Hello,
I'm Sean,
And this is a practice on how we interpret our own actions.
We all make mistakes,
And that shouldn't come as any surprise.
But quite often,
The problem that we're focusing on isn't the actual problem,
And the real problem is what we're making the problem mean about us.
In other words,
The story we tell about why we did something or didn't do something shapes how we feel about ourselves as much as the action itself.
So here's what we're going to work with today.
Most self-blame isn't really about what happened.
It's about the meaning we attach to what happened.
The good news is meaning can be rewritten.
Not by lying to yourself,
But by getting more accurate on what actually happened.
So let's go ahead and get into the practice.
Let's start off by taking a position where your body can be still for a few minutes.
That could be seated,
That could be lying down,
Whatever is most comfortable and accessible to you at this time.
And once you find that position,
Go ahead and let your eyes close.
If that's not comfortable for you,
You can take a soft,
Steady downward gaze.
We're gonna start off with a few grounding,
Regulating breaths.
We're breathing in through our nose for a count of four and breathing out through our mouth for a count of six.
So go ahead and take one inhale in.
Exhale out all of your air.
And let's begin.
Inhale for 2,
3,
4.
Exhale 2,
3,
4,
5,
6.
Inhale 2,
3,
4.
Exhale.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
One more like that in.
And you can allow your breath to return to its own normal,
Comfortable pace.
And now in this space,
I want you to bring to mind something recent you've been hard on yourself about.
Nothing huge,
Nothing that's going to be overwhelming,
Just something that's been sitting with you.
A conversation that didn't go how you wanted,
A task left unfinished,
A moment you reacted in a way you wish you hadn't.
Whatever it is,
Go ahead and bring that to mind.
And know this,
With this now in mind,
The sentence or story that your mind uses about it.
Not the event itself,
But the aftermath,
The verdict.
It might sound something like,
I always do this,
Or what's wrong with me,
Or I should have known better.
Whatever that story is.
Just notice that the sentence or sentences are there.
So we're not getting caught up in the story.
We're not trying to communicate or argue with it or change its mind.
You don't have to believe it or fight it right now.
Just simply noticing.
And it's here where we find the distinction that we want to practice.
There is what's happened,
And then there's the story about what it means about you.
And these are not the same thing,
Even though they feel fused together in the moment.
So let's go ahead and separate them.
Silently,
Try to state just the facts as plainly and neutrally as you can.
So it's not,
I failed,
But something like,
I didn't finish the project by the date I wanted to.
Not,
I'm a bad friend,
But I said something I regret.
Now go ahead and you try.
What you might notice is the fact is usually smaller and more survivable than the story.
Now ask yourself a question that self-blame rarely asks.
What was I dealing with at that time?
What was actually happening in my life,
My body,
My capacity in that moment.
Were you overwhelmed,
Overworked,
Lack of sleep?
Dehydrated.
Hungry Realize that this isn't an excuse,
It's context.
And context is something self-blame almost always leaves out.
And so now we're gonna try to build a new story.
One that's still honest,
But takes the fuller picture into account.
It might sound something like,
I was overwhelmed and I made a choice I wouldn't make again.
Or I'm learning this and I'm not there yet,
But I'm getting better every day.
Or maybe something like I overcommitted and spread myself thin and I see that now.
Again,
Notice this isn't about letting yourself off the hook.
You're not making an excuse.
It's about telling the truth with more of the facts included.
So whatever that new reframe is,
Whatever the new story is,
Go ahead and let that sentence settle for a moment.
And know this if your body has any physiological responses to this new story.
Notice if anything shifts in your chest or your breathing as you hold that new story in mind.
Maybe the belly softens,
The jaw softens.
Maybe the shoulders drop,
The hands or feet unclench.
Maybe the chest expands.
And if nothing happens,
That is okay too.
There's no doing anything wrong here.
It's all just context.
It's all just information for you to be aware of.
And wherever you are in this practice,
I want you to let go of that new story.
Just bring yourself back to your breathing.
Noticing the inhale through the nose.
And maybe giving yourself a nice long exhale out the mouth.
You don't need to resolve everything you're hard on yourself about in one sitting,
But you can start noticing the gap between what happened and the story your mind adds on top of it.
So next time you catch yourself in a harsh verdict,
Try asking,
Is this fact?
Or is this the story?
And what context might be missing?
Let's go ahead and take one more inhale together.
Exhale,
Breathe it out.
And whenever you're ready,
You can gently open your eyes if they're closed and bring yourself out of the practice and back into the rest of your day.
Thank you for allowing me to make space with you.
