever steady.
It kind of goes up and down and up and down.
And it's so overwhelming because people find it really difficult to feel a sense of stability and balance and they wonder,
Is it me?
Did I do something?
Is there something wrong with me?
And really as far as I can see is that a lot of relationship issues and even issues that are intrapersonal,
So issues that are within ourselves,
Have to do with what I call the three D's of destruction.
And these three D's include and start with desperation,
Which leads to drama and the outcome is disrespect and therefore relationship or intrapersonal destruction.
So when I'm talking about desperation,
This includes the anxiety to be with someone.
It could include attachment issues and not feeling like you are accepted in the world,
Feeling lonely,
Feeling distressed,
Feeling detached,
Feeling ignored,
Feeling as though you are not heard,
Are not considered.
And it can create this kind of anxiety within us that I call desperation as part of this model of the three D's of destruction.
And that desperation,
Because we're so desperate to be heard,
We're so desperate to be seen,
We're so desperate to be certain about things that it can actually cause us to do things and to say things and to perceive things in ways that lead to drama.
Now drama occurs when we are so desperate to be heard that we start screaming.
We start doing things and saying things that are of a dramatic nature.
It escalates the entire negative energy within the relationship or within ourselves.
We can have these dramatic conversations with ourselves that increase our level of distress.
So people might engage in doing things out of desperation like calling old partners or abusing their parents with difficult kind of words and harmful statements,
Saying things that you might not mean,
But in that moment the desperation is so high that this is the only way you think that you can get some attention,
Someone to engage with the difficult thoughts that you're having.
And so of course this drama amplifies the discord within relationships and within ourselves.
This is where,
You know,
In movies you see people pour drinks on someone's head or where fights break out or where in fact even violence can happen,
Where someone is so desperate to control the situation because they feel so anxious and they feel so uncomfortable and they feel so desperate that they do things that may be out of character and that are not aligned with their soul or their energy or what they truly want,
Which is peace and love and kindness.
Everybody wants that.
Every baby is born wanting that and life unfortunately throws us around and pushes us up and down and it's difficult for us sometimes to find ourselves back to that original place of loving kindness and positive energy and attachment and connection.
So then we rebel and we push and we pull literally or figuratively and the drama increases because our desperation is so high.
When our desperation increases,
The drama increases,
Right?
Then you have public displays of really difficult situations and yelling in public and frustration and all these kind of things,
Quitting on the spot.
Using the dramatic and over the top words and actions and behaviors and thoughts,
We end up feeling disrespected.
We disrespect ourselves and we disrespect others when these kind of behaviors or thoughts occur and that leaves us in a place where it's very hard to come back to a neutral or a positive place with ourselves or in relationships.
Hence the three D's of relationship destruction and of course we have a relationship to ourselves and we can chip away at that relationship if we don't recognize that we are feeling desperate and that desperation often is some form of feeling anxious or insecure.
We really have to start looking at why is it that I feel insecure?
What may have happened or what is happening that is causing me that feeling of insecurity?
Some people may already have a well and deep connection and understanding with what has caused it.
Then the question is why am I behaving in this way?
Why am I causing drama in my relationships or within myself?
How can I really listen to my emotions to better understand what I need to do differently?
That could be I am feeling this,
I need help,
I need to go to therapy or I'm feeling this,
I need to be more mindful,
I need to meditate,
I need to maybe discharge some of this negative energy and do some exercise.
There are many ways to identify and work through these feelings of desperation so that when you feel that you aren't being listened to or aren't being supported,
The reaction isn't a dramatic one,
Especially if you want that relationship,
Particularly with yourself.
But there become other opportunities to think about how to respond so that the relationship can be preserved so that oneself or others don't end up feeling a sense of disrespect.
Because once you feel disrespected,
It's very difficult to jump all the way back past the drama.
It takes a lot more time and it increases our sense of desperation when we feel disrespected and you can see how a spiral kind of occurs.
So that's something to think about these three D's of destruction.
Desperation,
Drama,
Disrespect.
Start from the beginning,
Connect with your emotions,
Connect with your soul and start to answer those questions with regards to how you can feel less desperate in your life and therefore improve your relationships with yourself and with others.
